A Night Away

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “Oh my God. That’s a perfect description.” Brie whimpered in Willow’s arms. “Shh, Brie.” She patted her daughter’s bottom and guided her back to her nipple. Brie latched on again, greedily sucking. “I can actually see Finn and Brie in the little sailors’ uniforms.”

  Hannah’s face brightened. “Oh, me too.”

  Mel shook her head. “I think our men would strangle us.”

  Willow smiled. “All the more reason to do it. Come on, Mom and Cailin would join in.”

  Mel tilted her head. “I think I’d like to see that.”

  Hannah jumped up and down in her seat and rubbed her hands together. “Leave it to me.”

  “When did we become the type of mothers that dressed our kids in funny costumes?” Mel asked.

  “You met me.” Hannah shrugged, unrepentant.

  “I would have thought it would have been Cailin’s fault,” Willow added.

  “True.” Mel nodded and lay back while Finn finished feeding.

  “So, Hannah, how are your boys?”

  Hannah blushed. She’d mated Reed, Mel’s brother-in-law, and Josh a human-turned-partial-demon, and looked like she loved every bit of it. Mel could barely handle Kade and all the testosterone that came with him; she didn’t know how Hannah dealt with twice the male flesh and intensity.

  “They’re good. Real good.”

  Hannah blushed again, and Mel and Willow laughed.

  “That’s always a good sign.” Mel smiled, and Finn cooed. She shifted and put him on her shoulder, burped him, buttoned up, then relaxed against the backrest. Finn stared up at her with his big blue eyes and babbled that incoherent baby language that, even though no one understood it, she loved. Well, at least she did when he was being cute. When he was babbling and screaming, she thought she’d pull her hair out.

  She looked up and felt Hannah’s gaze on her. Mel frowned and tilted her head. “Is everything okay, hon?”

  Hannah let out a sigh, and Willow gripped her hand. “Tell us,” the other woman softly demanded.

  “It’s nothing really.”

  “If it’s nothing, then you won’t mind telling us,” Mel said. “But it has to be something if it’s bothering you.”

  “You’re going to think it’s stupid,” Hannah said. “But Reed, Josh, and I have been trying to have a baby since the wedding. Well, if you want to be serious, since the night of the fire when we stopped using condoms. But every time I get my period, I want to break down and weep. It’s just so frustrating, you know?”

  Mel’s heart broke for her sister-in-law. “You’re just getting started. Don’t worry. It will happen for you.”

  Willow hugged Hannah closer, and Brie held out a chubby fist, seeming to know that Hannah needed all the comfort she could get. Hannah gave a small smile and trailed her finger along Brie’s fist. The little girl opened her hand and then gripped Hannah’s finger. Hannah gasped, and a tear fell down her cheek.

  “I know it takes some people a long time. But I’m the Healer. I should be able to figure out a way for this to happen for my boys and me. I just want it to happen for us. I mean, I have two. You’d think that would increase the possibility.”

  The women laughed at that.

  “But then I think, well, if I can’t get pregnant with two men, maybe it’s me.” Hannah choked out a sob, and Willow kissed her brow.

  Mel got up, Finn in her arms, and sat on the woman’s other side and held her close. “Hannah, you can’t think like that. You know that.”

  Hannah took a deep breath. “I know. I just can’t help it. And then I watch the two of you and your precious babies, and I feel so jealous. And then I feel worse that I feel jealous over it.”

  “Oh, Hannah,” Willow whispered. “You can’t think that way. It will happen for you. I know it. It just takes time. And when it does happen, it will be because you and your boys are ready and willing. You won’t be caught unaware like me and Mel.”

  Mel nodded. “True, we were both surprised by our babies.”

  Willow smiled. “But it was worth it. I wouldn’t trade a minute. I can’t wait for you to feel what we feel.”

  Mel looked away. Warm anger and resentment burned. It wasn’t rational, but she couldn’t help it. How did Willow do it? How was she so happy and healthy and how could she look so amazing? Was Willow a better mother than her?

  “Mel?” Willow asked. “What’s wrong? What did I say?”

