Not Quite Over You

by Susan Mallery

  “You were very brave.”

  “I was running out of time. I got scared, which drove me to action. I tend to respond to emotions with energy. I want to be like you. You’re always so Zen.”

  “On the outside. On the inside I’m as messed up as everyone else.”

  Silver doubted that. “How are things going with Jasper?”

  Her friend raised her eyebrows. “Is this you changing the subject?”

  “Yes. I’m so tired of my life. Let’s focus on yours.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “But Jasper. He’s yummy. Are you two talking marriage yet?”

  Wynn laughed. “We’re not talking marriage at all. Jasper and I have an understanding.”

  “Ah, so it’s still just about sex.” Silver grinned. “Because we all know what the word ‘understanding’ means.”

  “Yes, it’s about sex and hanging out every now and then, but nothing more. I’m not the marrying kind and neither is he. What we have is fun and easy, but that’s all it is.”

  “Don’t you want something more?”

  Wynn glanced away. “Nope. This is plenty. I have my son and I have my business and that’s all I need. Everything else is gravy.”

  Silver sensed there was a lot that Wynn wasn’t telling her. Not that she was going to ask. She was in no position to deal with a big hairy secret these days. She was barely hanging on as it was. Not that anything was specifically wrong. Mostly it was anticipation that was killing her. Waiting for Leigh and Autumn to arrive. Waiting for Drew to meet his daughter. Waiting for the wedding.

  Wynn surprised her by unexpectedly hugging her. “It’s going to be okay. Drew is going to love his daughter and she’s going to adore him. What happened, happened. You’re not the bad guy.”

  “Sometimes I feel like the bad guy,” Silver admitted. “Maybe I should have—”

  “No.” Wynn’s voice was stern. “He didn’t want your baby when you were pregnant. The fact that he’s sorry now doesn’t change the past. You were a kid and you made good decisions. You’re not responsible for Drew feeling all weepy. He had his chance and he didn’t want to take it. These are his consequences, not yours.”

  “I had no idea you were so tough.”

  “I’m a single mom. I have to be. Don’t let anyone convince you that you didn’t do right by Drew. You told him the truth, you refused his half-assed proposal, you found a good family for your child and you became a part of her life. At no point did you not walk the walk.”

  “You’re right,” Silver said, feeling better by the second. “I did all that and I was only eighteen. I’m empowered and pretty damned amazing.” She smiled at her friend. “We both are.”

  “You know it.”

  * * *

  LATE THURSDAY AFTERNOON Drew stayed at his house, playing with Mr. Whiskers until it was time to leave. The rabbit had turned out to be a surprisingly pleasant pet. He was quiet, relatively clean and not the least bit judgmental. Something Drew could appreciate these days. His normally calm, almost-boring life had taken several unexpected turns, leaving him watching the clock as he counted down the minutes until he left to meet his daughter.

  His daughter. He still couldn’t believe it. After all these years, he was going to be introduced to her, spend time with her, get to know her. He was trying to figure out how he felt about everything that had happened, everything he had learned. There was anger, but he was less sure it was directed at Silver rather than himself. A case could be made that at no point had she been obligated to tell him she was in touch with their kid. He knew that in his head, but in his gut, he was dealing.

  When it was time, he drove the few minutes to Silver’s loft and parked. After climbing the stairs, he knocked on her front door.

  “Hi,” she said as she let him in. “Come on in.”

  She waved him inside, then motioned to the two people sitting on the sofa. There was a curvy woman in her thirties and a slim, dark-haired girl with blue eyes. He’d seen a couple of pictures, but they were nothing when compared with seeing her in person. She looked a lot like him.

  “Hi.” Autumn bounced to her feet. “This is strange, huh? I’m Autumn and you’re Drew. Is it okay if I call you Drew? I can call you Mr. Lovato, if you’d prefer.”

  “Drew is fine.”

