Red Dirt Heart

by N. R. Walker

  Shelby.

  And no Travis.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Lost and found, and the crumbling of walls.

  A cold dread filled my belly, and I could barely speak. Travis was out there somewhere, God only knew where. He could be, and more than likely would be, injured.

  If he wasn’t already dead.

  I didn’t want to let my staff see how worried I was, how there was a very real fucking panic bubbling just under the surface. I wanted to scream and punch something, and if I could kick my own ass for letting him go alone, I would.

  “I’ll take the chopper,” I told them. “George, you’re on the spotlight.”

  He gave a nod and disappeared out the door.

  It was getting darker and I knew this would be hard going, but we had to do something. We couldn’t just leave him out there.

  I told everyone to saddle up, horses only, no bikes. Given it was dark, we needed to listen more than look, and if Travis called out, the sound of his voice would be drowned out by the bikes. Everyone did as I asked, no one complained, even though it was probably the last thing they felt like doing. They hadn’t rested, they hadn’t eaten, but I didn’t care. They knew if it were any of them in Travis’s place right now, they’d want us to come looking for them too.

  “Stay on the radio,” I told them. I looked at my watch. It was going on eight o’clock. “We go for two hours and then meet back here. You stay on open radio lines the whole time. I don’t want to be looking for one of you as well.”

  Ma looked as worried as I felt. She was staying at the homestead in case for some miraculous reason, Travis walked in by himself. “What about the cattle?” she asked, giving a pointed glance to the holding yard. “What if they get out?”

  My answer was simple. “Let them go.”

  My team knew what I was saying. I’d forfeit six months income to get the lost man home again. I couldn’t look any of them in the eye. I didn’t want them to see how close I was to losing it. They rode out, and when I got to the chopper, George was in the pilot seat. “I’m flying. You’re on the light.”

  “I’m all right to fly,” I said with more bite in my tone than I should have.

  George put his hand over mine to stop them from shaking. “Charlie,” he said calmly. “We’ll find him.”

  I didn’t say anything—I certainly didn’t argue. I just climbed into the passenger seat and waited for him to take us up. Once up in the air, I scanned the spotlight over the darkened ground, looking at the shrubs, the thickets looking for him.

  We searched up ahead of those on horseback, up to about ten kilometres from home. We did a kind of grid, sweeping back and forth, searching with the spotlight, hoping to catch a glimpse of something that shouldn’t be there.

  Travis.

  With every pass, with every turn of the grid, panic and fear tightened in my chest and a sinking feeling of hopelessness took hold in my heart. Every time the radio crackled, hope would spike in my blood, only to be crushed when someone said they found nothing.

  “We’ll need to head back,” George said. “We’re at ten percent.”

  “One more pass,” I said.

  “It’s been one more pass four times.”

  “One more!”

  George didn’t argue again, he turned the chopper around and we headed a little farther out.

  We found nothing.

  “I have to take her in,” George said. “We’ll be lucky to get home as it is.”

  I nodded, knowing he was right. I just kept scanning the ground, hoping we’d missed him, hoping we’d find him.

  We didn’t.

  When we got back to the homestead, everyone was already there. They’d eaten without us, and I was grateful for Ma for insisting they did. I needed to be the boss, I needed to keep my shit together and act like I was in complete control.

  I avoided Ma’s eyes, knowing if I saw her worry, her sadness, my flimsy hold on control would fall apart. “We’ll head out again first thing,” I told them. “Be here at five.” I was going to leave it at that, but needed to reassure them. “You all did real good this week. You’re the best there is, and I’m grateful. But you need to sleep,” I told them. “And tomorrow we’ll find him.”

  They were quiet, and they all gave me a nod on their way out, but Billy stopped. “I’ll take care of Miss Shelby, boss?”

  “Leave her saddled,” I said quietly. I said they had to sleep. Not me.

  “Charlie,” George said with half a warning in his voice. “You can’t go out at night. It’s too dangerous.”

