by G. R. Lyons
And Zac still had that blank check burning a hole in his pocket. He couldn't bear to put a number on it and cash it, but he couldn't make himself throw it away, either. He didn't deserve it after the way he'd betrayed Adrian, even if he could use the money. Besides, other than the note and the collar, it was all he had left of the man.
Even his scent on Zac's pillows was gone.
Still in a daze, Zac took his spot at the table as everyone sat down to eat. Fane told his bit of news for the week, but Zac barely heard him, his ears ringing and his leg bouncing as he tried to just bring his fork from his plate to his mouth, even though his stomach was seriously protesting the very thought of food.
Adrian had taken care of his family. Even after Zac had betrayed him, Adrian had no sooner gotten his inheritance than he'd immediately gone out and made sure Zac's family was going to be alright. He eyed the stack of papers sitting on the table between a plate of pancakes and a rack of toast. The bank letter and insurance policy were both dated the day they'd graduated, which meant Adrian must have literally gotten his diploma and gone right out to access his trust fund and started spending right away, helping Zac's parents and reclaiming Zac's prized guitar.
The man could have just as easily walked away and never looked back, and Zac would have deserved it after what he'd done, being too chicken-shit to openly acknowledge how important the man was to him.
Kaelie was in the middle of her turn when Zac took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes shut, slammed a fist down on the table, and blurted out, “I'm gay.”
The whole table fell silent, and Zac slowly opened his eyes.
Kaelie scowled at him. “First of all, rude for interrupting me. Wait your turn.” She paused, then added, “Besides, that's hardly news, so I hope you've got something else to share.”
Zac froze, and as Kaelie geared up to continue with whatever news she'd been sharing, he blurted, “What?”
Kaelie looked at him again, her expression softening. “Come on, Zac, we all knew.”
“What?” He glanced from face to face, his eyes wide, Kaelie's words not quite registering.
“Duh,” Niko said, chuckling. “We've known for years.” He paused, looking at Zac. “What, you seriously thought it was a secret? Dude, come on. You've never had a girlfriend. Never even talk about girls. And that musician you always idolized? You know, what's-his-name?” He gestured at Zac, but Zac couldn't speak, so Niko shrugged and smirked at him. “Pretty sure you didn't have those vintage posters just because you went all fanboy over his music.”
The others chuckled.
Zac looked around again, his heart racing, having trouble believing he was finally out and it was alright. “You all knew?” he asked again. He grabbed the edge of the table, suddenly dizzy. Good gods, he thought he might actually faint.
“Oh, sweetie.” Mom jumped up and darted over to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “You know we love you no matter what.”
Zac gasped for breath, then shot out of his chair and kicked it aside, wrapping himself around his mother while a sob escaped him before he could stop it.
Oh gods. He was out. He was finally out. And they still loved him.
“I was so afraid that–” He gasped. “Gods, I couldn't bear the thought of losing you.”
“We love you, baby,” Mama said, rubbing his back. “We just want you to be happy, whatever that means.”
Some of the others got up and joined the hug, then Zac shakily resumed his seat as everyone went back to their places. He tucked his hair behind his ears with trembling hands.
“I'm proud of you, son,” Dad murmured.
Zac looked at him. “You're not–” he started to ask.
Dad chuckled. “Hey, statistically, at least one of you had to be gay.” He shrugged. “Why not the one who tried hardest to act like he wasn't?” Dad gestured at him, indicating Zac's bad-boy appearance.
Zac choked out a laugh and looked down, nodding.
Beside him, Tarynn grabbed his arm with both hands and practically bounced in her seat. “Now please tell me there's some guy you've been hiding from us.”
Zac started to nod, then grimaced. “There was.” He looked up and saw everyone focused on him, none of them seeming to care he'd hijacked the whole brunch with his confession. “His dad kicked him out for being gay. Mr. Frost caught us…well, not in bed, but shortly after. And Adrian lost everything. So I just…I couldn't risk that, you know? After seeing what his dad did to him–”
“Wait!” Hadley interrupted. “You're dating a Frost?”
