Royal

by Danielle Steel

  She ran into Jonathan Baker from the stables from time to time, when she had reason to leave the house on an errand for Mrs. Finch, or for their employers. Annabelle Markham was spoiled and expected a great deal from her employees, but she was also a fair and generous woman and rewarded them when appropriate. They gave all of their employees handsome gifts at Christmas from the store they owned. She loved her home, her husband, and her children, took no interest in the business, which her husband ran so efficiently, and was so lucrative. It was the most successful store in London. She had a fifth child a year after Lucy had come to work for them, and Lucy saw the baby nurse walking in the gardens with the fancy pram. She let Lucy bring Annie to see the new baby, and commented on how prettily Annie was dressed. Lucy had made the dress herself, copied from children’s clothes she saw in magazines.

  “She looks like a little princess,” Annabelle Markham remarked one day, as Lucy smiled proudly.

  “She is a princess,” Lucy always said firmly, as though she believed it. And Jonathan gave Annie rides on the pony the Markhams had bought for their children. She always squealed with delight when Jonathan set her on a horse of any size and held her. She had no fear of horses or anything else, and she would cry when he took her off. Lucy worried that she’d be horse mad like her mother, which was a luxury she couldn’t indulge in and didn’t want to. She still thought them dangerous beasts.

  Jonathan took them to a nearby lake to go swimming that summer when he had a day off, and taught Annie to swim like a little fish. She had no fear of water either, and it touched Lucy to see such a big man so gentle with a child as young as Annie. He loved the time he spent with her, and with Lucy, and he said it made him dream of having children of his own.

  “Do you ever think of marrying again and having more?” he asked her shyly when they were at the lake.

  “No, I never think about it,” she said, not wanting to talk about it with him. “Annie keeps me busy, and I’ve had to bring her up alone.”

  “You wouldn’t have to if you married again.” She had just turned twenty-one, and marriage was the farthest thing from her mind, or so she claimed. He was twenty-six, and had just gotten another promotion. It was clear now that when the stable master retired, Jonathan would take over for him. It was no longer just a wish, it was a sure thing. He was the most responsible man Lucy had ever known, and in many ways he reminded her of her father, who had been a good husband and father and a good man. But she didn’t want any man interfering with her relationship with Annie. She had assiduously avoided any involvements or entanglements with men. She had years ahead of her to bring up Annie, and Jonathan said he didn’t want to think of settling down until he was the stable master, and then he would have a cottage with his job. There would be plenty of time to think about marriage then, but not before that.

  In spite of their determination not to marry, and caution about getting too involved in a romance, Lucy and Jonathan’s attraction to each other evolved slowly into a deep mutual respect, and a long, slow romance that became harder and harder to deny. When Annie was four and he had at long last become the stable master and earned one of the better cottages, he proposed. Lucy was twenty-two and he was twenty-seven, and he told her it was time. He wanted to marry and have children with her, which worried Lucy more than she wanted to admit.

  “I’m not sure I could ever love another child as much as I do Annie,” she said when he mentioned children to her. “Everything about her is perfect, and I love her with my whole heart.”

  “I think all parents feel that way, until they have the second child in their arms, and realize that they can love another baby as much,” he said sensibly.

  “I’m not sure I could,” she said thoughtfully. To make up for the royal life Annie would never have, Lucy had devoted her whole life to her, heart and soul.

  “It would be good for Annie to have a brother or sister. It will be lonely for her growing up as an only child,” he said, trying to convince her, but Lucy wasn’t sure. He kissed her to seal the deal then, and Lucy felt stirrings she had never felt before, which frightened her too. She wasn’t going to let passion run away with her as Charlotte had, and end up with an unwanted pregnancy. And what if she died in childbirth? Who would take care of Annie then?

  “I would,” he said without hesitating when she shared her fears with him. He was surprised by how frightened she was of going through childbirth again. “You’re not going to die,” he said gently. “You’re a strong girl, Lucy. You’ve been through it before and survived. Women have babies every day and come through it. I’m sure it’s not easy, but it can’t be that bad or no one would ever have a second child. Was it very bad when you had Annie?” he asked, and she was touched by the compassion in his eyes. She couldn’t tell him that Annie’s mother had bled to death, but Charlotte was a tiny woman, and Annie had been a big baby. And the medical care was excellent in Kent. There were several very good midwives in the area, a number of fine doctors, and a hospital, they were close to London, and to reassure her, Jonathan said she could see a specialist there. “And I’d be with you.” He knew that her husband had already been dead before Annie’s birth, which must have made it hard for her too. She was young. Now he felt she could endure it, with good medical care and his help. He wanted desperately to marry her and have children of his own, although he loved Annie as though she were.

  “How would you feel about her if we had other children? Would you love her as much?” Lucy questioned him, and he didn’t hesitate.

