Timeless

by Amanda Paris

  “Zack told me that you told Ben that you loved some other guy,” she said.

  I looked up briefly and then down again to my desk. I couldn’t meet Annie’s eyes. I felt too much guilt. I should’ve stayed home today.

  “Well? Who is he?” she prodded.

  Annie was closer to the truth than anyone, having gone with me initially to see Ramona. But I couldn’t talk about it now.

  “Listen, don’t take this the wrong way, but I really don’t feel like talking about it. Maybe later,” I finished.

  “Okay, but I think you should know that Angela is already spreading rumors that Ben dumped you,” she warned.

  “Good.”

  “Good?”

  “Yes. Tell everyone that.”

  “But that isn’t what happened, is it?”

  “No, but it’s the least I can do for Ben.”

  “Well, okay, if you say so…”

  She gave me a questioning look.

  We fell silent for a moment and then Annie looked nervously at me and bit her lip, a clear indication that she wanted to ask something risky.

  “Have you been cheating on Ben?” she asked, barely above a whisper. Ben must have told Zack about our conversation.

  In a way, I had been cheating on him. Every kiss that Damien had given me, every look, sigh, or caress was a betrayal of Ben. The fact that I couldn’t help it or that I hadn’t experienced it in this life didn’t change my feelings. At least I’d broken up with Ben once I’d realized how I felt.

  I shot Annie a look.

  “Okay, okay, I get it. You don’t want to talk,” she said, exasperated.

  “Thank you,” I said, glad for the reprieve. Was the entire day going to be this way?

  Our teacher, Mr. Winters walked in the door and started class. For once, I was glad for the distraction that math could provide, even if I had a hard time actually concentrating. Normally the minutes ticked by slowly, but today they seemed to fly. I dreaded second period, not wanting to see Ben or have everyone watch our first encounter after the break up.

  I didn’t know if he would show up for second period, but he did. I knew it was going to be a tough class for both of us.

  I took my seat beside him and saw the dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes. He looked as though he hated me.

  We didn’t speak throughout the entire class, and Ben got up to leave first. I knew I’d see him again for chemistry and then history, but at least the initial encounter was over.

  Chemistry was harder. We had a lab to do, and Ben was usually my partner. Before taking my seat, I asked Mr. Clayton if he’d let me change seats and partner with Annie. I knew it might hurt Ben, who couldn’t help but overhear my request, but I thought it might be easier for him than having to work with me. Mr. Clayton looked surprised but easily traded my seat with Zack’s. I guessed that perhaps even he’d heard about the break up as well. He looked at me with sympathy. I sincerely hoped that Angela’s version of the story was the one people believed. I owed Ben that, at least.

  I took my place by Annie three rows away from Ben, but I could feel his eyes on me. I hoped that history class would be easier. We didn’t have assigned seating, so it would be easier to sit away from him.

  When the bell rang to change classes, I waited for the room to clear before I left. I didn’t want to risk bumping into Ben on the way out.

  I was the last to enter Mr. Dean’s class and the only student to take a front row seat. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, but I didn’t look back. Fortunately, I didn’t get called on. The bell rang, and I knew the next part would be tricky. Everyone was bringing up their insurance forms for the trip, and I wanted to be the last to turn mine in.

  Ben didn’t look at me as he submitted his, and I realized only after he left that I’d been holding my breath.

  Eventually, I got up and turned my forms in to Mr. Dean. On my way down the hall, I decided to visit Mrs. Anderson’s office. It could only help.

  I knocked on the door, already partially open.

  She looked at me with raised eyebrows. I hoped she wasn’t too busy.

  “Um, I was wondering,” I began after she indicated that I could take a seat.

  “Yes?” she inquired politely.

  “Could I possibly have a different locker? Maybe one of those near the gym?”

  “But they’re for freshman, Emily. You’re a junior.”

  “I know.”

  She looked at me kindly.

  “Is this about Ben?” she asked.

  Are you kidding me? Did everyone know?

