Alaskan Mountain Attack

by Sarah Varland

  “What do you mean?”

  “This...” He trailed off. Cleared his throat. “Piper, back then, before...I never really gave you a reason why I ended things.”

  “You didn’t,” she admitted. The song ended and another started, another slow one. They kept dancing, their movements growing more and more together, their bodies pulling closer toward each other like a force Judah couldn’t fight and didn’t want to.

  “It was because of my brother.”

  “Levi?” Piper tilted her head. “Does he not like me, or...”

  Her voice was hesitant, vulnerable, and Judah wanted to ask her how anyone could not like her, not love her. She was everything he’d never known he wanted in a woman. Gutsy and brave, beautiful, smart.

  “He likes you. Everyone likes you, Piper.”

  He saw the words fall on her, relax her expression. If they had that much of an impact, Judah wanted to spend the rest of his life telling her things like that. Things that were true, that she might not believe, but that he wanted her to know.

  “What do you mean, then?” she asked as they continued to dance. Maybe nothing had changed outwardly, maybe they looked the same as they had dancing a few minutes ago, but Judah could feel her pulling away from him, at least inside. He was doing this all wrong, as he’d known he would, but he didn’t want to be. He wanted to do better.

  But Piper deserved to know why he hadn’t given them a chance. He owed her at least that much.

  “My brother got divorced a while back, before he fell in love with Adriana. It was partially because of his job.”

  “He has the same job as you... Oh...” Piper nodded, her expression saying she was starting to put the pieces together. “You don’t want to have a relationship that...”

  “That gets torn apart because of a job I promised to do. It’s a job that matters to me. I can’t...” Was he really going to mess up his chances with Piper before things even got started? It felt like that was what honesty would do right now, but at the same time Piper was a woman to be honest with, not someone to dance around the truth with, finesse his way around the hard questions. Maybe that was why he had run in the first place. He could sense she wasn’t like just any woman. She was important to him; she mattered, her opinion mattered. It was because of that that Judah knew he had to have this conversation. Maybe a dance floor in the middle of what could have been only a magical moment wasn’t the place for it, but this was who he was. He was doing the best that he could. “I can’t quit law enforcement, Piper. It’s who I am.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I can’t quit.”

  “And having a relationship would mean you had to?”

  “Having a good one.” He stepped back, ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “That’s what it looks like to me, Piper. I mean, I know no one is talking marriage here, except about what happened to my brother, but you know what I learned when Levi’s fell apart? I did some research, trying to help him out, figure out what to say to him, and half of police marriages end in divorce. Half. I can’t do that to a woman, not one I really care about.”

  “There are always two people in a relationship.” Her voice was insistent. Firm.

  The music in the background had changed to a faster song, but they weren’t dancing anymore anyway. They were standing, on the verge of someone yelling and walking away. Judah could feel it. See, this was why he hadn’t thought a relationship would be a good idea. Relationships took two people determined to work on them, to say yes to each other, to loving each other, no matter what happened or how hard it got. He could promise to hold up his end, and he knew someone like Piper would do the same—but nothing was guaranteed.

  Maybe that was why he kept using what had happened to Levi as a shield to hide behind. Maybe the truth was more than just not wanting to hurt someone else... Maybe he was afraid to get hurt, too.

  “Yeah, but there are two people. Things could...happen.” His voice wavered, broke ever so slightly. He swallowed hard, squaring his shoulders against her reaction.

  Instead of arguing with him like he’d expected, Piper stepped closer. Laid an arm on his shoulder.

  “Of course you can’t quit your job. It’s part of who you are and you’re good at it.”

  He met her eyes. Blinked.

  Piper shook her head. “But it doesn’t mean you have to give up on relationships. The right woman would never ask you to quit your job.” Her gaze didn’t waver. “And she would never give up on you.”

  The music ended. There were a couple of seconds of silence. Piper stayed where she was, leaving the next move up to him.

  As a slow song started, Judah stepped forward and reached out for Piper. She stepped toward him, hesitantly at first, then closer, till she was folded back into his arms.

  Judah had never been in love before, really had never been close. He didn’t know a lot about it, but he knew that it felt like Piper belonged there and everything inside him that had been tense had stilled. He felt something very much like peace.

  Was this part of what love was, too? Having an argument and knowing you weren’t really mad at the other person? To be able to know that sometimes two people just disagreed?

  As they danced in silence, everything around them disappeared. The case disappeared. Judah’s fears disappeared.

  Piper leaned her head toward Judah, whispered in his ear. “You can’t make decisions for someone else, Judah. That isn’t love. I learned that the hard way in the last relationship I was in. I thought he loved me but love shouldn’t look or feel like control.”

  Judah pulled her closer. She laid her head down into the crook of his shoulder, her breath on his neck. He never wanted to let her go.

  He was going to kiss her again. He knew it seconds before he gave in to the desire, leaned his face down to hers. Judah had thought nothing could ever top those first few, but he had been wrong. Those had been a surprise to both of them. This one was intentional, slow and thought-out.

