Leaving to Stay

by Nicole Casey

  We faded out as the final note fell off the strings and we waited.

  There was a brief pause and the room went crazy, hooting and cheering as we turned to look at our audience.

  I was sweating like crazy, my white t-shirt clinging to my body and leaving nothing to the imagination as we rose to take a break from our set.

  “Thanks everyone!” Geneva called into the mic. “We’re just going to get hydrated and we’ll be back to finish up your night so get your tomatoes ready.”

  A swell of appreciative laughter swept through the overflowing bar and we exited through the wings of the stage.

  “Holy shit!” I gasped, turning to spin her off her feet with a bear hug. “I have never seen this place so damned busy! Did you have anything to do with this?”

  She laughed as I dropped her back on her feet, the din of the crowd a few feet away meeting our ears.

  I could hear the compliments from where we stood in the near darkness and I was shaking.

  “I just mentioned to a couple people that we were playing tonight,” she replied, looking at me with smiling eyes. “I guess the word spread or it’s a major coincidence.”

  I had a feeling she’d done more than just “mention” it but I didn’t care. I was drunk on the success of the evening.

  “Come here,” I growled, snaking my arm around her neck and drawing her in for a kiss. Our lips met wetly and she gasped, pulling back as I pressed her against the wall of the side stage.

  “What are you doing?” she laughed nervously as my hand reached around the back of her skirt and slipped my palm beneath the nylon of her panties.

  “What do you think?”

  Before she could protest again, I crushed my lips back to hers, watching her eyes widen dramatically as my finger swiped across the cleft of her core.

  She tried to gasp but by tongue stopped her, my other hand massaging the base of her neck. My fingers dipped inside her, two sliding inside her already lubricated opening.

  “Oh my God!” she hissed as I yanked her head back to explore the curve of her neck. I was dizzy with power at that moment, exhilaration driving me beyond any reason.

  “Baby, if we get caught,” she mumbled but there was nothing but thick lust in her tone as my fingers continued to work their way in and out of her.

  My thumb manipulated her swollen nub and she tried to buck but I had her firmly in place, the adrenaline pumping through me as I pressed my engorged hardness against her naked thigh.

  “I’m going to fuck you,” I warned her but she lost in her orgasm as she gushed over my fingers, jerking slightly as she came.

  I released my hand from her neck and managed to free my shaft from the confines of my jeans, my fingertips still trailing along the sopping juices of her climax.

  Yanking one thigh up against my hip, I positioned myself against her, relishing the feel of my head over her smoldering entrance.

  She seemed to get a grip on what was happening, her pupils constricting as she opened her mouth to protest, looking over my shoulder as if she expected someone to be standing there.

  “Fuck, Jude, what are you – ”

  She didn’t have an opportunity to finish her sentence as I filled her. As always, her closed around me, sucking me in with walls of her center and I groaned loudly.

  I was grateful for the noise in the patrons were causing, muffling the sounds of our unified moans and cries.

  I knew what we were doing was wrong but I couldn’t help myself. I had never wanted Gen as badly as I had at that moment.

  She clenched me tighter, my shaft delving into her as she clung to me with brute force. I couldn’t contain myself, ravaging her with all the pent-up energy I’d mustered through the past weeks preparing for the show.

  Geneva had given me a glimpse of what I’d always wanted that night and I wanted to show her my appreciation.

  “Oh fuck!” she screamed, not bothering to cover her mouth and I felt her splashing over me, encouraging my release at the same time.

  My balls tightened instantly and I sighed, pounding her twice more against the wall until I felt the tug of my seed escaping into her in a torrent.

  “Oh shit,” I muttered, falling out of her as reality finally caught up with me.

  I fell back against the wall as Geneva reclaimed her balance, both of us breathing heavily as we scanned the dark wings for signs we had been witnessed.

  “I think I’m going to need a drink,” Geneva said and I laughed.

  “Yeah, me too.”