  “Yes,” I said, deciding that it was better just to face it.

  “Why don’t you shut my door, and we’ll talk about it,” she offered. Clearly she wanted to explore my emotions, while I just wanted a new locker, one away from Ben.

  “Never mind,” I muttered, rising. I really didn’t need a locker anyway. I’d just carry my books to every class.

  I got up and left her office in such a hurry that I almost ran headlong into Ben, obviously hanging around in the hall outside her office.

  “Oh! Excuse me. I didn’t see you there,” I said stupidly. I could feel myself blushing.

  He looked down at me.

  "You must really, really hate me,” he said sadly.

  “No, I don’t, Ben, honest. I…” I faltered.

  What could I say?

  “I just don’t want to make things painful for you, that’s all,” I finished, knowing all the time that I was hurting him.

  “I get it. You don’t want to see or speak to me. Ever,” he said in a sad voice.

  We stared at each other in silence, and then Ben took me by the shoulders, looking into my face.

  “I want to meet him,” he growled.

  I began to cry, and when he saw it, he abruptly released me. I took off, mentally chastising myself that I didn’t have the guts to face Ben after I’d broken his heart.

  ****

  A month passed and then another. My birthday was in early November—I had just turned seventeen—but I didn’t celebrate much. Normally, we would’ve had a cake and balloons. Ben, Annie, and Zack would’ve come over, and Ben would’ve taken me out. But not this year. I told Aunt Jo that I didn’t want anything special. She still bought me a membership to a yoga class as a gift, trying, I knew, to think of something to distract me. But I doubted I would ever use it. Zack and Annie gave me some silver earrings, and I didn’t, of course, hear anything from Ben.

  We had avoided each other since the break up, and I traded seats with someone on the front row of every class we had together. No teacher had an objection to this and neither did the students already sitting there. They counted themselves lucky that I wanted to swap.

  The weekend before Thanksgiving approached for the fall fling, and two boys had already asked me, knowing I wouldn’t be going with Ben. I’d turned down both of them, making the excuse that I was going out of town early for Thanksgiving. In a way, it was true. Aunt Jo and I had talked about driving to Daytona Beach. Neither of us wanted to spend the holiday alone in the house without Mom.

  Everyday dragged. I didn’t want to wait for March, but Ramona thought that might be my best shot at bringing Damien to the present. It was going to take time for me to prepare, in any case.

  I’d searched online for more information about witches, but most of what I found was unhelpful. I’d tried the library again, but the only books I found about witches were Witches and Puritan America, Witchy and Loving It, and Witches, Warlocks, and other Psychopaths. I thought only the first one might be helpful, but it only detailed the effect of “witch mania” on the residents of Salem, Massachusetts during the trials. I suspected that none of those unlucky victims actually were witches.

  I tried looking also under the heading of “wise woman” but turned up nothing remotely related to time travel. Ramona was my best source for information, and I visited her shop regularly to learn all I could.

  She was now more convinced than ever
that I was a wise woman, or a “good witch,” if such a creature exists.

  “What are our powers?” I’d asked the last time I saw Ramona.

  “It just depends,” she replied. “As you know, mine is seeing across time and into minds.”

  “How do you know what yours is?” I asked. So far as I knew, I had no power.

  “You’ll feel it. And once you do, you have a choice. You can use your power for good or evil. I once knew a wise woman who could heal others emotionally. All she had to do was concentrate on the pain of another person, and she could take it away.”

  I thought of Ben. I wished I could take away his pain.

  “I did find some information about witches coming from a long line. I don’t remember my mother having any special powers,” I said.

  “Sometimes it can skip a generation, or come through the father’s line. Women can also choose to ignore their power, preferring to live as normal humans. It depends on the strength of the power within them,” she explained.

  “Do you suppose that my power may have something to do with my dreams?”

  “That’s a possibility. All of us share a common bond. We can, if we concentrate, mentally picture some person or event and then change what will happen.”

