by Sarra Cannon
“You two look out for each other, huh?”
“Always,” I say. “I can’t even imagine life without him.”
“He’s a good man,” Colton says.
“I guess I should probably go home and check on him again,” I say. “It’s getting pretty late, anyway.”
“Don’t go,” he says softly, touching my hand. It’s the first time he’s touched me so deliberately, and it flows through me like warm honey. “Stay for one more drink. I’m buying.”
He raises an eyebrow and smiles, but I shake my head. I’ve already stayed too long and said too much. I’ve already opened up my heart a little more than I intended, and I’m afraid if I don’t walk away now, it’s going to lead to something messy and complicated and painful. I don’t have room in my life right now for all that, and it isn’t right for me to lead him on and think there’s more to this than there really ever can be.
So why do I want to stay?
“I really need to get going,” I say. “But thank you for this. I had a nice time.”
“I’ll walk out with you,” he says.
He clears the beer bottles off the top of the bar and sets the shot glasses next to the sink. I step into the office to shut down the computer and lock up the safe. When I come back out, he’s waiting for me.
I lock the door behind us and walk with him across the back parking lot toward my house.
My heart is racing now that we’re out here in the dark together. As much as I don’t want it to, this feels like the end of a first date, and I can’t help but feel nervous butterflies dancing around in my stomach.
“Well, I’ll see you Monday, if not before,” I say. “Enjoy the day off tomorrow.”
“You too,” he says. “What are you up to?”
“Inventory,” I say.
“Doesn’t sound much like a day off.”
“No, I guess not.”
Neither one of us moves, and I must look silly still standing here just waiting for him to say more. Why does it feel like there should be more?
I’m so mixed up, I’m not even sure what I want him to say. Or if I just want him to say nothing and turn and leave before I do something stupid.
“Goodnight,” I say, finally.
He takes a deep breath, and his eyes drop to my lips. I swallow back desire, knowing I need to get inside the house and forget what I’m feeling so that I can keep my life even and sane and safe.
But just as I force myself to turn away, he touches my arm and pulls me back.
There is only a breath of air between us as he moves his body closer to mine. I can feel his heart beating against the side of my arm as he clutches it to his chest.
He doesn’t say anything, but this is not a moment that needs words. Right now, there is only a choice. Yes or no. Do we walk through this door, or do we let the possibility of what could have been pass us by?
I know what he wants, because he’s telling me with his eyes and with the way he’s holding so tightly to my arm. But he’s waiting to know what I want. He’s waiting for me to decide.
It’s my heart that gives in, and I lean toward him, terrified, but excited at the same time.
All it takes is that one movement—that one moment of yes—and he wraps his arms around me. His warm lips descend on mine, and I melt into him.
Every inch of my body burns as he kisses me. I lift up, my hand touching his cheek and pulling him closer. I want more. I don’t care how dangerous this is, I want to step into the fire and never look back.
When he pulls away, he takes my hands in his and holds them close to his body, warming them with his heat. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he whispers.
I want to tell him to do it again, but the familiar fear is already creeping back in, telling me I’m in scary territory. That I should quit while I’m still ahead.
“You’re trembling,” he says.
I’m terrified. I don’t say it, but I feel it down to my toes.
I haven’t let anyone kiss me in years, which is ridiculous for someone my age to say, but it’s the truth. I’ve avoided moments like this exact one with everything that I am, and now that it’s here, I have no idea what to do next. My heart says stay, but my brain says run.
“Say something so I know I didn’t just completely freak you out,” he says with a nervous laugh.
“I don’t know what to say.” My voice sounds foreign and frightened, which I’m sure is not at all what he wants to hear from me, but I have nothing else to offer.
“It hasn’t completely escaped my notice that you turn down any guy who gets within ten feet of you at the bar,” he says, running his fingers across mine. “I know you’re guarded and careful and focused, but all those things are part of why I absolutely cannot stop thinking about you.”
I meet his eyes and shiver in the cool evening air. It’s still early fall, and it’s an unusually cool night for this time of year, but it’s as if the kiss stole all my warmth and left me feeling vulnerable.
“I like you, Jo. More than I can possibly put into words,” he says. “Tonight has been one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want more of that. But I don’t want to rush you into anything you aren’t sure about yet, either. If you’re guarded, I know there’s probably a reason behind that, too, and I’m not going to push you into telling me why. I just want you to know I understand and I see it and I’m willing to take this slow if that’s what you need. I just want to be close to you.”
His words take my breath away. I’ve never had a guy speak so plainly and honestly to me, just putting his heart out there on the line without holding anything back. I have no idea how to do the same thing for him.
I can’t speak, so I rest my head against his chest, closing my eyes as his strong arms wrap around my body and hold me close. I listen to the rapid beating of his heart and lean into the rise and fall of his breaths. I concentrate on the way his fingers feel as they create lazy patterns across my back. I breathe in, loving the scent of him and the way his body warms me and makes me feel safe, despite my fear.
