Jessica

by Bryce Courtenay

  Joe clears his throat and looks across the flat land, shimmering in the afternoon heat. Jessica will bring a shame upon the family from which they can never recover. Hester has been right all along, Joe thinks. His youngest daughter is no good, a rotten apple, and now it’s too late. She’s destroyed them all and no decent family will consider the notion of Meg as a wife for their son and heir. What Jessica’s done will haunt them for the rest of their lives. They will be outcast from society. He has been alone before — he knows he can survive. But Hester will be destroyed and so will Meg, their hopes dashed forever. The foreigner’s family tainted with his bad blood, that’s what they’ll think of us, Joe tells himself harshly.

  ‘It’s five hours before we get home. By that time you better have the answer or you’ll be sorry.’ Joe doesn’t shout. His voice is cold and Jessica knows it’s his stubbornness against hers, his Bergman will against her own. Joe is going back into his darkness. ‘You’ll tell your mother who it was, or I’ll take the stockwhip to you and thrash you to within an inch of your life.’

  He walks around the back of the sulky, hanging the water bag back on its hook. Then he climbs in and holds the reins loosely, not yet urging the pony on. ‘Jessica, is it ... ?’ He cannot bring himself to say Billy Simple’s name.

  Jessica is silent for a while, then she turns to Joe, her hand clasped to her throat. ‘You can kill me, but I ain’t never gunna tell, Father,’ she says in a hoarse whisper. When Jessica and Joe arrive home Jessica sits outside while Joe goes in to tell Hester of Jessica’s pregnancy. Jessica already knows that she’s reached the final point with Hester, that her mother cannot forgive her. She also knows that her mother’s anger will be more to do with how her pregnancy affects Meg’s chances than with any humiliation it brings on the family.

  Joe comes back outside and brings Jessica in to sit at the kitchen table to face her mother.

  ‘Who is it?’ Hester asks in a savage voice. ‘Tell me — or your father will give you a belting you’ll never forget.’ Jessica does not respond, but stares stubbornly at her boots.

  ‘Is it that vile creature, Billy Simple?’ She does not wait for an answer. ‘Hanging is too good for him and now he has destroyed us as well.’

  Jessica does not answer and Hester continues, ‘How could you do this to us? You are possessed by the Devil. You are the Devil’s child!’ She turns to Joe, seated at the end of the table. ‘Jessica’s gone quite mad! She cannot be trusted to live with us. She must receive a whipping and then be banished! She must be put away from decent folk.’

  Jessica looks up, frightened. She has expected the whipping, but not that she will be cast out from her family. Surely Joe will not allow this to happen? She looks over to where he sits at the end of the table. But Joe has his head bowed and he has his hands in his lap.

  Jessica’s heart sinks — Joe has given up on her.

  ‘Who knows that Jessica is pregnant?’ Hester now asks Joe.

  ‘Only the doctor,’ Joe grunts.

  ‘Can we trust him to keep quiet?’ Joe shrugs, not looking up at his wife. ‘He said it were in confidence. You should bloody know, he’s your family doctor.’

  Hester sighs, and then suddenly bursts into tears. ‘You wicked, wicked girl, how could you do this to us? How can you think to so utterly destroy us?’ she wails, her lips spit-flecked. She points at Jessica, stabbing a bony forefinger repeatedly into the air. ‘You whore! You filthy whore!’ she screams. Rising from the table she rushes over to Jessica and beats her fists against her shoulders and head. ‘You dirty little slut!’

  ‘Father! Father!’ Jessica howls, pulling her arms over her head to protect her from her mother’s flailing blows. But Joe remains silent and Hester stops as abruptly as she has begun. Her daughter has reduced her to using a word which has rarely passed her lips and one she never thought she’d use against either of her daughters. She stands over Jessica, panting, her entire body trembling, and then says slowly, ‘We must be rid of it! The filthy thing. That creature’s vile thing inside of you! Kill it!’ Jessica starts to cry. ‘Mama, I don’t want you to kill it. Please don’t kill it!’ she sobs.

  Meg has stepped into the kitchen, and it is quite apparent that she’s been listening all the while at the door. ‘It’ll be mad like its father,’ she says.

  ‘You hold your tongue, Meg,’ Joe commands.

  ‘Please, Father. It’s mine, don’t let them kill my baby,’ Jessica sobs, her voice barely above a whisper. She looks up at Joe, pleading. ‘Please, Father?’