  “What?” Mel shook herself. She would not break down in front of these women. “I’m fine.”

  Hannah leaned into her. “You can’t lie to the Healer when it comes to something being wrong. You’re more tired than usual, Mel. What’s going on?”

  Mel held Finn closer and looked into his blue eyes. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

  “Melanie,” Willow said, “you’re not fine. Tell us.”

  Mel closed her eyes and choked back a sob. Could she tell these women that she felt like a failure? That she missed her husband and mate, though they slept next to each other every night?

  “I’m just so tired,” Mel finally let out.

  Both women waited silently for her to continue.

  “I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since I was six months pregnant. They tell me that werewolves don’t have colic, but I don’t believe them. And yes, I know, Hannah. You said there was nothing wrong with him. He’s a perfectly healthy baby. Yet, he cries all the time. And I can’t ignore him. I know some people say to let them cry it out, so Kade and I tried that once. And it about killed us both. Finn cried and cried and called out for us. But we sat on the floor outside his room and had to listen to him scream for us. I felt like such a bad mother.”

  Hannah gripped her hand and squeezed.

  “I feel like a bad mom all the time these days. I feel like nothing I do is right. Everything I do is for Finn or for the Pack, but I don’t feel like it’s doing any good. I feel like I’m failing my son. I never have any time for myself. I don’t remember the last time I just sat on the porch with my Kindle and read a book. I don’t remember the last time I watched TV without a baby attached to my boob. And I’m so tired all the time…”

  “Mel, why didn’t you say anything? And where was Kade?” Willow asked.

  “Kade was right by my side. He does so much and picks up the slack when I feel useless. We do our duties and protect the Pack, but when we come home…it’s like we’re drowning.” Mel hiccupped and wiped her eyes. She broke down in gut-wrenching sobs and Finn patted her chest.

  Even her son was trying to comfort her. What was wrong with her?

  “Your son loves you, Mel. You are just tired.”

  Mel closed her eyes at her wolf’s words.

  “Mel.” Hannah took her face in her hands, and Mel stared into those dove gray eyes. “You are not a bad mother. You are amazing. You just need a moment or two to breathe.”

  “But…” Mel hiccupped again but shook her head. She needed to stop crying. She was stronger than that. “I miss Kade so much.”

  Willow scrunched her brows. “I thought he was by your side.”

  “He is, but I miss him and me. You know? We haven’t…”

  Willow nodded in understanding. “Brie is much quieter than Finn, so Jasper and I have time alone. But you know, with the amount of family you have, we can always take him for the night.”

  Mel shook her head. “But he’ll scream the whole night. Mom and Dad tried to take him for the night, but he screamed all night for us. I just don’t understand it. I miss my mate, girls. I miss myself. I just need a break or something.” Mel looked down at her son, who stared back at her and babbled. “God, did I just say that? What is wrong with me?”

  Willow smiled. “You sound like a tired mom. It’s okay to want a break every now and then, Melanie. You aren’t a bad person for voicing it.”

  “Then why do I feel like I don’t deserve him?”

  Hannah brushed a lock of hair out of Finn’s face, tears in her eyes. “All babies are precious, and yo
u deserve that baby in your arms. You do, Mel, and it’s okay to ask for help.”

  Mel held Finn closer. Was it really that easy? No, of course not, nothing ever was these days. But maybe she and Kade could talk about it. She loved their time in the kitchen. She just wanted more. But did he?

  Chapter 3

  Kade struck the hammer against the nail head and relished the power of his strength and working with his hands. He missed this. With the demands of the Pack, he hadn’t been able to do much with Jasper’s and his contracting business. Though Jasper did most of the building and Kade handled the architectural aspects, he still loved working with his hands. He took the last nail from his mouth and hammered it into the stud and stood back. The frame of the new school house was coming along nicely.

