The Only Best Place

by Carolyne Aarsen

  I poured iced tea for the kids, handed out useless stern warnings about spilling, and put the kettle on the stove. “Just call it an experiment that had its day.” I glanced out the window just as Dan drove up the driveway. My heart kicked in my throat. “Hey, Kathy, I've got to go change. Dan is here.”

  “You go make yourself gorgeous. I'll just make a dent in these chocolates.” She unwrapped one for Nicholas. “Here, buddy, this'll put some hair on your chest.”

  She nuzzled him, he laughed, and I felt pure joy pierce me at the sound. No matter what lay ahead of us, Dan and I had our precious son and daughter. We had family and friends.

  I took a moment to kiss Nicholas and brush my hand over his head, then ran upstairs.

  I showered in record time, brushed my hair, checked my lipstick, and pulled a face at my hair. Still needed a cut, still hadn't had time. I pulled out the scissors and trimmed my bangs so I wouldn't look like a badger had taken residence on my head, double-checked the makeup, and retreated un-gracefully from the field of battle.

  Dan had changed and was helping Kathy put a dent in my chocolate stash by the time I came back downstairs. He gave me a tired smile as I joined them. I gave him a hug. Me. Supportive wife.

  “Are you ready?” He brushed some loose hair from my face and dropped a kiss on my forehead.

  “I suppose.” I touched him again, reconnecting, rebuilding one small step at a time.

  “Then let's go,” he said, pushing himself away from the table.

  I kissed the kids, waved to Kathy, and as we walked down the sidewalk, petted Sasha's head. The chickens were scratching in the yard, softly clucking to each other, and the horses, sensing our presence, started whinnying.

  Our farm, I thought as I got into the car with Dan. Our place.

  As we reversed out of the parking spot and headed down the driveway, I turned back toward the house again, imagining the colors Kathy had suggested. They would make the house look cheery. Welcoming.

  Dan gave me a nervous smile and reached over and squeezed my hand. “How are you doing?” he asked. “Ready to face a new adventure?” Since we had come back from the hospital, Dan had made noises about making plans for our future, but I kept putting him off. I'd had enough adventure, I kept telling him. We could wait. But now, Keith's last and final phone call had brought us to a turning point. We had to make a decision, and my heart and mind had come to a place where they finally agreed.

  “How much is Keith entitled to?” I asked. Dan and Wilma had avoided discussing Keith or the farm while Nicholas was in the hospital. It seemed unimportant at the time. I was thankful, but it meant that I knew very few actual facts and figures.

  “Thanks to the assessment, not as much as he thinks, but enough that the farm doesn't have the cash on hand to satisfy him.”

  “That doesn't tell me anything, Dan,” I said.

  “We'll have a final figure once we talk to the lawyer, but for now we're looking at about thirty to forty thousand.”

  I drew in a careful breath. That was a lot of money. “And how is the farm supposed to come up with that?”

  Dan shook his head. “The only way we can is to sell some land. And if we do that, our income goes down, which means the farm can't support two families.” He blew out his breath as he stared out the window of the car. “So, we're pretty much looking at selling the whole deal. Nothing new there.” In his quick sideways glance, I caught a glimpse of the pain that would cause him.

  My heart folded at the thought. During our time here I had seen my husband change, soften. I had seen him grow connected to his family, connected to the land.

  And, yes, connected to me.

  I had changed. I had been exposed to how family and community works. I had been challenged and supported.

  Once again I tried to imagine Dan and me going through what we had with Nicholas back in Seattle. I shuddered.

  We came to the top of the hill, and I looked back over the valley. Could I leave this now? After all we had been through?

  Dan and I had come here as married strangers, bound by our children and our promises. We had grown. Our marriage, once raveled and fraying, had been strengthened here and with the help of family and friends, slowly woven back together. Dan, Nicholas, and Anneke were my breath, my blood, my life. Not accessories in a dollhouse that I needed to make my life complete.