Colton is more patient than I expect him to be, and he holds me this way for a long few minutes as we stand together, just breathing and being. I try to imagine what it might feel like to have a man like him in my life. Someone I could depend on and have fun with and talk to. Someone I could fall in love with and trust with my darkest secrets.
For the longest time, I’ve refused to believe it was possible for someone like me. I thought that maybe I was just destined to be alone. But now, there’s hope of something more.
Is Colton the kind of guy who’s going to stick around, though? Or is he just looking for someone to have a good time with for a little while?
That’s the question that keeps rolling around in my brain like a marble.
Life would be so much easier if I just had a crystal ball and could glance into the future to see if this could work out between us. Will he love me? Or will he hurt me? The not knowing is what scares me most. I know what it’s like to regret falling in love, and I’m not sure I could survive that a second time. It nearly destroyed me once, and I never thought I would want to give any other guy a chance to do it again.
Not until now.
I finally pull away and take a deep breath.
Colton smiles slightly and waits, not taking his hands from my waist.
“You’re right. I’m scared,” I say. “I’m not good at this kind of thing. I’m not good at anything that makes me feel out of control or uncertain, and getting into a relationship is just about the most out of control thing there is in my mind. All I know right now is that I liked the way it felt to kiss you.”
His face breaks out into an even bigger smile. “Well, that’s a good start, then,” he says.
I can’t help but smile back, which is what I’m always doing around him. He makes me happy, I realize, and how can I turn away from happiness?
“Tonight t
ook me by surprise, and I might need some time to work out how I’m really feeling about all of this, but for now, I just want you to kiss me again before I change my mind,” I say. If I thought my heart was racing before, now it was practically lifting off.
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he mumbles before he tilts his head toward mine.
I giggle and throw my arms around his neck, holding on as he kisses me again.
I run a hand up the back of his neck and into his thick hair. He moans and his lips part.
I push aside my fears and let the kiss take over. I lean into him, open myself to him.
When he finally pulls away, I have no idea how long we’ve been kissing. I imagine my dad standing at the window like I was still a teenager, scowling at the boy who has me up late at night making out on the front lawn.
And I realize I feel young again. The thought brings hot tears to my eyes, and I dip my chin so Colton won’t see.
So much of my youth was wasted on grownup concerns and sorrows. I haven’t felt this light and free in years. It feels better than I care to admit.
I smile into him, hugging him and loving the way his scruffy cheek feels against mine.
“Okay, I really should get inside before this turns into something we don’t want the neighbors to see,” I say with a laugh.
“All the neighbors are asleep,” he whispers, kissing my neck and not letting go.
“You obviously haven’t met Mrs. Crosswell yet. She’s practically a vampire, I swear. She never sleeps. She just sits at her window and watches everything that goes on in this town,” I say. Still, I don’t pull away from his kisses. “Half the town will hear about this by noon.”
“Let them talk,” he says. Then he pulls away and raises an eyebrow. “Unless you want to just come over to my place and keep this thing going?”
I smack his shoulder. “And to think I actually believed you when you said you were willing to take it slow.”
He laughs and pretends to be hurt. “Hey, willing and wanting are two very different things.”
The thought of going any further than this spins my head around. If his kisses have me this mixed up, I can’t even think about what something more would do to me right now.
I’m definitely not ready for that just yet.
I lean in and kiss him softly. “I’m going inside,” I say. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”
He takes my hand and kisses it softly. “Good night,” he says.
I smile so hard it makes my cheeks hurt. It’s nearly four in the morning, and as I pull away to walk toward the door, I realize I feel more awake and more alive than I have in years.
Colton watches as I put my key in the door and go inside. I offer up a simple wave and he smiles back, lowering his head as he lifts one hand in the air.
I close the door between us and lean against it, enjoying the way my heart’s still racing. I touch my fingers to my lips, hardly able to believe this is anything more than a dream.
And thinking that if it is, I don’t ever want to wake up.
Chapter Fourteen
I sleep until eleven and wake up pleasantly achy and sore from working so hard the night before. I still can’t believe how well things are going with the live music nights, and the thought of expanding and turning our place into a bar and restaurant is actually looking like a possibility.
And then I remember.
My fingertips fly to my lips, and I smile and duck deeper under the covers.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Colton kissed me last night.
This is so not in my plan of how to control my life, but somehow it happened, and I close my eyes and let the memory replay in my head.
I want to see him again.
I have that funny feeling in my stomach that says I’m nervous to be around him, and excited to see what happens next. It’s such a foreign feeling for me. Most guys don’t even register. They flirt, and I tell them to hit the road. It’s simple.
But things with Colton just got complicated.
