The Reluctant Father

by Diana Palmer

  Sarah reminded her of herself at that age, a poor little kid from the wrong side of the tracks, with no brothers or sisters and parents who worked themselves into early graves trying to make a living with the sweat of their brows. Bess had been her only friend, and Bess had it even worse than she did at home. The two of them had become close as children and remained close as adults. So when Bess had invited Meredith, with Bobby’s blessing, to come and stay for a few weeks, she’d welcomed the rest from work and routine.

  She hadn’t consciously considered that Blake was going to be a very big part of her visit. She’d actually thought she could come to Jack’s Corner without having to see him at all. Which was silly. King and Elissa and Bess and Bobby all knew him, and Blake and King were best friends. She wondered if maybe she’d rationalized things because of Blake, because she’d wanted to see him again, to see if her fears had been real or just manifestations of unrequited love and sorrow. She wanted to see if looking at him could still make her knees go weak and her heart run away.

  Well, now she knew. It could. And if she had any sense of self-preservation, she was going to have to keep some distance from him. She couldn’t risk letting Blake get close to her heart a second time. Once had been enough—more than enough. She’d just avoid him, she told herself, and everything would be all right.

  But avoiding him turned out to be a forlorn hope, because Sarah Jane liked Meredith and contrived to get her father to call Elissa about that visit she’d mentioned.

  Blake listened to the request with mixed feelings. Sarah Jane was beginning to settle down a little, although she was still belligerent and not an overly joyful addition to the household. Mrs. Jackson was coping well enough, but she’d vanish the minute Blake came home from work, leaving him to try and talk to his sullen young daughter. He knew that the situation needed a woman’s touch, but Mrs. Jackson wasn’t the woman. Meredith already liked Sarah, and Sarah was drawn to her. If he could get Meredith to befriend the child, it would make his life easier. But in another way, he was uncertain about trying to force himself and Sarah on Meredith. After having seen how frightened she still was of him, how bitter she was about the past, he might open old wounds and rub salt in them. He didn’t want to hurt Meredith, but Sarah Jane was driving him nuts, and he needed help.

  “You have to call ‘lissa,” Sarah Jane said firmly, her mutinous mouth pouting up at him. “She promised I could play with her little girl. I want to see Mer’dith, too. She likes me.” She glared at him, her eyes so like his only in her youthful face. “You don’t like me.”

  “I explained that to you,” he said with exaggerated patience as he perched on the corner of his desk. “We don’t know each other.”

  “You don’t ever come home,” she said, sighing. “And Mrs. Jackson doesn’t like me, either.”

  “She’s not used to children, Sarah, any more than I am.” A corner of his mouth twisted. “Look, sprout, I’ll try to spend more time with you. But you’ve got to understand that I’m a busy man. A lot of people depend on me.”

  “Can’t you call ’lissa?” she persisted. “Please?” she added. “Please?”

  He found himself picking up the telephone. Sarah had a knack for getting under his skin. He was beginning to get used to the sound of her voice, the running footsteps in the morning, the sound of cartoons and children’s programs coming from the living room. Maybe in time he and Sarah would get along better. They were still in the squaring off and glaring stages right now, and she was every bit as stubborn as he was.

  He talked to Elissa, who was delighted to comply with Sarah’s request. She promised to set things up for the following morning because it was Saturday and Blake could bring Sarah down to Bess’s house. But first she wanted to check with Bess and make sure it was all right.

  Blake and Sarah both waited for the phone to ring. Blake wondered how Meredith was going to feel about it, but apparently she didn’t mind, because Elissa had called back within five minutes and said that Bess would be expecting the child about ten o’clock. Not only that, Sarah was invited to spend the day.

  “I can spend the day?” Sarah asked, brightening.

  “We’ll see.” Blake was noncommittal. “Why don’t you find something to play with?”

  Sarah shrugged. “I don’t have any toys. I had a teddy bear, but he got lost and Daddy Brad wouldn’t let me look for him before they brought me here.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Don’t call him that again,” he said gruffly. “He isn’t your father. I am.”

