by M J Hardy
I can tell their patience is wearing thin and say with increasing urgency. “It’s changed. He must have changed it. I’m telling you, there was nothing in here but a metal bed, a mattress and a bucket. The walls were painted dark, and the shutters boarded up the windows. I was tied to the metal bed and stripped naked sometimes for days. I’m telling you the truth.”
I start to cry and hear the solicitor say angrily, “Enough. You have questioned my client for close on three days and now you have to decide to either charge her or release her. What’s it to be officers?”
Officer Jones says with resignation. “We will head back to the station and work out where we go from here.”
As I turn my back on the room that held so much pain, I hear him mocking me. Richard has made sure I will never be free. Wherever he is, he has planned this down to the finest detail. I am no match for him, that’s obvious. Whatever happens next is out of my control because five years ago I gave that to him. I know it looks bad. I know I have nothing to back up my story and he appears to have his watertight. However, one thing he can’t change is that I am free of him. I will never again have to fear his moods and subsequent punishment. Even if I go to prison, it will be preferable to a life with him.
As I walk away from the house we shared, I walk a little taller and with determination. He will not win and he will not break me. I will fight for my life because one thing’s for sure, Richard will slip up and one day everyone will know what a monster he really is.
Chapter 12
I had crossed the line. I was free; but there was no one to welcome me to the land of freedom. I was a stranger in a strange land. Harriet Tubman
“I’m sorry, what?”
I feel my legs shake, as once again, I sit facing the two officers in the interview room with my solicitor by my side.
“We’re releasing you.”
I stare at them in surprise as officer Jones says roughly, “We have no body, so can’t charge you with murder or manslaughter. You have however, been charged with causing death by dangerous driving in the case of Ellie Matthews and will be bound to appear in court at a later date. It’s been decided that you’ll remain under house arrest until the trial and so we are releasing you to return home as your bail has been set and paid for.”
I stare at him in confusion. “Bail? Who paid it?”
He shrugs. “A Gloria Williams.”
“Gloria? My neighbour Gloria?”
Officer Coleman nods. “Apparently, she believes your story and came forward with the money to set you free. Someone is on your side it seems.”
I nod in disbelief because she was the last person I ever thought would step up to help me.
It doesn’t take long until I am standing on the now familiar drive after the police gave me a ride home. Once again, I feel the silence surrounding me. Strangely there is no life left in the street. If my neighbours are home, you wouldn’t know it.
As I stand in front of my house, I try to muster the courage to go inside. Officer Coleman has accompanied me and despite the situation, I feel comfortable with him around. Once again, number 15 Richmond Avenue, will be my prison, although this time it’s different. This time it’s a solitary one as the events of that night have created a different kind of future.
The man beside me says in a kind voice. “Will you be ok?”
I shake my head and say sadly, “No, I don’t think I will be. This house holds many painful memories, and it’s difficult to go inside.”
I almost think he’s going to take my hand and comfort me. I can’t explain it but it’s as if he… cares.
Then something enters my mind that I can’t believe passed me by. The panic envelops me in a hold that chokes the words from my lips as I say with a fearful whisper, “What if Richard comes back?”
I look around, almost expecting to see him charging angrily towards me. Officer Coleman says gently, “Then you must call us immediately.”
I begin to shake. How did I not consider this? He will come back. I know in my heart he will. I begin to shake and this time officer Coleman takes my arm in a reassuring act of kindness and says softly, “If your husband returns it will be for the best. Everything will be explained and you will be free of that charge at least.”
I stare at him with fear in my eyes and say fearfully, “I will never be free of him. He lives inside my head, my heart and my soul. He has damaged me beyond repair and I will spend the rest of my life waiting for him to return.”
I take a step back and shake my head. “I’m sorry, I can’t go in there, I can’t do this. Please, take me back to the station, to prison, in fact, anywhere but here. I can’t live here waiting for him to make his move, please don’t make me, I’m begging you.”
I can’t control what’s happening and start to sob as the fear visits me again and sets up home. I can’t cope, it’s too much and I break down on my driveway in front of the whole neighbourhood.
Suddenly, I hear footsteps racing towards me and feel a firm hand grasp my shoulder and pull me up. I hear a familiar voice say with a strength I could use right now, “It’s ok, honey, I’m here for you. You’re not on your own.”
Through my tears I see Gloria looking at me with a fierce expression. She has a strength to her that rubs a little onto me as she says firmly, “Come, we’ll go inside together. I won’t leave you; I promise. You’re safe with me, you know that, don’t you?”
She places her arm around me and says to the officer angrily, “Well, don’t just stand there, help me get her inside.”
He moves to the other side of me and together we head inside the house that I hoped never to see again.
Gloria gasps as we stand looking at a space that is usually in order and so clean you could eat your dinner off the floor. Nothing has changed since the last time I stood here. The investigators have moved on, but they have left behind a crime scene.
