Filthy Cowboy

by Amy Brent

  There was no way he could have touched her, and taken her to places he had earlier, and not felt anything. She wanted to wake him, tell him the truth of all of it but she was afraid he would tell her no, denying what he felt once more. She settled into her sleeping bag, feeling a few tears still fall as she drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Four

  Morning wasn’t a welcome sight for her, she rose, knowing it was later than they had planned and glanced over at his sleeping bag only to see that is was gone, and rolled up in the corner of the tent. It was their last day and in three days she would be gone, for good.

  She had to step outside, she knew she would have to face him, and face what had happened. He was missing from the camp, and hearing the splash she knew he was in the water. There was no better time than the present, to plead her case. She made her way down to the lake, seeing him naked from the waist up. She stood there, arms folded watching him. Finally, he noticed her on the bank.

  “Kate.” He could only say her name, afraid to do or say anything else.

  “I have questions.” She wanted the truth no matter how harsh.

  “Ok, I am willing to answer them, you know that.” He made his way closer to her whiles still staying submerged in the water.

  “You don’t want me, you made that clear but I want to understand why?” She cleared her throat.

  “I told you why it won’t work Kate, I never told you I didn’t want you. You should know that after last night.” He sighed looking at the water.

  “You are fine with fucking me, that was clear, but you don’t WANT me. That’s altogether something different Aaron.” She crossed her arms once more, staring down the hill at him. She felt tears threated to spill again, but she held them in check, and held her ground.

  “It’s not like that Kate, I mean yes your sexy but I don’t think of you as an object.” He had the decency to look up at her and frown this time.

  “Do you think I’m sexy, or just parts of me?” She was yelling now. “I saw you with her you know, the blond in the pool…I know I am not her, nothing like her.” She paused for effect.

  “Oh my God Kate, you saw that?” He ran a hand over his hair, sighing in the process.

  “She was beautiful, is she the reason why you don’t want me?”

  “Her, hell no Kate, she is a friend. We get together from time to time that’s all.” He was visibly embarrassed.

  “She was very different than me, I can tell you that’s one big thing isn’t it. Let’s just be honest about the whole thing. You don’t want me because I am inexperienced, and because I am fat.” With that she spun around and made her way back to the tent, cramming her things into her duffle bag as she went. It was too much, too overwhelming. She felt his hand on her arm and he spun her around to face him.

  “Have you lost your mind Kate? Neither of those things are true and you damn well know it.”

  “I don’t know it Aaron, but things are much clearer to me now.” She had barely gotten the words out when him mouth came down on hers in a searing kiss. She tried to breath, but he crushed her to him, him mouth and tongue exploring her mouth, bruising her tender lips as he went.

  “Touch me Kate.” His vice was hoarse.

  She did as he asked, his girth growing in her hand.

  “How can you even think any of those things, look at what you to do me?”

  “Then why, why don’t you want me, why don’t you think of me as more than a child?”

  “Fine, you want me to treat you like a woman Kate?” He pulled her roughly with him into the back of the tent where her sleeping bag still lay on the floor. He pulled her clothes from her, and she helped him to remove his own. She wanted him, and hated him for making her feel small at the same time. Soon she was naked and he attacked her pale flesh with relish, his mouth on her everywhere at once. His body reacting to hers in a way she had never imagines. The roughness of his bearded face left scratches on her chest as he traveled down the length of her, kissing and nipping his way down.

  From there he pulled and bit each nipple, branding her with his lips, teasing her and making her feel like she was losing all control. He moved his hands over her, cupping her full breasts as his mouth made its way down her body, kissing and loving every inch of her. She looked up at him his mouth finding her again and kissing her with a feverish eagerness, making sure she knew that he wanted her, and she had no doubt of it.

  She let her hands wander as well, hearing his sharp intake of breath as she raked her nails lovingly down his chest, running over his nipples delicately. He gasped at her onslaught then grabbed her hands pinning them above her head as he pushed her down onto the sleeping bag.

  Stuck she couldn’t move, her body a mind of its own, moving on its own accord, reacting and giving him everything he wanted. She had no choices, she simple was there, for him to do as he saw fit. She felt his body press against hers and she gasped at the heat they created between them. She wanted and needed more. She felt his hands roam over her body, leaving nothing untouched. Soon his hands roughly made a path top her womanhood, slipping a hand between her thighs to find the softness there.

  She reacted to him, her body opening up to him giving him access to her, all of her. He moaned her name into her mouth as he kissed her, wanting to be close to her as he moved his hands over her creating a reaction, making her want him. She reached her first climax as he moved his hands on her, she was panting with desire as he moved then, deftly slipping between her thighs, holding her up to meet his thrusts as he entered her. She felt like she was flying as he lifted her up higher, making sure each thrust was deep and true.

  Soon they found a familiar rhythm, and she met him thrust for thrust until he stopped. Pulling himself from her.