  Sarah’s eyes widened at his tone, and he felt uncomfortable for having said anything at all.

  “Can I call you ‘Daddy’?” Sarah asked after a long minute.

  Blake’s breath caught in his throat. He shifted. “I don’t care,” he said impassively. In fact, he did care. He cared like hell.

  “Okay,” she said, and went off to the kitchen to see if Mrs. Jackson had any more cookies.

  Blake frowned, thinking about what she’d said about toys. Surely a child of almost four still played with them. He’d have to ask Elissa. She’d know about toys and little girls.

  The next morning, Sarah dressed herself in her new frilly dress and her shoes and went downstairs. Blake had to bite his lip to keep from howling. She had the dress on backward and unbuttoned. She had on frilly socks, but one was yellow and one was pink. Her hair was unruly, and the picture she made was of chaos, not femininity.

  “Come here, sprout, and let’s get the dress on properly,” he said.

  She glared at him. “It’s all right.”

  “No, it’s not.” He stood. “Don’t argue with me, kid. I’m twice your size.”

  “I don’t have to mind you,” she said.

  “Yes, you do. Or else.”

  “Or else what?” she challenged.

  He stared down at her. “Or else you’ll stay home today.”

  She grimaced and stared down at the carpet. “Okay.”

  He helped her turn the dress around and cursed under his breath while he did up buttons that were hard for his big, lean hands to work. He finally got them fixed, then took her upstairs, where he searched until he found matching socks and then brushed her straight hair until it looked soft and shiny.

  She turned before he finished, looking small and oddly vulnerable on the vanity stool, and her green eyes met his. “I never had any little children to play with. My mommy said I made her nervous.”

  He didn’t say anything, but he could imagine Nina being uncomfortable around children.

  “Can I stay here?” Sarah asked unexpectedly, and there was a flash of real fear in her eyes. “You won’t make me go away, will you?”

  He had to bite down hard to keep back a harsh curse. “No, I won’t make you go away,” he said after a minute. “You’re my daughter.”

  “You didn’t want me when I was a baby,” she accused mutinously.

  “I didn’t know about you,” he said, sitting down and talking to her very seriously, as if she were already an adult. “I didn’t know I had a little girl. Now I do. You’re a Donavan, and this is your place in the world. Here, with me.”

  “And I can live here forever?”

  “Until you grow up, anyway,” he promised. His green eyes narrowed. “You aren’t going to start crying or anything, are you?” he asked, because her eyes were glistening.

  That snapped her out of it. She glared at him. “I never cry. I’m brave.”

  “I guess you’ve had to be, haven’t you?” he murmured absently. He stood. “Well, if we’re going, let’s go. And you be on your best behavior. I’m going to tell Bess to swat you if you don’t mind her.”

  “Mer’dith won’t let her hit me,” she said smugly. “She’s my friend. Do you have any friends?”

  “One or two,” he said, holding her hand as they went down the long staircase.

  “Do they come to play with you?” she asked seriously. “And could they play with me, too?”

  He chuckled deep in his thro
at, trying to imagine King Roper sitting cross-legged on the living room carpet, dressing a doll.

  “I don’t think so,” he replied. “They’re grown-ups.”

  “Oh. Grown-ups are too big to play, I guess. I don’t want to grow up. I wish I had a doll.”

  “What kind of doll?” he asked.

  “A pretty one with long golden hair and pretty dresses. I could talk to her. And a teddy bear,” she said sadly. “I want a teddy bear just like Mr. Friend. I miss Mr. Friend. He used to sleep with me. I’m ascared of the dark,” she added.

  “Yes, I know,” he murmured, having had to help Mrs. Jackson get her to bed every night and chase out the monsters before she closed her eyes.

  “Lots of monsters live in my room,” she informed him. “You have to kill them every night, don’t you?”

  “So far, I’m ahead by one monster,” he reassured her.