  Hester leans over Jessica and shouts, ‘You’ve done enough damage already, you’ll do as you’re told!’

  Joe looks up suddenly and, half rising from his chair, bangs his fist hard down on the table. ‘Silence all of you! Not another word from you lot!’ he thunders.

  Jessica continues to sob, her head buried again in her arms. Hester and Meg, brought to silence, look to Joe, stunned.

  ‘Jessica, your mother’s right. If it gets out that you’re pregnant to Billy Simple we’ll all be destroyed. It will be the end of us as a family. Nobody is ever to know you’re in the family way. You hear me, girl? You will not be seen by anyone. You’ll not show your face anywhere. You will not leave this house.’

  Jessica looks up at Joe again, appealing to him. ‘She’s not going to kill my baby, then, Father?’ Jessica turns to Hester. ‘I swear if you try, I’ll tell the whole world you done it, you killed my baby!’ she howls.

  ‘Ha, she’s mad!’ Hester snaps, turning her back on Jessica.

  ‘Jessie, go to your room,’ Joe commands. ‘You stay there until you’re called. Meg, you go to yours too, I want to talk to your mother.’

  Jessica gets up from the table and walks towards her bedroom. Her nose is running and her eyes are red and swollen from crying all day. She lets out an involuntary sob as she passes Meg, standing with her arms folded, the hint of a cruel smile at the corners of her mouth. ‘Now you’ve gone and done it,’ Meg says smugly, so that only Jessica can hear. ‘You’ve got a bastard in your stomach.’ Jessica is too forlorn to answer her and continues past her to her own room. ‘You’re disgusting, a whore,’ Meg hisses after her.

  In the kitchen Joe sighs. ‘Perhaps it’s someone else’s,’ he says hopefully.

  Hester looks up sharply. ‘Whose?’

  ‘I dunno — there’s other lads she works with at Riverview Station.’

  ‘She’s had no work at Riverview for months now. Except for going to Wagga for the trial, she’s been here working with you.’

  ‘Maybe someone she met at the trial? I wasn’t always with her. It were a boarding house where we stayed - other men were about.’

  ‘Joe, the trial was one month ago. She’s two and a half months gone!’ Hester looks knowingly at her husband. ‘He’s the only one Jessica’s been with alone. It was two and a half months ago she spent the whole night with Billy Simple when she took him to Narrandera. Your daughter’s no heroine, Joe, she’s a tart, a floosie, call it what you like. I dare say she’s been doing it with him for some time. I can’t even think about it, it’s that horrible. I should have listened when Ada Thomas, God rest her soul, said Jessica was always around the monster when she went over to work at Riverview.’

  Joe looks up at his wife. ‘That’s because they were mates. I don’t believe you, Jessie’s not like that. Maybe something happened on the way to Narrandera, but it would be only the once.’

  Hester sighs. ‘Once is quite enough. It doesn’t matter if it’s once or a dozen times, she’s pregnant to a monster, Joe. What will the child be like, have you thought of that?’

  ‘Whoa, wait now, Billy Simple weren’t born a wrong ‘un. It were the horse kicked him that done his brain in.

  He were a strappin’ lad, no fool neither — his children will be normal as you and me.’

  ‘Joe, he’s a murderer and an Irish Catholic. There’s b
ad blood there and that’s passed on,’ Hester says darkly.

  ‘What about young Jack? It could be him, they’re out alone in the bush often enough,’ Joe says. ‘He’s been over here from time to time, brought the bull over once, took it back, that’s twice. There were other times. We could tell him Jessica’s pregnant. If he’d done it to her he’d say so, he’s a decent enough lad. He’d do the right thing.’

  ‘Joe, don’t you dare! Nobody must know about this, least of all Jack Thomas. It would ruin Meg’s chances.’ Joe looks at her. ‘What chances? It’s too late now. She’s done her dash — he’s off to Sydney on Sunday.’

  Hester clears her throat and then swallows hard. ‘There’s news you don’t know yet and God knows this is not the time to tell you.’ She shrugs her shoulders.

  ‘It’s that ... ‘

  Joe looks up suspiciously. ‘What?’ he interjects. ‘It’s Meg. She could be pregnant to Jack Thomas.’ Joe stares at Hester, unable to comprehend.

  Hester holds up her hand. ‘No, wait — don’t say anything, let me explain.’