  “Good, because I call Silver by her first name.” Autumn studied him. “I think we look alike, don’t you? That’s kind of funny, huh?”

  “You do,” Silver said. “Drew, this is Autumn’s mother, Leigh Frobish. Leigh, this is Drew.”

  Leigh stood and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you after all this time. Silver’s told me a lot about you. It’s great to finally meet Autumn’s birth father.”

  Silver had set out iced tea and cookies, along with a glass of lemonade for Autumn. They all sat down, with Autumn and Leigh settling on the sofa while he and Silver took the chairs opposite. Drew did his best not to stare at Autumn but it was difficult when she was right there in front of him.

  “My mom’s getting married on Saturday,” Autumn told him as she reached for a cookie. “I get to be in the wedding with Silver. We’re super excited.”

  Silver grinned. “We are. I’ve already booked us a morning of beauty. We’ll get our hair done and have manicures.”

  Autumn looked at her mother. “It’s a very special occasion. Don’t you think I should wear makeup?”

  Leigh smiled. “No. Lip gloss is plenty.”

  “But I’m eleven.”

  “Yes, that would be the point.”

  Autumn rolled her eyes. “I have to wait until I’m thirteen to even wear mascara. Can you believe it? And no pierced ears until I’m fourteen. My life is a nightmare.”

  “The pain must be unbearable,” Silver teased. “After the wedding, we have big plans for the week.”

  “I have a bike,” Autumn told him. “Borrowed, but still. I love riding my bike. I’m going to hang out with Hunter and we’re going to ride around the whole town.”

  “You know Hunter?” Drew asked.

  Autumn nodded as she finished her cookie. “Uh-huh. He and his mom met Silver and me at Disneyland. We had the best time.”

  “You went with Wynn?”

  He saw the flicker of guilt in Silver’s eyes. She shrugged. “It was one of those things. She was planning a trip there and it was the same weekend I was visiting Autumn. We made plans.”

  He doubted it had been that simple. If he had to guess, he would say that Silver had accidentally blurted out something and Wynn had picked up on it.

  He felt the slight turn of a knife in his gut—who else had known about his only child when he hadn’t? Wynn had never hinted.

  He turned to Autumn. “I’m glad you already have friends here. What about school? Did your teachers send homework with you?”

  “It’s so much worse than that. There’s a Learning Center in town for kids who are, like, homeschooled and stuff. All my teachers uploaded my assignments there. I have to go every single day. Even tomorrow!” She sounded horrified. “My mom’s going on her honeymoon and I have to do my stupid schoolwork. Is that fair?”

  “One day you’ll go on a honeymoon and she’ll have to work,” Silver said mildly. “You’re so dramatic.”

  Autumn grinned. “I know. I’m practicing for when I’m a teenager. What do you think?”

  “I think your mom will have her hands full.”

  Leigh smiled at Drew. “I hope this isn’t too awkward, but I want you to know you’re welcome at the wedding. Autumn is only in town for a short period of time and I’m sure you want to spend as much time with her as possible.”

  He looked at Silver, who nodded slightly.

  “That would be very nice,” he said. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. The wedding is going to be a lot of fun.” Leigh s
miled at him. “I don’t know if Silver told you but we’re stepping into someone else’s planned wedding. Denton and I couldn’t make up our minds about what we wanted to do. I impulsively called one of the wedding businesses in town and they’d had a cancellation.”

  “The Great Gatsby wedding. Should be interesting.”

  Autumn sipped her lemonade. “There’s a candy buffet and feathers and pearls as decorations. It’s going to be beautiful.”

  “I’m having a wonderful party and I don’t have to do any of the work,” Leigh said.

  Drew glanced at Silver. “Who’s manning the bar?”

  “Georgiana. You met her briefly a couple of weeks ago.”

  He remembered the pale, ethereal-looking blonde, who had lifted kegs as if they weighed as much as an apple.

  He and Silver had yet to figure out who would be managing which trailer. She was pushing for Georgiana to take one and he wasn’t sure. Not anything they would discuss today.