  “You’re awful big,” she said, eyeing him with an unblinking scrutiny. “I bet you weigh one million pounds.”

  “Not quite.”

  “I’m ten feet tall,” she said, going on tiptoe.

  He led her out the door, calling goodbye to Mrs. Jackson. It seemed natural to hold her hand and smile at her chatter. There was magic in a child, even a hard case like this one. He wondered if security would soften her, and doubted it. She had spirit and inner strength. Those qualities pleased him. She’d need them if she lived with him.

  Bess and Bobby’s house was a split-level brick with exquisite landscaping and a small thicket of trees that separated their property from Blake’s. In the driveway were Elissa’s gray Lincoln, Meredith’s red Porsche convertible and the blue Mercedes that Bess drove. Blake parked behind them on the long driveway and helped Sarah out.

  She was at the front door before he reached it, excited as the door opened and a little blond girl about her age shyly greeted her.

  “This is Danielle, Sarah. She’s looked forward to meeting you,” Elissa said with a smile. “Hi, Blake. Come on in.”

  He took off his gray Stetson and stood in the hall while Sarah went into the living room with Danielle, who’d brought a box of toys with her.

  Sarah’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, and she exclaimed over every single one of Danielle’s things, as if she’d never seen toys before. She sat down on the carpet and handled each one gingerly, turning it over and examining it and telling Danielle how beautiful the dolls were.

  “She doesn’t have any toys,” Blake told Elissa with a worried frown. “She seems so mature sometimes. I didn’t realize…”

  “Parenthood takes time,” Elissa assured him. “Don’t expect to learn everything at once.”

  “I don’t think I’ve learned anything yet,” he confessed. He frowned as he watched his daughter. “I expected her to push Danielle around and try to take her toys away. She isn’t the easiest child to get along with.”

  “She’s a frightened child,” Elissa replied. “Underneath there are some sweet qualities. You see, she’s playing very nicely, and she isn’t causing trouble.”

  “Yet,” Blake murmured, waiting for the explosion to come.

  His head turned as Meredith came down the hall. She hesitated momentarily, then joined them.

  “Bess is getting coffee,” she said quietly. She was wearing a pale green sundress that slashed squarely over her high breasts, and her hair was loose, waving around her shoulders. She looked younger this way, and Blake almost sighed with memories.

  “Will you stay and have a cup with us?” Elissa asked him.

  “I guess so,” he agreed. His eyes hadn’t left Meredith.

  She averted her gaze and started into the living room, too vulnerable to risk letting him see how easily he could get to her with that level, unblinking stare.

  “Mer’dith!” Sarah jumped up, all eyes and laughing smile, and ran with her arms open to be picked up and hugged warmly. “Oh, Mer’dith, Daddy brought me to see Dani and he’s going to get me another Mr. Friend and he says I can have a doll! Oh, he’s just the nicest daddy…!”

  Blake looked as if someone had poured ice into his shirt. He stared at the child blankly. She’d just called him ‘Daddy’ for the first time, and something stirred in the region of his heart, making him feel warm and needed. It was a new feeling, as if he weren’t totally alone anymore.

  “That’s nice, darling,” Meredith was telling the child. She let her down and knelt beside her, smiling as she pushed back Sarah’s unruly hair. “You look very pretty this morning. I like your new dress.”

  “It’s very pretty,” Danielle agreed. She was dressed in slacks and a shirt for playing, but she didn’t make fun of Sarah’s dress. She was a quiet child and sweet natured.

  “I put it on backward, but Daddy fixed it for me.” She smiled at Meredith. “Can you stay and play with us? We can play with dolls.”

  “I wish I could,” Meredith said, nervous because Blake was watching her so closely. She was frantic for a way out of the house, away from him. “But I have to go into town to the library and do some research.”

  “I thought this was supposed to be a holiday,” Bess said as she came in with a tray of coffee and cake. “You’re here to rest, not to work.”