Zac nodded, grimacing again. “Yeah.”
“Holy shit,” Merik and Milo said together.
“So when can we meet him?” Tarynn gushed, but then her eyes went wide and her smile faded. “Wait, you said was.”
Zac nodded again. “I screwed up,” he mumbled. “Did something stupid…I lost him.”
“Oh, baby, I'm so sorry,” Mama said.
“For good?” Tarynn asked, her eyes full of worry.
Zac slowly shook his head. “I don't know. I mean, I did something really bad–” His eyes landed on the papers again. He reached out and lightly touched them, feeling the barest spark of hope. “But he did this,” he whispered.
“Wait, what?” Kaelie asked.
Zac looked around, then tapped on the papers again. “He did this. I mean, I'm pretty sure.” He paused, seeing the curious looks on everyone's faces. “I told him about our money problems and Dad's surgery and everything, and these are dated the day we graduated, the day Ade got his inheritance from his grandfather. I'm pretty sure he set all this up.”
After a brief pause, Fane said, “Maybe that's his way of saying he forgives you?”
Zac shook his head again. “I don't know,” he answered, but the idea bolstered his hope. Did Adrian forgive him? And if not, could he? Did Zac have a chance of winning him back?
Because Zac wanted Adrian back, more than anything. As conversation resumed around the table, Zac picked at his food, trying to come up with a plan. There had to be a way. There had to be something.
Chapter 26
ADRIAN SLOWLY paced his hotel room.
Now that school was over, he had nothing to do. Nothing to occupy his time or his brain, no father to tell him what to do, and no Zac to keep him steady.
He eyed the business cards lying on the desk. There were more, now. He'd gotten a call from the university, telling him that more cards had appeared in the box posted beside his senior thesis, so he'd gone back by the Hall of Graduates to collect them. More job offers. Good gods. Adrian hadn't the slightest idea what to do with them. One recruiter had even gone to the effort to leave him a letter with his card, outlining the job proposal.
The very idea of a job was thrilling and terrifying. He'd never been allowed to have one, but now that he was his own man, he could make that decision for himself. Assuming he could handle it.
Then again, he had more armor now. His prescription was secure, and even though Zac wasn't in his life anymore, he still carried a piece of the man with him.
Breathe, Zac would say. Adrian closed his eyes and pictured Zac beside him, watching his chest rise and fall, breathing with him. Just imagining it brought him a level of calm he'd never managed on his own before. Just breathe with me.
Adrian slowly straightened and opened his eyes, his gaze landing right back on the cards. They didn't seem quite so frightening now.
He strode over to the desk, sat down, picked up the first card—the lot of them laid out in a perfect row, all straight lines and corners meeting precisely—and dialed the number he read there.
Keeping Zac in the corner of his mind, Adrian eventually got through calling every one of the recruiters who had left a card. One had already filled the position. Another realized he was related to Sebastian Frost and kindly admitted he had to rescind the offer as it would create a conflict of interest. The next seemed far too eager to offer him a job for precisely the same reason: being his father's son. Adrian turned that
one down. He didn't want his father's name having any part of his new life, whether as a factor of perceived nepotism or because some business rival wanted to rub it in his father's face that Adrian worked for them. One job required him to work in a bullpen style office, which Adrian knew he'd never survive, no matter how heavily he was medicated, so he politely declined.
In the end, he wound up with two interviews scheduled. Adrian carefully noted them down and sat back with a sigh, just staring at the words. Two, he could handle. It sounded a lot more bearable than sitting through interviews for every one of the cards he'd started with.
Adrian pushed away from the desk, allowing himself a break now that he'd gotten through all that. He'd done far more adulting on his own in the past few days than he'd ever done before in his entire life. Hells, everything else in his life had always been handled by his father, whether Adrian felt adequate to the task or not.
Even now, his father would probably still be fully in control if it weren't for Zac.