  After the attack that had killed so many and had taken Reed from them, if only for a few short days, the Pack had slowly begun to rebuild. They’d already built new homes for those that had lost theirs, though they couldn’t replace the memories and everything else they’d lost. The school-house was the last big thing on their list. Pups were allowed to go to public school if their parents wanted, but it was easier to just have them go to school in the den. There was always something going on, and by the time they were old enough to be in school, they could change into a wolf. It was just too dangerous to have a small child, who was still learning control, in a classroom with other children who were human. Human and witch children who had werewolves in their families attended the den school as well. But if there was a control problem, there were adults who knew how to deal with it around. It was a one-room school with just one teacher and parents who helped. But it was high-tech with computers and online programming so they had a top-of-the-line education. It was more of a place to meet and be homeschooled. It worked better than most of the public schools that some of the pups went to and Kade was pretty sure Finn would be attending there. Mel was so smart it was actually a bit scary and he had no doubt his wide-eyed son would inherit at least a small fraction of that, if not more.

  Kade leaned against the post and looked out onto the den. It was his home. He had always had the misguided notion it was safe. But that wasn’t the case. They’d learn the hard way that, no matter the strength of their wolves and their wards, dark magic was stronger.

  Kade shook his head, disgusted. It sickened him that his own species would resort to the level the Centrals had. And the Redwoods were losing.

  Not a place he liked to be.

  “Hey, Kade, get your head out of your ass and help,” Jasper called. His brother looked just like him, except Jasper was a bit bigger, his hair a shade darker.

  “Sorry, Jas.”

  Reed, his other brother, shook his sandy-blond hair and furrowed his brows. “Why are you apologizing? You just put up a whole wall by yourself. Jasper was being an ass. What’s up?”

  That damn sensitive brother of his was too attentive for his own good.

  “Kade’s a bit tired is all,” Maddox chimed in.

  Speaking of attentive brothers, Maddox was the Omega of the Pack, meaning his dark-blond-haired brother could feel the emotions of the entire Pack and Kade couldn’t hide his current dilemma from him. The bastard.

  Josh, Reed’s male mate, walked up to him and looked him over. “Tired? Melanie keeping you up late?”

  Kade groaned. “I wish. That’s precisely the problem.”

  Oh shit. He hadn’t meant to say that aloud. Kade quickly looked over his shoulder to see if anyone else was around, but they were alone, the rest of the Pack up in the residential area of the den.

  Jasper set his tools down and walked over to him. “Something going on between you and Melanie? I thought you guys got past all of that before you mated.”

  Kade closed his eyes and fought back the anger at the memories of Mel’s and his past. He’d had to fight for the right to mate her because of that jerk…and then she’d walked away. She’d been too overwhelmed by the prospect of the supernatural, and Kade hadn’t given her time to think about it. And since she had such an analytical mind, she needed that time. Without it, she’d left, and Kade’s world had fallen apart. Thank God Mel had come back.

  “We’re past that, Jasper. This is a different issue.”

  Josh pulled out the cooler and passed around beers. Kade popped off the top and let the cold brew wash down his throat. The beer wouldn’t give him a buzz, but he still loved the taste, and he could at least pretend it did the trick. It took copious amounts of hard liquor for a werewolf to get intoxicated, too much for him to deal with. He lowered his head, his hair falling in front of his face.

  “Just spit it out,” Maddox growled. “We can’t help you if you clam up.”

  Kade looked at his younger brother and raised a brow. Ironic that the most closely guarded Jamenson would say that.

  “Fine,” Kade spat. “Mel and I are beyond tired. We need a break.”

  Reed sputtered, his beer spraying everywhere. “What do you mean break?”

  Jasper wiped the foam off his face and growled. “I don’t think Kade meant that. But thanks for the shower, douchebag.”

  Josh threw a bottle cap at Jasper. “Watch whose mate you call a douchebag, Grease-lover.”

  Jasper’s face colored, and Kade laughed. God, when was the last time he’d just sat back, shooting the shit with his brothers? He shook his head. Whenever it had been, it’d been too damn long ago. Not only did he and Mel need some time together, he needed some time with his family.

  “Jasper is right, Reed. But thanks for being so appalled at the thought. But really, do you think I’d be sitting here right now if Mel and I were beyond repair?” A copper taste settled on his tongue, and bile rose in his throat at the thought. No, he couldn’t even think that. “But we do need a break from here.”