  “But we can’t all shape the feelings of others?”

  “No. That would be a special gift.”

  And not mine. I’d already tried three times, holding the ring Ben had given me and trying to make his pain go away through sheer mental effort. Since we didn’t speak to each other, I didn’t know how much progress I’d made, but he looked unhappy when I saw him and very thin. Zack told me he’d quit the swim team, and I knew his grades had fallen. I’d seen his parents with his teachers in the principal’s office and felt guilty when I saw them there. Ben had been an A+ student.

  “Ramona, could you try to see into my immediate future—just until March? Perhaps if you could see my efforts at concentrating, you could uncover my power.”

  She looked at me thoughtfully.

  “Yes, it’s a good idea. We can always try.”

  We went back into the room where she’d put me under hypnosis, and I tried to concentrate again on Damien, whose face I still saw in my dreams. Though I hadn’t had the dream where Lamia and her knights chased us through the woods again, I did still dream about Damien.

  Ramona stared at me intently, and I had to look away to keep myself focused. She began muttering some sort of repetitive phrase I couldn’t make out, but rather than stop her and ask, I tried to concentrate on helping her.

  After about five minutes, she stopped speaking and laid back in the chair, her eyes closed.

  “What did you see?” I asked.

  “The usual. Holidays with your Aunt Jo. Shopping in Daytona. A colder January than you might expect.”

  “Come on, Ramona, you know what I mean.”

  She smiled.

  “Yes, I know what you mean.”

  She leaned in.

  “I see that you have the ability to change the circumstances surrounding people, not the people themselves.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Up to now, you’ve been concentrating on the individuals themselves, not the events around them. If you think hard enough, you can change events to fit what you have in mind. So, let’s say, for example, that you wanted to miss gym on Thursday. You’re outside playing soccer, right?”

  I laughed; she’d certainly found her gift.

  “Yes,” I answered, confirming what she already knew.

  “There are a number of possibilities here. Let’s say you make it rain so that you don’t have to play outside.”

  I became thoughtful.

  “You can’t change a mind, but you can change an event.”

  “So I could have saved myself in my past life?”

  “More than likely. But you didn’t know how to concentrate, did you? You didn’t know that you could have affected events that way. And you felt a great hopelessness when your father rejected you and Damien was taken.”

  “Would I even have had the same powers then?”

  “Oh yes. Those always carry over from one life to the next, often becoming stronger the more life cycles you experience. And sometimes, you can acquire new ones as well.”

  “Have you seen others like me who’ve experienced a past life?”

  “Yes, several times. And always their powers are the same, if not greater.”

  I went home shortly after that, anxious to experiment. I decided to try first with Aunt Jo.

  At four o’clock, her favorite soap opera came on, and I knew she’d be watching. I looked at the TV and started to concentrate, making the picture fuzzy in my mind. A few seconds later, and the TV matched the mental image in my mind.

  “What’s wrong with this thing?” Aunt Jo muttered, getting up and banging on the set.

  “Unbelievable!” I whispered, excited. It had actually worked! I quickly re-imagined a properly working TV. That had taken little effort. Ramona was right; once you discovered your power, you could do anything. It was just a matter of concentration.

  I greeted Aunt Jo and then went upstairs to my room. I wondered…if I held Ben’s ring in my hand, could I shape the events close to his life too? What if I could make something wonderful happen for him so that he would forget me? I was suddenly stung by that. I didn’t want Ben to forget me. It was selfish, I knew, but I did still love him. And I missed him, missed us. What I felt for Damien was stronger than love, more intense, as though he were part of me. But somehow it didn’t detract from what I felt for Ben. My past life couldn’t erase the bonds of my current one.

  I opened the mahogany jewelry box that had belonged to mother and took out the ring Ben had given me. I read the inscription again: Timeless. I could feel the tears starting, but I quickly pushed them back, knowing I would need all of my energy to concentrate.