  Perfect.

  Piper pulled away and they both slowed to a stop, movements in sync when the song ended. And then they were standing there on the floor, Judah looking down at her, her face asking him so many questions he couldn’t answer.

  What were they doing? He didn’t know.

  Did he love her?

  Judah was afraid he knew the answer to that. Afraid it was yes.

  Sure, it was yes, if he was honest with himself. He was in love with her, too, but even more encompassing, he loved her. Full stop. No expectations, nothing.

  Maybe, like that song earlier said, he had never stopped and had been pretending. But not just with her, with himself, too.

  He loved her. And he would tell her...soon. He didn’t want the case hanging over their heads, didn’t want her wondering if it was something he’d said in the romantic moment. He wanted her to know he meant it.

  And maybe he was still a little scared.

  “Our food is probably ready,” Piper finally murmured.

  He made himself let her go and she moved away from him, her eyes not meeting his anymore. They walked back to the table and he noticed she was blushing.

  As they settled back down, Judah found himself wishing they were still out there on the floor. He’d never been much of a dancer and would have said before tonight that it wasn’t his thing. But being out there with Piper in his arms, nothing but them and the music, everything else disappearing in a background haze, made him feel like he could dance again and again. As long as he was with her.

  “You okay?” Piper asked.

  Judah realized the expression on his face was...well, probably weird. “Yeah.” He smiled. “Fine. Why?” If he was Levi, he’d just tell her how he felt. That was what Levi had done with Adriana. He probably hadn’t wrestled with this kind of hesitation, but Judah wasn’t like his brother.

 
Maybe in this realm, that wasn’t a good thing. Maybe in his personal life, taking a risk would be a good thing after all.

  * * *

  The drive home was quiet, much like the drive to the diner had been. But this felt different to Piper. Earlier it hadn’t been a companionable silence, but she would have said it was fairly comfortable anyway. This silence felt heavy, like something was on Judah’s mind that he didn’t want to talk to her about. After all he’d said in the diner, after learning how he almost expected love not to last, and for people to disappoint him, she was even more curious what the silence meant.

  Did he trust her with his heart? He knew she’d never do anything to intentionally cause him pain, didn’t he?

  “Everything all right?” she finally asked him.

  “Yeah. I’m fine,” he said in a voice that did not sound to Piper like he was fine at all.

  They pulled into Levi and Adriana’s driveway and Judah sighed. A deep, heavy sigh.

  “Seriously.” She shifted her weight so that she faced him. “What is it? I know today didn’t lead to any kind of big breakthrough, but we made progress.”

  “It isn’t that.”

  “What?”

  He was quiet for a minute, then opened his door. “Let’s talk about it inside. I don’t like you being out here where you’re an easy target.”

  Tired as Piper was, she noticed Judah sounded exhausted, too, and not just the kind that a good night’s sleep could fix. Did she want to know what was wrong? What if it was her? Everything had seemed so perfect in the diner. For a second she’d thought...well, something that looked very much like love had shone in his eyes as they danced and she’d thought he might say so. He hadn’t.

  Now what had felt like romantic tension building between them felt almost like they’d gone backward. This felt like...fear?

  Was Judah afraid of being in a relationship with her? Afraid for her because of this case?

  They walked inside the house and the first thing Piper noticed was a note from Adriana that she and Levi had gone out for dinner and would be home around ten. It was only nine.

  Maybe she was overly suspicious, but she couldn’t help but wonder if her friend had wanted to give them time alone. She knew that Judah would never leave until someone else was there with her, preferably someone with law enforcement training and a gun.

  Piper walked to the kitchen to make them both hot chocolate. It was becoming something of a nightly ritual. When she was home, Piper ran at night. Here she drank hot chocolate. The contrast wasn’t lost on her. Still, it was worth it. Even more, the company was worth it. She’d enjoyed this time with Judah.

  Funny how something she’d have been sure was only bad—her life in peril—could have led to having this new kind of friendship with Judah that was unlike any relationship she’d ever had before.

  Did You do that, God? she wondered. Piper loved God, but sometimes forgot how much He was at work in her life. This had His fingerprints on it, though.

  The idea that the God in charge of the universe cared enough about her life to be involved in it was hard to even wrap her mind around. She didn’t deserve that kind of attention from Him, did she?

  Or maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe He gave it anyway?

  It had been months after the relationship with Drew imploded before Piper realized how much a bad relationship with a person could impact someone’s view of God. She still wasn’t sure of what she believed was true or not true. It was something she needed to think through some more, but it didn’t seem like quiet moments were very abundant in her life lately.

  Piper finished making the hot chocolate and carried both mugs back into the living room, where Judah was sitting. She handed him one and sat down. Judah, who’d been sort of pacing the room, sat down right beside her.

  What she really wanted was to ask him again what was wrong, but Judah wasn’t the kind of man who responded well to being pushed and prodded. It would be best for her to wait until he told her.