  Joe brings his hands up to cover his face. ‘Ohmegawd! What are you saying, woman?’

  ‘Remember how you once said it would be the only way Meg could get him? Well, it happened while you were away. Jack saw the fence posts the timber-getter brought and I happened to mention to him they were in the wrong place and would need to be shifted to the north paddock. He came over on Wednesday, quite unexpected.’ Hester tries to look contrite. ‘I mentioned your bad back and he offered to load them and move them.’ Hester pauses and says, ‘I’m sorry Joe, but you could have gotten hurt moving them.’

  ‘That were decent of him,’ Joe growls, though plainly unhappy. ‘But him knowing I’ve got a bad back ain’t gunna help me. You shoulda known better, Hester. Shearing season’s coming up, I need the work at the station.’ ‘Jack won’t be there, Joe. He’s off to the war. He’s not going to tell George Thomas — they’re still not on speaking terms.’

  ‘Anyway, what’s the fence posts got to do with him and Meg?’ Joe asks.

  ‘Well, I wasn’t here Wednesday night. I was called over to see old Mrs Baker — you know, the organist at St Stephen’s. She’s got a bad heart — you know how she’s always going on about it so that nobody takes much notice — but she was took ill and sent for me. I rode over in the sulky and when I got there she was that unwell I decided to stay the night and mind her.’ ‘So, what yer tellin’ me, him and her was alone? Jack and Meg?’

  ‘Well, I wasn’t to know that he was coming over, was I?’ Hester protests. ‘Meg naturally asked him to stay for tea, to thank him for moving the posts.’ Hester pauses and shrugs. ‘Two young people in love left together all night ... It’s not surprising under the circumstances.’

  ‘You mean Meg saw her big opportunity?’

  ‘She loves him, Joe!’

  ‘Eh? That one only loves herself. She bloody saw her chance and took it, grabbed it with both hands. I’ll bet she couldn’t get her bloomers down fast enough.’

  Hester sighs. ‘You’re wrong about Meg, but I won’t argue with you, Joe Bergman. The fact is, we can’t ask Jack about Jessica.’

  ‘Oh, I see, you do think he could’ve done it to Jessie as well?’

  ‘No, Joe, I don’t. You know as well as I do whose child Jessica’s carrying. It’s Billy Simple’s. She’d have told us if it was Jack’s, if only to spite Meg.’

  Joe frowns, thinking. ‘I dunno. Jessie’s not foolish, she’s not that sort of girl.’

  ‘Ha, little do you know!’ Hester exclaims.

  ‘What do yer mean by that?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Hester says, covering up. ‘Just that she’s a young girl.’

  ‘Bullshit. That’s not what you mean. What are you saying about Jessie?’ Joe demands. ‘Well, she does things.’

  ‘Does things? What sort o’ things?’ Hester sighs. ‘Joe, it’s not something you ought to know about.’

  ‘Jesus! The girl’s pregnant to a fucking monster and it’s not something I oughta know about?’ Joe yells. ‘What bloody things, woman?’

  ‘She fiddles with herself, does unnatural things to herself.’

  ‘What’s that supposed ter mean?’

  ‘In places where she ought not.’ Joe looks at his wife, bemused. ‘What places?’ Hester sighs. ‘Women’s places. Places a man hasn’t got.’

  A look of astonishment appears on Joe’s face. ‘You mean ... ? Do women do that?’

  ‘No, Joe, only very wicked ones, dirty buggers.’ Hester taps the side of her head. ‘Jessica’s been doing it a long time.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I’m her mother. I saw it with my own eyes — she left her bedroom door open, and I saw her!’ ‘Does Meg do it as well?’

  ‘Of course not! Meg wouldn’t. It isn’t decent. Meg’s a nice clean girl.’

  Joe looks suspiciously at his wife. ‘You’re not making all this up, are you, Hester?’ ‘I swear it, on my life.’

  Joe is silent for a while, then says gruffly, ‘It don’t mean nothing. Just growing pains.’

  ‘Ha! Joe, it explains everything,’ Hester protests, then stabs her finger at Joe’s chest. ‘Might as well hear it from me, Jessica is a slag. She’s been doing filthy things to herself since she was eleven years old. I tell you, it isn’t natural and it’s what’s made her go loony, too!’

  ‘Bullshit! I don’t believe she’s mad, not for a minute,’ Joe protests, but he’s out of his depth with such women’s talk. Hester senses his confusion and is quick to take advantage.

