"I'm sorry, Laney. Please, listen to me."
"I have nothing further to say to you, or your cheating asshole brother." I tried to walk around him, and he grabbed for my hand. Jerking away from his touch, I changed directions. Fine, I would take the long way home. He blocked my path again and advanced until he backed me against his Jeep.
"Damn it. I just want to go home." Angry tears welled up in my eyes, but I would be damned if I let him see me cry. I blinked until the little bastards were gone.
"I will let you go home. But you are going to damn well listen to me first." Jake slapped his hand on the hood of the Jeep. "I have something to say, and you are going to let me say it."
I glanced up to see Scott holding Martha back from coming off the porch. Austin watched with interest. Bastard. This was all his damn fault.
I turned my glare to the jackass holding me hostage at the moment. He looked at my face, and shifted his hips so that I couldn't knee him in the goods. Asshole read my thoughts. I crossed my arms over my chest, and waited for him to speak. If I had to hear him out, he'd better make it fast.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I over reacted. I'm sorry. It's just... Austin has had you for three damn years and I only got two measly weeks. That's it. Two weeks to convince the woman I have been dreaming of for years to take a chance on me. And it really fucking hurt to see you in his arms with his hands on your ass. I don't want him touching you. I don't want anyone touching you, but me."
"Jake—"
Enunciating clearly, he interrupted me. "I. Am. Not. Done. I'm jealous as hell that he's had you. I'm furious that he treats you like a convenience. And damn it, I am mad at myself for feeling this way. I shouldn't be jealous of my brother's girlfriend. Because you are still his girlfriend. I don't even know what I am. A fling? Someone to get back at Austin with? Fuck, I don't even care. I should be damn grateful that you let me touch you. And I am. But I don't know where I stand with you, Laney. And it's eating me alive. You make me insane."
His lips crashed against mine then and all the fury in his words carried over into his embrace. He crushed me against the Jeep. The hard metal dug into my back. His lips were bruising, punishing on mine. His tongue invaded my mouth.
He pulled away with a curse. "But I am treating you no damn better than he did. Let me walk you home." He bent down and picked up the bag I hadn't realized I'd dropped. He tossed it over his shoulder and picked up my hand, kissing my wrist. "Come on."
I let him keep our hands entwined as we walk toward my house. I didn't say anything. What was there to say? Did I forgive him? I didn't know yet.
He brushed his lips across my forehead and whispered, "I'm gonna give you a little space. If you want to spend tomorrow with me, text me in the morning. If not, well, I will see you on Sunday for the family lunch our moms planned and give you a ride back."
I watched him walk away, shoulders hunched, hands in his pockets. He looked down and the pang in my chest would not quit. Only when he walked around the corner did I unlock the door and let myself in, finally letting my tears fall.
My knees gave way and I sank to the floor. My back against the door, I sobbed. How did I let myself get into such a mess? I had allowed myself to fall in love with a man who may not see me like I see him. His words haunted me. He said he didn't know where he stood with me, what he was to me. He never mentioned what he wanted to be, not really. He said he was jealous, but did that mean he was falling for me? Or just that he didn't want to give up the mind-blowing sex we had.
I needed to talk to someone.
Chapter Thirty-five
I texted my mom to tell her I was taking her car. She and my dad always rode together on Fridays, so her car sat unused in the garage. I planned to head over to my friend Kim's, but somehow I found myself turning onto Granny's road. It hit me then—an evening with Granny and her advice was exactly what I needed. She would know exactly what to say, what to tell me to do.
She always did.
When I turned in, she must have heard my tires crunch on the gravel. She poked her head out the screen door to see who was there. Her face lit up when she saw me, until she got a good look at me.
"Oh, honey child, what's wrong?" She wrapped her arms around me and tears raced down my cheeks again. At her loving touch, I lost it and sobbed so hard she couldn't understand my gasping explanation.
