The Sex Education of M.E.

by L. B. Dunbar

  “Just wait.” He paused.

  My chest rose heavily with the exertion of climbing in and out of the van, then shutting the heavy back door.

  “Give me a second. I’ll change.” His lips twisted. “No peeking.” He opened the door of his truck and slipped inside. I remained next to his large vehicle, confused. Stepping out of his truck, he now wore sport shorts. His feet were covered in regular gym shoes. He wasn’t wearing a shirt.

  “We’ll just rent the blue bikes,” he offered. “We can ride where we want and park them when we’re done.” He dragged a t-shirt over his head, covering those tattoos and firm abs. I stared at him in wonder.

  “Emme, you with me?” He smirked. He reached out his hand and I took it, letting the warmth wrap around me and drag me over to the blue bike display. He paid for two bikes and then told me we were headed south toward the city.

  The Chicago lakefront bike trail is an active place. The majestic lake with a back drop of the city is a juxtaposition of nature and industry. It’s gorgeous. The trail was difficult to ride side by side and Merek let me lead, setting the pace as we passed runners, walkers, and intense bike riders. We followed the curve around North Avenue Beach and continued on until we reached Navy Pier. The ride was peaceful despite the bustle of traffic to the right and pedestrians to the left. The time allowed for thought instead of conversation and after the awkwardness of our first meeting this morning, I relished the silence.

  Merek and I were different in so many ways. I often wondered what I possibly did for him, as I knew what he did for me. He taught me to use my body to seek pleasure, and I was more than satiated after my year-long dry spell. Could I go back to being alone? Probably not. Did I feel more confident to seek out others? Possibly a little. Could I move on from Merek? My first thought was absolutely not, but when I questioned again what I did for him, the answer had to shift to a maybe.

  I’d already had twenty years of ups and downs, with mediocre sex, and Merek had taught me there was more to the experience. What I also realized was that I wanted more than just the experience of sex. I wanted a relationship. I wanted the emotion behind sex. I didn’t have to have marriage, but someone committed to me, who wanted only me, didn’t seem like too much to ask. Thoughts like these forced my mind to the horrible parts of my marriage. The parts I swore I’d never take, but did. I shook my head to rid the thoughts, pulling myself back to the beautiful day. Merek rode up next to me and reached out for my handle bars.

  “Hey,” I laughed as we almost collided. “You’re going to wreck us.” His hand remained on my handlebar, but he balanced in a way that we were parallel to one another.

  “I don’t want to ever do that,” he said, and my head swung to look at him. The tone of his voice hinted at something more.

  “Let’s stop up here.” He nodded at Navy Pier. “We can take a cab back to Lincoln Park.” I nodded, sad to see the ride end, but we had gone a great distance, and I didn’t know if I could cycle back the miles we had covered. We parked the blue bikes in another rack and crossed the street to hail a cab. When Merek ignored the busy pier, I decided he was done for the day, and this was his polite way of ending our trip. He’d compromised to ride the city bike instead of his racer, and he had missed out on a workout.

  Entering the cab, Merek told the driver to take us to 2056 Lincoln Park West. I assumed this was an address near Irving Park, although I couldn’t be certain. It seemed easier to specify the park.

  “Hungry?” He turned to me and my eyebrows pinched in confusion.

  “I’m starving.” A smile passed over his face and his hand covered my thigh. Dragging his thumb slowly over damp, warm skin, a pulse beat at my core. We pulled up to a restaurant I hadn’t been to in years. R.J. Grunts was a burger joint across from Lincoln Park Zoo. The place was packed and I waited outside while Merek went in to give his name. Returning outside, he walked into my space, hovering before me as he brushed back loose hairs from my sloppy ponytail.

  “Where’d you go when we were riding?”

  “What do you mean?”

  He tapped my forehead. “In here. Where did you go?”

  “Nowhere,” I lied. Hoping to change the subject, I said, “I thought we rode too far and you were done with me.” I tried to tease.

  It was his turn to be surprised. His hands brushed up and down my sticky arms.