  “I look forward to seeing her in action.”

  Autumn reached for another cookie. “Denton is wearing a tuxedo. What are you wearing?”

  “A suit is fine,” Silver told him.

  “I have a lot of suits. I work in a bank.”

  “Do you get to play with the money?” Autumn asked.

  “Not as often as I’d like.”

  “Denton’s a pediatrician and my dad is an accountant.” She sighed. “I have friends who don’t have any dads and I have three.” She looked at her mother. “I don’t need any more.”

  “Good to know.” Leigh laughed. “We’ll stick with three.”

  Drew appreciated Autumn’s ability to adjust to her new family members but her words were a stark reminder that he wasn’t anything special in her life. She already had a father and a stepfather. What did her biological father matter? Maybe when she was older she might want to learn about his family, but now, he was just the new guy.

  He remembered when Silver had shown up at his college dorm. He’d been happy to see her, but also curious as to the reason for her unexpected visit. He’d never imagined she was pregnant.

  He remembered feeling trapped and scared. His future had disappeared with a handful of words. He’d wanted to deny the possibility, to tell her he didn’t accept that, only that wasn’t who he was. So he’d immediately offered to marry her.

  She’d refused with a firmness that had reassured him. Now, in hindsight, he wondered if she’d known him better than he’d known himself. She’d obviously guessed what he would do and was prepared to give him an out. Adoption. An out he’d jumped at.

  But what if things had been different? What if he really had wanted to marry her? What if instead of feeling trapped, he’d been excited and happy? What if they’d gotten back together and started their life as the parents of a newborn? What if Autumn had been theirs?

  He would have been her only dad. Sure, it would have been hard, but worth it. Instead he’d taken the easy way out—he’d let her go.

  “You okay?” Silver asked.

  He nodded. “Great.” He faked a smile. “I’m really looking forward to the wedding, Leigh. Thank you for the invitation.” He rose. “I should let you get settled. I’ll see you Saturday.”

  Autumn jumped to her feet. “We’re staying at the Sweet Dreams Inn. We have the princess room. I love it!” She smiled at Silver. “We could turn your room into a princess room.”

  “We could and yet we won’t,” Silver told her. “You’re going to be plenty spoiled on your visit, as it is. You don’t need any more princessing.”

  Autumn slid onto her lap. “No one can be too spoiled.”

  They laughed together. Drew recognized the ease and familiarity between them—because they knew each other. Silver had been a part of her life since she’d been born. They had a connection he would never have with her.

  Regret cut through him. Regret and envy and disappointment, although he couldn’t say if the latter was with himself or Silver. There was too much to think about, too much to deal with. Later, he promised himself. He would figure it out later.

  “Does she know about Bethany?” he asked.

  Silver frowned for a second, then smiled at him. “Aren’t you smart? No, she doesn’t.”

  Autumn stood and moved in front of him. “Who is Bethany? Is she my age and can we be friends?”

  “She’s not your age,” he said. “But she is one of Silver’s friends.”

  “Okay.” Autumn’s tone was more “so?” than “wow, that’s interesting!”

  He grinned. “She’s a princess. Her parents are the king and queen of El Bahar.”

  Autumn spun to Silver. “For real? Can I meet her? Do I have to bow or curtsy? A real princess? Does she have a tiara?”

  “You don’t have to curtsy and yes you can meet her and I don’t know about the tiara.” She looked at Drew. “Does Cade get a crown of some kind?”

  Autumn spun to him. “Who’s Cade?”

  “My cousin. He’s going to be marrying Bethany, which means he’ll be a prince.”

  “Whoa! I so have to meet them both. Please, please, please?”

  “We’ll see what we can do,” Silver told her. “Drew, I’m not sure I mentioned her energy level. You can see it’s pretty high.”

  “It is.”

  They talked for a couple more minutes, then he excused himself. When he got to his car, his phone rang. He glanced at the screen and saw his mother was trying to reach him. After pushing Ignore, he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.