How are we going to do this? Can we work together and date each other at the same time? Does he even want to date me? Or is this just a one-time that-was-fun type of thing?
My brain takes over, going through all the possibilities and every single consequence. Colton doesn’t exactly seem to be a steady relationship kind of guy. I’ve seen him with several different girls since I’ve known him, and he’s never with them for very long.
Do I really want to become just another girl in a long line of exes?
My heart sinks, and I close my eyes.
No, I really don’t. And what would happen when it was over? I don’t know that I could get involved with him and then go right back to working with him, watching him choose the next girl and take her out for a while.
If I don’t put a stop to this now, I’m going to regret it.
But the thought of his lips on mine and his arms around me makes me feel alive, and I don’t want to give that up.
I wish I could just see into the future so I would know how this ends. I’m terrified of getting hurt again, so if I could see a glimpse of my own devastation when he walks away, maybe I could convince my heart to stop wanting him so badly.
I throw the covers off my body and exit from my little cocoon. That isn’t how life works. No one can see the future. The only way to protect yourself is just not to put yourself in a position where you might get hurt.
That logic has worked for me for years, so why does it suddenly make me sad?
“Good morning, honey bun,” Daddy says, kissing my forehead. “Late night?”
“The latest,” I say, not meeting his eyes. He knows me too well, and I don’t want him prying into this until I’ve got it figured out.
He walks over to the window and takes a sip of his coffee. He’s staring at something outside with a smile on his face.
“What are you smiling at?” I ask, rising onto my toes to see through the window. Colton is outside putting a bag into his truck, and just the sight of him makes my heart skip a beat and my face flush.
“I have a feeling it’s going to be a very interesting day,” he says with a smile.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He walks over to the kitchen table and sits down to read the paper. “Oh, nothing,” he says.
“Daddy, stop being all secret-y,” I say.
“I’m just saying you might want to go get a shower before you run out of time to get ready.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What do you know?”
He simply shakes his head and takes another sip of his coffee. “You’re wasting time,” he says. “Just trust me.”
I look from him to the window, where Colton is now loading up a couple of fishing poles from our garage.
Is he planning to take me out today? I can’t think of any other reason my dad would be so cheery, and Colton wouldn’t be taking our fishing poles if he hadn’t come over and asked permission first.
Oh God, he’s planning something. And Daddy’s right. I am a mess.
I touch my hair and then make a run for the bathroom.
Colton rings the doorbell just as I’m braiding my wet hair. I brush some color onto my cheeks and look in the mirror. This is ridiculous. What in the world is he doing?
What am I doing?
I should tell him I’m busy, or that I’m too tired to go out all day.
But my pesky heart sends me out into the living room with a nervous little bump.
“Hey,” I say as I open the door. “What are you doing here?”
He has a mischievous smile on his face. “Good morning to you, too,” he says. “Rob.”
My dad nods and gives him a wink. Partners in crime.
I give my dad an evil look and he just laughs and makes his way back to his bedroom.
“Have fun, kids,” he says.
“What are you two conspiring about?” I ask. I step back so he can come inside, but he just hangs in the doorway, hi
s arm propped against the threshold.
“I was thinking since it’s our day off and all, and we’ve both been working so hard lately, it might be fun to get out and do something fun,” he says.
I make a point to look around him toward the truck. “You want to take me fishing?”
“Knox said we are welcome to borrow his boat,” he says. “And your dad offered your old fishing poles. I thought we might go out on the lake and make a day of it. Your dad told me you guys used to go fishing a lot when you were younger.”
“We haven’t been in ages.”
“Come on,” he says. “I promise we’ll have a good time.”
I glance at his lips and think about last night’s kiss. A good time is exactly what I’m worried about.
“I’m supposed to be doing inventory this afternoon,” I say. “I have a million things to do, Colton.”
“A million things that will still be there when you get home,” he says. He holds his hand out to me, his eyebrows raised. “You can’t work all the time, Jo. Everyone deserves to have a little fun.”
I hesitate, my heart thumping against my ribs.
Do I take this risk?
I want to take his hand and jump in and forget the consequences, but there’s too much of me that remembers what it felt like to be a fool. I’m too scared. And I’m too aware that sometimes a little fun comes with a price that’s too high.
“I can’t,” I say. My heart protests, but I don’t know what else to do. Going with him would be like stepping into a minefield.
His smile drops and he adjusts his weight from one foot to the other.
“Why not?” he asks.
I push an imaginary strand of hair behind my ears. “I told you. I’m busy,” I say. I’m also too chicken to tell him the truth.
“Bullshit,” he says. “You’re terrified.”
I look up. He’s not supposed to call me on it. He’s supposed to just say that’s too bad and walk away.
“I am not,” I say, lying like a dog. “If the inventory doesn’t get done, we won’t know what we need to order tomorrow morning. It’s as simple as that.”