Gloria says angrily, “What the hell is this? Couldn’t you have cleared up or something? Poor Sarah, coming home to this.”
The officer shrugs. “We are investigating a crime not running a maid service. This isn’t our mess to clean.”
Gloria shakes her head and looks around in disbelief but I just stare unseeing. I couldn’t care less. The sight of Richard’s blood on the walls reminds me he isn’t here – yet at least. The sight of the upturned furniture and broken glass fills me happiness because I am used to seeing everything in its place which also means he isn’t here. Richard couldn’t bear to see this disorganised home which settles my heart. The house is the same but now very different. Maybe now, I get to live in a different way and that thought soothes my soul - a little.
The officer clears his throat and says gently, “I’ll leave you to settle in.”
His words bring my attention back to the situation and I say desperately, “Please can you just check that nobody’s here before you go?”
I see them share a look and then he smiles gently. “Of course, I’ll make sure it’s secure.”
As he heads off to search the house, Gloria shakes her head and says kindly, “I’ll make you a cup of tea and then help you sort this mess out. Don’t worry, honey, as I said, you’re not on your own. I’ll stay with you all the time you need me.”
I stare at her with gratitude and say shakily, “Thank you, Gloria.”
She smiles softly. “Don’t thank me, it’s the least I could do. I should have been here months ago. I should have listened to my inner voice that told me something was wrong and I should have been a better friend. Don’t thank me, Sarah because I don’t deserve your thanks. I knew something was wrong, I saw it in your eyes. On the surface you had it all but when you looked at me, I saw a different story playing out in your eyes. I chose to ignore it. It wasn’t my problem and nothing to do with me. So, I carried on with life pushing it away until the next time I saw you and it all came flooding back. So many times, I wanted to ask you if anything was wrong and so many times, I told myself it was none of my business. Now I
regret every moment when I wasn’t the friend I should have been. Well, not anymore. I will stay by your side until the dust settles and you pull through. Because you will, honey. This is just a moment in time. A crazy situation that needs to play out before you can move on. And you will. It may take a while but one day you will look back and be grateful that this happened because you have been given a second shot at life. Now you must seize that opportunity with both hands and make it the best damned life you can. Take the lessons you have learned from this one and move forward with determination and courage. You’re not alone in this, I’m with you every step of the way.”
“Good advice.”
My head spins as I see officer Coleman looking at us thoughtfully from the doorway. His eyes flick to Gloria and he says firmly, “Would you be willing to make a statement to that effect – you know, what you just said?”
She nods with a determination that settles my heart a little. “Of course, officer. I will do everything I can to help Sarah. It’s a little late but I want to make things right.”
He nods and then smiles gently. “Sarah. I have checked every room, cupboard and window. They are all secure and there is nobody else here. If you’re worried, I can arrange for a panic alarm to be installed which will send a signal to the station if you trigger it.”
I look at him gratefully and nod. “Please… that would help.”
He nods. “I’ll organise it. Now, I must be getting back.”
He produces a card from his jacket pocket and places it beside the phone. “This is my direct line. Call me anytime night or day if you need me or remember anything. I will keep you informed of the case and if you have any questions, I’m happy to help. I understand you have Miss Wilson’s number too.”
I nod, remembering the kind words of the solicitor as she reassured me everything would be ok. The officer smiles and turns to Gloria, saying in a strangely gentle voice, “Look after her, Gloria. The same goes for you, call me anytime if you need to. I’ll be in touch regarding your statement.”
I watch them leave as Gloria shows him out and look around at the place I once called home. So much has changed since that night and only time will tell if it’s for the better.
Chapter 13
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' Eleanor Roosevelt
We work hard trying to restore order to a place that will never be the same again. As we work, I talk and tell Gloria everything. I start at the beginning and she stays silent as I offload what I should have done years ago. I can tell she pities me but I can’t help that. I pity me because I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to a bully. Gloria, as it turns out, is a rock in my hour of need.
She stays with me and we even order take out. Not that I have much of an appetite but I humour her and work my way through the Chinese meal she ordered and try to make sense of the situation.
Even that first night she stays. Gloria doesn’t leave my side for a minute and there are no words to express how grateful I am.
The first night back at number 15 is a fitful one. I can’t sleep expecting Richard to walk through the door at any moment. As I lie in our bed, the memories flood my mind for most of the night. Gloria stays in the spare room and I leave my door open in case I need to call out. I feel secure knowing she’s here but I still live with the fear. He will be back; I just know it.
The second night is much the same with a slight difference. This time I sleep fitfully and the nightmares start. This time Gloria sits beside me as I scream with fear. This time she holds me as I sob on her shoulder and this time the nightmares are more intense and believable.
