The Sunflower Cottage Breakfast Club

by Lynsey James

  ‘My mum… She visited Luna Bay twenty-five years ago and had a brief relationship with a man named Derek. When she got back to Glasgow, she found out she was pregnant… and that Derek was the father. Eight and a half months later, I was born.’

  Lucy let out a strangled gasp. ‘Oh, my God. You’re Emily. You’re the Emily. Last year, not long after I came back to Luna Bay, Diane got a letter from you saying you wanted to meet up and find out more about Derek. I didn’t think you’d actually come here!’

  It was my turn to gasp. ‘Lucy, I… I didn’t send Diane any letters. The first I found out about Derek being my dad was when I opened an envelope my mum gave me with letters inside. I swear I’ve never written to her before.’

  ‘No, I remember her saying she’d had a letter from you and you said you wanted to meet her and find out more about your biological dad! If you didn’t write it, then who did?’

  Only one answer sprung to mind. ‘Mum,’ I said, throwing my head into my hands. ‘She’s bloody done it again!’

  ‘You mean she—?’

  ‘Wrote back pretending to be me? Yup. I’m going to bloody kill her when I see her!’

  Lucy patted my back to comfort me, but she was obviously struggling to find the right words to say. I didn’t blame her; even the most empathetic of listeners would struggle in this situation.

  ‘I’m sure she did it for the right reasons. I know she should’ve passed the letter onto you and let you deal with it yourself, but maybe she was just trying to protect you. You know what mums can be like.’

  Fat, wet tears began to spill down my face. ‘Oh, I know what mine can be like all right! What an awkward bloody reunion this’ll be when I finally meet him. “Hi Derek, I’m the daughter you’ve chosen to have nothing to do with for twenty-five years. Your wife wrote to me to ask if I’d like to meet you and my mum wrote back to say yes on my behalf. I’ve no idea what to say to you. Fancy a cup of tea?” I can see that going down well!’

  Lucy’s hand moved away and I looked up at her. Her face was the colour of vanilla ice cream and she swallowed hard.

  ‘You don’t know, do you?’ she whispered. ‘I mean, you really don’t know?’

  ‘Know what?’

  She paused for a second, pursing her lips as she prepared to tell me. Tears swam in her eyes, her mouth opened and words came out. Words I didn’t want to hear and that smashed my heart smash to smithereens.

  ‘Emily… Derek passed away a few years ago.’

  Chapter 17

  I’d always been what you’d call ‘good in a crisis’. When everyone else around me was flapping and letting panic cloud their brains, I was able to take a step back, analyse the situation and find a way around the problem.

  Not this time, though.

  I got back to Sunflower Cottage in a flood of tears, my body shaking as I let out great heaving sobs. I’d only known about my biological dad for a week and now he’d been cruelly snatched away from me. I’d never get the chance to know him or find out why he’d cut me completely out of his life.

  I was ready to run upstairs, throw myself on my bed and sob myself to sleep when I saw two familiar figures standing in the kitchen: Noah and Diane.

  Seeing Derek’s wife made my heart want to explode. Suddenly, I resented her presence in Sunflower Cottage. She’d got to spend so many happy years with him; I hadn’t even had a second. It wasn’t fair.

  ‘Are you all right, flower? What’s the matter?’ she asked, eyeing me with concern.

  Noah marched straight over to me when he saw my tear-streaked face, putting a hand on my shoulder.

  ‘Emily, what’s wrong? Has something happened?’

  I sniffed and fiercely wiped away some tears. ‘Everything’s fine, really. Don’t worry about me. C… could you sort out whatever Diane’s come round for? I… I need to be by myself for a little while.’

  I moved to go upstairs, but Noah’s strong arms on my shoulders stopped me. ‘I don’t want you being by yourself when you’re so upset. Come into the kitchen, I’ll make some tea and we can talk about it. We can tell Diane all about the amazing breakfast club we put on today.’

  I looked at Diane, sitting at the kitchen table and staring at me with concern. The temporary guilt and resentment melted away; it wasn’t her fault I’d been robbed of the chance to meet Derek, not really. She was the last connection to the man I’d never get the chance to know.

  ‘I suppose we can have a chat for five minutes,’ I said with a smile.

  *

  Over tea and some leftover Victoria sponge Diane had brought from the café, we filled her in on the first Sunflower Cottage Breakfast Club. Her face lit up in delight as we told her about the scrumptious food and the reactions from the members.