  “I’m not sure I can be done with you, Emme.” His tone was serious a moment as he brushed at a wayward hair by my ear. “But I was tired of being behind you. I mean, I liked looking at your ass, but I wanted to talk to you and it was hard to be side by side on the trail.”

  I stared at this man, who was a constant conundrum to me.

  “What did you want to talk about?”

  “The Lake, the people, anything. I just …” His voice trailed off as the buzzer for our table vibrated in his pocket. He pointed for me to lead the way and I inhaled the glorious scent of cheeseburger heaven, the conversation forgotten for the moment. I didn’t need a menu to know exactly what I was ordering, but I picked it up all the same.

  “You aren’t going to be one of those women who order only salad, then eat half of it, are you?” He laughed looking at me over the menu.

  “Do I look like I eat only salad?” I joked. His menu dropped to the table.

  “I hate when you talk like that.” His voice serious again.

  “I…”

  “I think you’re beautiful, and I like your body. A lot. So I wish you’d stop.”

  “I … I’m sorry.” I didn’t even know if an apology was the right response. I wasn’t used to compliments at all. Nate was similar to Merek in that he worked out constantly. But his comments about my body were quite the opposite. His remarks at the potential for improvement only left me self-conscious. Instead of motivating me to work out like him, it often discouraged the desire to change my body. I’d never been perfectly slim, and having children changed my shape entirely.

  Merek stared at me across the table and my nervousness made me reach for the glass of water before me. His hand shot out to cover mine and water spilled over the rim a little.

  “Hey, don’t do that.” His voice was firm, his grip hard as I balanced the glass between us. His eyes narrowed. “Why do I feel that this has to do with someone other than me?”

  “I guess because it does.” Merek released my hand and I set the water down, no longer interested in my thirst. He glanced out the window at his side before he responded, “No disrespect to the dead, but he seems like a douche bag.”

  I was silent. Could I disrespect the dead? Could I share secrets of Nate that I swore I’d take to my grave? It didn’t seem appropriate to tell Merek, and yet, Merek seemed like exactly the right person to hear my story.

  “Nate wasn’t perfect. He was a good man in many ways, but he certainly wasn’t a saint. I can’t say when things changed, when we went from this spontaneous combustion to a fizzled flame, but it happened. Maybe it wasn’t how I remembered and it was always just a slow burn with no spark. Maybe it was having kids. Maybe it was me. It was certainly him.” I paused to take a sip of water after all.

  “At some point, he didn’t want to be a father anymore. He didn’t want to be a husband. He had an affair.” I swallowed hard. “Most women swear they’d leave a man who did that. They wouldn’t take that shit, but I had two small kids and I wasn’t working. I didn’t know what to do.” Merek’s eyes focused on the table.

  “I took his apology and his promises, and I let him come home. Then I went to work, and we were happy.” I swallowed deep. “No, not happy. That’s not the word. Content. We coasted. He wasn’t a gentleman any longer, and I told myself I was okay with it. When he died, I was lost, but not for reasons people would think.” Merek looked up at me, and it was my turn to look away. I sounded pathetic to myself. I was an educated woman and yet I hadn’t made an intelligent decision. I made an emotional one. If he wasn’t interested in my tale, he’d hear it anyway. I didn’t have the s
trength to stop.

  “I was lost because I felt like I’d given up so much time. I’d lost me along the way. I regained it a little when I went to work. The girls were too young to know the difference of who I was and who I am. Pieces of me were missing for so long. When he died, I felt empty, but not for him. For me.”

  I decided I needed to be finished. I’d just shared too much information, and Merek clearly wasn’t interested. I turned to look out the window and noticed a group of college girls sitting on the fence rail, waiting to enter RJ Grunts. My thoughts sank, just like my heart. I’d spilled so much of my history, and assumed Merek wasn’t listening, just like Nate.

  “I’m sorry. That was kind of heavy. Forget I said all that,” I said, with a dismissive wave.

