Laughing, Cindy sat down beside him on the sofa. “What are you watching?”
“News.”
“All bad?”
“Is it never?”
“True.” Leaning back in the sofa, Cindy kicked off the stilettos and propped her feet up beside her brother’s on the coffee table.
For several long minutes they sat in comfortable silence before Alex finally asked quietly, “Want to talk about it?”
“Nothing to talk about.”
“Okay. Want to talk about it?”
With a sigh, she rolled her head to look at Al on his shoulder. “Have you ever done something you thought was right, only to realise that it was so very wrong?”
Obviously unwilling to disturb Al, Alex looked sideways at her without moving his head. “Yes.”
“Did you fix it?”
“I thought I could.”
“What did you do?”
“Make it worse.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Can I fix whatever it is for you?”
Same protective old Alex. She smiled. “No. It’s something I have to do. Or not do.”
“Hmmm. Sounds intriguing.”
“Anything but, trust me.”
“Want some words of wisdom?”
“Please.”
“Me, too.”
Cindy punched him lightly in the arm and Alex laughed.
Disturbed, Al stirred, lifting his little head and peering around sleepily. Feeling perfectly safe, he gave Alex’s earlobe a lick, making him cringe and Cindy giggle, and then he snuggled closer into Alex’s neck and went back to sleep.
Life was simple for Al. Cindy wished hers was as uncomplicated as it used to be, before she’d met a certain handsome vet with emotional problems.
“Can I crash here tonight?” Alex asked.
“Sure.”
“Thanks.”
“Mum smothering you a bit?”
Alex sighed. “She means well.”
“But you just want a bit of quiet. To be left alone for awhile.”
“Yeah.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Nah.”
“Okay.”
In comfortable silence, they slouched back in the sofa and watched TV, both of them lost in their own thoughts, Al snoozing happily.
~*~
Early the next morning, Cindy finished feeding Al and after a snuggle and gentle play, she put him back in the kitten pen. Going into the shower, she leaned her forehead against the wall and relaxed as the water cascaded over her hair and down her back.
Sleep had been hard coming the previous night. She’d tossed and turned while trying to decide what to do to rectify her mistake. In the dawn hours she’d come to a decision. There was no way she was going back to face Tim and there were two good reasons for it. One, there was no need, and two, he probably didn’t want to see her.
Okay, there was a reason number three, and that was because she felt like a first class fool, but she was sticking with reasons one and two otherwise she’d feel like a coward. So she disregarded number three and concentrated instead on one and two. Nothing like denial.
So that left ringing and leaving him a message on his answering machine while he was at work. He could come home, hear it, wipe it clean and not bother with her ever again.
Why that thought should hurt, she didn’t want to dwell on. A clean break, that was it. Go back to what they were, nodding acquaintances.
Yes, that was the right decision.
Having breakfast with Alex, Ruth and Sam in the big kitchen, Cindy chatted about everyday things. Alex volunteered to go out and help Ruth with the heavier things to be done in the garden, openly expressing his wish to do some hard labour without thinking about anything. It surprised Cindy that Ruth didn’t argue but then she’d always had a soft spot for Alex, probably because he was a soldier, the same as Sam had been during the war.
Leaving Sam downstairs happily vacuuming the carpets, Cindy went upstairs to the little alcove off her bedroom. Sitting in the chair, she lifted the phone and dialled Tim’s number. As she’d expected for this time of the morning, Tim’s answering machine clicked on, his voice recording stating ‘This is Tim Clarke. Leave a message.’
Just the recording was enough for her mouth to go dry. That and the combined embarrassment and sudden racing of her heart. Five long seconds passed before she finally had the gumption to speak. She’d rehearsed the speech several times so that it would flow smoothly.
Closing her eyes, she said hurriedly, “Hi Tim, this is Cindy. Listen, about last night, forget what I said. I was wrong. Your control is important to you and I should never have suggested that you give it up. Anyway, I guess we’re two different people on two different paths. No harm, no foul. I’ll see you around sometime.” Placing the phone down, she nodded.
No harm, no foul. It had gone well.
The phone rang and she picked it up.
“Cindy?” Tim queried.
Oh shit! Leaping out of the chair, she slammed the phone down and stared at it with her heart pounding. Oh God! Tim had been home! He’d been listening to what she’d said! It wasn’t supposed to happen like that! No no no! It had been perfectly planned and executed! Perfectly!
It seemed not.
Heart in her mouth, she waited for the phone to ring again but it remained silent. Rushing to the window, she peered out at the driveway before slapping her forehead with her palm. Tim wasn’t superman, flying from his house to hers in seconds. And anyway, why would he?
She had to get a grip!
Hear beating, she sat on the end of the big bed. Okay, she reasoned, so he’d heard her phone call. So she’d hung up in his ear. Maybe it was for the best. Of course, maybe he thought he’d gotten the wrong number. Maybe he hadn’t actually been ringing her. Maybe that was why the phone didn’t ring again, because this time he’d gotten the right number.
Yeah, that had to be it. Tim Clarke wouldn’t go chasing after a woman who’d told him to lose control, then told him it was the wrong thing to do. Telling him. Oh yeah, he’d just really love being told what to do…not. Oh boy. Cindy cringed.