  “Get on your knees Kate.” He said it with such calm that it made Kate shudder as she did as he asked.

  She felt the red flush creep into her cheeks as she stayed that way, in position for him, exposed in such a way she would have never imagined being comfortable with. She felt his hands gently graze her ass, tapping her gently. She was reminded of the woman in the pool, and how he had hit her, leaving a mark. She felt her body tremble in anticipation of what would come next.

  He dropped soft kisses down her spine and she relished in those sweet moments. Soon he was behind her again, and she blushed once more which only made him chuckle. She felt him push at her opening from behind and as he found the entrance, using her own wetness as a guide, he plunged into her. She reeled from the feel of him, buried deep inside her. He was almost too big, filling her too much. She lay down flatter on the sleeping bag, hoping to accommodate him more and give him more access to her sleek sheath.

  With one final thrust he was buried deep, and she felt him grow even more inside her as he pulled out, only to push back in once more until together they moved as one, both taking and giving to the other both seeking out that final release. His hand hit her bare ass, the curvy rounded orifice jiggled with the hit and the dark pink stain was likely very evident on her pale skin. She felt him deep as he found his climax, that matched her own.

  He withdrew once more, only this time, she curled up against him, not wanting to move until later, much later. When finally, they did, they went down to the lake to clean up, where he made love to her again on the bank side.

  That night as they sat together around the fire, he held her to him, his mouth dropping kisses on her whenever he could. Things had shifted, had changed somehow but neither of them wanted to talk about it.

  Chapter Five

  They had to go back, and she was leaving. There was nothing more they could do about it. The ride home was very different from the one heading out. Their relationship had shifted and changed so much now that neither of them knew exactly how to behave.

  The closer they got to home, the more distant he became, and she knew he wasn’t ready to accept her as anything new yet. She made her way inside, locking herself up in her room needing some time to think about everything th
at had happened over the last few days. She needed to decide what she needed to do. Thinking about being without him now was like a piece of her missing, but she knew this opportunity in L.A. was one that wouldn’t come up again later. She had a shoot next week that would cover her bills for the next year.

  She came down after dinner, knowing he would be in his office and yet he was there waiting for her. He stood in the doorway, watching her as she came down, knowing she would come down eventually.

  “You were waiting for me?” She whispered, her eyes roaming over him.

  “I knew you would come down eventually, I just had to wait.” He folded his arms across his chest, watching her. He took her in, she could tell by the way his eyes roamed over her.

  “I don’t know what to do Aaron, with everything that’s happened. I don’t know what to do or think about any of it.” She felt tears well up, but she held them in check.

  “I am in the very same place Kate. I am lost.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t stop thinking about you, or wanting you. Everything I do is about you and yet I am torn because I know you deserve more, and better. I’m a much older man Kate, I am not like the guys you are used to.”

  “I am leaving in the morning, how am I supposed to do that?” She blinked at him rapidly. How do I go off and live a new life and never think about this?”

  “I don’t know Kate, there is no right or wrong answer. I just don’t know anything.”

  “I’m going to bed.” She whispered it. Giving him a glance as she went.

  It couldn’t have been more than an hour before she made her way to his bedroom. She was no fool, and neither was he. He didn’t say a word, instead he simple pulled the covers back for her as she stripped down and climbed in beside him.

  There was a tenderness to how he touched her that hadn’t been there before then. He moaned into her mouth as he kissed her. Loving every inch of her as he went. She met him with ever kiss, touch or thrust that he gave. She prided herself on being what he needed, even if she didn’t know what it was she was doing.

  His hands touched every inch of her leaving nothing un touched, or unloved. She was smiling when she finally woke up, the sun beating down on the empty bed, where he had once been. She felt the spot, wishing he were still there with her, and leaning over she grabbed one of his pillows, burying her face in it and breathing in his scent. She wanted to remember that smell as she went on with her life.

  She showered and dressed, putting the last few things she would need into a travel case and making her way downstairs to the front door. She knew he would be waiting, and as their eyes met she blushed profusely.

  “I guess it’s time.” She gave him a half smile.

  “Don’t go Kate. I don’t want you to go any more than you want to go. We can figure it out somehow, just not publicly that’s all.”

  She knew he was sincere, but what she needed was to be herself, and take some time to figure things out. She knew after the shoot next week, she would have a lot of down time and she would use it to think long and hard about the next phase of her life.

  “I can’t … not like this Aaron… not like this.”

  She felt his arms pulled her close his lips finding hers. She kissed him deep and he smiled at her response to him, though his face fell when she picked up her bag once more.

  “I want us to be who we are. I don’t care about what you or anyone else things. I like what I like and I want you. I just don’t want to hide from it, or from anyone else for that matter. I have a lot on my mind and a lot to think about. Goodbye Aaron.” She said it with such finality that she was quickly gone, and she didn’t turn around to look back, fearful he would see the tears that were streaming down her face.

