All She Ever Wished For

by Claudia Carroll

  *

  For the rest of that whole day, Kate didn’t drink one single drop. Just stopped, cold turkey. She didn’t even bother going to the off licence, instead she turned her Jeep around and headed straight back to the house. And she sent out for reinforcements, phoning Mo and begging her to call around, saying she needed to see her urgently.

  Later on that evening the pair of them were holed up in the library at Castletown, mounds of legal letters and papers piled in front of them, accumulated over the past few weeks and up until then, totally ignored.

  ‘Jesus,’ said Mo, shaking her head as she scanned down through yet another letter from the McNally Ross legal firm. ‘This is unthinkable. According to this beaut here, once you’re divorced you’re entitled to a monthly payout alright, but it really is a pittance. What they’re offering would barely keep you with enough left over to get your hair done.’

  Kate looked up from the letters she’d been scanning through. ‘And this one here,’ she said, tapping her biro off it, ‘claims that under the terms of the pre-nup I signed, I’m not entitled to any shares from Globtech either.’

  ‘This one’s even better! According to this, you don’t even get to keep Castletown House. This beautiful house, that you’ve put your heart and soul into restoring? Apparently it all belongs to the King family trust and it reverts right back to them. Christ Almighty, babe, this shower could come and turf you out before the ink is even wet on your divorce papers.’

  ‘Apparently I’m being offered an apartment in Grand Canal Quay in town,’ Kate said, her eyes quickly darting up and down the page in front of her. ‘It belongs to Globtech but it says here Damien is willing to sign it over to me. Providing I accept this offer now and don’t challenge it through the courts.’

  The thought that she was expected to just walk out the door of her own home to make room for Damien and Harper Jones made Kate long for a drink, so badly, she started trembling.

  This is just a craving. And it will pass.

  She was very proud of herself for resisting and making do with a sip of coffee instead.

  ‘I don’t believe it, wait till you hear this!’ said Mo, reading from another document in front of her. ‘If you’d had one child during the marriage, you’d be entitled to ten grand a month, and it goes up in increments the bigger your family. You’d even get more of a payout for a boy than a girl, if you can believe that. Bloody hell, Kate, who do the Kings think they are anyway? The Tudors in sixteenth-century England?’

  ‘Not too far off.’

  ‘What possessed you to sign that bloody pre-nup in the first place? Because unless your lawyers can come up with some master-stroke, under this thing you’re entitled to nothing!’

  Kate sighed, shoving the letter she’d been trying to make head or tail of away from her and rubbing her tired eyes.

  ‘Oh God, Mo, it’s the old story. I was in love. I was young and I was very stupid. You know how it is when you’re in love in your twenties. You think it’s going to last for ever and that other couples might break up but that it’ll never, ever happen to you.’

  ‘Well you’re certainly in for a short, sharp shock with the money they’re offering you.’

  ‘I don’t care about the money, Mo,’ she said firmly. ‘It’s all anyone thinks I care about and it’s actually the last thing I’m interested in. After all, I supported myself for years before I met Damien and I’ll do it again if it comes to it.’

  ‘Do you mean you’d have to go back to modelling?’

  At that Kate almost snorted.

  ‘That’s a laugh, I’m almost forty years of age! In modelling terms, that’s practically prehistoric. I’d be doing well to be offered catalogue work. I’d go from being the face of Chanel to the face of Stannah Stairlifts.’

  ‘Oh, come off it, love, you’re still gorgeous and you know it.’

  ‘But there’s lots I could do to start earning again. I could maybe go and work for a charity, if they’d only have me—’

  ‘Well there are two things that you’ve got to do right now,’ Mo interrupted ‘As a matter of urgency.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘Number one, we hire you the toughest lawyer going. Believe me, you’re going to need a Rottweiler to take on the might of the King dynasty.’

  ‘And the second thing?’

  ‘No harm to sandbag yourself with a bit of insurance just in case this pre-nup does actually hold up in court.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Kate, you say money means nothing to you, but that’s because right now, you have access to it. You’ve still got credit cards and a joint bank account. Trust me though, you’ll sing a very different tune in a few years’ time if Damien has his way. Which he inevitably will.’

