Marrying Jonah

by Amy Lillard

  “Who was at the door?”

  He gave a small shrug. “Sarah Yoder.” Best not say any more than that.

  His mother raised her brows in question. But he didn’t want to explain. Not yet. Let them make their own assumptions. Maybe everyone would begin to think that he had wanted to be with Sarah and that because of that they had slipped up and made a mistake. And maybe if the district thought he wanted to marry Sarah, no one would express their pity behind his back.

  Outside he heard her tractor start up and the gears grind as she backed out and chugged away.

  “What did Sarah want?”

  Jonah shrugged again. “We’ve just been talking lately.”

  “That’s gut, jah. I thought she seemed . . . intrigued at the back-to-school picnic.” His mother smiled, but the action didn’t reach her eyes. “She’s not quite your type, is she?”

  “I don’t know that I have a type.”

  His mother raised one shoulder in a semblance of a shrug. “She’s just sort of . . . fancy, don’t you think?”

  “I haven’t given it much thought.”

  “You should. Fancy Amish—” She shook her head. “They can be a different sort. Not the kind I would think you would want to get involved with.”

  If she only knew.

  “I’ll keep that in mind, Mamm.”

  * * *

  “What’s wrong, Jonah?”

  He’d lost count of how many times people had asked him that tonight, and his answer had always been the same. Nothing.

  But Ivan was more astute than the rest. Somehow his brother knew that Jonah’s pat answer was just that.

  “And don’t tell me ‘nothing’ like you told Mamm. I don’t believe it.”

  Ivan—though no one called him that, everyone simply called him Buddy—had what the doctors called Down syndrome. Jonah had heard it explained once, and it had something to do with chromosomes, which were something people couldn’t see and a lot of Amish didn’t know even existed. All Jonah knew was that his brother had a kind heart. He looked a little different than most folks. His eyes were a little too far apart and his cheekbones little flatter than most. Jonah knew his parents worried about Buddy. But Jonah knew. He might not be as smart as other boys his age, but he didn’t have to have some fancy Englisch education in order to farm. He just had to love God, love the land, and do what he was taught to do.

  “Go to sleep, Buddy.”

  “Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” His voice grew louder in the darkness that separated them.

  Jonah shushed him to keep him from disturbing the rest of the house. He and Buddy had shared a room for as long as Jonah could remember. He had just turned three when his parents brought Buddy home from the hospital. He couldn’t remember life without his special brother, who seemed more childlike than most and yet smarter by far than some.

  “Girl troubles, Buddy.” One particular girl, but he didn’t need to tell his brother that.

  “A girl?” Buddy asked. “Lorie? Did Lorie come back?”

  Jonah’s heart gave a heavy thump in his chest. Just the mention of her name could do that to him. “No, Buddy. Remember? I told you that Lorie was going to be English now.”

  “She could come back as the English.”

  Jonah shook his head. “She got married.”

  “Oh. I forgot.”

  Jonah heard the springs of Buddy’s bed squeak as he turned over to get more comfortable. “It’s all right, Buddy. Just go to sleep, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Jonah heard his brother sigh and hoped he was gearing down. He loved Buddy with all his heart, but he needed time to think. That was all he’d asked Sarah for. Yet he didn’t know what he needed to think about. He had no choice but to marry her. He might not love her, but he was responsible for the child she carried. He had to step up and do what was right. But still he needed to roll it around in his mind, get used to the idea, kick the tires, as the English said.

  He was going to be a father. The thought sent a shiver through him.

  “If it wasn’t Lorie, who was it?”

  Jonah bit back a sigh. “Sarah Yoder.” He might as well tell Buddy the truth. Soon enough, Sarah was going to be a part of their family, like it or not. Best let Buddy get used to the idea now.

  “I like Sarah Yoder.”

  The sweet innocence of his statement made Jonah smile. “Oh, jah?”

  “She’s pretty.”

  “You think so?” Jonah said as if Buddy didn’t say those very words every time someone mentioned Sarah’s name.

