by Amber Lynn
“So, what? If they aren’t your brothers and sisters, does that mean you were adopted?”
It was difficult to keep his eyes on the road, when all Ryan wanted to do was look over at Lisa. He’d hoped they could learn more about each other on the trip, but he hadn’t expected Lisa having to learn about herself first. Whatever went down with her family, she wasn’t joking when she said they were screwed up.
“No, the man who almost died yesterday from a heart attack is my father. It turns out the woman I’ve always thought was my mother isn’t. My mother died a few months after I was born and I was left on my father’s doorstep.”
“What?” The car swerved slightly as Ryan looked over at Lisa. He didn’t let his eyes linger long, but it was enough that a car next to them hit the horn.
“I still don’t know the whole story, just that my dad was drunk when he was unfaithful and I’m the result of it. I guess somewhere down the road my mom, or Jean, as I guess I should call her, got pregnant by someone to fill out the rest of the merry bunch.”
“And your dad told you all of that? I don’t know much about his condition, but that seems like a pretty deep conversation for a hospital room.” Ryan had assumed they had a conversation, but he had hoped given the man’s condition that it would’ve been light.
“Evidently almost dying makes a person want to confess their sins. I know I brought the topic up, but I don’t think I’m really ready to talk about it. I just wanted you to know why I had to leave.”
“I didn’t need to know the reason. You wanted to go home. I’m going to get you there. Are you committed to just thinking about it in silence, or can we talk about other things?”
It was going to be a long drive if she didn’t want to talk. Ryan could’ve turned on the radio, but the music he generally listened to didn’t have words and was best experienced at ear-piercing levels. Ryan figured they could make it to Illinois before stopping for the night. It was around ten hours from where they were to Chicago, and Ryan didn’t think for a second they’d be able to drive straight through. Pepe seemed to have a big bladder, but that was pushing it.
“I don’t know that I’ll be great at keeping up a conversation, but it’d be nice if you could keep my mind off of things. I keep thinking about how they all knew and not one of them told me. It would’ve been one thing if just my parents knew, but as soon as the others found out, they should have told me.”
It was messed up, and without the whole story, Ryan didn’t really know what to say. He didn’t want to make things worse, so he squeezed Lisa’s hand before bringing it up to his face so he could kiss it.
“Well, we’ve got at least a couple hours before we stop for food and a potty break. That seems like the perfect amount of time to start planning our wedding. Even if we’re eloping, we’ve got to figure out where things are happening.”
Turning the subject to something a little more joyful was Ryan’s goal. He was taking a chance bringing up the wedding he’d vaguely mentioned in passing. She hadn’t shied away from the idea before, and it seemed like a better discussion than diving into talk about how many kids they wanted and where they were going to raise their family.
“Are you sure you still want to get married? You got a good look at how crazy my world can be. If I were you, I’d get me to my apartment and run as fast as you can.”
There was no humor in Lisa’s voice, but Ryan decided to treat her words as more of a joke. They needed to lighten the mood in the car, so Ryan ignored the running comments.
“I say we get our license as soon as we get back home. I think there’s a day waiting period, but we can find a judge to marry us on Wednesday. I think the honeymoon will have to be delayed until after the season, but we can probably find something special to do to celebrate the event.”
“You’ve actually looked into getting a license?” Lisa glanced over at him out of the corner of her eye. It was only a second, but Ryan could see a glimmer of excitement in it. It could have been a stray tear that was still trying to come out, but Ryan was going with excitement.
“I had trouble sleeping last night, so I did some research. I actually looked at the rules for all the states to see if there was anywhere close to our travels that doesn’t have a waiting period or need a blood test. There aren’t a lot of states going east that don’t make you think about your decision for at least a day.”
“Nebraska is one of those states.”
Ryan was aware of that, but as he sped down the interstate getting closer to Iowa, he didn’t think Lisa was up for stopping. Since it was Sunday, they would have to stay overnight somewhere and Lisa had been pretty clear she wanted to get as far away as fast as possible.
“It is.” Ryan wasn’t sure how to advance the conversation, so he left his reply very basic.
“If you’re serious about getting married, let’s stop in Omaha for the night. We can get rings yet today and then wake up and go to the courthouse, or wherever it is we have to go to get the license and get married.”
Ryan’s pulse quickened hearing her suggestion. He was afraid Lisa was only saying those things because she was under emotional stress. He wanted to hear her accept his marriage proposal, even though he technically hadn’t proposed, but he wanted to make sure she wasn’t doing something she’d regret.
“I’m serious, but are you? I want us to be happy, and I’m afraid it may not be the best time to be rushing into things.”
It hurt to back pedal, when all Ryan wanted to do was drive forward, but it was for the best that they start things out right. He kept his eyes on the road as he thought about what he was doing. Looking at Lisa would break his resolve, and he needed to stay strong.
“What’s the difference between Monday and Wednesday?”
The question confused Ryan momentarily. When the conversation turned to getting married the next day, he forgot he’d mentioned getting married when they got back to New York.
“There are a lot more hours for you to change your mind between now and Wednesday,” he explained.