It was time to step back, say nothing, let the soothing calmness of non contact work its magic.
It was time to go and do some mind-numbing computer work for the family business and forget about everything.
Except Al, of course.
She managed to do just that, immersing herself in work, emailing the different companies and dealing with the thousand little things needing to be attended to keep the different smaller companies running smoothly.
An email from Marty informed her that he’d dug around Robert Dunsbrough’s deep, dark background, and true to her intuition there was more than met the eye with his dealings. The family weren’t buying his chain of home ware shops, but there was another chain of furniture shops that Marty thought looked promising, and he asked her to do some computer background checks and see what she could find.
In-between feeding Al and concentrating on work, the day managed to flit past. By the time she’d finished for the day, Sam, Ruth and Alex had all left, leaving her with the enjoyable companionship of Al.
Steadfastly she concentrated on feeding Al and playing gently with him, taking him downstairs with her to place in the kitten pen in the lounge while she checked the freezer for something to cook.
Sam, bless him, had mince thawed out and she decided to make Spaghetti Bolognese. She’d just gotten the onion out when the front doorbell rang. With a dish towel thrown over one shoulder, she wandered down the hallway to open the door.
“Hi,” said Tim.
Her mind went completely blank.
His gaze swept slowly down her, taking in the light sundress that reached mid-thigh, the ruffled apron, and her bare feet. “Good Lord. No high heels?”
“Ummm…no?” What was he doing on her doorstep? She could feel her face flame in embarrassment.
Those brown eyes lif
ted to study her face seriously. “Red cheeks. Goes well with the tiny flowers sprinkled all over your dress.”
Not used to feeling so self-conscious, Cindy shifted uneasily from foot to foot. “What can I do for you?”
“You said to call you. I came instead.”
Her mouth fell open.
Standing there in cargo shorts, t-shirt and sneakers with no socks, his dark hair slightly dishevelled, Tim looked relaxed - until one noticed the fine lines bracketing his mouth which wasn’t smiling his usual devil-may-care smile, and the guardedness of his normally twinkling eyes.
In fact, Cindy had seen more seriousness in Tim since she’d met him than at any other time.
Oh God, she’d taken away his happiness. Unbidden, a lump rose in her throat.
“Cindy?” He leaned a little closer, his gaze locked on her eyes. “Are you all right?”
“F-fine.”
“Because you don’t exactly look excited at me taking you up on your offer.”
This time she choked, and it wasn’t with tears. Her breath caught and she started coughing.
Flapping the tea towel at him, she turned and hurried back into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and gulping down several mouthfuls. Once she’d gotten her breath back, she turned to find Tim sitting on the kitchen bench watching her.
“Better?” he queried.
“Yes, thanks.”
He glanced at the mince sitting in the bowl. “Cooking tea?”
“Yes.” She waited for him to repeat what he’d said earlier, but when he didn’t, she raised her brows at him.
“I didn’t know you could cook.” He looked from the bowl to her.
“Because I’m a spoiled rich bitch?” She couldn’t help but ask.
“No. Because you don’t look like someone who cooks.”
“I look more like someone who eats.” Picking up an onion, she weighed it in one hand while keeping her attention fastened on him.
His gaze wandered over her curves. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
His gaze snapped back up to lock with hers. “I said, I didn’t say that.”
Why did he have the power to unnerve her when no one else could? She’d faced down bullies in school and walked away laughing. She’d faced snobs who looked down at her style of clothing and her overgenerous, plus-sized body, and she’d walked away laughing. She had friends who liked her, family who loved her, and a kitten who thought she was his mother.
Yet this one man could make her self conscious. And yet again, he never once made mention of her weight, in fact, going by the heat that flared in his eyes before being quickly hidden, he liked her curves.
A lot.
Surely he wasn’t really here to make good on her offer? A little tingle shot through her to twirl low in her belly and slip into her nether regions.
Clearing her throat, she raised her head slightly and eyed him coolly. Stay in control, Cindy. Find out exactly what he wants before you run - either from him or too him. Oh God, where did that thought come from? Concentrate, or you’ll make a fool of yourself again! “So, Tim. Why are you here?”
“You said to call you.”
Oh sweet Lord.
“And then you rang and rescinded your invitation.” While she waited silently, he plucked an apple from the bowl an arms-length from where his backside rested on the bench, polished it on his t-shirt, bit into it and chewed thoughtfully. “I wondered about that.”
“No need to.” Picking up a vegetable knife, she skinned the onion, cut it in half and ran it under cold water. “I realised that I was asking you to give up the one thing that has gotten you through this life. I had no right to do that.”
He didn’t answer straight away, but she heard him bite off another crisp piece of apple. She was cutting the onion when he finally said, “What if I decided that you’re right? That I’m too scared to give up control?”
