Red Dirt Heart
Page 16
I was smiling at him. “Is that so?”
“All you had to do was ask me to stay.”
“Stay.”
“You already asked me.” He let the crutch fall to the ground and hopped on his one foot. He grabbed my face and pulled me in for a kiss. And in a moment of rare vulnerability, he whispered, “Don’t make me regret it.”
I swallowed hard. “I don’t know what I’m doing. And I don’t know if any of my staff will be back in two days or not. If they won’t work for me because they know I’m gay, or if they’ll be okay with this, I mean, Fish is already gone, so I’m one man down—”
“No you’re not,” he said. “You got me. I can’t do much with my knee just yet, but it won’t take too long.”
I tried to smile but needed to warn him. “Travis, I really don’t know what I’m doing… with this whole relationship thing, so you’ll need to tell me if I need telling.”
Travis smiled and pecked my lips. “I will.”
I put my forehead to his and whispered against his mouth. “Thank you. For telling me what I needed to hear.”
He pulled back a little and said, “You’re welcome. I just saved you the hassle of figuring it out before it was too late.”
I laughed quietly. “I would have let you go and been miserable forever.”
He shook his head. “Oh. One more thing,” he said. “I’ve also saved you the hassle of asking me to move my stuff into your room.”
I laughed, louder this time, and pulled his face to mine for a kiss. Then I stared into his eyes, those blue eyes along with that disarming smile that I found sitting in my kitchen just four weeks ago. “Are we really doing this?”
He smiled. “We really are.”
TWO WEEKS LATER
Ghosts and goodbyes, and finally bein’ free.
Everything at the station had returned to normal. Well, as normal as it was going to get, given that Travis was now a permanent employee. And he was also my live-in boyfriend—a fact that still surprised me, squeezed my heart just a little every time I thought of it.
Everyone came back to work after the weekend in the Alice. Everyone except Fish, not that he was welcome. No one cared that me and Travis were together. They knew there’d be no favouritism or leniency on my behalf when it came to him. I was a hard boss, but they also knew Travis was a hard worker.
While he was laid up with his sore knee, he did what he could around the house and yard. We spoke to his mum on Skype a few times; she was understandably upset that Travis wasn’t coming home, but she wasn’t surprised. He promised he’d be home to see her again at some point and even said I’d tag along with him. He filled out more government forms to extend his stay, and Ma simply adored him.
Or she adored how happy he made me.
Everything was pretty damn good. But there was something I still needed to do.
After dinner, when the storms were blowing in and the skies were an angry palette of purple and grey, Travis and I rode a dirt bike to just a few hundred metres from the house. The winds were picking up, adding red sand swirls to the mix. I turned the key to the off position and the engine cut, leaving nothing but the sound of the wind and silence.
I was nervous about doing this, even though it was my idea. I needed to do this. Travis’s leg was getting better—still nowhere near fully healed, but he was well enough to climb onto the back of a bike with me. He got off first, still favouring his sore leg. I swung my leg over the bike and kicked the stand down.
When I turned around, Travis asked me if I was okay.
I gave him a small smile. “I am.”
“Are you ready to do this?”
I nodded this time, and with him by my side, I walked over to my father’s grave. I hadn’t been back since the day we buried him. I never had anything to say.
Until now.
I stared at the headstone for a long while, then with a deep breath, I took the first step in letting go.
“Dad, I want to introduce you to someone,” I said, looking to the man beside me. “His name is Travis Craig. And he’s wonderful, Dad.”
Travis smiled at me. He never spoke, just listened. He was there just because I needed him to be.
“He’s funny, kind, smarter than anyone I know. He makes me happy, Dad. Happier than I ever thought possible.” I exhaled loudly. “I’m not here telling you this for your approval, because God knows I’d never get it. I’m here telling you this because I’m not hiding anymore.”
It felt so good to say that. As stupid as it was to say it to a slab of marble, to thin air, it didn’t matter. I was saying this to my father, and it felt so fucking good. The emotions burst in my chest and formed as tears in my eyes.
“I’m not scared of you anymore,” I said. My voice cracked, and Travis put his arm around me. “I’m not scared of you anymore.”
I took a deep breath and blinked back tears.
“I’ve got some news for you, Dad,” I said. “Even though you swore it would never happen, could never happen, Sutton Station is run by a fairy. That’s right, a fucking queer, faggot. And you know what? I’m doing a damn good job.”
Travis rubbed reassuring circles on my back. He knew I’d just repeated my father’s hurtful words back to him. He knew how much those very words had haunted me.
“I will run this place better than you ever could,” I told my father. “And I’ll do it with a man in my bed.” I shook my head, took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. The storm brewed above us, thunder rumbled and lightning pierced the clouds.
“I love him, Dad.”
Travis’s hand stilled on my back, his breath hitched and I could feel his eyes on me. “Charlie…”
I turned to him. “It’s true. I do,” I told him. “And he should know. My father should know. It’s real, and you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. He told me I would never be happy, that I didn’t deserve it.” I let my tears fall. “But I am happy. And I do deserve it.”
Travis nodded and pulled me against him, letting me cry into his neck. “I love you, too,” he whispered in my ear and kissed the side of my head. He held me tighter and only let go when I pulled back.
He kept one arm around me, and when I was done talking to my father, he stayed with me at the motorbike for a while. He leaned against the seat and wrapped his arms around me, just letting there be silence. Letting me say goodbye to ghosts in my head.
“I’m ready to go back now,” I told him.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded and drove us back to the house. Only when we walked inside this time, I stopped inside the door.
As always, Travis put his hat on the hallstand. “You okay?” he asked quietly.
I nodded but picked up his hat. I took mine off, and looking them both over, I put his hat on the centre hook. The hook that had been mine forever was now his.
Then I put my hat on the hook closest to the door. My father’s hook. Only it wasn’t his anymore. It was mine. His ghost didn’t live here anymore.
I looked at Travis. His eyes were wide and warm. I think he was waiting for more tears, but this time I smiled.
The skies outside rumbled and roared, and thunder ripped through the silence. Travis slid his hand around my neck and pulled me in for a hard kiss as the first of the rains fell.
The rain, this man washed away the demons—the ghosts, as he called them—and set me free.
About the Author
Who am I?
Good question…
I am many things: a mother, a wife, a sister, a writer.
I have pretty, pretty boys who live in my head, who don't let me sleep at night unless I give them life with words.
I like it when they do dirty, dirty things… but I like it even more when they fall in love.
I used to think having people in my head talking to me was weird, until one day I happened across other writers who told me it was normal.
I've been writing ever since…
Website:
nrwalker.wordpress.com.
Facebook:
N.r. Walker
Facebook Fan Page:
N.R. Walker Author
Twitter:
@NR_Walker
Email:
nrwalker2103@gmail.com
Also by N.R. Walker
Blind Faith
Through These Eyes
Blindside: Mark’s Story
Ten in the Bin
Point of No Return – Turning Point #1
Breaking Point – Turning Point #2
Element of Retrofit – Thomas Elkin Series #1
Clarity of Lines – Thomas Elkin Series #2
Sense of Place – Thomas Elkin Series #3
Taxes and TARDIS
Free Reads on N.R.'s Website
Sixty Five Hours
Learning to Feel
His Grandfather's Watch (And The Story of Billy and Hale)
Coming Soon
Starting Point – Turning Point #3
Taxes and TARDIS
Three’s Company
And
Red Dirt Heart II