  I slipped the ring on the third finger of my right hand and began to think of Ben intently. I knew what I’d do first. I would arrange for a college scout to call and offer him an athletic scholarship to the University of Florida for swimming. That should get him to rejoin the swim team, and he’d be able to attend school with his older brother, who could look after him. But I knew it wouldn’t be enough. I also decided he needed to earn better grades; that would be easy. Each test would receive the right answers, no matter what he marked. His parents would be grateful for that, at least.

  Finally, I went to work on his relationships. This was harder. I couldn’t change people’s hearts, but I could change what happened to them. Sighing, I regretfully imagined Angela’s face. I knew she and Ben tutored together after school in the student mentoring center on Thursday afternoons. I looked at my watch. It was 4:45, just about the time when the last student should have left. I took a chance and called from the phone in Aunt Jo’s room, hoping that Angela would pick up. She did.

  “Mentoring Center. Angela speaking,” she said in a bored voice.

  “Um, yeah...Hello. Could you tell me who is there?” I asked, trying to disguise my voice.

  “Just Ben and…. wait a minute…is this Emily?” she asked accusingly. I heard several clicks and thought she’d hung up on me. I wasn’t so lucky. Ben had taken the phone from her.

  “Emily?” he said, his voice nearly breaking.

  This wasn’t going to work if I talked to him. Guiltily, I hung up. I reminded myself that it was for a good cause.

  I concentrated on locking the door from the outside. I could unlock it in a couple of hours. In the meantime, Ben could pour out his heart to Angela. I knew she’d had a crush on him all through high school and was just waiting for us to break up. I cringed at the thought. Now was her big chance.

  I do love you, Ben, I thought. I just want you to be happy.

  ****

  The next day at school, I pulled into the parking lot beside Annie, who had been waiting for me.

  “You’ll never guess,” she began.

  “Wh
at?” I asked, dread filling me.

  "Angela and Ben,” she said.

  It was harder to hear than I’d imagined. I couldn’t believe it had happened that quickly. Maybe Ben liked her better than I thought. I remembered the morning of the swim meet when she’d flirted outrageously with him in front of me. I’d only hoped to get the ball rolling, never imagining that they’d already be a couple, less than twenty-four hours later.

  “Are you okay?” Annie asked, looked worried about me.

  “Sure,” I answered, forcing normalcy into my voice. But it was a lie. Even though I wanted Ben to be happy, it was going to be agonizing to see him with her.

  “You know, Zack said that Max is really into you. He’s kinda cute,” Annie offered, trying to lessen the blow. I knew what she was thinking. I could tell that Annie couldn’t understand why I’d break up with Ben. She was trying to cheer me, though.

  “No, it’s okay. I just want to be alone right now anyway,” I said, not meeting her concerned eyes.

  “Well, if you change your mind, I can get Zack to tell Max,” she offered.

  “Thanks, I’ll let you know.”

  Later that day, I saw Ben and Angela together holding hands. Though it hit me like a fist, it still couldn’t compare with the grief I felt inside over Damien. I reminded myself that I’d created this situation and that I had to sacrifice Ben to save Damien in March.

  Ben caught me looking at him and narrowed his eyes. He’s showing me he doesn’t need me anymore, I thought. That’s fine. I knew this would come. I gave him my best smile and looked forward to a new day.

  ****

  By the end of the week, everyone was talking about Ben’s offer. Ben was, after all, only a junior. The University of Florida had guaranteed him a spot on their swim team because he’d been a star athlete before quitting the team. Just as I predicted, he began swimming again. According to Annie, who received regular updates from Zack, his grades had already begun to improve by the third week, and I felt sure by Christmas that I’d been able to turn his life around. That, at least, lessened my guilt somewhat.

  I didn’t try to experiment anymore with my power. It was enough to know that I could do it. I was glad I could use it to make Ben happy, and when he finally spoke to me for the first time since we’d broken up, I felt almost cheerful. It was near Christmas, and we were all about to go home for the break when he came over to me in the parking lot after school.