“I don’t want to wait. When we get to Omaha, find a place to stop for the night.”
They still had at least an hour before they’d be there, so Ryan had some time to figure out how much Lisa would regret the decision. He hoped she wouldn’t, but he wasn’t fooling himself into thinking she was doing it without some pressure from what happened at the hospital. Ryan couldn’t understand why finding out the various things Lisa had made her gung ho to get married, but he was willing to ride along with her until she changed her mind.
“Okay, that’s what we’ll do. I guess that means you’ll be moving into my place when we get back.”
Lisa nodded confidently. “Until the end of the season, then we’ll move to your house.”
Ryan had barely mentioned that he planned on moving out of the city, but he’d wanted to gauge Lisa’s reaction. At the time, she’d driven the conversation towards a different topic. He didn’t know how to read the change, but apparently the idea wasn’t too horrible.
“What about your search for an agent and a record deal?” It was best to at least try to be devil’s advocate. Ryan didn’t want to convince her to change her mind, but it would hurt a little less if she did it before they were standing in front of a judge.
“Does Pennsylvania not have a single agent in it?” Lisa shifted so her body faced Ryan’s direction. Ryan looked away from the road for a second so he could get a good look at her. What he saw was sadness, but the edges of determination were trying to take over.
“I haven’t looked for those specific kinds of agents, but I suppose location doesn’t really matter. We’d only be a couple hours from New York if something popped up and you needed to go for a meeting.”
Lisa shook her head. “I think I’d have a better chance of being noticed if I auditioned for one of those TV talent shows. Maybe one where they don’t see you until after they hear your voice.”
Ryan rolled his eyes and sighed. “You’re beauti
ful, Lisa. I don’t care what crazy image you have of yourself in your head. And I hope that comment didn’t mean you were giving up on your dream. Today was crap on so many levels, but we can get through it.”
“I know we can. I just don’t know if what I’ve been doing with my life is the right thing anymore. So much of what I wanted to do was to prove to them that I could, but I don’t feel the need to prove anything to them anymore.”
That was music to Ryan’s ears. At the same time, it brought him to a question that had popped in his mind that he really didn’t want to have to ask.
“And getting married tomorrow isn’t about proving everything they were saying this morning is wrong?”
Lisa leaned over and kissed Ryan’s cheek. He wanted to turn his head so they could really kiss, but the pesky business of driving got in the way.
“No, marrying you tomorrow is about making it harder for you to try to get away from me when you realize I come from a long line of crazy.”
Ryan laughed as he glanced in her direction. “I can live with that. You haven’t met my side of the family yet, so I think it’s going to work out about the same for us in that regards.”
“I doubt your family is as messed up as mine.”
The comment resulted in another hand squeeze. Ryan didn’t have experience with that kind of drama, but he watched enough of the news and television in general that he knew she wasn’t alone.
“I don’t think they are, but everyone has secrets and weirdness lurking behind the corners. It’s what makes us human and keeps things interesting.” Ryan rethought his words for a second and hurried to qualify. “I hope you don’t take that to mean I’m going to hide things from you. Gifts and surprises, sure, but on the important topics, you will know everything I do.”
“I understood what you meant. Starting out without living together, so we would’ve had a chance to pick up all the little quirks and uncover some of the secrets, may be a mistake, but I think it’s one worth making.”
“Oh yeah? What little secrets would I uncover if we lived together?” Talking all night and collapsing into a bed hadn’t really given them much cohabitation time.
“What fun would it be if I told you? That’s the kind of stuff you have to learn from years of getting to know another person.”
Ryan nudged her shoulder slightly as he laughed again. For a week Ryan had felt like he was living day-to-day, afraid of what Lisa would do the next day as far as either contacting him or telling him to get lost. With her mentioning years of getting to know each other, he could exhale a big sigh of relief.
Chapter Sixteen
Lisa didn’t know what she was doing. They’d gotten to Omaha with plenty of daylight left, so after finding someone willing to keep an eye on Pepe for a couple hours, Lisa and Ryan hit a mall to try to get everything they needed for the wedding.
Through the whirlwind that was the day, she had to keep telling herself she was doing the right thing. It wasn’t really a matter of right versus wrong, more telling herself she wasn’t about to ruin Ryan’s life. She felt a desperate need to be impulsive and upend her life. Because her parents had already done what they could to turn her world upside down, she needed to do something that would be similar that she was in control of.
When Ryan brought up them getting married, yet again, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to change things in her life. She didn’t want to go back to her tiny apartment and waiting tables and pretend nothing had happened. If she didn’t truly think she loved Ryan, she’d probably settle for a drastic haircut or a tattoo.
Those weren’t quite comparable to tying her life forever to a man she had only known for a week, but she liked the wedding idea best. Keeping her groom from getting cold feet was her biggest problem. No matter how many times he brought up getting married, it was still hard to believe she was who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
“What do you think of this one?” Lisa asked a salesperson helping her pick out a dress.