  “I’m glad you told me. It explains a lot.” He shifted back in his seat as the waitress approached, and we ordered burgers, as if I hadn’t said a thing. The direction of our conversation shifted to more casual conversation, like my work and the girls. Nerves made me talk too much. Merek wasn’t interrupting me, but he wasn’t offering anything about himself, either. While it seemed the natural course of conversation would allow for Merek to speak next, he didn’t. In fact, he was very vague about his work, saying he worked for the city, which could be any number of jobs. He never talked of old loves or even current flings, and it left me wondering again about his kissing denial. He didn’t mention children.

  When we finished our lunch, he reached for my hand and we walked toward Lincoln Park Zoo. Stopping inside the gates, he sheepishly asked if I’d like to walk around the zoo, not just through it.

  “Like a date?” I blurted out, startling myself.

  “I…”

  “Oh my gosh, forget I said that,” I laughed. Of course, it wasn’t a date. It was a bike ride that turned into lunch, and now a walk through the zoo. It wasn’t a date. We weren’t even friends. We were fuck buddies, but I was suddenly confused. My eyebrows pinched in question, and then I shook my head.

  “I’d love to walk around the zoo,” I said, attempting to brush off my awkward reaction. “I haven’t been here in years.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” I smiled and Merek placed his hand on the small of my back, leading me through the landmark city zoo. We watched the lion yawn, the tigers pace, and the gorillas scratch one another. We circled the llamas and the zebras, doubling back to see the seals and find the polar bear. It wasn’t a terribly large zoo, but I remembered days of visiting with the girls, nights of summer concerts, and even a Zoolights visit one Christmas. That was all a distant memory.

  Merek was attentive as we walked, alternating between holding my hand or rubbing my back. In fact, he was in constant contact with my body, and I enjoyed each touch. Subtle and tender, it was a slow burn to greater possibilities with him, and I treasured the day. I also prayed I’d get another night with him.

  The girls wouldn’t be home until four, but Merek said he had a thing that evening. It was almost three, and it didn’t appear there was time to head to his place. In broad daylight, we couldn’t use the van, and I was too shy to suggest such a thing, regardless of my growing sexual bravado. Last night I’d certainly taken what I wanted, and Merek let me. The thought warmed me. I suddenly wanted him. Like immediately.

  “Do you need to be home when the girls get home?” I asked, brushing back a stray hair, like I’d done all day. A soft gasp would escape her, similar to when we were joined together, letting me know she liked the tender touches. I liked how she leaned into each caress, like she didn’t want it to end, or didn’t want me to let her go.

  “I could text Mitzi and say I’d be home a little later, but I thought you had something to do?”

  I had work, but I was willing to be late. The need for her had been growing all day and when she told me about her husband, whose ass I wanted to kick despite his death, I wasn’t ready to let her go. When she discussed feeling lost, like pieces of her were missing, it sparked a flame long extinguished inside me. My heart flickered. I understood what she meant.

  “I do have something, but I could be a little late, too.” I stroked down her neck as we stood in the late afternoon sunlight. “Emme, can I ask you to come to the apartment?”

  Her breath hitched in that way she had, and it was the ignition to my dick, which had been standing at attention on and off all day. Watching her ass while she pedaled her bike, then hearing her sad story, and finally, touching her throughout the walk in the zoo, sent me into all kinds of overdrive. I wasn’t going to be able to wait a few nights to be inside her again. I wanted her. Now.

  She nodded slowly, letting my hand continue to caress the nape of her neck, and my thumb rub up her throat.

  “I’d love for us to ride together,” I said. “But it’s best that you follow me, okay?”

  She nodded again, breathless, and I felt her swallow under my fingers. My mouth wanted to take hers, but it didn’t seem right. I’d held off for so long. I wasn’t giving in, even though I wanted her. She’d been hurt, and I didn’t want to lead her in a direction I couldn’t go. We couldn’t be any more than we were, and yet, we were becoming friends. It frightened me. It would make things all the harder if we got too close, and I decided right then and there that I’d take one more afternoon. Then I’d end things. Her confession about her husband was a cry for something more, and I didn’t have it in me to give.

  She followed my directions, and pulled up behind the garage in the alley instead of trying to find a space on the street out front. We walked through the backyard and up the back porch stairs to the second floor. Entering the apartment, I was ready to take her against the wall like I had wanted the other night, but I stalled when I noticed the suitcase just inside the door.