  The thought that had taken up residence in my mind some time ago hadn't left. Instead, with each day, each experience it had grown, settled, and taken root.

  I wondered if I dared voice the thought. Dared make it real. Once I did, there would be no turning back.

  My mind flashed back to summer camp. Two guys had dragged me down the pier toward the lake. I wore a new leather coat and brand-new blue jeans, both of which I had saved my tip money for, all in an effort to impress the very guys who were now dragging me down the pier to the lake.

  When we got to the end, they lifted me up and started swinging. I was still laughing. Then, to my stunned amazement, they let go.

  I remember the surprisingly exhilarating feeling of being airborne, hanging in space over the water, stupefied that they had actually done it, yet realizing that the inevitability of gravity would soon make itself known.

  That was what I felt like now. I was in the grip of fear, but at the same time, the exhilaration of wonder.

  “I want to buy out Keith's share of the farm with our house money,” I said quietly, taking the proverbial plunge. “With the bit we got from Lonnie Dansworth and what I have saved up, I think we have enough.”

  Dan laughed nervously. “What are you saying, Leslie?”

  “I was speaking English, Dan,” I said with a feeble laugh, surprised that I had finally spoken the words aloud. “But I'll say it again. I want to use our money to buy out Keith.”

  Dan slammed his foot on the brakes, pulled to the side of the road, and turned to me. He rested one elbow on the steering wheel, his other draped over the headrest, his expression full of confused wonder. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

  I threw my hands up in happy exasperation. “I dunno. What do you think I'm saying?”

  “The money. You want to use it to pay Keith.”

  “He can be taught,” I announced to the roof of the car. “Yes. Money. Pay Keith. See Leslie. See Leslie use single-syllable words so husband understands.” My growing nerves brought out my flippant side.

  Dan bit his lip, ran his hands through his hair, and laughed lightly. “You're making a joke, but I think you're serious.”

  Okay, I have to confess this was very anticlimactic. I expected him to pull me in his arms, sweep me off my feet, and swing me around like they do in the best movies. Of course, I could have chosen a better venue than the cramped quarters of a sub-compact car.

  “But what about the house?” he persisted. “All the plans you made?” He still looked surprised.

  “I have a house,” I said with a laugh. “I have a yard bigger than I could ever have in Seattle, or any city.” I gave him a slow smile. “I have my small family, and in the past few months, I've discovered I have a bigger family.”

  “It's hardly a dream home,” Dan said, reaching for my hand, excitement and wonder coiled around him even as his words added reality. “It needs work. We'll need new shingles in a couple years. The appliances are old. The water tank is rusting out…”

  “I hope you're not trying to change my mind,” I said in mock warning.

  “No. Just making sure.” He shook his head, amazed wonder in his voice. “I can't believe you want to do this. I can't believe you're serious.”

  “This time I am.”

  “Leslie, this is unbelievable! I can't believe it.”

  “You're repeating yourself,” I said, taking refuge in teasing.

  He grabbed my face and kissed me solidly on the mouth, his lips warm, hard, and real. Then he pulled back. “Are you sure?”

  “I think I'm sure.” Hardly words to go striding confidently in
to the future with, but they would do for now. “We'll have to draw up some kind of agreement.”

  “Of course,” he said.

  “And I want to make sure that the money I make from my job is kept separate from the farm.”

  “Ah, still wanting control.” His grin belied the comment.

  “Ah, still being smart.” I made a fist and bopped him lightly on the chin. Then leaned over and cancelled my reprimand with another kiss. “I know I can learn a lot more about family. About Jesus and God.” I gave him a self-conscious smile. I still felt awkward about the whole issue of faith and religion and a relationship with God. It still felt like talking to my mother about sex. It was intimate and real, and I didn't know the right words to share the emotions I had felt during those moments alone. When I felt as if I had felt the touch of a Father, the love of a Savior, and the breath of the Spirit.