  I turned to face him, and whatever he saw in my eyes made him do a double take. There would be no argument.

  I walked past George and Ma into my office and rifled through the filing cabinet. I found the old and yellowed papers and took them out to the dining table. I unfolded the maps and without a word, George was beside me.

  “He has to be here,” I said, pointing to the map. “Inside the first northern paddock. If he was gone for three hours, he can’t have gone farther than that. Not on Shelby. Even if she ran full gallop for three hours”—I drew a circle around the target search area—“he has to be in here.”

  George nodded again. “It’s not too cold tonight, but tomorrow will be another hot one. Temps are set to break forty-five tomorrow. I know you want all hands out lookin’, but someone should stay here to keep an eye on the cattle. I’d say Billy, but out of anyone here, you want him on that search party. Bacon’s capable of mindin’ the mob. The rest of us can look for Travis.”

  Forty-five degrees in the desert sun. No water. No shade. Statistically, we had twenty-four hours to find him.

  I put my hands on the table and hung my head. “How could I have been so stupid?” I mumbled, not really meaning to say it out loud.

  “Travis knows what he’s doing,” George said matter-of-factly. “He’s as good on a horse as any of us. He’s taken to bein’ here like he was born for it. And he’s smart. He’ll know what to do.”

  “I should never have let him go.”

  “Placin’ blame on yourself will do more harm than good, Charlie.” George looked at me seriously. “It’s not your fault, or anybody’s fault, for that matter. Let’s not focus on how he got to be out there and let’s concentrate on findin’ him, huh?”

  Ma appeared in the doorway, holding a plate of food. The thought of eating turned my stomach, but I knew I needed to eat—especially if I had no intention of going to sleep. I’d forced down a few mouthfuls when she came back in with a backpack. “Two litres of water, a two-way radio, satellite phone, a flashlight and some more food.”

  I stood up and put the backpack on. “Thanks, Ma.”

  “I knew you wouldn’t be sleeping,” she said. She looked worried. “And let me tell you something else. If you go and get yourself lost or hurt out there, I will search for you myself and kick your arse all the way home, you hear?”

  I kissed her cheek, and when I pulled back, her eyes were glassy. “You find him,” she whispered.

  I swallowed down my emotion and nodded. George walked out with me to where Shelby was tethered. She’d had food and water so I knew she’d be okay even though she was tired. I stood facing her and scratched her ear. “Once more today, girl,” I said. She lifted her head and gave me a nudge with her nose. “Did you see a snake? Is that what happened?” I asked her, and she nudged me again. I felt stupid for talking to her, especially in front of George, but Shelby and I always had these kind of conversations. “Can you show me where you left him?”

  She didn’t answer of course, but George clapped his hand to my shoulder. “You’ve got four hours. It’s going on ten and if you’re not home by two, you’ll have to answer to Ma.”

  I gave him a smile, but it was weak at best. I lifted my foot into the stirrup and hauled my tired arse onto Shelby.

  We headed out into the darkness, and even though Shelby and I knew these lands better than anyone, I still took it easy. My eyes adjusted to the d
ark, but the last thing I needed was to get hurt and be a burden on the search for Travis.

  I headed northeast, the same direction Travis headed, the same direction Billy and the others headed out looking for him. He had to be out there somewhere. The only problem was, there was an awful lot of somewhere out here.

  When I was about a kilometre from the house, I waved the flashlight, hoping he’d see it, and then I started to call his name. I knew over this flat terrain that my voice would carry, and if he was anywhere kind of close, he’d hear me.

  I called his name at two kilometres and again at three and four, and probably every few hundred meters in between. By the time I turned east, knowing I had to go home, my throat was raw. And when the only thing that ever called out back to me was dead silence. Knowing I was heading home without him, I couldn’t hold back the tears.

  All I could think of was how scared he must have been. Wherever he was, he must have been thinking the worst. Not many people survive being lost out here. This land, this fucking red desert, was unforgiving.

