Sinner (Starlight Book 3)

by D. N. Hoxa

  “I don’t know, really. It just happened. I thought he was a bit weird at first, but then I realized his weirdness made him unique, even in a world full of supernaturals,” Ella said, grinning.

  I felt like puking my guts out. I took her by the shoulders and shook her.

  “Ella, it’s freaking Kyle!” I shouted. I didn’t know what else to tell her.

  “Yes, I know! It’s Kyle.”

  “But you can’t!”

  “What? Why can’t I?” She really looked surprised.

  “Because! You’re too young.” I really, really didn’t know what to say…

  “Oh, please. Even you don’t believe that. I’m eighteen and mature enough to handle my own decisions. And I like him. He likes me, so why not give it a try?” She must’ve recognized the murderous look on my face because she added: “And don’t you dare go to him or threaten him or kill him, or anything. I’m warning you, Star!”

  She had her index finger so close to my face that it touched my nose.

  “Ella, you need to listen to me. Kyle is not the type of guy you want to be with. He’s—” I started to say, but she didn’t let me finish.

  “I know what type of a guy he is. I’ve been spending time with him every day, ever since he came here.”

  “Ever since he came here?!”

  I hadn’t noticed a single thing, not even once. Such a wonderful sister I was…

  You suck, my inner voice said to me. Thanks.

  “Yes, Star! Yes. Me and Kyle. You don’t have to be so dramatic about it. At least I have the guts to be upfront about it and tell you.”

  She was now as pissed off as I was, and that didn’t make me feel any better.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Nothing good, obviously…

  “You know what it means. You never tell me anything. I hear from other people that you kissed Arturo, never from you. I see you drooling all over Aaron, but you never tell me anything. How do you think that makes me feel?”

  I shouldn’t have even asked.

  “I…” I started to say, but there were no words I could find in my head. She was right. Of course she was right. I never told anyone anything. I never told her how I really felt about Aaron, or that we’d kissed… I’d never tell her about the other things we’d done. And about Arturo.

  “I know that you didn’t think to tell me, and I understand that you had too much on your plate to talk about it with me. But you have to understand that I am not a little girl anymore, Star. You can tell me, you know you can trust me, and you have to let me have my own way. Don’t make me want to never tell you anything again,” Ella said as she took my hand in hers and squeezed lightly.

  I definitely didn’t deserve a sister like her.

  But despite her wonderful speech and despite the fact that she found it in her to understand my lack of observation, I still found it hard to put it past me. I couldn’t believe that she was dating, let alone Kyle. I loved the boy, I really did. But I just didn’t think that he was…good enough for my Ella.

  But who was I kidding? No one would ever be good enough for her in my eyes.

  “Promise me you won't kill him. Or hit him, kick him, slap him or violate him physically in any way,” Ella said, but it was okay because she didn’t mention…

  “You also cannot violate him with any object, be it knife, dagger, sword, gun, hammer, spear, arrow—any kind. At all! Do we understand each other, Star?”

  Ah, shit.

  I didn’t want to promise, but what choice did I have? She wasn’t going to listen to me anyway, even if I begged her to stay away from Kyle. Because she was right. My issues were mine alone. If I couldn’t deal with it, that was my problem. I would learn how to give her the space she both needed and deserved. So I smiled at Ella. “Promise.”

  “Good. Because I have something else to tell you. Something that you are not going to like at all…”

  I didn’t know what else could bring me down more after what I just heard from her, but if she thought I wouldn’t like it, I would probably hate it. I squeezed my eyes shut and prepared myself.

  “Before you say anything, I want you to know that I have thought about it, and I have reached the decision all by myself. And please repeat to yourself that this is my choice to make. Mine, not yours. No one else’s. Okay?” she said, but that only made me twitch with curiosity—and dread—more. I had a very bad feeling about this… “I want to become a vampire.”