  She pulled herself together as I zipped myself up, wiping my gleaming face with my open palms. I could still smell her on me and it was delicious.

  “That girl, she likes you.”

  I choked and spat out my bourbon onto the porch as my head whirled to look at Jimmy who was lounging in the doorway, his arms crossed over his suspenders. He peered at me with bright blue eyes from underneath the visor of a Saint’s ballcap.

  “What?” I coughed, wiping my mouth. “Who? What girl?”

  I looked into the tree line, thinking someone was standing out there but there was no one. Whipping my head back toward him, I stared at him questioningly.

  I was stunned that my roommate had instigated a conversation. In two years, I could not remember him approaching me about anything, let alone a conversational matter.

  He may have said we needed toilet paper one time.

  “That city girl.”

  “Geneva? Yeah, of course she likes me. She’s my girlfriend,” I replied, my brow knit into a deeply creased vee. “What about it?”

  “You like her?”

  I laughed, wondering not for the first time if Jimmy was brain damaged or autistic in some way.

  “She’s my girlfriend, Jimmy.”

  He stared at me unblinkingly as if my answer didn’t compute.

  “Kristy was your girlfriend.”

  The words annoyed me and I clenched my jaw.

  “What the fuck is your point, Jimmy?”

  He shrugged as if he really didn’t have one and turned around to retreat into the house.

  “Jimmy?”

  There was no response and he did not come back out but I felt a cold chill run through me. Jimmy was not someone to just blurt out phrases for no reason. What was his purpose in bringing that up?

  It shouldn’t have bothered me but it did and I started a process of overthinking which did not stop until Geneva pulled up half an hour later.

  “Hey, I’m looking for a sexy musician that lives here,” she called, jumping out of the new Chrysler she’d bought. “About six two, blonde? Lots of tattoos?”

  “Oh yeah,” I chuckled. “That sounds like Jimmy. Let me get him.”

  She hurried onto the porch and dropped a warm kiss on my lips.

  “Did you miss me?” she purred and I nodded as she sat on my lap.

  “What kind of question is that?” I replied, stroking her loose tendril of hair. “You’re my favorite side chick.”

  A look of annoyance crossed her face and I realized that whatever her friends were telling her still weighed heavy on her mind.

  “Bad joke,” I apologized, kissing her again. “Are you hungry?”

  “I am and I know just the place to eat.”

  “Let me grab my wallet,” I told her and she slipped off my lap to let me rise. She was gorgeous in a pair of white shorts that accented her burnt honey skin and shiny hair. Every day I saw her, she seemed more beautiful.

  “We might need to stop for gas,” she told me through the screen door. She didn’t see Jimmy sitting in the front room listening but I did and I cast him a wary look.

  He seemed to be following her words carefully and again, I was triggered by alarm. Since when did Jimmy care about anything anyone had to say?

  “Why?” I called back. “Where are we going?”

  “Lafayette.”

  I snatched my wallet off the dresser and headed back to the porch where she was grinning like a bird-filled cat.


  “What’s in Lafayette?”

  “Our new gig.”

  I stared at her.

  “We have a gig in Lafayette?” I asked and she nodded, grinning happily. “Every Saturday night. We’ve gotta sign the papers but it’s a six-month commitment to start.”

  “You’re incredible,” I murmured, pulling her into me and burying my face in her hair. “How did you do this?”

  “I’m just that good,” she teased but suddenly, a weird pang of envy shot through me.

  Has she been calling in favors for us? Getting in contact with people in Nashville?

  Every show at JoJo’s had been filled since we’d started doing them and not that I was complaining but I had to wonder if Geneva Rousseau wasn’t the reason that the place was always so hopping.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked, noticing the change in my expression.

  “What? Oh nothing, nothing,” I replied quickly, grinning at her as we separated. “I’m just thinking that’s great news. I can’t wait to see this place.”