  ‘So what are you suggesting?’ Kate asked, genuinely puzzled.

  ‘Well you’re here,’ said Mo, gesturing around her, ‘and, for the moment at least, you’ve got Castletown House all to yourself. So there’s only one thing you can do really.’

  ‘Which is?

  She looked across the table at Kate with a dangerous glint in her eye.

  ‘Stockpile.’

  TESS

  The present

  Monday morning and the first people I bump into in the jury room are Jane and Edith, both chatting excitedly about the day ahead.

  ‘So difficult not to read anything about the case in the papers over the weekend, wasn’t it?’ says Edith. ‘It seems we really are the talk of the town!’

  ‘Apparently today we’ll be hearing from the Defence,’ Jane says authoritatively. ‘I was in a queue at the court cafeteria and I overheard one of Hilda Cassidy’s junior counsels say so.’

  ‘Ooh I hope not!’ says Edith. ‘Because that means it’ll all be over soon and this is such fun, I really don’t want it to end.’

  ‘Come to think of it,’ says an exhausted-looking Jess as she comes in, peeling a big, warm fleece jacket off her and helping herself to a watery-looking coffee, ‘I’ll be sorry when this finishes up too. You’ve no idea how much I’m enjoying getting a break from the kids and having adult company for seven hours a day.’

  ‘Are all jurors present and correct?’ says Moany Mona at exactly one minute to 10 a.m., like we’re kids in a playground being called into class. ‘Mobiles switched off? Ready to go?’

  I glance around to see Will just coming in, looking out of breath as if he ran up all the stairs to get here in time.

  Mona clicks her tongue impatiently at the sight of him barely shaving our call time, but says nothing. I catch his eye and he does a quick mime of wiping heavy sweat off his forehead. Next thing, we’re ushered into court number seven to start the day.

  *

  The Defence opens and I for one am beside myself to see what Kate King’s team have come up with to try to resuscitate her flailing case. First witness of the day turns out to be a Law Lecturer at UCD called Professor Douglas Proudfoot who’s quizzed frontways and sideways about the pre-nup that was signed before the Kings got married, all those years ago.

  ‘May I draw your attention to paragraph seven, clause six, Professor?’ asks Hilda Cassidy, taking care to hand around copies of the pre-nup to each and every one of us up here in the jury box, which of course leads to much fumbling and rooting around handbags for reading glasses, etc.

  ‘Sorry to hold you up, love,’ says Minnie to Hilda, getting flustered now because she can’t find her bag. ‘But I’m afraid I can’t see a single thing without my specs.’

  I’m sitting right beside her and am aware of a few titters from around the court as I scramble around on the floor beneath her looking for it, then finally produce a giant Lidl bag stuffed full of fresh fruit and yogurt.

  ‘Oh yes, Tess, have a look in there for me, there’s a good girl,’ says Minnie. ‘I stopped off on my way here this morning to get a few groceries and I know I definitely had my glasses with me when I was in the supermarket.’

  ‘Whenever you’re ready,’ say
s Judge Simmonds, with just a touch of impatience creeping into her voice, while I’m rummaging through Minnie’s shopping and accidentally send an apple, two plums, a tin of cat food and a copy of TV Guide magazine rolling across the floor of the jury box.

  Beth and I dive to pick everything up for her, as the titters from the public benches now turn into full-on giggles. Totally unperturbed, Minnie goes on to explain, ‘Sorry about this, everyone. But the food in the hotel we’re taken to for lunch is dire, Your Honour. Complete stodge and nothing else. So I figure, either bring in your own grub or else starve.’

  ‘I’ll definitely second that!’ says Barney defiantly.

  ‘Me and all!’ Ruth half-shouts. ‘Can something be done about it, Your Honour? You must have a bit of sway around here, couldn’t you sort this out for us?’

  ‘I really must request silence from the jury box—’ Judge Simmonds starts to say, but Minnie cuts across her.

  ‘Don’t worry, I brought along a few bits and pieces of healthy fresh fruit for us all instead, just to keep us going. Anyone fancy a nice yogurt for lunch today? I even got the fancy low fat stuff, the one that’s supposed to lower your cholesterol.’