  He should be sound asleep in bed—in my bed—not lying on the ground somewhere scared and alone. I just prayed that he wasn’t too badly injured, or worse, bitten by a snake. Given that he’d been missing for well over six hours, if he was bitten by any of the snakes out here, he’d have taken his last breath long before now.

  I kicked Shelby in the ribs and urged her home. My thoughts of him all alone out here in the darkness were making it hard to breathe. I needed to cling to whatever hope there was, and I needed to be in charge tomorrow. I needed to regroup, rethink, and set up a search party so we could scour every inch of this fucking place.

  By the time Shelby walked into the yard, she was almost dragging her feet. I unsaddled her and led her into the yard where she had feed and water. I took off her bridle and gave her a rubdown on the neck and dragged my sorry self inside.

  George met me in the foyer. He didn’t have to ask, but I shook my head anyway. His face fell but he nodded and went back to his room.

  I stood under the shower for a long while. It had been days since I’d showered and although the water was good on my aching muscles, it did little to improve the ache in my chest. I crawled into my bed and pulled the pillow that smelled of him under my head and stared at the wall until morning.

  * * * *

  Just before five am, I picked up the phone and called my neighbour, Greg Pieterson. I knew he’d be up trying to get a day’s work done before it got too hot. “Sorry for the early interruption,” I said, my voice sounding mechanical, even to me. “But I need your help.”

  “What is it?”

  “We’ve got a man lost. He’s been out there goin’ on fourteen hours.”

  “You sure he’s missing?” he asked. Then he corrected himself. “Guess you wouldn’t be askin’ if you didn’t.”

  “His horse came back without him.”

  “Oh, shit.” There was a muffled sound of voices, like he put his hand over the receiver. Then he said, “Where do you need me to look?”

  We worked out GPS coordinates; if Sutton Station was a clock face, then Travis was somewhere between twelve and four. I’d take the top half, being twelve to two, and Greg could take his chopper and search two to four. We each had about three thousand acres to cover.

  We left Bacon to do the job of five people tending the mob of cattle, and we all set out in search of Travis.

  I had George with me, and Greg was bringing one of his men with him, because having two sets of eyes up in the air was better than one. The rest of my team were on bikes and horseback in between, and more of Greg’s staff were coming across on land.

  I flew the chopper at a hundred feet, giving us more visual, considering the size of the land we had to cover. This landscape—red dirt, shrubs and rocks—went for as far as the eye could see. I kept looking through the thickets, hoping to catch a glimpse of his white or blue shirt, hoping he was trying to find shade under the bushes.

  This fucking red dirt, the same dirt I swore just the other day that ran through my veins, I’d never hated it so much.

  We never saw a thing out of place. Not even the other stray cattle George had spotted. When we’d gone back to refuel before noon, I knew what I had to do.

  “Ma, can you do me a favour?” I asked. My throat still hurt.

  She looked at me with such sad, sad eyes. “Sure.”

  “We’ll need to put a call in to the Alice police,” I said, barely above a whisper. “We need to report him as missing.”

  She nodded sadly. “Maybe the extra men on the ground will help.”

  I swallowed hard and whispered, “They won’t come as a search and rescue, Ma. They’d just be expecting to retrieve a body.”

  She shook her head. “They don’t know him,” she said, lifting her chin. “You just see. He’s out there, just waiting ’til we find him.”

  I gave her a smile I didn’t feel. “Sure hope you’re right, Ma.”

  She put both hands on my shoulders. “You will find him.”

  I couldn’t reply to her. There was no way I could get away with false-hoping her. George and I went up again with a whole lot less hope than we did this morning. We followed the grid pattern, liked we’d done before, and came up with nothing. I was getting more and more agitated the longer we were out there, and my heart felt sick.

  Then it happened. My radio cracked to life. “Boss,” Billy’s voice came through. “Boss, I found him.”

  I snatched up the receiver. “Is he okay? Where are you?” I said, knowing Billy wouldn’t have a GPS. “Is he okay? Is he injured? Is he—”

  “He’s alright,” Billy said, cutting in. “Found him at the eastern ridge line, boss.”