  Dan closed his eyes, then slowly drew me into his arms and squeezed and squeezed. “You are the most amazing woman,” he said quietly. He cupped my face in his hands. “I wish there were better words to say than I love you. Because I know millions of people have used those words, and I feel like I need something unique. Just for you.”

  ”You're unique,” I said with a smile and kissed him again. “Just like everyone else. Now, we'd better go before Keith thinks he needs interest, as well.”

  As we drove, Dan looked at me a couple of times as if making sure the woman spouting the strange ideas was really his wife.

  We made it to the lawyers in record time. I'm sure Dan was worried I would change my mind.

  But once we got there, it was the usual hurry-up-andwait. We sat in the plush chairs and as we waited, Dan tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair, looking from the faux prints on the wall to me.

  “I'm not going to change my mind,” I said quietly, giving him a reassuring smile. And the more I said it, the more I knew it was true. There might come a time that I would regret this decision—that I would miss the busyness of the hospital in Seattle, but I also knew that I had done the right thing. Here in Harland was an entire new world to experience.

  Finally a friendly woman came and escorted us into the lawyer's office.

  We were greeted by a suavely dressed man, his suit perfectly aligned on his shoulders, silk tie knotted with mathematical precision. I couldn't help a quick glance at Dan's best corduroy shirt and jeans. He looked better. Manly. My dearest husband.

  The lawyer smiled and held out his hand. “Hello, my name is Phil Brinks.”

  I looked at him, then grinned back. Finally. After all this time, here was my chance.

  “Hello.” I glanced at Dan and winked at him, tucking my arm into his, then turned back to Mr. Brinks. “My name is Leslie VandeKeere. And I'm a farmer's wife.”

  Reading Group Guide

  How realistic was Leslie to you? Could you identify with her?

  Do you think Leslie was right in her determination to create a distance between Dan and his mother? Why or why not?

  Leslie did not grow up as a Christian. Discuss her feelings toward the church, God, and the community.

  The bond between a mother and a child can, at times, be one of the strongest forces in nature. Compare Leslie's relationship with her son and Wilma's with Dan. How does one affect the other?

  How do Leslie's relationship with her sister and feelings about her mother affect her interactions with Dan's family and community?

  Leslie has a deep-seated need to be a nurse as well as a mother. Can you sympathize or identify with her needs? Why or why not? Discuss the difficulties working mothers have with their divided loyalties.

  Leslie moved to the community with the idea that this was only a temporary move. Discuss her changing feelings toward Harland and how they affected her final decision.

  Leslie had a dream—a house and a yard and a family—that had to shift and change during the course of her stay in Harland. Have you ever had to let go of dreams and plans? How did this affect your relationship with God?

  During the course of the story, Leslie slowly gets involved in an unhealthy relationship with Dr. John. Could you sympathize with her changing feelings toward Dr. John? How do you think you would respond in her situation?

  There are times that our life's circumstances push us into places we don't want to go. How do you think God uses these times in our lives to draw us closer to Him?

  About the Author

  Carolyne Aarsen was originally a city girl transplanted to the country when she married her dear husband, Richard. Thankfully, the move took. While raising four children and a number of foster children, assorted chickens, dogs, cats, and cows, Carolyne's résumé gained a few unique entries. Besides the usual challenges and joys of wife- and motherhood, she found out how to grow a garden, can the produce, sew, bake, pickle, and preserve. She learned to sort pigs; handle cows; drive a tractor, a quad, a snow machine; ride a horse; and train a colt. Through all of this, she came to appreciate the open spaces of the countryside, the pace of life away from the city, and the fellowship in the Christian community she and her family became a part of. She is most thankful, however, to be able to express her faith in God through the books and stories she writes.

  More Carolyne Aarsen!

  Please turn the page for a preview of

  All in One Place

  Available August 2007,

  wherever books are sold.

  From All in One Place

  He angled me a light frown. “Leslie VandeKeere is your sister?”

