Edge of Sanity: An Edge Novel

by Shannon K. Butcher

  That pissed him off, sending his whole body into a chaotic fury. The power of it washed over him, leaving him shaking and speechless. He tried to hide his immediate, visceral reaction to her casual dismissal, but he shouldn’t have bothered. She wasn’t looking at him.

  After several moments of struggling to get himself back under control, Clay managed to shove away enough of his anger to speak. “So because we’re not going to grow old together, you just close yourself off?”

  She looked at him, finally, and he saw the faintest flicker of emotion in her gaze. “I’m not closed off. But I’ll be damned if I let myself fall for you.”

  “Who’s asking you to?”

  “You are. Every time you touch me. Every time you look into my eyes. You make me forget the way things really are between us.”

  “And just exactly how is that?”

  “I’m using you to help my brother. You’re using me to help you not kill any innocents. It’s a partnership—a symbiosis—and that’s all it needs to be.”

  That wasn’t enough for Clay. It made him a selfish bastard, but he wanted more. He wanted to know that she was right here with him, feeling lost and confused, excited and so turned on she could barely think straight. That was rare—at least for him—and he wasn’t willing to let go of it for fear of what might happen tomorrow. He needed it too much, because, truth be known, he wasn’t sure how many tomorrows he’d have. If they didn’t find a way to fix him, his choices were prison or death.

  Clay knew which he’d choose.

  His time with Leigh was precious. She was precious. He wasn’t willing to take either of those for granted.

  He covered her hand with his, willing her to open up to him again—to share her sweetness with him, her warmth. “You mean more to me than that.”

  She closed her eyes as if his words hurt, but she didn’t pull away. “Don’t say that. We were better off when we were merely tolerating each other.”

  “No, we weren’t. I liked thinking that you cared about me. It made me stronger, braver.”

  Finally, she looked at him. Her expression was bleak and heartbreaking. “I already lost Hollis. If we fail to find some kind of cure, I’m going to lose Garrett. And you. The more I care about you, the harder that will be.”

  “So we won’t fail.”

  “Just like that, huh? You simply speak the words aloud and make it so?” She shook her head, and several strands of dark red hair slipped over her shoulder. “You know as well as I do that it doesn’t work like that.”

  “You’ve lost your faith. It happens. I’m the guy who’s going to help you find it again. Once we have those files—”

  “What?” she demanded. “We don’t even know what they are. For all we know they’re grocery lists for the rich and famous.”

  “You know better than that. This is important. I can feel it.”

  She sighed and her eyes closed in defeat. “I hope you’re right.”

  Clay knew he shouldn’t touch her anymore, but he had to offer her some kind of comfort. He couldn’t stand knowing that she suffered without at least trying to do something to ease her.

  He cradled her sweet face in his hands, silently begging her to look at him again, rather than avoiding his gaze or staring straight through him. Her skin was so warm and soft. Her bruises were fading, reassuring him that one day she’d no longer have to see what he’d done to her whenever she looked in a mirror.

  He brushed his thumbs across her cheeks, fighting the urge to feel the supple texture of her lips against his fingertips. Her heart pounded in her temple. The cluster of freckles on her right cheek seemed dark against her too-pale skin.

  “Look at me,” he whispered. So far she hadn’t pulled away, but he could feel her trembling on the edge of indecision, ready to fly away at any moment.

  Finally, her eyes opened. They were so dark and full of compassion. Pain lingered there, too. And fear.

  If he could, he would have washed it away, but he wasn’t that kind of man. He was a mess, completely incapable of fixing anyone else’s problems, much less his own. But for her, he had to try.

  “By tomorrow morning, you and I will know what’s in those files. It may be a cure. It may lead us to one. Or it may be nothing. But whatever the case, I won’t stop looking. As long as it takes, I’m going to hunt Sage down and make him tell us how to fix your brother. I swear it.”

  Her gaze held his. “You almost make me believe in miracles.”

  “It’s not a miracle,” he told her. “It’s simply a matter of being willing to do whatever it takes.”

  “And are you?”

  “I am. For you. For your brother. And myself. We all need this. I’m going to make it happen.” And if he did, maybe—just maybe—he’d find a way to give her what she needed so she wouldn’t push him away again. Maybe he’d earn the right to find some small place in her life. Because the idea of not being near her scared him more than being locked up in some dank cell.

  “Okay,” she said. “I believe you. I trust you.” She wasn’t looking past him now, and the force of her dark stare was almost too as es Tenintense to handle. It laid him bare and stripped him of his defenses. He didn’t know what it was about Leigh that made him feel this way, but when he was with her, he felt fragile and invincible all at the same time. She could tear him apart with one frigid word or build him up with a single hot glance.

  It was her heat he wanted now. He needed it—needed to feel alive and powerful and . . .

  Clay didn’t dare finish that thought. It was too heavy. Too selfish. Asking more from her than she was willing to give was unthinkable.

  So rather than think, he moved. He lowered his mouth to hers, closing the distance slowly enough to give her time to turn aside. If she denied him, he knew it would tear something vital from his chest, but it was a risk he had to take.