  “Jah, and she’s nice too.”

  Jonah usually considered Sarah to be a little on the annoying side. Or maybe that was because lately it seemed that she was always around. Until this summer. Something had happened this summer, and suddenly Sarah wasn’t underfoot. At first he’d thought it felt that way because he was spending more and more time in Tulsa with some of Luke Lambright’s friends. But that night a few weeks ago, he’d realized that she simply wasn’t hanging around as much.

  At first he was relieved. Then a little perplexed. What had brought about her change of heart?

  Jonah pushed those thoughts aside. Nice or not, crush or no, he didn’t want to marry Sarah Yoder. And yet that was exactly where he found himself.

  “Let’s get some sleep, okay, Buddy?”

  “Okay, Jonah.”

  Jonah turned over and stared at the wall. Their room was dark with only a few nighttime shadows moving around.

  If only his thoughts could be as peaceful.

  * * *

  “Jonah! Jonah!” Buddy came loping in, bursting through the back door, his face flushed with pleasure.

  “What? What?” he asked with a quick smile.

  Buddy twirled his hat between his hands and grinned. “Sarah’s here.”

  Jonah’s heart gave a painful pound and his breath hitched in his chest. “Thanks, Buddy.”

  “Are you going to talk to her now?”

  Jonah nodded and grabbed his hat from the peg by the door.

  “Can I go too?”

  “Not this time, okay, Buddy?”

  Buddy nodded thoughtfully. “Right. Girl problems. I forgot.”

  “It’s okay.” Jonah settled his hat onto his head and started outside.

  Sarah was just getting off her tractor when he jumped down from the porch. He didn’t want her to go into the house, even though he should have invited her in, poured her something to drink, and led her to the sofa so they could talk this out.

  There were too many ears inside.

  “Let’s walk,” he said instead of a greeting. He grabbed her elbow and pulled her toward the road. “We can go down to the pond.”

  She dug in her heels. “I do not want to go back there.”

  “Right.” He stopped. The pond was where they had—“We can walk down the road.” He started down the driveway with her reluctantly plodding along beside him. “I know a place,” he said, walking her across the road and into the cornfield there.

  The stalks rustled like old bones. He pushed them aside to create an opening for her to duck inside. “No one will come looking for us here.”

  She looked up at the tall stalks. They were almost to his hat, but they were well over her head. “I could get lost in here.”

  “Just stay close to me.” He took her hand and led her deeper into the rattling stalks. A few more feet in, he pressed down a couple of the stalks and sat on the ground, tugging her down in front of him.

  She craned her head back, gazing up at the towering stalks that surrounded them. “It’s really quiet here.”

  “It’s a good place to think.”

  She leveled her gaze on him. “And talk?”

  He plucked up a dirt clod and tossed it to one side. “And talk.”

  “Have you thought any more about it?”

  Had he thought—? It was all he could think about. More times than not over the last twenty-four hours, he wished he could not think about it. �
��Jah. You?”

  She nodded. “I guess we have a lot to do, huh?”

  More than a lot. They had to tell their families, talk to the bishop, plan a wedding.

  “I’ve got an idea. You might not like it,” she said. “But I was thinking that maybe we could both invite our parents to Kauffman’s and then we could tell them both there at the restaurant.”

  “It would definitely be easier telling them at the same time, but I don’t think I can get my dat to go into town on a whim.”

  She frowned. “I didn’t think about that.”

  He gave a quick nod. “I think we’re destined to tell our story multiple times.”

  “Your parents, my parents . . .”

  “The bishop.”

  “And then what?” Her voice cracked on the last word.

  He sucked in a stabilizing breath. It didn’t work, so he let it go. “Then we get married.”

  Her shoulders slumped. With relief? Did she think he wasn’t going to marry her?

  It wasn’t like he’d said those words, and he surely hadn’t given her any reason to believe in him. He should apologize, but he couldn’t bring the words to his lips. Instead he stood and reached out a hand. “I guess there’s no time like now.”