  “That's what I said.” I could see the Feds wouldn't be begging to recruit this guy anytime soon.

  This netted me a deeper frown. Okay, maybe Leslie, being a mother and all, wasn't the type to wear high-heeled boots, a halter top, and a diamond in her nose, but I knew my whole look was way tamed down from what my friends in Seattle were sporting.

  “You don't look like her.”

  “I'm getting that.” My turn. “How do you know her?”

  “Harland's not that big.”

  Wasn't he the cagey one? “I wasn't asking for a geography lesson.” No,Terra. Bad Terra. Smart-aleck comments are not how you can win friends and influence policemen.

  His tight smile wasn't encouraging, which only underlined my cop petrinoia. “Leslie works in the emergency department of the hospital. My job gets me there from time to time,” he said. “So she didn't quit her job?”

  “Was she going to?”

  I thought of the last e-mails we had exchanged. “She was getting pressure from the family to get all hearth-andhomey.”

  The cop frowned, and I shut my mouth. If I didn't keep myself in check, I would end up giving too much information and, by extension, too much ammunition.

  “So, you sure you'll be okay?” he asked again.

  “I'll be great.” I gave him a casual wave, a quick smile, and threw in a ‘hey, whatever’ toss of my hair just to dot the i's and cross the t's.

  Thankfully, he was convinced. He strode back to his car, his heavy belt shifting with each step, but then, just before he got into the car, he gave me one last look. As if memorizing who I was. “See you around,” he said.

  “Not if I can help it,” I muttered as I forced a completely fake smile and waved. As he finally drove on, I felt my legs go shaky with relief.

  Did I mention that I didn't like cops?

  As he drove away, I heard the screech of another hawk, but this time I kept my eyes on the road. No more distractions. Stay focused. Get to Leslie's in one piece.

  But the thought of Leslie made me stop again. I was on the last leg of this journey. Less than an hour away from her.

  What if she didn't want to see me?

  What would she say when…

  “Keep going. Keep walking,” I said aloud.

  Luckily, I didn't have to focus long. Five minutes after my cop incident, I scored a ride. A rusty, beat-up pickup truck pulled up. A tired-looking young girl sat behind the wheel. Her short brown hair had that slick, unwashed loo
k and the neckline of her faded blue T-shirt was unraveling.

  “D'you need a ride?” she asked through the open passenger window as she leaned one skinny arm across the back of the seat. She sounded as tired as she looked. So, obviously not much of a threat.

  “That'd be great.” I threw my backpack into the back of the truck and pulled open the passenger door. As it protested with a rusty screech, I saw the baby in the car seat beside her.

  I hesitated a moment.

  “I'm not going to do anything,” the girl said, laughing at me.

  That did look kind of silly. So I got in. The baby was a little girl, I guessed, from the pink sleeper and the little pink bow attached to a wisp of hair on the top of her head. Adorable little girl.

  I was glad she was sleeping.

  “You headed to Harland?” the driver asked as she put the truck in gear.

  “If that's where this road goes.”

  “This road goes nowhere,” she said, steering the truck with her elbows as she lit up a cigarette. “Every morning, I look out the window…”

  “And it's still there,” I finished the old joke for her.

  She gave me a weary smile and waved her cigarette at me. “You want one?”

  “No thanks.” I had enough bad habits. Smoking wasn't one of them.

  “So, what brings you to this godforsaken neck of the woods?” Her question came out on the breath of a sigh. As if talking was too much work for her.

  “I'm just passing through, seeing where the day takes me.” Though I had told the cop who I was visiting, I got a different vibe from this girl. Better to keep things safely vague.

  “Lucky you.” She glanced down at her baby, as if to let me know that if it weren't for this tyke, she'd be doing the same thing. She stuck the cigarette into her mouth and reached her hand over her sleeping baby. “Name's Amelia.” She didn't introduce the baby and I wasn't going to ask.