"Well, you get you a good cry and then we will see what we can do to get you straight." She pulled me over to the porch swing and I cried onto her shoulder. She wiped my cheeks with her apron every so often. When I had finally purged myself of all these tears, hiccups overtook me.
"Can ya talk now?"
"Jake and Austin got into it over me tonight. Austin kissed me and Jake pulled me away from him so hard it hurt. I don't want them fighting. Austin doesn't want me anymore. He only asked me out because Jake wanted me. Well, now I'm not even sure Jake wants me."
She patted my back, waiting to be sure that I was done with my confessional. "And what did Jake do in the last week to make you think he doesn't want you? He sure seemed to fancy you at the hospital."
"When he apologized for hurting me, he said he didn't know what we were, he didn't care what we were."
"He doesn't care about you? Or doesn't care to put a label on your relationship?" she probed gently.
And I knew what she was getting at. He didn't say he didn't care about me, did he? "The relationship, I think."
"And you want a label, I'm guessing?" There went that eyebrow.
"I thought he would ask me to be his girlfriend or something by now. He hasn't. He hasn't mentioned anything beyond Sunday."
She nodded and squeezed me close for a moment. "Have you?"
Shit.
"No. I didn't want to ruin anything. He's everything I have ever wanted. I just don't want to be another convenience. That's all I was to Austin. I wasted three years of my life with him, all to find out that he never loved me."
"If this Jake's what you want, then why don't you tell him so? Does he still think he only has two weeks?"
"Um, kinda."
"You been raised to stand up for what you want. I don't like seeing you worrying over a damn man. Now, if he is worth fighting for, then honey, fight. I bet he's as scared as you are to say he wants more than a damn fling. He thinks you're going back to his sorry ass brother. He ain't going to confess his ever-lasting love to the girl who may end up his sister-in-law. Talk about an awkward holiday dinner."
"Can I stay with you tonight?" I didn't respond to her advice, but she didn't really expect me to. Going back to my parents' empty house alone wasn't something I wanted to do. And I sure as hell didn't want to hear my mom's 'I told you so' when she heard about today.
"Well, of course you can, we will have us a good night together. Joann, you remember her, don't ya? Anyways, Joann brought me some strawberries this afternoon and I was about to make me a pie. Why don't you come clean up and help me?" She phrased it as a question, but it wasn't. It's an order.
Granny tried to tease me into a better mood. And while I did my best, Jake remained on my mind. My phone buzzed, and I didn't even look at it.
"You gonna get that?" She nodded at my phone.
"I don't know. If it's him, what do I say?"
"Not my place to say. But if you like the person you are when you're with him, if he makes you feel beautiful, not defective, then maybe you ought to think about saying something. Even if it's just, gimme 'til morning to be up to talking."
She's right. Shocker, that. I grabbed my phone.
Jake: Thinking of you. Let me know about tomorrow. Sweet dreams, beautiful.
I read it aloud.
"You can invite him over here if you want to," Granny offered.
"No, I don't want him to be with me because you've intimidated him into it," I told her with a laugh.
She pretended to be insulted. "I can't believe you think I would boss a grown-ass man into dating my granddaughter. You act like I am dictator or s
omething."
I hugged her tight and whispered that I love her, thankful once more for the additional time with her. Exhaustion lined her face. She tried to hide it, but her tired eyes gave her away. I faked a yawn and said I was going to turn in. She agreed it might be good to make it an early night and puttered off to bed. I laid on the twin bed in her guest room and thought about how to respond.
After some debate, I texted back.
Me: I'll go out with you tomorrow. Just us, no others. I want to be able to talk. Talk to you in the morning.
The speed of his reply surprised me. He must have had his phone in hand waiting for my reply.
Jake: Thank you! Good night, love.
I rubbed my finger over the word. Love. If only.
Chapter Thirty-six
Austin and our parents were sitting on the porch when I came back from walking Laney home. My mom had her arms crossed and was tapping her foot. I stepped up and she huffed.
