by Amber Lynn
A smile slowly appeared on Lisa’s face when she heard him say her nickname. His voice sounded a little rough for some reason, so Lisa didn’t want to keep him talking too long, but it was so good to hear his voice that it was hard not to want to just sit there and talk for hours.
“I’m starting to think that might be true. His name’s Ryan, in case Mom didn’t tell you. We met about a week ago after being set up by friends.” Lisa sighed, remembering their first date, if it could even be called that. “I didn’t exactly make a great first impression.”
“Clearly you made an impression if it’s only been a week and he came here with you.”
There was no insinuation that Ryan was somehow bought and paid to be there. Her dad hadn’t seen him yet to know how mismatched the couple was, but even then, Lisa knew he wouldn’t jump to that conclusion. He never did, even if Lisa sometimes felt like it was everyone in the house ganging up on her. It was never him.
“He says he loves me and wants to get married. How can that be possible when we’ve only just met?”
Lisa looked down at the floor, trying to answer her own question. She had a lot to think about with her dad in the hospital and Ryan coming out of the blue into her life. It was hard to concentrate on either issue since they were unloaded on her at the same time. Throw in the issues with her siblings and she was feeling more lost than she had ever been.
“Really? I guess I’m going to have to meet this guy sooner rather than later if he’s already talking about marrying my little girl.”
Along with calling her Angel, her dad always referred to her as his little girl. Lisa had never really thought about it before that day, but he didn’t call Mel or Olive that. He had little nicknames like Pumpkin and Sugar for them, but his little girl was reserved for Lisa.
“I’m sure we’ve got a long while before I decide to tell him yes. Plus, hopefully he has a few more months left in the season.” Before Lisa could explain what she meant by that, her father was talking again.
“Your mother said something about him being a hockey player. He any good?”
“He can stand up on skates on the ice, so as far as I’m concerned, he’s great. I’ve only been to three games where I tried to watch him, and since I don’t know much about hockey, I can’t really say how good he is. He’s good at fighting, though.”
“So I’ll know it’s him when I see a guy with a busted nose.”
The response made Lisa laugh. “That’s what you immediately think when you learn a guy’s a fighter, right?” She waited for her dad to nod. “I actually wished he had a broken face, yes I said face, when I heard my blind date was with him. No such luck though. You’ll know it’s him when you see a guy who looks like a model or a movie star and a football player meshed into one person.”
For the size comparison, Lisa could have just said hockey player since most of them were as big as the football players she saw on TV, but she wasn’t sure her dad had a great reference to their size. They were generally a football family more than any other sport, so it gave her dad a little bit of reference.
“So he’s a pretty boy?” It was hard to tell if there was disappointment behind the tone of the words. They’d never really sat down and discussed what he hoped for in a son-in-law someday.
Lisa figured that was because she didn’t generally talk about who she was seeing or bring anyone home to meet the family. She was able to feel like she was disappointing them without bringing someone else into the mix.
“I don’t know that I’d call him a pretty boy to his face.”
Unlike the majority of her family, her father was usually good about thinking before saying what was on his mind. That didn’t mean he was perfect when it came to it. With how on edge Ryan seemed to be about how others were treating her, Lisa didn’t want something silly like a comment about his looks making him mad. As she worked that out in her head, she realized it was silly to think he’d be mad, since he seemed to only get irritated if something was directed at her.
Her father smiled, and Lisa wished he could sit up a little more. He had to hate being stuck with all the tubes and machines around him. She hadn’t heard when he was going to be able to leave, but right that minute wouldn’t have been soon enough.
“Does he take good care of you?”
Lisa thought the question was a little odd, since she’d already explained they barely knew each other. She knew that wasn’t exactly right, but within a week they shouldn’t have known each other as well as they did. Definitely not well enough that Ryan would feel the need to get a leave of absence to come with her.
“It’s almost scary how well he’s taken care of me the last two days. It’s like he knows my needs before I do.”
A small head nod was the only initial response she got. Her dad looked worn out, and she knew they weren’t going to have much more time together before he needed to rest. She wanted to be greedy and keep him up longer, but just seeing him awake was enough to give her a sense that maybe things would be okay.
“I like to think that I’m that way with your mom. I think that’s a real sign of love. Seeing to someone else’s needs before your own.”
Lisa hummed a short reply. She agreed with the sentiment, but didn’t really have anything to add.
“I should have done better by you, Angel. It sounds like I still have time, but when I realized there was something wrong with my chest, all I could think about was how it’s all my fault. Everything you’ve been through because of your brothers and sisters is because of me and I could’ve stopped it. I should’ve stopped it, but your mother said things would work out. She’s told me that almost every day for about fifteen years now, and not once have things worked out.”
The notion that he didn’t like being stuck in one position proved true as her father tried to push himself up so he could sit. He didn’t have any arm strength, so the action didn’t have its desired effect.
“Shh,” Lisa whispered as she reached over to brush some of his brown hair off of his forehead. Trying to move around had caused sweat to start accumulating. “Nothing is your fault and I’m sure everything will work out.”