  ‘Ahh here. Are we not a bit long in the tooth to be dealing with cholesterol-reducing yogurt?’ says Barney suspiciously.

  ‘How about a nice red apple, then? Or would it hurt your teeth?’ Minnie asks him worriedly.

  ‘Please! I will have order in this court and that includes from members of the jury!’ says Judge Simmonds. It’s the first time we’ve actually seen her lose her cool to date and I have to say, it’s very impressive.

  Meanwhile I manage to find Minnie’s glasses and she gets an amused round of applause from the press box when she finally puts them on. Hilda gives her an exasperated eye roll and I have to nudge Minnie gently in the ribs to stop her talking before we’re yanked out of here.

  ‘If the side show has quite finished,’ says the judge, ‘then we’ll resume.’

  ‘As I was saying,’ says Hilda, ‘I’d really like to draw your attention to paragraph seven, clause six in the pre-nuptial agreement, which was signed by my client and which came into effect on July 29th, 2001. Would you care to read it aloud to the court, please?’ she asks the learned professor, who’s been standing patiently in the box all this time, like the rest of us looking slightly bemused by Minnie and her antics.

  ‘Certainly,’ he says, before rambling off a whole sequence of legal jargon, not a word of which I can fully grasp and judging by the bewildered looks from the jury box around me, nor does anyone else. And it’s not a short, quick summation either. It goes on for a full two hours, with Oliver Daniels up on his feet and objecting just about every chance he gets. I’m trying my best to concentrate, but it’s hard not to let my thoughts wander, and Beth beside me is heavy-lidded and looking bored out of her mind.

  Only Will looks interested, I notice. He’s sitting directly behind me in the back row, arms folded, leaning forward and drinking in every word the professor is saying.

  ‘Thank you so much for enlightening us,’ says Hilda, ‘now could you possibly summarise everything you’ve said in layman’s terms? For the benefit of those without legal degrees, you understand.’

  ‘Of course,’ says the Professor. ‘Essentially this legally binding agreement means that Katherine King willingly and without duress agreed that should her marriage come to an end, she’d effectively walk away from it with precisely what she had walking into it.’

  ‘And are there any possible exceptions to this edict?’

  ‘With the possible exception of items gifted to her by her husband during the course of their marriage. As outlined in paragraph twenty-eight on page nine, subsection five.’

  ‘Would you care to give us some examples of what these items might constitute?’

  The professor takes off his glasses, wipes them in a tissue he produces from his pocket and thinks about this for a bit.

  ‘With a contract like this, jewellery for instance would be one. Generally speaking, personal items of clothing too. Expensive handbags and furs. That sort of thing.’

  ‘Now I’d like you to look at this document very closely, Professor,’ says Hilda, ‘if you’d be so kind. And tell me, would this in your opinion include birthday gifts?’

  A tense pause while the professor scans through the document, then puts his glasses back on, decision made.

  ‘Well?’ says Hilda.

  ‘Yes would be my answer. Birthday gifts do appear to be included.’

  ‘No further questions, Your Honour.’

  Lunch is called and I’m last out of the jury box because I’m wedged right up at the very edge. So I stay sitting while the court clears and give a bit of time to the more elderly jurors so they can shuffle out of here. I glance over to the other side of the court where Kate King is deep in conversation with Hilda. And for the first time since this whole court case started, I could swear I see her smiling.

  *

  Will falls into step with me as we’re ushered, or rather cattle-prodded by Mona, onto the coach at lunch recess.

  ‘Strange coincidence bumping into you like that on Saturday night,’ he mutters so Mona won’t overhear him, then come and haul the pair of us away in handcuffs for fraternizing outside of court. Which I wouldn’t for a minute put past her, by the way.

  ‘You too,’ I answer automatically, clambering up the steps of the bus.

  ‘Hope you got everything sorted? With your whole … you know, situation?’ he adds tactfully.

  I pull into a window seat and he takes the one beside me.