  “Of course I would. I wouldn’t stop loving her, or love her less because we had another child. Will you think about it? We don’t have to have a baby right away. But I want to be married to you.” He had an excellent job as stable master, and their employers were pleased with them. “It would be wonderful to live together in our cottage. My mother could take care of Annie when you’re at work. And any other children we have.” His mother still had a cottage on their old farm on the estate. He made it sound very appealing, but Lucy wasn’t sure. She had her life in perfect balance and control. She made a good salary and could provide for Annie. Adding a man to it, and possibly other children, sounded complicated to her. But Jonathan was so gentle and convincing, so loving, calm, and reliable that he eventually wore her down, and won her heart.

  They were married at the local church just after Annie turned five, and Lucy twenty-three. She felt ready to take on a husband and all that it entailed. They fixed up his cottage together, and he painted a bedroom pink for Annie, who said it was her favorite color. They were married in the presence of their coworkers and employers, and everyone was happy for them. He was such a lovable man, and Lucy was a good woman, even though she was quiet and not as gregarious as he was. The wedding breakfast afterward in the church hall was a lively occasion. They left Annie with his mother, and went to Brighton for the weekend for their honeymoon. Rationing had finally eased up, and life had almost returned to normal, so traveling was possible. Lucy was nervous about their wedding night, because she didn’t want Jonathan to realize she was a virgin. She told him it was her time of the month when they got to the room, and he said he didn’t mind, and hoped she didn’t either. She gritted her teeth and didn’t let herself make a sound. The pain was sharp and brief, Jonathan was unaware that she’d lost her virginity to him, and when they made love again in the morning it was easier.

  The war had ended four years before. The memories of tragedy had dimmed, and the scars had begun to heal. She no longer had nightmares about her parents dying in the bombing, which she never spoke of but were very real. She’d had them all during the war. She still dreamt of Charlotte sometimes too. Lucy’s worst fear was that Charlotte’s family would find out what had happened, learn of Annie’s existence, find them, and take her away. She couldn’t have survived losing Annie. They had lived with the story Lucy told for four years now, and Lucy had almost come to believe it herself. She kn
ew she could never say anything to Jonathan about it. He would never understand, and he would be shocked. He still knew nothing of the real circumstances of Annie’s birth, and Lucy had no intention of telling him. It would be too difficult to explain, and he didn’t need to know. He still believed the fantasy of her being married to a man named Henry, and Annie being their child. He could never have imagined that Annie was a royal princess and another woman’s child. It was a secret Lucy intended to take to her grave. As Lucy planned it, no one would ever know, not even Annie when she grew up. Lucy was afraid that one day, if Annie found out, she might feel that Lucy had cheated her of a better life. She had done it purely out of love for her, and to some degree out of love for Annie’s father, but Annie might not understand it and long for everything she’d missed, grandparents, aunts, cousins, a family, and a royal life.

  After their honeymoon, they settled into real life, as a working couple. His mother came to take care of Annie every day, or they dropped her off at her cottage. Jonathan’s mother loved having a grandchild.

  Lucy had spoken to a local doctor about how to avoid getting pregnant at first. He had recommended condoms or a diaphragm. Jonathan agreed to use condoms for a while, and she tried to avoid conception with the rhythm method, avoiding sex at times. But six months after they married, fate intervened. They enjoyed a particularly energetic night of lovemaking, when Annie stayed with her adopted grandmother, and Lucy discovered afterward that the condom had broken. Her greatest fear was realized a month later when she missed her period and realized she was pregnant. It seemed so unfair to her that with only one slip she had conceived, and she cried when she told him. Jonathan could see how frightened she was, which made no sense to him since she’d been through it before. And all Lucy could think of was Charlotte bleeding to death hours after the birth, and she was terrified it would happen to her, perhaps as retribution for taking a child that wasn’t her own. But she had given her a good life, and a wonderful father in Jonathan, which she told herself compensated for what she’d done.

  Jonathan had found her locked leather box when she moved into his cottage, and he asked her what it was. He wasn’t a nosy person, but it was an imposing looking box and beautifully made. She responded brusquely that it was some old letters, and mementos of her parents, and she put it on a high shelf at the back of a closet and left it there. He forgot about it. She kept the key hidden and no longer wore it around her neck. She thought of destroying the papers and letters in it at times so no one would ever see them, but for some reason never did, and gave no further thought to the contents of the box. There was no question in her mind now, no matter who had given birth to her, Annie was hers. And her other family ties were irrelevant, since Lucy had chosen to keep her away from them, for life. And she had convinced herself that Annie’s life was happier the way it was now, with Jonathan and her, and a brother or sister on the way.

  Lucy’s fears about the pregnancy abated slowly over time, with Jonathan’s loving reassurance. He was excited about the new baby, and both of them were surprised by how fast it grew. By the time Lucy was three months pregnant, the baby looked huge. She wondered if something was wrong and compared it to Charlotte’s pregnancy with Annie, where nothing had showed for several months. But Charlotte was so tiny, she had concealed it easily. By the time Lucy was five months pregnant, she looked as though she was about to give birth. She was a big woman, and the baby was too. Annie was excited at the prospect of having a brother or sister. It was due at the end of the summer, which seemed a lifetime away to Lucy, carrying a heavy load. A month later, when she saw her doctor for her six-month checkup, he looked concerned and sent her for an X-ray, which explained the way she looked. She was having twins. Jonathan was beside himself with joy at the prospect of having two babies, and Lucy had nightmares about it, and was even more terrified of the birth. She couldn’t imagine surviving it, in spite of all her husband’s reassurance, and his mother was going to help take care of them. Mrs. Markham was understanding about it, and they gave them double supplies for a layette, and she told her to take as much maternity leave as she needed. Lucy was a valued employee, and head housemaid by then.