“You don’t understand. I’m the reason they act that way. Olive overheard a conversation she shouldn’t have when she was five. I doubt she understood it, but she went and asked Justin about it and since he was practically a teenager, he knew what it meant. Since that day, nothing has been the same.”
Lisa didn’t remember the exact time everything shifted. She knew she was in high school and all of a sudden people looked at her differently. It wasn’t just her brothers and sisters, their friends also seemed to change. Everyone had to know, and yet no one thought it was a good idea to let her in on the secret.
“I don’t see how that’s your fault. I don’t know what the conversation was about, but I think I have a pretty good guess.”
Lisa wasn’t sure how to back away from the conversation. Just after a heart attack wasn’t exactly the prime time to air secrets. She’d expected to get some answers once she sat down with her mom, but her dad didn’t seem to want to let things be.
“No,” he said shaking his head. “You couldn’t possibly come close to knowing. They all made a pact when they were little that they wouldn’t tell you. They thought it was a sort of punishment for what I’d done. They got to know, but you didn’t.”
The conversation was enlightening Lisa even more to her twisted family. She always thought they were slightly broken, but her mother had been right when she said none of them were perfect.
“It’s funny what people talk about in hospital waiting rooms. Evidently the silence has been lifted. I don’t understand why they seem so hurt that you’re my dad. You raised us all, whether you share blood with them shouldn’t make a difference.”
He looked a little surprised that she knew the big secret. Lisa wished she could take back knowing when she saw a tear roll down his face.
“But it does, because you don’t share their blood at
all. I don’t know what they told you, but I’m guessing it wasn’t the whole story.”
Lisa felt her lower jaw drop open slightly. She was confused even more than she was when Melanie had said she was his only daughter. Of course she shared blood with her brothers and sisters. She knew they didn’t have the same blood types, but that didn’t mean anything. At the base of everything they had to share some characteristics.
“What are you talking about? Aunt Mabel said you were kicked by a horse and couldn’t have more kids.”
More tears were finding their ways down her father’s face as Lisa felt her cheeks grow moist. She thought she’d had a pretty big revelation for the day, and she didn’t know if she could really take the whole story. She briefly looked over to the door, wishing Ryan would somehow walk through it and sweep her out of the hospital like he had the day before.
“I was, so even if I wanted to have more children, I couldn’t. At the time, though, Jean hadn’t forgiven me for you, so we weren’t thinking about having kids. She was upset that I’d gotten hurt, and I knew when we got married she wanted a big family, but I think she was numb when she heard I couldn’t provide it for her.”
“I don’t understand.” Lisa wasn’t following the story, and the more her dad spoke, the more his eyes seemed to close. She wanted to let him rest, but he’d started down a path she needed to know answers about.
“Your mother and I were high school sweethearts. I know you’ve heard that story. I try to repeat it as often as I can to remind myself of how things used to be.” When Lisa didn’t say anything after a short pause, he continued. “After graduation, she went off to college like we’d talked about and I stayed back to make a home for us. I kind of thought it was foolish of her to go off to college when I only had plans of being a farmer, but it was something she said she had to do.”
Lisa hadn’t heard much about the time in between their high school days and her being born. She knew her mother had finished school, but Lisa had never sat down to think about the timing of it all. Her mother would’ve had to be pregnant with at least a year left of school, maybe even two.
“After her first year away, I proposed. Everyone knew we were going to get married, and it was time to make it official. She tried to convince me to wait until after she graduated, but I told her there was no reason to avoid the inevitable. I believe those were my exact words, which thinking back were somewhat tempting fate. We got married her sophomore year during winter break.”
Lisa’s hand was still on his forehead. She’d lost track of everything around her until he lifted his hand up and grabbed hers so he could hold it down on the bed next to his body. Lisa had a feeling she knew where the story was going, but she couldn’t bring herself to think of the conclusion.
“I loved your mother very much. I still do, but alcohol can sometimes make even the most enamored man do things he regrets. I didn’t realize I’d lost track of how many drinks I had until I woke up the next morning in my bed with someone who wasn’t your mother.” His free hand went up to his face as he covered his eyes. “I remember thinking that thank God she was at school and wouldn’t walk in on my mistake. I didn’t know the woman. She was just someone passing through town and she didn’t seem upset when I hurried to get her things together and shuffle her out of the house.”
Slowly his hand slid off his face as he looked over at Lisa with pure sadness in his eyes. Lisa had watched her father age over the years, but between the heart attack and the story he was sharing, he looked to be twenty years older than the last time she’d seen him.
“I went back and forth about whether I should tell your mother. When I saw her again, I couldn’t do it. I thought I’d be able to go to my grave keeping my secret. From that night on, I never touched another bottle of alcohol, so I had no reason to think it would happen again. And it didn’t, but a little over a year later a man showed up at our door with you in a car seat. He said your mother had died in a car crash and I was listed on your birth certificate as your father.”
Hearing the truth and vaguely thinking that was where the story would end up were two very different things. Lisa didn’t know what to do or say. She couldn’t move to get up out of her chair or open her mouth to speak.