  “It’s great!” Geneva gushed as we turned away from the cottage toward the car. “It’s twice the size of JoJo’s and it’s newly renovated.”

  “When were you there?” I demanded, the question coming out harsher than I had intended but she didn’t seem to notice.

  “Well, I had to check it out. I wasn’t going to agree to play in some shithole,” she replied easily, not noticing the sudden bite to my voice. I unlocked my truck and let her in the passenger side before ambling toward the driver’s side.

  A twisty feeling in my gut churned my stomach slightly as something slapped me in the face with full force.

  All the time we’d been performing, I’d thought of us as a partnership but the truth was, I was just riding off the coattails of Geneva’s success.

  The realization made me dizzy.

  “Babe? Are you okay? You just went deathly pale!”

  I forced myself to be rational, to stop being such a cynic, stop trying to eat away at my own happiness.

  But no amount of logic would stop the doubts from swimming through me like a tsunami and for the first time since meeting Geneva, I had a bad feeling about our future together.

  Chapter 8

  Jude

  We signed the papers at La Fontaine Crème and started our weekly gigs there but something had changed between us.

  I knew it was all on me and I desperately wanted to change the way I felt but there was an animus mounting in me as we performed and Geneva could sense it.

  Of course she could. She wasn’t stupid and no matter how hard I tried to hide it, I was snapping at her for stupid things and opting out of spending evenings together.

  “You’re getting sick of this,” she commented one night and I glanced away from the TV to look at her.

  “It’s all right. I’ve seen it before.”

  “Not the damned show, Jude, this. Us.”

  A stab of panic gripped me as I shook my head vehemently.

  “No! I’m not!” I protested and it was true. I wasn’t ready to call it quits with Geneva, not when she still turned me on more than any other woman I’d ever met. I still thought she was beautiful and her voice, our songs – well, that wasn’t something I was going to just throw away.

  But I still couldn’t shake the resentment I’d been building against her, no matter what I did. And it seemed to be growing, not dwindling as I’d hoped.

  “Why are you acting like such an ass the couple weeks? Ever since we took the gig at La Fontaine, you seem more on edge. Is it too much for you?”

  Again, I shook my head vehemently.

  “No,” I insisted but I quickly changed my mind. “Yes, maybe it is.”

  I had to lie. The truth was too painful to tell her.

  Her face softened and she scooted closer to me on the sofa.

  “Why didn’t you say something?” she demanded. “We’ll break the contract and pay the penalty.”

  “No way!” I almost yelled. “These shows – they’re what keeps me going, Gen. But I’m tired, yes. Between work and the rehearsals…”

  “I get it,” she sighed, flopping back against the cushions and taking my hand. “It’s a lot.”

  I was silent for a minute, weighing the pros and cons of asking the next question on my mind.

  It wasn’t worth it. She would just take it the wrong way and we’d end up having a fight. I’d been down this road with Kristy too many times.

  Gen isn’t Kristy, a voice in my head snapped and I immediately silenced it.

  “What do you want to do about it?” she asked after a long silence and I snickered.

  “I want to get a record deal so I don’t have to hang out with dead grandmas all day, picking up their dead flowers.”

  I felt her tense but I didn’t meet her eyes. I wished I could take that back. I knew what was coming and I really wasn’t in the mood for it.

  “You think that’s what you want,” she sighed. “But when you get it – ”

  “Boo hoo, poor talented girl who had to change her hair for a record deal,” I yelled, jumping to my feet. I was sick of her pity party, all the stress I’d had building in me beginning to take shape.

  I was angry at her, angry for not seeing what she had when it was staring her in the face. Obviously, she’d never been poor or worked a day in her life.

  “What did you just say to me?”

  The liquid nitrogen in her tone should have told me to stop while I was ahead but I couldn’t quit. I had to get it all out.