She hadn’t thought they needed to be traditional as far as dressing up since they were getting married by a judge, but Ryan was insistent they try to be as traditional as possible. While she was picking out her dress, which apparently he wasn’t allowed to see, he was off picking out wedding rings. Lisa had a vision in her mind of what she hoped he picked out, but she didn’t give him any hints before he’d dropped her off at the dress store.
Looking up at the woman she’d asked for an opinion, Lisa saw a perplexed expression as the woman kept tilting her head, like if she could get the angle right, maybe the dress would look okay. It wasn’t exactly a promising reaction.
Lisa looked down at the lavender asymmetrical dress. It was a little tight, but a quick look in the mirror showed it wasn’t putting her mild jellyrolls around her hips on display. The color wasn’t her favorite, but overall she didn’t think the dress looked horrible.
“I thought you said you were the bride at this wedding. That looks more like a bridesmaid dress.”
“Hmm, I guess you’re right about that, but we’re just getting married at the courthouse. It doesn’t really need to be anything too fancy.”
Lisa had mentioned the situation before, but Megan, as her nametag said, wasn’t sold on Lisa’s more general choices. According to her, it didn’t matter where you got married, it was a special day. Lisa agreed that it would be, but she didn’t think she needed to get all dressed up for it.
“I know you have three more dresses you picked out to try on, but would you mind if I bring you another option?”
“I’m open to options.” Lisa wasn’t sure how true that statement was, but she was getting close to the point of just grabbing the first thing she tried on and going. The yellow maxi dress didn’t look great with her complexion, but it fit and would due.
“Hold tight, I’ll be right back.” Megan was gone before Lisa could blink.
Lisa looked in the trifold mirror behind her at the dress she was wearing. She squinted her eyes slightly and tried tilting her head in different directions to see if she could find the problem with it. Lisa had some issues with her body in general, but as long as a garment didn’t show off her chunks of fat, she was okay with wearing just about anything.
“Now I know you’re going to look at this and think it’s a lot of fabric.” Megan was back, and slightly out of breath from her apparent running to get the dress.
Lisa turned around to face her and felt her eyes widening as she took in the amount of fabric Megan was talking about. She’d seen part of it in the mirror, but she thought maybe the mirror was playing tricks on her.
“It’s kind of impossible not to think that’s a ton of fabric. I know I’m not a size two, but that looks like it took at least three sets of curtains to make.”
Lisa couldn’t get a clear view of exactly what she was looking at. It seemed the dress was probably a full ball gown, with the skirt portion of it white, bright white, which was almost blinding Lisa. It was more than likely her eyes playing tricks on her with a little help from the florescent light above her head.
“Just trust me, okay? For your wedding you should feel like a fairy princess, and this dress will make you feel that way. Usually we don’t carry this kind of thing in the store, but someone ordered it online and ended up not liking how it fit. That’s not exactly a vote of confidence for it, but I’ve seen you in three other dresses and I think it’ll work.”
The skeptical look Lisa put on her face couldn’t be missed or mistaken for something else. She was having trouble looking away from the sea of fabric. She’d promised she’d give it a chance, so she held out her arm to take it from the evidently idealistic young woman helping her.
Megan had to be in her early twenties, and apparently hadn’t had her world turned upside down yet. Lisa almost wanted to give the woman a reality check, but she tried to stay positive instead. Positivity was what was going to make her life changes work.
“I’ll probably end up screaming for help, but I�
��ll try to wiggle into it.” The piles of fabric were heavier than Lisa expected them to be, and she let her arms dip dramatically to make sure Megan knew she wasn’t happy.
Just getting the thing through the dressing room door was a task. Lisa didn’t want to snag it on something, so she swayed side to side to clear the door. There didn’t seem to be a hanger buried in the fabric, so Lisa had to put it down as carefully as she could on the little bench in the room. Once she got it situated, she shut the door and went to work getting out of the lavender dress.
It came off easily and Lisa took a big breath as she stared at the new dress, trying to figure out where to start. She picked it up again so she could figure out where the bodice was. It became a little clearer what she was working with when she found the royal purple fabric mixed in with the white. The color was beautiful with pieces of white lace lining the cups of the bodice. There were thin strips of the same lace vertically placed breaking up the dark purple.
The idea of it looking like something a fairy princess would wear wasn’t far from the truth. Lisa unzipped the bodice and stepped into the pile of lacey toile at her feet. Part of her didn’t want the outfit to be able to make it over her hips, but another part of her really wanted it to fit. The notion of a beautiful wedding seemed to be catching.
There were no problems getting the dress over her hips, so the next hurdle was seeing if the bodice had any hope of fitting around her boobs. Lisa often found that shirts would fit great if they were made for women who had more than an A or B cup. Half the time she’d be able to wear a size medium if there was a little more room for the girls.
Surprisingly, the cups in the bodice seemed to be the right size, but Lisa couldn’t reach behind her to get the zipper up all the way. She’d predicted it would happen, so she wasn’t surprised.
“I’m going to need a little help.” Lisa avoided looking at the mirror in the dressing room because she wanted to wait and see what the full look was before making a decision.