  She looked at his hand for what seemed like five full minutes, then she laid her palm on top of his and allowed him to help her to her feet. “Now?” she squeaked.

  He nodded and pointed to all the straw and pieces of dried grass that were stuck to her dress. “You have, uh . . .”

  “Now now?”

  “Yes, Sarah. You’re already here. Let’s get this over with.”

  * * *

  They walked back to his house side by side. Jonah had dropped her hand as soon as she was on her feet, and she wished they were still connected. How could she go in and face his parents?

  Everyone in Wells Landing knew that she had put herself in Jonah’s path every chance she got. They would never believe that their meeting on the road that night was nothing more than a coincidence. And even worse, everyone would think that she had trapped Jonah on purpose. As if the shame of their sin wasn’t enough, she had the added burden of unrequited love.

  She shrank back. The closer she got to the house, the more she wanted to hop on her tractor and ride off.

  Jonah stopped and looked back, waiting for her to catch up. “Are you okay?”

  Was she?

  She nodded slowly. It was a lie, but what choice did she have? Fine or not, she had to face Jonah’s parents. It might have been better if they could have gone in as a couple. But they weren’t a couple. They never had been.

  He allowed her to go up the steps first, then opened the door for her. She stepped inside feeling like she was headed to meet her doom.

  “Hey, Jonah. Hey, Sarah.”

  She turned to find Jonah’s brother just inside the door. “Hey, Buddy.”

  He sidled closer to Jonah. “Did you get your girl problems worked out?”

  Jonah turned a little red around the ears. “Uh, yeah . . . sort of.” He coughed. “Are Mamm and Dat around?”

  “Dat’s out in the barn bundling turnips to take to the auction and Mamm is in her sewing room. You want me to go get them?”

  “Could you ask Dat to come in here? Tell him it’s important.”

  “Jah. Sure.”

  Buddy disappeared out the front door, and Jonah continued through the living room and ducked into a door off to the left.

  Sarah shifted her weight from side to side. She could hear their voices, but couldn’t understand what they were saying. A few moments later, he came out of the room, Gertie Miller waddling behind.

  “This better be important, Jonah, or I’m going to make you help me sew the rest of these shirts for the wedding.” She stopped when she saw Sarah standing there. “Hello, Sarah.”

  She nodded in return. “Gertie.”

  “He’s coming.” Buddy burst through the back door, skidding to a halt next to his brother.

  “Buddy, don’t run in the house.” Gertie’s words seemed almost absentminded. As if they had to be said even though they were never quite heeded.

  Sarah jumped as the back door slammed, and Jonah’s father came into the house. “What’s this all about?”

  Jonah might have gotten his wheat-blond hair and maple syrup eyes from his mother, but he got his lanky height from his father.

  Six-year-old Prudy Miller picked that time to come in from the outside. She held up the skirt of her dress with both hands, the fabric weighed down by random vegetables. “I got everything out of the garden, Mamm.” She beamed, obviously proud of herself and her efforts. “Hi, Sarah.” She looked from Sarah to Jonah, then back again as if trying to determine why her schoolteacher was at her house.

  Gertie nodded toward the kitchen. “Go set them on the table. Didn’t I tell you to get a basket?”

  Prudy nodded, then skipped to the kitchen humming a little song under her breath.

  “Where’s Jonathan?” Jonah asked. His lips were pressed in a thin line and his forehead marred with a frown.

  “He’s getting the tractor ready to harvest the north field. You need him?” Eli Miller asked.

  Sarah twisted her fingers together. How long were they to stand there and figure out where everybody was before sitting down to talk? She needed this over with five minutes ago.

  “I need to talk to you,” Jonah said. “Alone.” He shot a pointed look at his brother.

  Buddy might not be the most perceptive person at times, but Jonah’s tone was clear. He glanced at all their faces, then sighed with disappointment. “I’ll go see what Jonathan’s doing.” He shuffled out of the house, leaving Sarah, Jonah, and his mother and father standing in the kitchen waiting for what was next.