  The trip to the airport was quick, but the wait to board the place was another matter altogether. She had more than enough time to pace the lobby, fighting with herself not to get in a cab and go back, throwing herself into his arms. Finally, she boarded and as the plane flew she looked down at the city below, wondering if he were thinking about her as well. She needed to focus, get her head straight about life.

  She was still lost in her own thoughts when she landed safely in L.A. Everything from this moment forward was about her and her future. Perhaps Aaron was right, she needed time to focus on something different. She found her hotel, and she marveled at how well done everything was. Her photographer was there within hours setting up for the shoot, and she found herself fraped in some of the most expensive clothing she was sure she ever will touch.

  They had two more full days for shooting, and though Aaron tried to call her a number of times, she hit the ignore button. She knew he would reel her back in, and do his best to tell her to fly back home to him. But she couldn’t be what he wanted, no matter how hard she may try.

  Chapter Six

  It had been three weeks. Three long and lonely miserable weeks. She missed him, there was no way she could ever deny that, no matter what she told herself. She had taken on three more jobs, and was set up financially for quite some time. Her days were spent at the pool, and roaming the hotel for things to do. That was her life, the life of a maid model, up until now.

  She wanted to cry, or scream or anything else for that matter. She held up the stick to check it once more, hoping it would say something different but it was no sue, she was very definitely pregnant. She knew Aaron would feel strongly about it one way or another, but she was her own person, and she made her own rules about what she wanted. She would keep this baby and love it with everything she had, just as she did the father of the child.

  Sighing she knew her hat with him tonight would be hard. Some part of her wanted to be excited, but she would have to see how he feels first. As she picked up her phone she dialed him, waiting for the husky timbre of his voice on the other end.

  “Kate, I have been waiting for you.” She could hear that he was perturbed.

  “I’m sorry if I kept you too long.” She frowned.

  “You are just fine Kate; it’s just been a long day. Someone brought in 5 kids to the shipping station, and they were everywhere. The parents were negligent, and the whole thing was a mess. I am telling you it was exactly why I am so glad I don’t have kids.”

  She felt his words like weight in her stomach. “I see, well you have had quite a day then.”

  They talked about the house, changes that needed to be done, and he told her he missed her, and wished she were there. She sent him love as well, hanging up without saying a word about the issue at hand. He had clearly said he was so happy he had no kids. She put a protective hand over her stomach, she would have to take it all on alone, it was as simple as that. She did her best to stick to her plan, trying to separate herself from Aaron more and more. She knew he had to be seeing that woman again, there was no way he was sitting at home pining away for her, though she wanted him too.

  The days went by quickly and she did her best to stay focused and busy, booking more jobs as show went, knowing that soon she wouldn’t be able to work anymore. Her belly would be a clear indicator that she was far less suited to model than other things.

  She started shopping more, picking out little things at first and then bigger ones, until she was sure she had too much of everything. She pulled her money out of savings, finding a small two-bedroom house where they could stay for a long time. She saw her phone ringing once more, seeing Aarons face and she decided to answer it this time.

  “Hello Aaron.” She said it with a smile.

  “Dammnit Kate, where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you.” She could hear that he was worried, but she knew distance was for the best.

  “I am sorry Aaron, things have just been crazy here, I feel like all I do is work work work.” She laughed lightly into the phone.

  “Kate listen to me, please don’t disappear on me. I worry about you. Hell, I think about you all the time. At least check in with me one or twice a week.”

  “Ok I will.” She could give him tha
t much, he deserved that much.

  As the months went by, she slowly put together her new life. She took on new classes, getting ready for the baby, she set up her house and she got bigger and bigger. L.A. was no place to be raising a child, but she really had no place else to go. She certainly couldn’t go back home, to him. She felt the loneliness settle on her like a blanket and she did her best to go out and make some new friends.

  Her talks with Aaron were so random, she started looking forward to their chats about the weather, or the newest things popping up in town. He gave her strength when she was afraid she was losing all sense of direction where the bay was concerned. He told her she was beautiful, and smart and he loved all the pictures she sent him. She never asked about the blonde woman, and he never asked her if she was dating either.

  By the time she was 6 months pregnant she was far too overwhelmed with everything and she took time away from school to focus on the baby. She would chat with Aaron for hours, doing her best to keep from breaking down and telling him everything. They talked about everything under the sun, and she fell in love with him even more with every conversation. With those conversations she would feel the pain of losing him all over again and she made the decision to stop talking to him altogether.

  It was by far the hardest thing she had ever had to do up to that point. Everything she did, made her want to call and tell him about it. But she would pick up the phone cradle it for a moment and then put it back down. She sent him and email, telling him she needed some alone time. She simply chalked it up to getting too emotionally attached to him. She also told him she wished him well, hopeful that he would meet someone who could be what he needed.