  “Marshall,” I called out, dropping Emme’s hand.

  “Dude, clean up after your…” Marshall stopped in his tracks as he entered the kitchen where Emme and I stood just inside the backdoor. Marshall held Emme’s light blue panties in his hand.

  “I thought you’d be gone,” I said, pissed that he was still home, and I’d been caught bringing Emme here. I snatched her undies from his twirling finger.

  “I’m leaving now, but hellllloooo….” Marshall’s eyes rolled up and down the length of Emme. This pissed me off more and I stepped in front of her.

  “Is this…” Marshall paused, raising his eyebrow in recognition.

  “Mary Elizabeth Peters.” I introduced her. Marshall leaned forward, reaching out his hand while Emme stepped around me. “Emme,” she offered as they shook. Of course, Marshall lingered a bit too long.

  “Okay, Casanova, let her go.”

  “How can you?” he responded, insinuating what I’d already planned to do. I couldn’t be committed to someone. I’d already tried before. Marshall’s appreciative smile continued to fuel my growing anger. He was such a flirt, and with obvious intention. He would steal Emme from me, if he thought he could. As I watched her blush sweetly, I realized she would fall for someone like Marshall, suave, ridiculously rich, and unable to commit to a woman. Hello, pot calling the kettle black.

  “Here for a little afternoon delight?” Marshall asked, crudely, lifting his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

  “Don’t you have a cab waiting for you?”

  Marshall glanced at his expensive watch, and clapped his hands once before reaching for his suitcase.

  “Too bad, I do. I’d love a three-way.”

  That was all it took. I stepped forward ready to clock my brother, like I had so many times when we were punk kids.

  “Fuck off, Marshall.”

  “That’s enough,” Emme said, reaching for my elbow, attempting to drag me back. Marshall smirked.

  “That’s what I thought,” he said, smug, his brow rising in a knowing fashion. I don’t know what he thought he knew, but I wanted him to leave. His demeanor changed and he straightened up with his suitcase in hand. “I apologize, Emme. It was a pleasure to meet you.” He nodded in my direction,
but I didn’t miss the twist of his lip, like he knew a secret.

  “Oh, and Merek, I’ll take front row bleacher seats. September will be the perfect month. Go Cubbies.” He winked at me, and again, the temptation to deck him rippled through me.

  After I heard the soft click of the front door, I turned to Emme, whose eyes were wide.

  “You’re going to a Cubs game?” Her eyes alight with surprise. Ignoring her question and my brother’s implication of our bet, I changed the subject.

  “I’m sorry about that. He just killed it, didn’t he?”

  “Killed what?” she said, smiling softly, and I reached for her. My hands cupped her cheek and my mouth came close to hers.

  “Kiss me,” she demanded sweetly.

  “Make love to me,” I countered. Her soft gasp was all the answer I needed before I dragged her to the bedroom. Our clothes were removed in haste, but once I laid her down, I took my time to draw over her skin, which smelled of sunshine and sweat. She was salty from our bike ride and walk in the heat of the zoo, but I savored each lick of her. From neck to clit, I sucked her clean, then entered her slowly. I worshipped her like I thought she deserved, dragging out the lazy pleasure of sex. It wasn’t fast or frantic, and her sweet sighs encouraged me to linger. I pulled to the entrance of her, then pressed forward, one ridge at a time. Her wet channel welcomed me, as her thighs spread wide and her ankles wrapped around my lower back. Her hands stretched above her head like a sluggish cat and she gripped the head board, holding tight. She let me glide in and out of her. Preventing herself from touching me intensified the longing, and she opened enough that I filled her to the hilt. Taking it slow, she held me tight and her inner muscles clenched around me, drawing me deeper.

  “Emme,” I strained. She felt so amazing wrapped around me, delaying the release. “Emme, I can’t last.” I warned. She removed one hand from the head board and dragged it down her body. My eyes watched the path she drew. She paused at the mound of dark hair, her fingers hesitantly twirling through it.