The thought gave Adrian pause. He actually found himself smiling as he pictured that awful day when his father had walked in on them and kicked Adrian out of the apartment, cutting him off from his family, his life, everything he'd ever known. He'd thought his whole world had fallen apart that day, but now that he looked back on it, he realized that moment had been exactly what he'd needed. If Zac hadn't been in his life and hadn't been there when his father walked in, Adrian would probably still be under his father's reign. Even with his inheritance under his control, Adrian knew, deep down, he would have still bowed to his father's wishes, too weak to stand up on his own, even with the power to do so.
Thanks to Zac, and his father catching them, Adrian had been forced out of the life his father had created for him and into one of his own.
Then again, he'd had a choice. It was either deny Zac and keep the security of his life, or walk away from everything. Truthfully, in that moment, he hadn't quite grasped the magnitude of what he was doing, but he had made a choice, unable to bear the shame of denying Zac in that moment. He couldn't have betrayed Zac then, not after Zac had opened up a whole new world of life and sensation and possibilities for him. It was only once the decision was made that Adrian had truly realized just how much he'd lost.
But he'd also gained everything. He knew that now. Even through their struggles, Adrian had finally lived free of his father's control, while Zac allowed Adrian to finally experience a position of control for himself. True, it was only in the bedroom, but it had been enough. It had given Adrian power he'd never thought he'd get to know.
And now, he was here. Graduated. Financially stable. Free. He'd never again have to bow to his father. Now, if he could just manage to get himself a job and do something useful, he could have purpose as well. He could have a reason to live, other than simply to serve his father's whims.
The master instead of the puppet.
Adrian glanced at the desk. From that distance, he couldn't read the note, but he knew the words he'd written there. Job interviews. Good gods. He, Adrian Frost, had job interviews. And not with his father's company.
Thanks to Zac, he now had a life. He had everything.
Gods, he owed that man so much.
But how could he ever repay that debt? Between the guitar, the provisions for Zac's parents, and the blank check, it all didn't seem like enough. How did he repay a debt that allowed him to live and breathe freely for the first time in his life? Money wouldn't do it. He needed something else, but all he had left were words, and all the words in the world didn't seem like enough to convey his gratitude.
Still, it was the only idea he had. Adrian took a deep breath and sank into a chair. He'd just have to face Zac, and tell him how grateful he was for everything Zac had done for him. He had no idea if he'd be able to put that feeling into words, but he was going to have to try.
Adrian glanced at his mobile, then immediately dismissed the idea. He couldn't do it over the phone. As much as the thought was tempting, lending him the security of distance and privacy to get through it, Zac deserved better. Even considering Zac's betrayal, the man had done so much for him that he certainly deserved to be told, face-to-face, just how much Adrian appreciated the way Zac had turned his life around.
Crossing back to the desk, Adrian picked up his phone and brought up a calendar app. Counting back, he realized Treble should be performing at Underground this coming weekend, which gave him just a handful of days to prepare himself to see Zac in person again. And that was after preparing himself to get through two job interviews.
But he'd manage. Somehow, for Zac, he'd manage.
Besides, he could hardly resist the chance to see Zac up on that stage again. Just the thought brought a smile to his face. It was those shows at Underground that had brought them together. Only fitting that it be the place they said their final goodbyes.
* * *
ZAC CLOCKED out at the diner, collected his paycheck for the week, and took it straight to the bank. He was still struggling to keep up with the bills, even now that he was no longer supporting Adrian, but he was nearly caught up. His family had tried offering him money to tide him over, but he'd refused.
He'd have to pay his insurance premium today. Otherwise, it was going to be late and cost him additional fees, which meant he'd probably be eating pretty spare for the next couple weeks so he could still make rent, but he'd manage.
Adrian's check was in his pocket, but he flat refused to cash it. He didn't deserve Adrian's money, and he could manage without it. Still, he pulled out the check, looking at Adrian's name, a bittersweet smile on his face as he folded the blank check and tucked it away again.