  The eastern ridge line? What the fuck is he doing there? I didn’t ask the questions, I just turned the chopper around almost one hundred and eighty degrees and went full throttle. “I’m on my way.”

  “I’m halfway there,” Greg’s voice cut in on the radio.

  Then Fish’s voice. “I’m not far from there.”

  We were all on the same radio frequency so it was open to everyone. I radioed in for all other crew to head home; he’d been found—injuries unknown—but that I’d bring him back with me. I asked Ma to call the doctor in and to cancel the police, and then I clicked off the handset before Ma shot me any questions. I didn’t have the answers anyway, and I wasn’t in no state for making conversation. Thankfully George knew when I needed silence, and he gave it.

  I didn’t know why I let him go on his own. I didn’t think about it at all. From the second he arrived, he’d fit in like he’d grown up here. And when those cattle escaped and he jumped at going to bring ’em back, I didn’t think for one second he wasn’t capable.

  I told him to take Shelby—she was still saddled, she was right there.

  She was also scared shitless of snakes.

  I should have known better. I should have stopped him. I should have said no. I should have done a lot of things different.

  The ridgeline came into view first, then I spotted Greg’s helicopter. And I could see a group of people around someone lying down, and my chest tightened and my stomach dropped. I brought the chopper around to land, probably too quickly, and we came to ground with a thud. I was out of the chopper before the rotors had stopped turning, and I raced toward them.

  All I could see was the man on the ground. They were his boots, it was his shirt. The sight of Travis lying on the ground almost choked me.

  Coming to my knees beside him, I forgot all my stupid rules and boundaries and put my hand to his face. “Travis,” I said. He looked like shit; his lips were dry, and it was hard to tell if he was sunburned or just covered in red dust. He smiled up at me.

  “Don’t you fucking smile,” I told him. “You scared the shit outta me.”

  He coughed and closed his eyes. I snatched up the water canister from beside him and, lifting his head gently, put the water to his lips, giving him only a few drops at a time.


  “Saw this,” Billy said. When I looked up at him, he was holding Travis’s belt buckle. “Was shining on a stick.” He must have known the glint of metal could be seen from afar. “Said you told him the ridge was the only shade for miles. Said he knew the shade was here, because the rocks changed colour.”

  “The limestone ridge,” Travis said weakly. “I knew it wasn’t far ’cause the sand was tinged with yellow.”

  I looked back down at Travis. It was all still too much to take in. “We need to get you home.”

  “My knee’s all banged up. Hurts,” he said. “More water.” I put the canister back to his lips, letting him drink a little more. I could see his knee was swollen, even through his jeans.

  I looked up at George, who was now standing near Greg and one of his men we met last week named Johnno. “We’ll need two sticks for splints.” Then I looked back to Travis. “We’ll need to brace that leg before we move you, okay?” He nodded his okay, and it felt like the first time I’d breathed since yesterday. “Wanna tell me what the hell happened?”

  “Shelby spooked and threw me,” he said, trying to sit up. I helped him and held him steady. I never took my hands off him. “It was a snake. She threw me right at it.”

  “A snake?”

  He sipped more water and nodded. “It was big and brown. From me to you away. Don’t know why it didn’t strike me.”

  I exhaled and my chin fell to my chest. I’d never really been one to believe in a higher power, but I thanked every God ever prayed to right then and there.

  “Was it a Taipan? An Inland Taipan or an Eastern Brown?” Billy asked.

  “Didn’t ask it questions,” Travis said. “Just big and brown.”

  “Either way, Mr Travis,” Billy said. “None of ’em are good.”

  “They’re deadly, right?” Travis asked. His blue eyes were tired and his smile was weak. But Jesus, it was good to see him.

  Billy laughed behind me and I nodded. “Just a bit, yeah,” I said. I don’t think he needed to know three brown-coloured snakes out here were some of the deadliest in the world.