  Clay needed her. It was as simple and scary as that.

  His lips met hers in a kiss so light he questioned whether he imagined it. He forced his eyes open, searching for some kind of sign he should back away.

  Her hands slid up his arms and clutched his shoulders. A soft moan lifted from her mouth, and with it came the sound of surrender.

  In a heartbeat, she became fierce, digging her short fingernails into his skin. A thrill of excitement raced through him, making him go hard so fast it hurt. Her mouth ate at his; her tongue slipped inside to taste and make demands. Clay met every thrust and glide with one of his own, giving her whatever she wanted.

  Leigh shoved him down onto the bed and straddled him. He pulled his weapon out and set it within reach on the bedside table.

  The expression on her face was feral, like a warrior goddess on the hunt. Clay was more than happy to be her prey, if that’s what she wanted. Right now, he was willing to give her anything.

  Her hand went to his belt. The leather slipped free of the buckle.

  “This is just sex,” she said, as if it were a warning. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

  She was wrong. It meant a lot. But Clay wasn’t about to correct her, not when she was about to open the doors of heaven and let him in.

  * * *

  The heinous lie fell from Leigh’s tongue like acid. It burned all the way up her throat, making her feel hollowed out as it passed. Before she could confess the truth, she leaned down and kissed Clay. With his lips to occupy hers, speaking became impossible.

  Her body had been humming with a low thrum of desire for hours. She’d tuned it out, focusing instead on everything else. But now it was everything else she wanted to block out. The growing heat that consumed her was much nicer than reality. The feel of Clay’s mouth moving against hers had the power to wash all the dark worries away, leaving her shivering with a vibrant glow.

  Leigh got his belt open and slid her hand inside to grip his erection. She wasn’t gentle, but his deep groan of approval told her that he didn’t mind. Hen shivering arched up off the bed, lifting her body along for the ride. His hands were at
her blouse, popping open the buttons.

  She didn’t dare stop kissing him. She knew if she did, the spell would be broken and thoughts would start creeping in. Dark, sad, lonely thoughts that would crush her if they got the chance.

  Rather than let them win, she focused all her energy on Clay. His jeans went down just far enough for her to get her mouth around his cock. She sucked on him, working her own jeans down her legs. He gripped the bedspread and hissed out his pleasure. His hips bucked slightly, as if he couldn’t hold them still.

  She shoved his shirt up, baring his abs to her questing hands. He was hot and hard everywhere she touched. His scent filled her head, making her a little crazy. She needed him inside her. Now.

  It took only seconds to straddle his body and slide down on his cock. The intense stretch shocked her but didn’t make her slow down. The compulsion to feel him fill her up was more than she could fight. She was already fighting too many things—too many emotions—to battle lust as well.

  The slick glide of flesh on flesh drove her wild. She rocked against him, taking inch after inch of him until she could take no more. He hit a sweet spot deep inside her that had her careening toward orgasm with embarrassing speed.

  His hands pulled her bra down to cup her breasts. His gaze was fixed on his big hands against her pale skin, watching with both awe and desire tightening his features. As his fingers squeezed her nipples slightly, she felt a shock wave rock through her, all the way to her womb.

  Leigh went still except for the fine tremors running through her. She fought the urge to come, wanting to make this last—hold the dark at bay for a while longer.

  On the other side of release lay scary things. Here, trapped inside passion, were only consuming pleasure and wicked anticipation. And she was going to take as much as she could stand.

  She lifted her hips and slid back down. Their moans melded together, heating the air between them even more.

  As she started to move again, Clay grabbed her hips and pinned her in place. His eyes were wide with startled realization. “Condom.”

  He wasn’t wearing one. She’d rushed him, leaving herself no time to even remember the need.

  Shock rattled her, and a forbidden little thrill raced through her veins. She’d never done this before—not even by accident. She knew better. She had always been careful, almost paranoid. Clay had made her forget all of that.

  Leigh started to pull away so they could remedy the oversight, but his grip tightened. His voice came out, nearly a growl. “Hold still.”

  He was close. She could see the strain to hold back in the way his abs clenched, the way his shoulders tightened.

  Leigh held still. “I’m not on birth control,” she said, more because she thought he should know. Oddly, she wasn’t as freaked-out by the idea of what could happen as she should have been. Which only proved how cloprohicse to the edge of sanity she’d gone.

  His cock jerked inside of her, hitting a deep, secret place that made her whole body shiver with pleasure. She was panting and breathless but found enough air to warn him. “If you don’t let me move away soon, I’m going to come.”

  He groaned.

  One second she was filled with hot, hard flesh, the next she was lying on her back, empty and cold. Clay was at her medical bag, pawing through it with frantic speed. She heard the crinkle of plastic. Saw his arm move as he smoothed the condom over himself. And then he was back, shoving her thighs wide and driving back into her with enough force to make her expel a heavy breath.

  Leigh grabbed him around the neck to hold him close. She buried her face against his throat, offering him hot, openmouthed kisses as he moved. One stroke, two . . . that was all it took to send her spinning out of control. As her orgasm bore down on her, Clay kept moving, shoving her higher, drawing it out until she didn’t think she could take any more.