  “Just because you fucked everything up for yourself, Geneva, doesn’t mean that I have to. I mean what’s the big deal about changing your name? The music would still be yours and – ”

  “You’re a selfish, ignorant ass,” she spat, her face inches from mine. “And you don’t know a goddamned thing about me. I worked my ass off to get where I was. Walking away from that was the hardest thing I ever had to do so don’t pretend you have any idea what’s involved when you sit at home in your little cottage, working your safe little job and have never taken a risk a day in your life.”

  She spun and stormed out of my house, slamming the door so hard, it reverberated the deer head mounted on the wall.

  “Fuck!” I yelled, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. “Fuck!”

  “I don’t think she likes you anymore.”

  I howled and whipped my head toward Jimmy who smirked at me from the back hallway.

  “Fuck you, Jimmy,” I growled, stalking out toward the door, throwing it open to peer into the night.

  Of course she was gone but I was relieved she was. I wouldn’t have known what to say to make it right if she had been there.

  Did I even want to make it right?

  What kind of dumb ass question is that? Of course you do; this girl is everything to you.

  Or was she taking everything from me?

  I had to ask myself how many drinks I’d had because I was talking myself in circles and as I stood on the porch, counting mentally, I saw headlights coming back down the road toward my house.

  My pulse quickened and I darted down the steps to greet the car as it stopped. The fact I was happy to see her answered all my questions but when I neared the vehicle, I realized it wasn’t Gen’s car.

  “Oh fucking great!” I muttered aloud, freezing in my tracks. Kristy jumped from the driver’s side and sauntered toward me.

  “Nice to see y’all too,” she yelled back at me. “Why ain’tcha answerin’ your damned texts?”

  “I blocked you,” I replied truthfully. “On Facebook, Twitter and Instagram too.”

  “Y’all gotta lot of damn nerve,” she snarled. “After what y’all done.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Can we make this quick, Kristy? I’m really not in the mood tonight.”

  “I betcha ain’t,” she retorted, striding closer, her face contorted in anger. “Y’all been runnin’ around with that city girl, pretendin’ that you’re a rock star.”r />
  My eyes narrowed and I felt my mouth purse together. What the fuck did Kristy know about Geneva and what was the crazy bitch going to do about it?

  “Does she make y’all feel special, baby? Like y’all doin’ somethin’ useful for once.”

  “Go home, Kristy.”

  I turned away, knowing my temper was about to flare epidemically but she wasn’t finished with me yet and she snatched at the back of my shirt.

  “I can’t. Baby, I’m pregnant,” she moaned.

  I felt like the outdoors had walls and that those walls were closing in around my head.

  “What?” I choked. “You’re…what?”

  “I’m pregnant! We’re gonna have a – ”

  “Shut up!” I roared, slapping her hand away. “You’re a sick bitch, you know that?”

  She dug through her purse and thrust a Ziploc baggie at me but I knew what it was before she handed it to me. I didn’t touch it. I couldn’t even look at the pregnancy test.

  “Jesus Christ, Kristy! You were supposed to be on the pill!” I moaned. “You did this on purpose!”

  She gaped at me.

  “I should have known that you’d be an ass about this.”

  “How did you expect me to react?” I screeched. “You expected me to be happy about being trapped into fatherhood?”

  She shook her head slowly, eyeing me with disbelief.

  “I should have known,” she muttered again, turning away, her shoulders sagging dejectedly.

  “Wait!” I yelled, striding toward her. “Just wait.”

  Now what was I going to do? My head was already in chaos, my life on the brink of something actually happening and now the universe throws this in my face?

  “What?”

  She stared at me with wide blue eyes, willing me to say the right thing.

  “We’ll figure this out,” I promised. “Just go away and I’ll call you tomorrow. I can’t deal with you – with this – right now.”

  She cocked her head to the side and for a second I thought she was going to slap me but instead, she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me on the lips.

  “I knew I could count on ya, baby!” she howled. I shoved her back gently, the feel of her arms around me causing me to shudder.