  ‘We were a bit sparse on bodies,’ said Noah, taking another mouthful of tea, ‘but it was a good start. They all enjoyed the food anyway, which was the main thing. Oh, and before I forget, they’re looking at letting Rose come home soon. As soon as she can walk on her crutches without toppling over, she’ll be back where she belongs!’

  ‘That’s brilliant!’ I said, trying hard to keep my brewing emotions at a safe distance below the surface.

  ‘Glad to hear it!’ Diane clapped her hands with joy. ‘That’s wonderful. And don’t worry about there only being four people; word gets around this village pretty quickly, so there’ll be more before you know it. Some people are just a bit hesitant about trying new things, is all.’

  Noah looked over at me as I picked at my slice of cake.

  ‘Are you OK?’ he mouthed as he broke off a forkful of his own piece.

  I nodded and tried a smile, feeling like the biggest liar in the world. I was the furthest from OK that I’d ever been in my life. Still, if I could make it through this get-together I could make it through anything. As long as I didn’t…

  ‘Tell me, Diane; does your husband appreciate your amazing cooking as much as your café customers do?’

  It was out of my mouth before I knew what was happening. A gloomy air was cast over the room and Diane looked like she was about to cry. My stomach twisted and I wished I could gather the words up and shove them back in my mouth.

  ‘Um… well, he did. W… when he was alive anyway. He died a few years ago, you see. Heart attack while he was playing cricket.’

  It didn’t hurt any less hearing it for a second time. I could feel my insides crumple and my face began to follow suit.

  ‘Oh God,’ I wept. ‘I’m so sorry!’

  I abandoned my barely touched Victoria sponge and dabbed at my eyes with a piece of roughly torn kitchen roll that Noah got for me. He kept a watchful eye on me from the other side of the table.

  Diane came over and tentatively put an arm round my shoulders. ‘Oh, don’t upset yourself, love. It was a few years ago now and obviously I miss him, but it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. You didn’t speak out of turn or anything.’

  It’s all right for you, I wanted to say. You had years and years with him. I never even got to say hello.

  ‘S… sorry… I… I was just worried in case I’d upset you or something.’

  ‘Not at all.’ Diane smiled and took a seat beside me. ‘In fact, I wish I had more opportunities to talk about him. I sometimes worry I don’t mention him enough or do enough to keep his memory alive.’

  I sniffed and wiped my eyes with the heel of my hand. ‘Why don’t you tell me about him? I’d love to hear about him.’

  Diane cast me a curious look, like she wasn’t quite sure of my intentions. But nevertheless, she began to speak.’

  ‘Well, we met in Whitby when we were eighteen. It was on the seafront; I was with one of my mates and he was with a group of his. He came over to offer me a chip, bless him, then asked if he could take me to the dancing the next week. I said no at first because he wasn’t my type. Then, as luck would have it, I ran into him at the dancehall a few weeks later! He asked me to dance and that was it really. We were married within two years and h
ad our daughter, Nicola, a few years later. She lives in London, works in advertising and has two kids of her own.’

  She stopped for a second to gather herself and managed a faint smile before continuing.

  ‘Derek was a wonderful man; he would’ve done anything for anybody. Nothing was too much trouble. He was filling in for his mate on the cricket team the day he had his heart attack, actually! He was kind and loving, very rarely got cross either. You know the saying “he’s so laid-back he should be horizontal”? That was Derek. He loved that cricket team and he had his own stool in the Purple Partridge too. For months after he died, people wouldn’t sit on it out of respect. That was the kind of man he was, you see. He didn’t demand respect; he earned it.’

  ‘He sounds like an amazing man,’ I said, feeling my voice quiver dangerously.

  Diane chuckled. ‘Oh, he was. Don’t get me wrong; he wasn’t perfect all the time. Sometimes he could be really bloody stubborn and his opinion was always the right one in his eyes. When he had an idea in his head, there was nothing anyone could do to persuade him otherwise. The day he died, I tried to get him to come on a day out to Whitby with me, but nope, he wanted to help the cricket team. He made mistakes like everyone did, but he always found a way to make up for them in the end.’

  I listened, fascinated. Hearing about both the positive and negative aspects of Derek’s personality made me realise I’d done the right thing in keeping quiet about who I was. This way, I was learning about the real him, not some sugarcoated version conjured up by Diane to make him sound like the perfect man.