  Josh sat forward. “You mean from the Pack?”

  Maddox frowned. “You can’t leave the Pack, Kade.”

  Jasper and Reed growled.

  This wasn’t going well.

  Kade held up his hands. “No, that’s not what I mean. For the love of God, let me finish a sentence before you all think the worst of me. Though I can’t think of anything worse than what you guys were thinking.”

  The other men settled back, glares on their faces. But at least they were quiet.

  “Finn won’t sleep through the night, even now. I don’t know what exactly is going on. North and Hannah have both looked at him, and they say he’s just restless and growing up. I don’t know. But whatever it is, it’s killing Mel and me. We haven’t had a moment to ourselves since she was pregnant.”

  Jasper’s brows rose. “You mean…”

  “We’ve made love a few times, but that was only because we were on a hunt and had a moment away. But it isn’t enough.”

  “Damn right,” Josh put in. “I’m not a werewolf, but I have similar energies when it comes to that. You need more release than what you’re getting. No wonder you’re on edge.”

  All of them nodded.

  Kade ground the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I’m just so frustrated. And not because I’m not getting any. Well, not only because of that. But have you seen my mate? She’s so tired and is constantly taking care of Finn. I’m there by her side, but there is only so much I can do since I don’t have tits.”

  Maddox opened his mouth, but Jasper knocked him upside the head. “Not the time.”

  “Mel is so drawn and exhausted that I feel like I’m failing her. She’s got bags under her eyes, and I can’t fix it. I can’t stand to see my mate in pain.” Kade held his head in his hands and his body shuddered.

  He hated to show weakness in front of others, but this was his family God dammit. He needed them to be strong for him for once.

  “Well, what are you going to do about it?” Jasper asked, ever the Beta.

  “I want to take her away just for a night.”

  “You mean outside of the den’s boundaries?” Reed asked. “Is that safe?”

  Kade shook hi
s head. “Nothing is really truly safe anymore. But Mel and I need this. I want to take her away and pretend we’re alone. I know it won’t fix our problems. We need to figure out a way to manage what we have, but in order to do that, we need to recharge.”

  Josh nodded. “Okay, how can we help?”

  Kade loved this new brother of his. As an ex-SEAL, he saw the objective and knew there needed to be a plan. Just what Kade needed.

  “I need someone to stay at our house for the night and take Finn. He screamed so much when he stayed over at Mom’s and Dad’s. Hopefully, staying in his own room, it won’t be so bad.” Kade crossed his fingers.

  “When do you want to do this?” Jasper asked.

  “Tomorrow. The sooner the better. Plus, I have a plan, but the place won’t be open after that.”

  Josh and Reed looked at each other and shook their heads.

  “What?” Kade asked.

  Reed cleared his throat. “We can’t. I’m sorry, Kade. Hannah is, um…”

  “Hannah is ovulating tomorrow, so we will be busy,” Josh cut in.

  An awkward silence settled over the group, and they each shifted in their chairs.

  Jasper finally spoke up. “And I can’t leave Willow at home with Brie. Brie’s teething.”

  Kade closed his eyes and groaned at the memory of Finn’s first tooth.

  “And,” Jasper continued, “I don’t know if you want to ask Adam.”

  The group went silent again. Their brother Adam had come back from his trek to God knows-where a changed man. Though ever since he’d lost Anna and their baby to the Centrals he’d been dark and quiet, it was even worse now. They didn’t know what had happened to him where he’d been, but it couldn’t have been good.

  “I agree,” Kade said. “And I think North said he had plans with Ellie.”

  Maddox growled, and his beer bottle shattered in his hands.

  What the hell?

  Maddox wiped the blood on his pants. “I can take care of Finn.”

  Kade’s brows rose. “Are you sure?” From what he could remember, Maddox had never really had an affinity toward Finn or Brie. Since his brother could feel every single emotion, maybe a small child with only brightness and thing to dull it within them would be too much for him.