“I’d be terrified that I’ve given you the wrong information.” Scraping the onion into the saucepan with the mince, she added herbs and beef stock cubes. “I have no real idea of your childhood, how you felt, even how you see the world is only my guess-work, and to tell you the truth...” She ripped the top off the tomato paste container and scraped the contents into the saucepan. “If someone had the nerve to tell me what they think I should do, without them knowing me properly, I’d be pissed off. Majorly pissed off.” Lighting the stove, she placed the saucepan on the flame, clapped the lid on and turned to face Tim, folding her arms decisively.
He just continued to study her while eating the apple.
Raising one brow, she watched as he finished nibbling around the apple core before he jumped off the bench and strode across to the bin, lifting the lid to toss it inside and letting it swing shut again.
Then, without a word, he closed the short gap between them, grabbed her upper arms, jerked her into him and kissed her.
Hard.
Fast.
Toe-curlingly, achingly hot.
His tongue traced her lips with determination, demanding she open to him, and she could do nothing but obey with her heart pounding in her chest, her loins growing damp, and a little voice in her head screaming Whoo hoo!
Every line of his lean body was pressed against her curves, his pecs flexing impressively when she rested her palms against his chest.
There was nothing of control rescinding in his kiss or his posture as he bent over her. He kissed her so thoroughly that by the time he lifted his head, she was gasping for air, her eyes were dazed, and all she could do was stare up at him and lick her tingling lips.
Brown eyes already dark with ardour, Tim looked down at her. “I like having control, I want it, I live by it. Then you came into my life and proceeded to tell me to come and see you when I was ready to give up that control. But here’s the thing, Cindy. I’m not prepared to give up that control.”
She swallowed. “So why are you here?”
“Because I’ve realised that I’m not prepared to give you up, either.”
There was no denying the little thrill that went through her at that announcement, but it was also tempered with confusion. “You never had me.”
His gaze strayed over her shoulder to the table behind her.
Cindy’s cheeks flamed. “I don’t mean that.”
“That was a part of it.” Tim’s gaze locked on hers once more. “But it started before then, too, this attraction between us.”
Heart knocking about in her chest, so very conscious of the warmth of his body against her own, she whispered, “When?”
“Really?” He gave his head a small shake. “Okay, then. Maybe the attraction was earlier on my part and not on yours.”
Actually, she had no idea when she’d become attracted to him. No idea at all. The only thing she did know was that she did find him attractive. Somehow, some time, Tim Clarke had grown on her.
God help her. She wanted to rip his clothes off right now and have her way with him. But she was no fool, maybe he was playing with her, he didn’t really know what he wanted, he…“What do you want, Tim?” she asked bluntly.
His regard was so steady that she found it almost uncomfortable, but at the same time she refused to look away. She needed to know his intentions.
“I want you.”
“That’s straight to the point.” Ignoring the little whip of heat that snapped through her loins, she added, “But why?”
“Because I’m attracted to you.”
“I’m attracted to a Ming vase I saw in a shop, but I don’t want to hump it.”
A little quirk appeared at the corner of his mouth. “Would you hump me if I was a Ming vase?”
“Tim, you want me because - well, hell, I don’t know.” Lifting her chin, she narrowed her eyes. “If you want me, tell me why. Why me, when I’m not your type of woman?”
“You’re not going to let that comment go, are you?”
“Not when you threw it around enough.”
“Thanks.”
“That’s part of the attraction you have for me.”
Puzzled, she tilted her head.
“Cindy, you don’t play nice. You don’t sweet-talk me, you don’t cosy up to me, you don’t play to my vanity. You tell me how you feel, you tell me what you think. You’re honest.” Expression serious, Tim’s hands slid from her upper arms to curl around her elbows, his thumbs gently stroking her inner arms to make her skin tingle deliciously. “You are exactly who you are. I look at you and I’m seeing Cindy Lawson, no pretentious airs, no false modesty. You’re a beautiful, curvaceous, confident woman who takes no shit from anyone.”
She blinked at the last few words. “Thanks. I think. Wow, you were doing rather okay until that last part.”
Tim gave a short, amused laugh. “Honest to a fault.”
“But is that enough for you, I wonder?” she queried softly. “Maybe I’m just an amusing enigma right now. You hang around with women you know are ball breakers, that’s how you like it. I don’t find a good enough reason to trust that I’m attractive enough to keep you interested longer than it takes for the novelty to wear off.”
All his amusement fled. “You’re more than enough.”
Even though she wanted to believe it, she wasn’t so sure. “This is a sudden change of heart. Too sudden. Are you wanting the forever after dream, Tim?”
He met her blunt question with an equally blunt answer. “I’m not sure of this forever after business, Cindy. I’ve not seen it with my own family. I’ve been hurt a few times, and I’ve never believed in it for me. But now…”
Silently she waited, refusing to help him, needing to hear it all.
Tim didn’t break their locked gazes. His expression was serious, his voice steady. “For the first time in my life, I want to give a relationship a real go. I don’t know if it’ll work, I don’t know if I’ll make such stupid mistakes that you’ll kick my arse right out the door, but I know that I’m not prepared to just let you walk away without trying.” His hands left her elbows to slide beneath her arms and around her waist, his palms pressing against her back as he lowered his head to whisper softly, “Give me a chance, Cindy. That’s all I ask. Give us a chance.”
Vet's Desire Page 16