  The edges of her vision faded. Little black spots bloomed in her eyes. Finally, she was able to drag in enough breath to make them go away.

  But Clay gave her no rest. He didn’t slow or fade. He was like a machine, working to push her right back up to those shimmering heights again before making her fall.

  Her voice began to grow hoarse, and only then did she realize how vocal she’d been. She tried to apologize for likely screaming his ear off, but there wasn’t enough air for her to form coherent words. Already she felt herself coiling again for another fiery explosion.

  Clay gave her one more hard push, and she was lost. The world faded into a glistening haze of pleasure. She floated in it, feeling as if she were made of light and air—as if nothing could ever touch her.

  Except Clay. She could feel his hands, hear his rough groan of completion vibrating against her breasts. He shook with the force of it, his erection throbbing and thick as it pulsed hard inside her.

  For one brief, insane moment, she wished she could have felt what that would have been like without any barriers.

  She was still blissed out, limp and more sated than she’d ever been, when he pulled away from her. She didn’t have the strength to open her eyes and see where he’d gone. A moment later, he lifted her up and set her on the other side of the bed, between cool sheets.

  His hot body wedged against hers. He pressed soft little kisses over her temple while his hand smoothed along her ribs and stomach, petting her.

  “Sleep now,” he whispered. “I’ll be back soon.”

  Exhaustion was pulling at her, but she had enough sense left to force her eyes open. “You can’t go alone.”

  “They could be watching. They can’t know you’re involved. I promise I’ll be quick and careful.”

  Fear for him hit her, but it was muted by the haze of afterglow surrounding her. “You won’t have any wat /p>

  His gaze caressed her face. He offered her a small smile that belied the worry in his amber eyes. “I’ll be back by two. If I’m not, then go to the police. Don’t trust Payton.”

  There was no way she was sleeping now. Her buzz was gone, leaving her feeling chilled to the bone with worry. “I’m not sitting around here, wondering if you’re alive or dead. If I have to, I’ll hide in the trunk so no one will see me. But I am coming along.”

  His shoulders dropped on a sigh. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “Then don’t. I’m going with you, Clay. You may need me.”

  “I’m sure I will,” he said, and the way he said it, with a flash of sadness, made her think that he was talking about something else.

  He got off the bed, giving her a great view of his fine ass as he looked over his shoulder. “Get dressed. I don’t want to be late.”

  * * *

  Clay felt electronic eyes on him everywhere he went. He had on a baseball hat, its bill pulled down over his eyes, but there were cameras all over this place.

  He tried to focus on the job—on getting in and out of room two-fourteen as fast as possible—but Leigh had rocked his foundation, leaving him feeling off-balance. Her sexual aggression drove him crazy, giving him no choice but to go along for the ride. Feeling her clinging heat against his bare skin had been more than he could stand. And when she’d looked down at him and told him so calmly that she wasn’t on birth control—as if she was okay with whatever he decided—he’d nearly lost it.

  He refused to trust her, and yet she had shown him the kind of trust most men never received. It was both humbling and devastating, changing the shape of things he’d always believed were true.

  In that moment, he would have done anything for her. And that scared the shit out of him.

  He’d been scared a lot since meeting her. Scared for her. Scared of her. A woman like her had the right to demand only the best, and Clay was nowhere close. It made him wonder what it was she saw in him—what kept her at his side.

  Maybe it was nothing more than her need to save her brother, but she could have done just as much good from the safety of that motel room. Instead, she was hiding in the car, lying under a blanket in the backseat. It was a cra
ppy hiding place, but he’d known that if he’d tried to leave her in that motel, she would have found a way to follow him that would have proven even more dangerous.

  Better to just give in and accept that when it came to helping her brother, she had no self-preservation instincts.

  Clay tried to shove all that out of his mind as he took the stairs to the second floor. He kept his head down, looking around only enough to find the room he sought.

  He drew his weapon, slid the card key in the door, and eased inside, ready for anythingy ft>

  The clock turned over to midnight. A manila envelope slid under the door. Clay raced to peer through the peephole, but there was no one outside. He opened the door to check the hall but again saw no one. He was in the middle of a long hall. The only way someone could have disappeared so quickly was if they had a room nearby.

  The hair on the back of his neck lifted. Too many people were after him, and he had no idea which of them might be able to simply tell him to bark like a dog and he’d do it.

  Rather than risk turning back into that man who would hurt Leigh, he grabbed the envelope and ran for the nearest exit. The cold air hit him in the face, but he didn’t slow down until he sli

  d in behind the wheel.

  “Stay down,” he said, trying not to move his lips in case anyone was watching.

  “Are you okay?” asked Leigh from the backseat.

  Clay pulled out and headed for the interstate. “Yeah. Just not taking any chances.”

  A few minutes later, when he was sure no one was following him, he pulled over and parked outside a pancake house that was open all night.

  “You can get up now.”

  Leigh crawled over the seat to get in front. Clay picked up the envelope and slit it open. In it were a few pages stapled together. The first was blank. The second listed simple instructions: Eliminate target immediately.