  Meredith smiled at her lovely blond friend. “I know. But I’m not comfortable if I don’t have something to do. I won’t be long.”

  “I could drive you,” Blake volunteered.

  She blanched and started to refuse, but Elissa and Bess jumped in and teased and cajoled until they made it impossible for her to turn down his offer.

  She wanted to scream. Alone with Blake in his car? What would they say to each other? What could they say to each other that wouldn’t involve them in another terrible argument? The past was very much in Meredith’s thoughts, and she wasn’t about to risk a repeat of it. But she’d allowed herself to be manipulated by him, and it looked as though she wasn’t going to be able to get out of going to town with him. Now, she thought, what are you going to do?

  Chapter 4

  Blake could sense the nervousness in Meredith as she sat stiffly in the seat beside him while he started the car. In the old days, he might have made some cutting remark about it, but the days were gone when he’d deliberately try to hurt her.

  “Fasten your seat belt,” he said, noticing that she hadn’t.

  “Oh.” She did it absently. “I usually remember in my own car,” she said with faint defensiveness.

  “Don’t you ever ride with other people?”

  “Not if I can help it,” she murmured, glancing at his hard profile as he backed the car out of the driveway and pulled onto the highway.

  “Are your friends bad drivers,” he asked, “or is it that you just don’t like being out of control?”

  “Who drives you, if we’re going to throw stones?” she asked with a pleasantly cool smile.

  His mouth twitched. “Nobody.”

  She toyed with her white leather purse, twisting the thin strap around her fingers while she stared out the window at the green crops and grazing cattle on the way to Jack’s Corner. The flat horizon seemed to stretch forever, just as it did back in Texas.

  “Sarah engineered this get-together,” he remarked. “She damned near drove me crazy until I phoned Elissa to arrange it.” His green eyes touched her stiff profile and went back to the road. “She likes you.”

  “I like her, too,” she said quietly. “She’s a sweet child.”

  “‘Sweet’ isn’t exactly the word I’d choose.”

  “Can’t you see what’s under the belligerence?” she asked solemnly, and turned in the seat slightly so that she could look at him without having to move her head. “She’s frightened.”

  “Elissa said that, too. What is she frightened of? Me?” he asked.

  “I don’t know what,” she said. “I don’t know anything about the situation, and I’m not prying.” She stared at the clasp on her purse and unsnapped it. “She doesn’t look like a happy child. And the way she enthused over D
anielle’s things, I’d almost bet she’s hardly had a toy in her life.”

  “I’m a bachelor,” he muttered angrily. “I don’t know about children and toys and dresses. My God, until a few days ago I didn’t even know I was a father.”

  Meredith wanted to ask why Nina had kept Sarah’s existence a secret, but she didn’t feel comfortable talking about such personal things with him. She had to remember that he was the enemy, in a very real sense. She couldn’t afford to show any interest in his life.

  He was already figuring that out by himself. She either didn’t care about how he’d found out, or she wasn’t going to risk asking him. He wished he smoked. She made him nervous and he didn’t have anything to do with his hands except grip the steering wheel as he drove.

  “Mrs. Jackson is one of your biggest fans,” he said, moving the conversation away from Sarah.

  “Is she? I’m glad.”

  “I guess you make a fair living from what you do, if that Porsche is any indication.”

  She lifted her eyes to his face, letting them run over his craggy features. The broken nose was prominent, as was that angry scar down his cheek. She felt a surge of warmth remembering how he’d come by that scar. Her eyes fell.

  “I make a good living,” she replied. “I’m rather well-to-do, in fact. So if you think I came home looking for a rich husband, you’re well off the mark. You’re perfectly safe, Blake,” she added coldly. “I’m the last woman on earth you’ll have to ward off these days.”

  He had to clamp down hard on his teeth to keep from saying what came naturally. The past was dead, but she had every reason for digging it up and throwing it at him. He had to remember that. If she’d done to him what he’d done to her, he’d have wanted a much worse revenge than a few pithy remarks.