  Annie was even more excited about twins, and wanted to help name them and take care of them. She was hoping for twin girls, while her parents liked the idea of one of each. Jonathan told her that it was fine with him if it was boys since they already had the best little girl in the world. He let her help him get the nursery ready, and paint the crib a friend had given them.

  Lucy continued to work but was miserable all through the summer. They had a series of heat waves that made it even worse, and she lay in their cottage at night, feeling like a beached whale, but she wanted to work for as long as she could. She tried to do things with Annie too, but she was exhausted all the time, so Jonathan took Annie out on special outings. When Lucy wasn’t working, the three of them went to the movies. Annie loved being with them. And Jonathan took her to the stables with him whenever he could, which was always a thrill for Annie, and what she loved best, even more than movies.

  Jonathan had a busy summer at the stables. John Markham had bought six new Arabians that Jonathan was training for him. Annie would sit and watch him for hours. Annie was six, and said she wanted to train horses like him one day. He had been giving her riding lessons for the past year, and he told her mother she had a gift. She had a remarkable way with horses, and was utterly fearless. Lucy knew where it came from, both her parents, and made no comment. But she went out to the ring one day in the barn, and was struck by how graceful and elegant Annie looked on horseback. She was a natural like her mother. Jonathan had her jumping obstacles by the end of the summer, and with Lucy’s permission, put her in a local horse show, where she won a blue ribbon. He went riding with her whenever he had the chance. She was an extraordinary rider, even at the age of six. She always said she wanted to be a horse trainer like him when she grew up.

  “That’s not a job for a girl,” he said gently. “You should be a mother and a wife, or a teacher or a nurse.” She made a face when he said it and he laughed.

  “Nurses hurt people and give them shots. And I don’t want to be a teacher. I hate school,” she said staunchly. Nothing ever swayed her from wanting to work with horses when she grew up.

  “I hope you don’t hate school. It’s very important,” he said as he put her through her paces, which she accomplished with ease. She had real skill going over the jumps he set for her. Nothing frightened her as long as she was on horseback, and she wanted to ride the bigger horses, which he said she wasn’t ready for yet, and she was so small. She looked like a four-year-old in the saddle, which made her ability even more startling. She had the hands of an adult while handling the reins, and an unfailing eye for the jumps. She never missed one, and rarely knocked one down.

  “Someone in your family must have been an expert rider,” he said to Lucy one day after Annie’s lesson. “It’s not possible to ride the way she does at her age. She has an uncanny knack for anything to do with horses. Are you sure no one in your family rode? A grandparent maybe?”

  “Positive,” she said and changed the subject, but it struck her too that Annie looked more like Charlotte every day. The Windsor genes were strong. If possible, she was even smaller and more ethereal looking than her mother. People always guessed she was younger than she was, until they spoke to her. She was very bright, and Jonathan gave up trying to keep her out of the stables.

  Annie headed for the barn like a homing pigeon, and was never happier than when she was on a horse. Riding with her, when he had time, was a pleasure. She kept up with him, galloping across the fields and jumping streams. Her horse was smaller than his, but she had no trouble matching his speed, and got the best out of every horse she rode. She had an uncanny communication with them, and seemed to sense their every thought and anticipate every move. He loved riding with her, and her lessons were a pleasure for him. He
was very proud of her, as though she was his own.

  It was a long hot summer for Lucy, the babies were due in September, and in the last week of August, she could hardly move anymore, and their employer sent her home to rest. She would have continued to the end, but even the doctor had told her to slow down. There was a chance the twins would come early. She’d had no problem with the pregnancy so far, but the delivery was likely to be more difficult with twins. Once she stopped work, she hardly got out of bed, and Jonathan was cooking their meals at night, with Annie’s help. He made bangers and mash, and shepherd’s pie, stew, and all the things he liked to eat and his mother had taught him to cook. Annie loved assisting him in the kitchen, and everywhere else. She was his shadow in the barn, and he would turn around and find her beside him as he checked on the horses, or called the vet for a horse that had been injured or seemed sick, and when he couldn’t find her, she was either currying a horse, taking one a treat, or in their stall.

  The nursery was ready. They had a tiny third bedroom in their cottage that was barely bigger than a closet. It was going to be the twins’ room. Jonathan didn’t want to take away Annie’s bedroom that she had had since they moved in, and he had painted pink for her. He treated her as their firstborn, with all the honor and respect that went with it.

  Lucy was at his mother’s cottage the night she went into labor. It started off with a bang when her water broke, and by the time they got to the hospital, she was unable to speak through the pains. The doctor examined her when they arrived, and spoke to them as Lucy clutched her husband’s hand and tried not to scream.