“I know I should’ve told you a long time ago, but I thought I owed it to Jean to keep the secret since that’s what she decided even before the other kids did. For as long as we could, she wanted you to believe you were her daughter.”
Chapter Fifteen
Ryan didn’t know how much longer he could wait for Lisa. He wanted to give her time with her dad, but as the minutes ticked by, he kept trying to figure out ways to get by the nurse keeping him from tracking her down. They must have seen him coming from a mile away, because the biggest male nurse Ryan had seen magically was on duty when Ryan began his watch by the nurses’ station.
Going back to the waiting room wasn’t an option. Jean had asked if he wanted her to wait with him, but Ryan thought it was more important for her to go get her kids in order. He didn’t say those exact words to her, but he hoped that’s where she disappeared to.
It was hard for Ryan to know how far he could push things. The family dynamic was tense, and he didn’t want to add to that, but he was willing to be the bad guy if Lisa couldn’t.
Thinking about Lisa enough finally got the woman to appear. She looked even paler than she had in the waiting room. Ryan hurried over to her and wrapped his arms around her.
“Is everything okay?” It was clear it wasn’t, but Ryan didn’t know what else to ask.
“I want to go home. Can you get me there?”
It wasn’t what Ryan expected to hear, but he immediately nodded his head. “Let’s go get Pepe. I don’t know how soon we can get a flight, but I can get you away from here if you want.” Some people may have heard her words and thought she just wanted to get back to the hotel, but Ryan knew when she said home, she meant New York.
“Do you think we can just drive back? I really don’t want to be around other people right now. We can stop somewhere overnight, maybe two nights, and switch driving duties when you get tired.”
“Whatever you want.” Ryan wasn’t sure about letting Lisa drive, but they’d cross that bridge when they got to it.
Not asking what happened was difficult, but he didn’t want to push too hard when she seemed a little on the fragile side. Ryan let loose of Lisa, so he could spin her around and get them headed towards the door. Thankfully the waiting room the rest of her family was in was the opposite direction, so Ryan didn’t expect to have to deal with any of them. In the state Lisa seemed to be in, he didn’t think she could handle another encounter. They walked in quiet for a few minutes before Lisa spoke again.
“Thank you for coming with me. If you hadn’t, I don’t know what I would’ve done.” Lisa sounded distant, but her arms were wrapped firmly around Ryan as they walked.
Something big had happened during her visit with her dad, and Ryan was scrambling to try to figure out what it was. The news about him not being the other siblings’ dad was pretty big, but Ryan got the feeling there was more to the story and Lisa had learned of it.
“I don’t really feel like I’m doing much of anything. I’m trying to get you anywhere you want to be, but it doesn’t seem like enough.”
“Trust me. It is. I’m still confused about what’s going on between us, but right now that seems to be the least confusing thing going on in my life.”
“That’s because there isn’t anything to be confused about.” Ryan opened the car door for her and waited as she got situated. Once she was buckled in, Ryan checked her knee and shut the door so he could make his way around the car.
While they grabbed Pepe, he was going to need to get ahold of the rental company and let them know the car would be returned to a different city. They probably wouldn’t be thrilled by the change of plans, but they’d get over it or Ryan would just pay for the car. That wasn’t a bad idea after seeing the condition of Lisa
’s main mode of transportation.
Lisa was quiet again as they made their way back to the hotel. Ryan would’ve liked to spend a little more time with Lisa in their suite, but they could find somewhere else to enjoy each other’s company. Maybe somewhere with a hot tub in the room so Lisa could really relax and let some of the tension work its way out of her.
Picking Pepe up from his dog sitter took longer than Ryan would’ve liked. The woman kept going on and on about how great Pepe was and Lisa couldn’t help but agree. While the mushy dog talk continued, Ryan made the call to the rental car company. They were more than happy to take his money for a one way ride.
Once they had the dog, they got their things from their room and made it to the desk so they could check out. When they checked in, Ryan had been vague about when they’d be leaving, but he was assured they could stay as long as they needed. Neither party probably anticipated that being less than a day later.
Back in the car, Ryan was happy to be on the road. It had been a long time since he’d been on any kind of road trip, and he couldn’t complain about his riding companions. Sure, Pepe made it smell like a dog in desperate need of a bath, but he stayed relatively quiet.
It was the quiet coming from the passenger seat that actually bothered Ryan. Lisa had been all smiles when they were in the hotel, but once they got back in the car, her cloud of depression returned. They were almost thirty minutes out of town before she decided to say something.
“They aren’t my brothers and sisters.” Her voice seemed calm, but Ryan wasn’t totally sure about her mental state.
“They’re your half-brothers and half-sisters.”
“No,” Lisa said before Ryan could say anything else. “We aren’t related at all. The horse accident happened, but my family was screwed up way before whatever happened because of my dad’s sterility.”
Ryan waited for her to expound upon her statement, but Lisa continued to stare out the window. There wasn’t much to see on the highway other than grass and the occasional empty cornfield, so Ryan figured she was falling into her thoughts again.