  They sat in silence for a while while Piper thought about the day. Some of it had been quieter than usual, and some of it full of more highs and lows than one day should have, and honestly, she was still reeling from it. He probably was, too.

  Especially that dance...

  It made sense to Piper, the reasons Judah had told her he had decided against being in a relationship. Piper appreciated that he cared enough about marriage to hold it in such high regard. But she also thought he was putting unnecessary restrictions on himself. It seemed like he was starting to agree with her; at least, that was what his kiss at the diner had said to her, but kisses could say a lot of things they didn’t mean.

  Had he meant it?

  Did he still care about her?

  Piper wanted to ask, to get it all out into the open, but she knew that wasn’t the right choice here. She felt almost an extraordinary calm instead, as she sat on the couch and waited to see what Judah would say, to see what was on his mind.

  To see if the answer had anything to do with her.

  FIFTEEN

  “Thanks for earlier,” Piper finally said, before she took another sip of hot chocolate. “I had a lot of fun. I had no idea you could dance like that.”

  “Me, neither.” Judah smiled. “I don’t think I usually can. I think it was all you.”

  “We dance well together.” Judah heard all kinds of things in that statement. He loved that Piper didn’t mince words. She didn’t try to pretend she wasn’t feeling things that she was. Piper, in other words, was brave in all the places where he tended to give in to fear.

  And tonight Judah wanted to be brave, too.

  “I still don’t know how this could look,” he finally said after a deep breath.

  “What?” She blinked up at him. He thought he saw the hint of a smile in her eyes, though, like she knew what he was getting at but was just waiting for him to say it.

  And he should. It was part of being brave, and after all, didn’t Piper deserve to actually hear a man say how he felt about her?

  “I want another chance, Piper. I’m not saying I deserve it. I handled last time badly. You and I had just started getting to know each other when Levi started having huge problems in his marriage. I watched him get divorced and never wanted that to happen, so I did the easy thing. I just ran.”

  “You’re not a runner, Judah. You’re braver than that.”

  “I appreciate it.” He paused. “But that time I wasn’t. And I’ve regretted it ever since.”

  “You never gave any indication of it. All those times we worked together, you acted like you barely remembered me. Once or twice I wasn’t even sure you did.”

  Judah winced. He was better at playing his feelings close to the vest than he thought, apparently, and he felt bad that he had done such a good job that Piper had gone through that. He couldn’t imagine how he would have felt if the tables had been turned and he had ever wondered if she even knew who he was.

  “The truth is, I never could have forgotten you.” Now that he’d finally gotten up the courage to say something, anything, the words seemed like they wouldn’t stop coming. “No one...” Judah swallowed hard. “No one has ever meant as much to me as you, Piper. And if you, if you want to try again...if you’ll let me try again...” He blew out a breath. “I would really like to date you. I want to get to know you over coffee and ask you questions and hear about your past and tell you about me. I want to take you for walks in the rain and hikes and sit with you beside a fire late at night and talk about the future.” His heart was pounding in his chest now as he watched her for her reaction.

  Her smile was light, as it always was, and this one stretched slowly across her entire face. Still half-afraid she would reject him, Judah watched as she set her hot chocolate down on the table beside the couch, and then moved closer to him. Closer.

  Closer.

&nb
sp; The other kisses, he had started. He had finished.

  This one was all Piper. Her lips were soft and smooth, exploring his like she had all the time in the world, like they were in no hurry at all.

  She pulled away. Smiled again.

  “I would love to get to know you better, Judah. If you want to date...I’m all in.”

  He finally took a full, deep breath.

  Thank You, he said to God. God had given him courage, given him a second chance with Piper. He couldn’t thank Him enough for those things.

  Piper and Judah sat on the couch for another half hour or so, her cuddled into his shoulder, just drinking their hot chocolate and not saying anything at all. Judah couldn’t believe she was willing to try again, but he wasn’t about to talk her out of it. He was too thankful.

  Still, he hadn’t told her what had been on his mind on the drive home. It had been his initial idea for her to help with the case. And it was true that Judah had needed her help and their investigation had benefited from it. But the closer they got to the truth, the more dangerous it seemed, and the stronger Judah felt for Piper. At this point, asking her to continue with the investigation seemed foolish. She’d avoided being hurt or worse so far, but Judah didn’t want to keep risking her life. It was too important for that.

  He didn’t know what she’d say about that, though. Judah hoped she understood. As difficult as it had been to have that conversation, to feel like he was risking his heart, using Piper was something that would bring more pain than he could imagine.

  The decision had already been made. It was the only one he could make in good conscience, and the only one his heart could handle.

  * * *

  “Tomorrow I’m going to have a couple of officers from RPPD come here and stay with you,” he finally said.

  Piper frowned. It wasn’t what she’d been expecting.

  “Okay...” Her mind was still processing.

  “I don’t want you to work the case anymore,” he finished.