  He hadn’t known what to expect. Autumn was confident, charming and, as Silver had pointed out, full of energy. He wanted to get to know her better. He wanted to scream at Silver that she’d had no right to keep him from his child. Only she hadn’t kept him from anything. She’d offered him whatever he wanted and he’d walked away without a second thought.

  Something that was simple to do when the baby was still smaller than a marble and much more theoretical, than when that same child was a walking, breathing eleven-year-old.

  He’d assumed he wouldn’t ever care, wouldn’t ever regret. He’d gambled and lost. So what, if anything, did he do now?

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “I HAVE GUILT,” Leigh admitted to Silver as they left the Learning Center after getting Autumn settled.

  “She’s going to be totally fine,” Silver told her, unlocking her truck. “She’ll have the entire staff eating out of her hand in what, ten minutes? By noon she’ll be friends with everyone. Even if I’m wrong, she has her cell phone with her. She has your number and mine, so she can get in touch with either of us. You double-checked the child safety controls on her phone five times already so she can’t go online unsupervised. I’m kind of missing the problem.”

  Leigh hugged her. “You’re so rational. That’s only one of the reasons I love you. Okay, let’s go talk to Pallas and work through all the last-minute details, then we have Mexican food for lunch.” She wrinkled her nose. “You do have Mexican food here in town, don’t you?”

  “Yes, and it’s amazing.”

  Silver drove the short distance to Weddings Out of the Box. As she waited at a light, Leigh glanced at her.

  “Did you talk to Drew last night?”

  “No. I almost called about three times, but I didn’t know if he’d want to talk to me.” Not her finest hour, but she’d been very aware of the roller coaster of emotions he’d gone through during his first meeting with Autumn. He’d been in awe of his daughter and a little nervous, but there had been a lot of anger, too. She’d seen it flare, then die down.

  “Do you think he’s going to come to the wedding?” Leigh asked.

  “He’ll be there. He’ll want to see Autumn and get to know her.”

  She hoped the crowd of people would provide a nice buffer as he found his emotional footing. She knew
he was dealing with a lot and she really didn’t want to fight. They only had a week with Autumn. It seemed wrong to waste even a second of that being angry.

  Silver pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine. “We’re a couple of minutes early. Want to go get a coffee?”

  “No, I’m good. We can just talk.”

  Silver rolled her eyes. “I recognize your mom tone. You have something to say. Spit it out.”

  Leigh angled toward her and smiled. “Nothing dire, I promise. I’m just curious about a few things.” She looked out the window. “This town is much smaller than I expected. I’m surprised you stayed.”

  As Silver had been braced for a question about whether or not she and Drew were sleeping together, she had to take a second to switch mental gears. “Okay. It’s small but nice. When I moved back, I was ready to be a part of my uncle’s business. I knew there was some opportunity there.”

  Leigh’s gaze was steady. “I thought maybe you’d go somewhere else. When you didn’t, I wondered if you were waiting for someone.”

  “Not Drew,” she said flatly. “I wasn’t waiting for him at all. We were done. Long done. Now we’re just business partners. It’s not anything more. It can’t be. He’s different and I’m not and this is just...”

  Aware that she might be babbling just a little too much, she pressed her lips together and told herself to be quiet.

  She cleared her throat. “I’m happy here. I have a great business and wonderful friends and a very fulfilling life. I don’t need a man. Or want one.” Love was complicated and stupid and in the end, everything got messed up.

  “There was never anyone else, was there?” Leigh asked, her voice soft. “I don’t mean dating or sex. There was never another man for you. Just Drew.”

  “It’s not like that. I’m careful with my emotions.”

  Leigh didn’t say anything.

  Silver groaned. “Fine. No. There wasn’t anyone else. Just Drew.”

  “And now you’re back together.”

  “We’re not together-together. We’re in business and...”

  “Sleeping together.”