  The whole world went black. Someone switched the moon off. Something else hit me hard in the chest, and I felt like my skin was spitting red hot, thick lava from every pore.

  “No.”

  I couldn’t allow it. I wouldn’t allow it. She was so young and beautiful and so full of life to become lifeless. She couldn’t.

  “Remember what I said before I told you,” Ella whispered, but she wasn’t looking at me when all I could see was her. My eyes filled with traitorous tears. “Remember when you were my age, and you were fascinated by vampires? You said once that if someone asked you, you would jump at the opportunity to be one.”

  For a second, I wondered if I was dreaming. I remembered that day. I remembered every day I wished I was a vampire. I was a fucking teenager who liked vampire books!

  “Because I didn’t think it was real, Ella. Because I didn’t know what it would really be like.” She couldn’t possibly compare that to this.

  “But I am already living in this world, Star. And I’m tired of not being able to do anything. I want to be special, too. I want to be great—huge. I want to be…” Her voice trailed off as she looked at me, and the hope that filled her eyes made me dizzy all over again.

  “But you are special, Ella. You are the most special person in my life. You don’t have to be something else to be great. You can just be you, and the whole world’s going to see it. God, you’re so young still…” I pleaded. She didn’t understand. I needed to make her understand that nothing good could come out of being part of the world we were living in. “Don’t you think you’re too young to never see the sun again? To never be able to enjoy a day on the beach?

  “I’m not saying that I’ll turn this day, Star. I’m just saying that I want to be a vampire. And the sun is overrated, anyway. You said so yourself.”

  Damn my mouth because I had said so. I was never a day-person, but that, too, had nothing to do with this.

  “Ella, please. Don’t do it, sis. You don’t know what you’ll get yourself into. You’re perfect the way you are.”

  I took her hands in mind, and I considered falling to my knees in front of her, too.

  “Don’t do this, Star. I told you that it was my decision, and I made it,” she whispered, looking down at our hands linked together.

  “You’ll have to drink blood from people, Ella. You’ll have fangs, and you’ll be hungry for blood, human blood, all the time.”

  Please, please, please hear me. Listen to me.

  “I know and I have thought about everything for a while now. And I am okay with everything. So please just understand and support me on this, Star.”

  Her eyes filled with tears, too.

  “How can I, when what you’re asking for is to walk right into the wolf’s mouth?”

  I took her trembling body in my arms. She was so warm and soft, so full.

  “I know more about vampires than you know, Star. When I first had the idea, I even laughed at myself, but this past month I have read everything and talked to everyone about them. I need you to be with me on this, Star. You can’t take that away from me.”

  “I can’t…” I whispered, and I held her tight because I felt like if I let her go, she was going to magically transform into a vampire in the next second. But she pulled away from me and searched my eyes.

  “What would you do if you wanted to do something badly, something you knew was destined for you, and Mom told you that she wouldn’t have your back for it?”

  Another skipped beat of my heart. “That’s not fair.” She
couldn’t bring Mom into this.

  “Why?” she asked, and when my eyes filled with tears again, totally without my consent, she realized why. “Oh, just drop it, Star. Don’t pull that sentimental bullshit on me. Mom was your mother as much as she was mine. Get it through that thick head of yours once and for all.”

  “You are not going to throw your life away, Ella,” I said, because despite what she thought, I knew that she would hate it. She would hate never seeing the sun again and never being warm again. Never feeling again.

  “I am not throwing my life away. I am getting the life that I want. Why can’t you understand that?! I need to be…more.”

  Even tears looked good on her face. She was so damn perfect. How could she possibly want to be more? What more could she be?!

  “I want your support Star, but I’m going to do it anyway, even without it.”

  I felt that one coming, and I was ready for it. Though it hurt like hell, I shook my head.

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Yes, I am.” She folded her arms in front of her chest, and her eyes challenged me. Very well…

  “If you think you can find a vampire on the face of the Earth who will turn you once I send word out, then be my guest.” Every word cut through my throat before it came out of my mouth.