"What the hell were you doing to Laney? That girl deserves better than the two of you have been giving her."
"Just an argument. Don't worry about it."
"I will worry about it, Jacob. I—"
"Mom, I said stay out of it. Please."
She shook her head and went inside, slamming the door behind her.
My dad just shrugged. "You are a grown man. I'm not getting involved."
"Well, I am damn well getting involved. What the hell was that about? Come on. We are going to take a walk." Austin started down the stairs and shoved past me.
I clenched my hands into tight fists, but followed him. We walked down to the park, to the basketball court. Austin didn't say a word the whole way there. Neither did I. All I wanted to do was shove my fist down his throat.
I leaned against the wall surrounding the back side of the court. "What the hell are we doing out here?"
"Dude, you are out of control. Get your shit together before you actually hurt her. I get that you want her... I do. But if you think I am going to walk away after three years and just let you abuse her, you got another thing coming."
"I wouldn't—"
"I know, you wouldn't actually abuse her. But this volatile bullshit you got going on here? Not cool. She really has you twisted up, more than I've ever seen you."
"It's killing me." I buried my face in my hands. He was right. I was in over my head with Laney. "Knowing that you have that history. That you get her back in a few days... I can't freaking deal with this shit."
"You have to accept Laney's choice. Whether that's you, me, or no one at all."
"I don't know if I can."
"Well, you have to. End of discussion."
I walked away and went back to Mom and Dad's to change. A long run might help me clear my mind. He was right. I had no choice in any of this. No control over any aspect of it. Only Laney did... And the lack of control was getting to me.
Chapter Thirty-seven
The glorious smells of coffee and bacon awaited me when I woke up. Granny, I thought with a smile. This scent combination would always remind me of her.
The bold aromas lured me from my bed. I stumbled to the kitchen and headed straight for the coffee. I poured myself a cup and sat it on the table. Granny stood at the stove cooking. I hugged her from behind. "Can I help you?"
"Oh, I got it now. Biscuits are about done, this bacon too. Got some fruit, and I figure that's good."
I agreed and sat down to enjoy my coffee and let the fog clear from my head. Running my hand over the worn table, I tried to decide what I would say to Jake.
Granny plated up our food and joined me at the table. "I figured out what to do about your young man. You want to know that he's committed. Not like that flaky brother of his, right?"
When I nodded, she continued, "We need to set him up. Set it up so that he has to fight for you. Now, I don't mean physically, but where he has to stand up for what he wants. If he wants you like I believe he does, he'll do it."
I mulled over her words. I did want to find out once and for all if Jake was interested in long-term. Because, despite current history, I was not the type to bounce from relationship to relationship. I wanted stability in my life. Now, I wasn't expecting a proposal, but I would like to know that, in the long-run, that's where we were headed.
"Would that sorry ass Austin help us out? I got an idea, if you think he would." I raised an eyebrow in question to her. "Just get him over here, so I can talk to him. I ain't explaining it twice."
Typical Granny.
So, I called Austin. Voice husky with sleep, he muttered a hello. I asked him to come over. I heard a yawn and a mumbled agreement. An hour later, Austin pulled up in his dad's truck.
Look at us both, borrowing cars like brand new drivers who hadn't even wore the shine off the laminate on our license.
He sauntered up to the porch where I sat. "Why'd you want me to come out here? I thought we'd agreed we didn't mesh?"
"Because you are going to help us find out how your brother feels about my granddaughter."
Confusion twisted his face, but he nodded. "How am I going to do that?"
"She needs to know if she has a future with that boy. To know he isn't gonna waste three years of her life because she's convenient. To know he appreciates her and isn't going to make her feel defective like you did."
He grimaced. "Laney, I never meant to..."
"That don't matter now. You are going to pretend for one damn day that you're head over heels for her. See if he's willing to fight for her."
"He will. He's been crazy over her for ages."
"Crazy over her. Well, I guess that's a start. But is it enough to make him stand up for her?"