  ‘Joe, listen to me. Jessica’s not well.’ Hester taps her head. ‘Who knows what she’ll do the way she is at the moment? Besides, she doesn’t know about Meg and Jack.’ Hester sighs. ‘What I’m saying is, if Meg is pregnant to Jack he could use the scandal of Jessica’s pregnancy to Billy Simple to get out of marrying her. Then where would we be? Both Bergman girls pregnant out of wedlock, the one to a murderer and a madman, the other trying to entrap the richest lad in the Riverina before he goes to war? Jack Thomas would have the sympathy of the whole community. They’d urge him not to marry Meg, not to go near the little gold digger. We’d be dirt and people would say we deserve all that’s coming to us.’ Hester spreads her hands, appealing to her husband. ‘Joe, don’t you see — it’s not just Meg who’s involved, it’s all of us!’

  ‘Shit, shit, shit! How did all this happen?’ Joe says despairingly, then looks up at Hester. ‘One night don’t guarantee nothing. What if Meg ain’t pregnant?’

  Hester shrugs. ‘We still can’t take the chance of telling Jack about Jessica, not in the next three days anyway. Maybe later — he’ll be in Sydney for at least ten weeks. We’ll know for sure by then.’ Hester walks over and takes Joe’s hand in a rare pretence at affection. ‘Joe, don’t you see? It’s Jack’s child with Meg who needs to be protected. Jessie’s carrying Billy Simple’s bastard and if that gets out, it’s the end of all of us.’

  Joe sees the logic in Hester’s argument, sees clearly that they’ve been caught between a rock and a hard place. He brings his hands to his forehead and then wipes them slowly across his face. ‘We’ll have to decide about Jessie, what to do,’ he says wearily.

  ‘Joe, we’ve got to get rid of it. There’s a woman in Wagga I’ve heard about ... ‘

  ‘No!’ Joe looks up at his wife sharply. ‘No, I won’t hear of it, you understand? I’ve heard of them backyard doings, knitting needles and bits o’ fencing wire to hook it out. Come what may, I ain’t putting Jessie’s life in danger. She’s still our daughter.’ Hester sniffs. ‘Yours maybe.’

  Joe pretends he doesn’t hear. ‘We’ll have to think of something else. We could keep her in the house and when folk ask where she is we could say she’s had one o’ them nervous breakdowns like the newspapers said.’ He glances at Hester hopefully. ‘We could admit to
that, it’s better than the other. They’ll soon enough figure out that she’s gorn a bit in the head, like. They’ll understand that. It’s not too unusual anyway, especially her being through what she’s been.’ Joe stops and seems to be thinking. ‘After a while she could get better an’ all,’ he says, again hopefully.

  ‘True enough,’ Hester sniffs and then adds sarcastically, ‘and her going loony has put a lot of weight on her at the same time, all of it in front, so she looks just like she’s pregnant! Joe, she can’t just stay in the house for the next seven months until her baby comes. Even if we manage to keep her hidden, then what? What do we tell people? The stork brought us a brand-new baby? A bastard who looks just like Billy Simple? It come down the chimney one dark and stormy night?’

  ‘She’s not getting rid of it, that’s all there is to it. You heard what she said, she wants to keep the baby.’

  ‘Joe, she’s not right in the head. Don’t you see? She’s not responsible, not normal. What does Jessica know about babies, eh? I ask you! Would anyone normal who has a murderer’s bastard child, a madman’s brat in her stomach, want to keep it? I know I wouldn’t. Meg wouldn’t. No sane woman would! Can you imagine the future for the child? For Jessica herself? People pointing at her and the child, never forgetting where it came from. “There goes mad Jessie with the murderer’s bastard child”,’ Hester mimics. ‘Joe, she’d be better off in her grave, and the child with her!’

  Joe cannot believe he has heard Hester correctly. ‘Better off in her grave? It’s all about Meg, ain’t it? All about your precious daughter. Not spoiling her chances,’ he says coldly.

  ‘It’s about us, Joe,’ Hester now says urgently, ‘all of us!’ She is close to tears. ‘Meg hasn’t let us down, she deserves her chance!’

  ‘Well, if it’s about all of us, then we stick together. Jessie is us, she’s our daughter. I don’t give a fuck about what folk say. I come from nowhere, I’m nothing, nobody, but I won’t destroy me own. Jessie’s not to be tampered with, you hear me, Hester?’