  Ella watched me as if I had slapped her hard across her beautiful face. I wished I could make her see…

  “Watch me,” she simply said, then turned her back to me and disappeared underground again.

  I fell on my butt on the wet, muddy ground, and I stayed there for a long time.

  ***

  Half an hour later and…wow. Un-fucking-believable.

  And to top it all off, all I could think about was Aaron. I…needed him. I needed to talk to him or else I’d go crazy. I needed to find him right away and tell him.

  Finally motivated to move, I jumped to my feet, and I ran to the door, slipped inside and started running through the hallways. My heartbeat raced with me. I couldn’t let myself think. My stomach growled. I hadn’t eaten a damn thing the whole day, and I couldn’t have cared less. I needed Aaron first. Only he could calm me down. He would know what to do. When it came to Ella, I needed that.

  I ran to his office. He wasn’t there. To the kitchen. The training room. Laundry. Security room. Nothing.

  I was about to go back and check them all again when I heard his voice.

  His laughter coming from around the corner.

  My heart stopped and I didn’t breathe. I listened.

  And then I heard Audrey.

  Was it fucking possible for me to just stop breaking every time I saw him with her?

  And I should’ve walked away. I should’ve just left. But my fucking curiosity had the best of me already. I took small, soundless steps toward the wall, and I became all ears.

  “I can’t believe it…” Audrey was saying to Aaron, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

  “Yeah, well, I couldn’t believe it either, at first,” Aaron said. He wasn’t smiling. I could hear the eagerness in his voice. He was full of energy.

  “Aaron, are you sure about this? I don’t want you to get hurt. You know how much I…care about you, and you and I…” Audrey said, and I didn’t even have it in me to roll my eyes. But Aaron stopped her before she could finish playing the Good Witch and ask him if he was sure that he wanted to be with her. Of course he would. And she did, too.

  “I’m sure, Audrey. Trust me,” Aaron said, and I feared that if I stayed a second longer, I was going to have to listen to the sound of them making out. No, thanks. I’d had more than enough for one day, so I ran. I ran fast, and I went straight to the training room.

  I shut that door of my mind tightly, but that didn’t mean the thoughts stopped completely for a couple of hours. It was already ten, but some were still training. I couldn’t get her words out of my mind. And his, either. He was sure…

  I considered fighting with Mike. He was big and strong and hard to put down. I needed someone who could take me. But I also needed Jack. If a word needed to be spread like a massive plague, he was the guy to talk to. I gave everything I had in my hits, and I didn’t start talking until half an hour had passed and a little bit of my anger and desperation had disappeared with the sweat coming out of me.

  “Ella wants to be a vampire,” I started.

  He didn’t look surprised, but then again, I didn’t expect him to be. I knew he would know. Who else had told Ella everything there was to know about vampires?

  “You know what I told her?” I asked as I dodged his fist and grabbed his wrist, twisted it and stepped on his stomach, before I spun on air. Lucky for him, I stopped myself before I hit him with the tip of my foot on his jaw. I didn’t need him that hurt.

  “Let me guess,” he said, pretending to wipe sweat off his forehead. Because vampires didn’t sweat. They weren’t alive. “You told her that no vampire would dare touch her because… you were going to cover his/her body in silver and listen to him/her scream all night long?”

  I grinned at him and he at me. “You know me so well, Fartface,” I said and caught his temple with my fist. “But I didn’t put it into so many words. I think she got the general idea though, and still said that she’d do it. So, on my way here I kept thinking about all those things you just said, things I’d simply have to do to anyone who has fangs and decides to turn her.”

  He raised his brow as we circled one another, wrapped up in our own little bubble, away from everyone else in the room.

  “Care to spread those words for me?”

  He shook his head, but I caught the sad smile on his face. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  My grin grew wider. “You’re the best, Jack.”