Gods, he missed that man.
With his paycheck in the bank, Zac headed straight over to Sturmwyn Insurance and stopped at the reception desk to pay his bill.
“Hey, Zac.”
Zac looked up from signing his receipt and found Ryley just leaving the office. “Hey.”
“How's it going?”
“Uh, not bad. You?”
“Good.” Ryley grinned. “And I hear you graduated. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” He followed Ryley outside, then looked around. “Where's Vic?” Besides Vic and Ryley working together, Zac was pretty sure they'd been unofficially living together for a while, so not seeing Vic leave the office with Ryley was a surprise.
Unless Ryley's still cheating. But he didn't dare say anything about that, curious though he may be.
Ryley's smile faded. “He took the day off. Went to visit Cam.” He paused, then added, “It's today. The anniversary, I mean.”
Zac grimaced. He didn't know all the details—it was Vic's private business, after all—but he'd heard enough to know the situation was bad. “Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“Poor guy.”
“I know.” Ryley shook his head. “I wish there was something we could do, but…hells, it's been twelve years.”
“And nothing?” Zac asked. “No hope at all?”
Ryley shook his head again.
Zac fidgeted. “Will he be ready for the show this weekend?” Gods, please.
Ryley sighed. “I hope so. He usually recovers in a few days, but…” He shrugged.
“Shit, man.”
“I know, right?”
Zac bounced his leg. “Tell him I'm sorry, will you?”
Ryley nodded. “Will do.” He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. “See you this weekend?”
“Definitely.” Zac couldn't miss their Treble show at Underground. If there was any chance of seeing Adrian again, that would be it.
“Later,” Ryley said, waving at him as he headed for his car.
Zac waved back, then turned the other way. He drove home and went straight to his violin. Adrian's piece was done, but it had to be perfect if he was going to play it this weekend.
That was assuming Adrian actually went, though. Maybe he wouldn't go now that they were at odds. Then again, Adrian had never missed
a show. Not once. Zac kept playing, trying to hold on to hope. Adrian had to be there.
He glanced at his phone. He considered calling or texting Adrian, just to ask if he would be there, then worried that asking would only work against him, any indication that he hoped Adrian would show only serving to drive the man farther away. Zac turned away from his phone, focusing on the music instead.
After a couple hours, he was finally satisfied with the piece, and put his violin away to get ready for bed. Now that school was over, he was able to pick up more shifts at the diner, so he was working practically every day. It was exhausting, but it would help him get caught up with the bills. Zac showered, then slipped under the sheets, trying not to think of Adrian's absence in bed. Then his phone rang.
Ade. Zac ran for his phone, only to stop short when he saw Smitty's number on the screen. Zac sighed and answered.
“Hey.”
“Yo, Blaze,” Smitty said, yelling over some background noise. “Drop whatever you're doing and come party with us.”
Zac's jaw dropped. Was the man serious? After he'd been drugged at the last party? There was no way in all seven hells he was going through that again, even if he hadn't lost Adrian as a result.
“Dude, I've got work,” he bit off, just barely containing his anger. He still had to perform with those guys at the upcoming show, after all.
“Dude, lame. Get your ass over here.”
“I can't,” Zac insisted. “I've got an early shift.”
Smitty scoffed. “Fine. But we'll see you on Filday, right? You better not be working that day.”
“I'll be there,” Zac said. It was their big shot. Of course he'd be there.
“Right on, man. Don't forget, we're on at six, so be there early–”
“Wait, six?” Zac's eyes went wide as he ran for the calendar. Shit. He had a Treble show at seven. That was going to be super tight.
“Yeah, six,” Smitty said, as though it should be obvious. “That's our time slot. You knew that.”
Zac shook his head. Had he known that? He couldn't remember, but it didn't matter. He'd just have to make it work somehow. Though how he was going to do an Inferno performance—even a short one—and then get changed and across town, all in less than an hour, was beyond him.