  “Can we sit down?” Sarah asked. Her stomach was beginning to hurt, and her knees were shaking. She knew both were the result of nerves, but that didn’t make it any better.

  All three Millers swung their attention to her.

  “Jah,” Jonah said. “Let’s sit down.”

  The four of them moved to the living room. Jonah’s dat sat in a recliner while Gertie settled down in a wooden rocking chair. That left Sarah and Jonah to sit side by side on the couch.

  She perched on the edge, unable to sit back and relax. She was entirely too nervous.

  Jonah clasped his hands between his knees, then braced them on his thighs. Then he clasped them once more. It was no consolation to her that he was as uncomfortable as she was.

  This too shall pass. Wasn’t that what they always said?

  “It seems that Sarah and I need to get married.”

  Eli’s eyebrows shot toward his hairline. Gertie sat up a little straighter, rocking forward in her chair.

  “What exactly do you mean, son?” This from his father.

  Jonah sucked in a deep breath. He ducked his head over his hands as if praying for strength, then he leveled his gaze on his father once more. Sarah had to give him kudos for bravery. He looked his father right in the eye and said, “We’re having a baby.”

  Eli blinked a couple of times as if trying to get a handle on what Jonah had just said. “I see.” His gaze was centered on Jonah as if he couldn’t bear to look at her.

  Sarah wasn’t sure what was worse, Eli’s inattention or Gertie’s condemning stare.

  “How did this happen?” She looked from one of them to the other, her voice sharp.

  Jonah opened his mouth, closed it again, then shook his head.

  “That’s not what I mean.” Gertie pressed her lips together.

  They were disappointed. In her? In him? In the fact that he would be tied to her forever?

  Dear Lord, if this is truly Your will, help me through this.

  Sarah gathered her gumption and stood. “We made a mistake. I’m sorry. We’re sorry. We are human and weak. But I have to believe that this is God’s will and we must see it through.” She was trembling when she finished, her knees shaking so badly she
almost collapsed back onto the couch next to Jonah.

  He stood, his body warm next to her, lending her his strength. Strength she so desperately needed.

  Gertie and Eli watched them, not speaking, barely breathing.

  Then Eli nodded. “Jah. That is how we must view this.”

  “Have you talked to the bishop?” Gertie asked.

  Jonah shook his head. “You’re the first we’ve told.”

  “Then you have a lot of work to do,” Eli said.

  “And a wedding to plan.” Gertie shook her head. Sarah could almost hear her thoughts. So much shame. So much work still to do. And she was already sewing for one wedding now.

  But Sarah knew. She and Jonah would only have a small service with just the immediate family. Not the celebration that her friends had enjoyed. Every Amish girl thought about her wedding every day of her life. Which siblings or cousins would stand up with them? Who would be invited? Who would be old enough to attend?

  She pushed those selfish thoughts aside. She had created more work for both families. But she didn’t have time to apologize.

  Gertie shook her head. “I guess that’s that, then, jah?”

  Eli nodded.

  Sarah stared at her fingers. They had told his parents, but there was still so much left to do.

  “I could use your help in the north field,” Eli said to Jonah, his implication clear.

  Jonah coughed. “I think it’s only right that we head over to tell Sarah’s parents now.”

  Not that she wanted to. She wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

  After her parents, they would need to have a word with the bishop.

  So much to do. So many plans. So much heartache for them all.

  Chapter Five

  Hilde Yoder dabbed her eyes with the tail end of her apron and sniffed.

  Sarah’s parents had taken the news much like the Millers had, with a strong mark of shock and a little bit of disbelief. But instead of resigned and a little angry, Sarah’s parents seemed sad.

  She had disappointed them. She had let them down in one careless moment of weakness.

  “I just never thought . . .” Her mother pressed her lips together, and Sarah’s heart fell into her lap. She wanted to crawl under the table and pretend none of this was even happening, but she would have to come out and face it all eventually.