Austin and Granny worked out a plan between them. Granny called my aunt and convinced her to ask Austin when he planned to marry me.
That's their plan? I had to pretend to want to marry Austin? Oh god. Could I do that? Make people believe I wanted Austin, after being with Jake. A wave of nausea rushed over me and I sank down on the steps and inhaled several deep, ragged breaths.
Austin sat next to me and pulled me into his arms. "I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about yourself in any way. I really do care about you. I'm just not in love with you."
"I'm not in love with you either."
"Good. It'd be awkward if you're with Jake and in love with me."
I laughed. He was such a damn goof.
"Now to make this work, y'all gotta look like you are more interested in each other than that. Ain't nobody gonna believe the two of you can't keep your hands off each other."
"She's right. We never did have that problem though, did we?" Austin asked, his eyes searching mine.
"No," I whispered. We hadn't. Even when our friends paired up, and couldn't wait to rip clothes off, getting busted having sex in cars, closets, everywhere, Austin and I never did. I couldn't believe it took me so long to see it. It explained so much about our relationship. Maybe when we stopped trying to force things into the wrong roles, it would seem more natural between us again.
"He will fight for you, Laney. If he doesn't, I'll kick his ass," Austin attempted to reassure me. "He really is crazy over you. You should have seen him last night after your argument."
I just nodded. My phone buzzed and I dropped it before I could read the text. I picked it up with shaky fingers.
Jake: Do you still want to do something today?
"Tell him that you'll meet him after we have lunch, so say one, at Free Will Games. He knows I like to hang out there, so he'll assume you have spent all morning cuddled up to me."
My hand trembled so much I couldn't type. Austin took the phone from my hands and sent the message for me. "So, how about that lunch then?"
I got him to follow me home, so I could drop my mom's car off and we headed to the thriving metropolis that was downtown Free Will. The arcade had always been my favorite spot in town—not. My eye hand coordination was virtually non-existent, so anything requiring more precision than Candy Crush Saga or
Angry Birds never worked out so well for me. I'd have rather went to see a movie or even rode go-karts at Zippy's.
Still, we killed a couple hours there. Austin playing, me just watching. A friend from high school, Patrick, was now managing the arcade, so we caught up a bit while Austin played.
After a short conversation, Patrick had to get back to work. He was the type to never leave Free Will. Too bad really, he was a great guy. I hoped he'd find the girl of his dreams one day, which could be hard to do in a town this size.
I'd always known Austin wasn't the man of my dreams. We'd never fit and I'd allowed him to make me miserable. I vowed to myself to be more vocal on my likes and dislikes with Jake, if things worked out. It's as much my fault as Austin's that he drug me to the arcade all the time. I'd never said how much I hate it.
One o'clock finally rolled around. The electronic torture was over, hallelujah. I stumbled out of the arcade into the bright sunlight. Damn, it was freaking bright outside. Austin laid a hand on my back to steady me. I had to face Jake now. The butterflies in my stomach sped by like a dog that got out of the fence, dodging this way and that, as fast as possible. I struggled to hold back a gag.
Jake had parked next to us. Leaned against the Jeep, arms crossed, he'd drawn the attention of a swarm of teenage girls. I wanted to poke their eyes out for staring at him. But he's so damn sexy, how could I blame them? The jealous anger helped push aside some of the nervous butterflies fluttering about in my stomach.
He looked our way and stood up straight. He looked tense. I expected a confrontation. Austin called out a greeting. Jake only nodded.
"Play the part," Austin whispered, before spinning me into his arms.
I wrapped my arms around him, and, thank God, my back was to Jake. My face curled into a look of revulsion before I could tap it down. Austin's lips were on mine, his tongue asking for entrance to my mouth. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't let him deepen the kiss. Breaking the kiss, I buried my face in his chest, whispering, "I'm sorry."
Free Pass (Free Will Book 1) Page 13