  ‘Sorted? Don’t make me laugh,’ I groan, resting my head on the seat back and staring blankly out the window. ‘Things are so far from sorted, I can’t tell you.’

  ‘You mean you and your fiancé didn’t kiss and make up yesterday? I was sure you’d skip in here this morning, full of the joys.’

  ‘Then I’m sorry to disappoint you.’

  ‘Well you know what they say,’ he says, looking at me closely now. ‘If you’re having man trouble, no one better than another man to talk to about it.’

  ‘Ooh, what’s all this then?’ Edith butts in from the seat opposite us – Edith, in sharp contrast to poor old half-deaf Ruth, could probably hear the grass grow in her sleep – ‘Did I hear something about man trouble?’

  ‘It’s nothing, nothing at all,’ I tell her. ‘Just a bit of a problem I had over the weekend, that’s all.’

  ‘Ooh, then you have to fill me in, love! I’m not half-bad at that sort of thing, for an aul’ one. Or so my granddaughters tell me. I’ve six of them, you know, and you remind me of them so much, Tess. They’re all lovely young girls, who waste precious time on complete eejits that they meet online. Wherever that is,’ she adds with an unimpressed sniff. ‘Online. Some fancy nightclub in town, I suppose.’

  ‘Online means on a computer, you eejit,’ says Daphne who’s tucked into the window seat beside Edith, earwigging along.

  ‘How can you meet someone on a computer?’ Mai asks innocently from the row in front of us.

  ‘You sign up for all these dating websites,’ Beth chips in helpfully. ‘And you just type in your profile and what you’re looking for, and the computer finds a match for you.’

  ‘And are you on one of these thingy sites, Beth, love?’ Mai asks.

  ‘Yeah, it’s called Tinder. Basically you’re matched up with guys in your area and if you like their photo, you swipe to the right. If not, you swipe left. Then if someone whose photo you liked likes you back, then you’ve a match. Everyone I know is on it.’

  ‘I was even on it myself for a while,’ Ian lobs in from the far window seat. ‘Until my wife found out, that is.’ He snorts laughing at this, while the rest of us just look at him.

  ‘Well in my day,’ says Mai, shaking her head, ‘you never had to swipe anything to find a fella for yourself.’

  ‘There’s even one for the over-sixties too, I heard,’ Jess chips in from behi
nd us. ‘My parents are separated and Mum met a lovely man through that site. We’re all mad about him.’

  ‘Please, dear God, don’t let them start talking about catfishing,’ Will mutters to me. ‘I don’t think I’m up to explaining that one to the Granny Brigade.’

  ‘But sure where’s the romance in that?’ insists Edith. ‘You might as well be out shopping for your vegetables.’

  ‘So tell us what happened between you and your fella at the weekend, Tess,’ says Mai, getting back to that again. ‘Did you have a row?’ she adds hopefully, like she’s dying for me to say that yes actually we did and now the whole wedding is off.

  ‘You know, ladies, I don’t mean to be rude,’ says Will tactfully, ‘but maybe it’s something Tess doesn’t really want to get into here and now.’

  ‘Ahh, go on, Tess,’ says Daphne, leaning in from her window seat so she can really eyeball me properly. ‘I was bored out of my mind in court this morning, be nice to have a good juicy relationship dilemma to talk about over lunch. Certainly make a change from us all whinging about the food.’

  ‘Is he cheating on you?’ Edith asks me sternly. ‘Because if he is, you take my advice and show him the door immediately. Now, love, before it’s too late.’

  ‘Do you know, I’ve a lovely grandson who you’d be perfect for,’ says Mai. ‘He has a great job and everything. Doing very well for himself.’

  ‘Where’s he working?’ says Barney, who’s sitting right beside her.

  ‘Woodie’s DIY. A gorgeous fella and very handy if you ever want a few shelves knocked up. Does my garden for me every week without me having to nag him into it. You could do a whole lot worse for yourself, Tess. You mark my words.’

  I give Will a glance as much as to say, now look what we’ve started.

  ‘Ladies, you know, maybe we should talk about something else?’ he says, but no, not a single one of the old biddy brigade is prepared to drop it. Even Jess has joined in now.