The third night, I think I hear someone trying to get in and scream the house down. Gloria takes charge and makes certain the house is locked and secure and promises me no harm will come to me.
The fourth night she comes.
The girl on Gander Green lane. Ellie Matthews. The one innocent person in all of this and the person with the kindest eyes I have ever seen. She sits beside me in my bed and comforts me. She doesn’t speak but the look in her eyes says it all. It’s that same serene look that promises things will get better. It’s the look of understanding and one of hope. It’s the look of a friendship that has developed with no words spoken and it’s the look of forgiveness.
This girl doesn’t hate me as I deserve. She is comforting me and telling me she’s happy. We have never spoken yet she knows everything about me. It’s in that look and with her beside me, I can do anything. She is my strength, my heartbeat and my soul. I always wished I was that girl; she is giving me the strength to be that girl in the future.
On the fifth night, Gloria returns home and it begins.
Despite everything, I have settled into a routine. I am still trying to come to terms with it all but somehow, life is working its way into something that almost passes for normal. I get up, wash, dress and try to occupy my time. I sort through drawers, cupboards, anything to take my mind off my situation.
Gloria left with the promise to check on me regularly. She had to return home because she does have a life outside of this nightmare.
She is the only one who visits. No other neighbours knock on the door with kind words or offerings of support. The only time the phone rings is when officer Coleman or Miss Williams call to update me on the case. I watch the television with half an ear because I am not interested in anything it has to say. I just need to hear voices and bring some life into a dead space.
I don’t need to worry about work because I am now officially redundant. There is enough money and the bills are all being paid automatically and I have everything I need – except my freedom. I’ve been told to stay inside - not venture out and call if I need anything. If I run, Gloria will lose her bail money and I would never do that to her. I’m a prisoner in my own home which is nothing I haven’t been before.
Tonight, is my first night alone and I approach it with trepidation. I fill the house with voices from the television but know they will soon be silenced when I sleep.
As usual, I wash and get ready for bed and make myself a warm drink to try to help me sleep. I make sure the house is secure and leave a light on downstairs and one on the landing. I can’t sleep without it because the shadows bring the monsters inside.
As I climb into bed, I turn my back on the side Richard used to occupy. It feels strange sleeping here but I need to do this. I need to face every challenge this situation is throwing at me and make myself carry on as I’d have done before this all happened. If I sleep in the guest room, he’s won.
For the first time since I returned home there are no nightmares. I fall to sleep relatively quickly and there are no bad dreams to wake me in fear.
Then I hear it.
It starts off quietly and seeps into my unconscious before bringing me to reality. The haunting, classical musical that Richard loved so much. The same tune that played in the car on the night of the accident starts to play through the house, waking me and sending terror to my heart.
I sit bolt upright and start shaking as the haunting melody weaves a tangled web of fear around my heart. The volume increases and fills my ears causing them to hurt. I scream but it can’t be heard above the noise and my sobs are carried away by the music as it reminds me I will never be free.
On shaking legs, I stand and go in search of the source. Grabbing a flashlight from the bedside table, I move fearfully toward the hallway. The weight of the flashlight sits reassuringly in my hand because it serves as a weapon if needed. All the time the music plays, causing the memory of that night to resurface in all its horror and I feel my heart thumping wildly with every step I take.
The phone is downstairs and I berate myself for not keeping it with me at all times. The panic button is situated in the hall but it seems as if I must cross a continent to reach it.
The terror ac
companies me on my voyage of discovery. My heart beats a steady rhythm to the sound of the music and I think I hold my breath with every step I take. All the time I fully expect to see him. Richard, the man who told me I would pay.
Edging toward the stairs, I look around fearfully. The music is melancholy and weaves a spell of fear around my heart. I swallow hard as I strain to hear any other sound than the hateful music that reminds me of that night and him.
With every step I take, I fully expect to see him. How did he get in? I have bolted all the doors and windows. Surely, if he had a key, it would be rendered useless against the bolts inside.
Then the fear grips me. What if he was inside all along? Did the officer search every nook and cranny? Did he check the loft space and what if Richard snuck in during the day in an unguarded moment? I know he’s here because who else would know? Who else would set that music playing, knowing how symbolic that tune is?
As my bare feet hit the carpet of the bottom step, I see the panic button before me like a welcome friend. I don’t stop to think in my need for help. Rushing across the hall, I hammer my fist down onto it and pray it works. Then, I grab the phone and with shaking fingers, dial the number programmed in the phone for officer Coleman.
Chapter 14
I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion. Alexander the Great
All the time the music plays until I don’t think it can get any louder. I daren’t venture into the room it plays from. What if he’s waiting?
Then he answers, sleepy and distant. “Officer Coleman.”
The music stops.
I say with fear in my voice. “Please, can you come? It’s Sarah Standon. I think someone’s in the house.”