  Mission accomplished. By tomorrow morning, the whole Base would have heard about it, and then they were going to spread the rumor like oxygen until the entire world knew about it.

  “A little advice, though. You need to let her breathe,” Jack called behind me when I turned to leave. “Toothpick.”

  I almost thought he was right, but then again, he was a vampire. Why wouldn’t he want Ella to turn into one, too?

  ***

  Finally, midnight. I wore only my shirt because the nights tended to get hot in my bed lately. The weird dreams and all that. The cold blanket brought goose bumps on my skin. The complete darkness of my room reassured me. I liked it. I belonged to it. I wished I could stand in it forever and never have to go back to morning.

  I had set everything for the next day. Talked to Arturo, Edison and Jack. Not Aaron, though. I hadn’t seen him again for the rest of the day. I knew he was off somewhere with Audrey.

  They’re probably together right now…

  I squeezed my eyes shut to wipe the memory of Audrey in Aaron’s arms from my mind, but it didn’t work. The image was carved with fire inside of my brain forever. I could almost hear them…

  “Please, stop,” I whispered at the darkness. It hurt too much. Everything hurt. Aaron, Ella, the next day. It was much more than I could handle, so much that I was terrified of the morning. Nothing good ever happened when I felt like that.

  Eventually, I began to feel the smoky-like sense sleep gave me when it announced its arrival. I could see it, like fog spreading about my body, all around me. But the image of Aaron stayed with me, and it wouldn’t let me go all the way, give up to sleeping. I stayed like that, completely motionless, and waited…

  Minutes must have passed—maybe even hours—but I only felt him two seconds before he spoke:

  “When I was ten, he told me that my mother wasn’t a shifter like us. He said that she didn’t look like us or live like us. I asked him if I could see her, and he said, you will, when you turn eighteen, and if you still want to. He took me hunting right after that,” Aaron said.

  His voice came from behind me, and I couldn’t figure out how I hadn’t heard him come into my room. Still, I didn’t move. My heart raced inside me with joy that he was there and with sad
ness that he was.

  What I knew for certainty was that he needed me to listen, so I lay completely still and did.

  “When I turned eighteen, he asked me if I wanted to go after the woman that had given birth to me, to meet her. He said he would help me find her if I did.” Aaron laughed dryly. “But having a father like that, who needed a demoness mother? And I told him that. He said he was proud of me. That he was always going to be.”

  Pain echoed in the rest of my body with every beating of my heart. I knew it was coming, but I hadn’t imagined it hurting so much. Keeping still was getting harder by the second, but I did as he continued to whisper the story.

  “He was the only one who knew me and loved me for who I really was. A demon.”

  He spit dryly and a tear slipped from my eye. Hearing him say those things felt just wrong on so many levels. How could he not see what an amazing man he was?

  “And then you came along,” he said, almost in wonder, and my breath caught in my throat. “Needless to say what he thought of you. He told me to stay away, but I insisted on staying with you through every step with the pretext that I didn’t trust you, either. I was just making sure you wouldn’t betray us.”

  He chuckled, a heartbreaking sound.

  “That’s the excuse I used for myself, too, for a while. But my dad knew me. He could see what I really felt, not because of a supernatural gift. He’d given up on that for me. But because he knew me. He always knew…” Aaron said, and for a second, all that mattered was that I hug him. The sad smile in his voice was as painful as a knife on my skin.

  “But then one day, he told me that maybe, we could trust you. A week after that, when I told him about what happened in the Necterram, he said that you might be able to help us, after all.”

  “And then the week after that, I felt it. I felt it blooming like fresh tulips in a desert. I felt it the day we were at Kyle’s apartment. Hope,” Aaron said.

  That was as far as my patience lasted. I sat up and turned the small lamp on my nightstand on. He was sitting on the floor with his back resting against my closet door and had his knees up, supporting his elbows. He talked and watched his fingers twitch while he did. I rested my back against the wall and listened.