  She paused to take a breath and I sensed she was gearing up to a huge revelation. ‘The worst thing he did, though… I probably shouldn’t even be telling you this. You’re a total stranger.’

  ‘Tell me,’ I pressed.

  ‘He… He had an affair twenty-five years ago and fathered a child. I found out last year when I was clearing out the attic. There was a box with all the letters the woman he had the affair with had written him. I… I couldn’t believe it. We were husband and wife for forty years and he never said a word about this woman or her child. I’ve made some sort of peace with it now, but at the time I was devastated.’

  I couldn’t stop the fresh wave of tears from coming. They hit me all at once and, before I knew it, I was an absolute wreck. Noah abandoned his cake and rushed over to me, putting a hand on my back and gently rubbing it.

  ‘Hey, what’s the matter?’ he asked softly. ‘Tell me what’s wrong.’

  ‘I wish I’d known him.’ My voice was shaky and barely rose above a whisper. ‘I didn’t get to know him.’

  If Diane picked up on the subtext behind what I was saying, she didn’t show it. Instead she pulled me into her for a hug.

  ‘Come on now,’ she soothed. ‘What’s this really all about? I know you’re not crying because you didn’t get to meet my husband.’

  Oh Diane, if you only knew.

  I quickly cobbled together a version of the truth and decided to go with it, hoping it would sound plausible.

  ‘Things have been difficult at home lately.’ True. ‘My mum, she… We had a falling out before I came here and listening to you talk about how much Derek meant to you made me realise I should go and phone her, see if we can patch things up.’ Half true.

  Diane patted my shoulder. ‘Well, what are you waiting for? Go and give her a ring! I’m sure she’ll be made up to hear from you.’

  ‘Yup,’ I agreed, rising from the table. ‘In fact, I’m going to go and do that right now.’

  I mumbled out some excuses and left the room before I announced I was Derek’s secret daughter, Jerry Springer style.

  *

  All thoughts of the drama with Derek had to be swiftly put aside as Noah’s meeting with his mum came around the next day. After whipping up a tasty breakfast for the B&B’s guests, we made our way to the Purple Partridge. His mum was due to arrive at midday, so we got there nice and early to secure good seats outside. We waited for her to show up, while Dixie drank a bowl of water Jake had given us and went on a little tour of the other tables, garnering coos wherever she went.

  ‘What if she doesn’t come?’ Noah tapped his foot on the floor and stared around him, his hands fiddling with a stray thread on his jeans. ‘She might’ve decided she doesn’t want to see me anymore. Nah, she’d have got in touch before now, wouldn’t she?’

  Not knowing the right thing to do, I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. The gesture took us both by surprise; his worried rambling came to an abrupt halt, while I was shocked at just how much I enjoyed holding hands with him. I tried to be reasonable and reminded myself I’d be leaving soon, but I didn’t want to let go.

  ‘She’ll be here,’ I assured him. ‘I can’t promise it’ll be totally perfect, but I meant what I said: she wouldn’t have taken the trouble to write to you if she wasn’t serious about meeting you.’

  He cleared his throat and laced our fingers together. ‘Thanks, Emily. God, I’ve never been so nervous before! You look lovely, by the way. That dress looks great on you.’

  I smoothed down The Dress, touching it as softly as I could, as though it were made of fine china. It really was a gorgeous dress.

  Dixie came back to us, having visited everyone else. Noah dropped my hand and lifted her onto his shoulder for a cuddle.

  ‘What are we going to do with you, eh?’ he said with a smile. ‘Can’t leave you alone for two seconds without you wandering off!’

  He put her down and she made herself comfortable at his feet, drinking from her water bowl.

  A woman with long dark hair and olive skin walked onto the pub’s outside terrace. Her dark eyes scanned the crowd, as though she was looking for someone. Just then, her eyes locked with Noah’s and, for a brief second, time stood still.

  She walked over to him, a hesitant smile forming on her full lips. She was wearing a long, flowing maxi dress and a battered-looking leather jacket.

  ‘Hello, Noah,’ she said, her voice quivering slightly.

  He slowly rose out of his chair and stuck out a hand. ‘Hello, Mum.’

  *

  Whenever I’d seen family reunions on TV, they’d always been highly charged situations, full of emotion and playing out as the happiest event of the people’s lives.

  Noah’s reunion with his mum was a different kettle of fish.

  They sat on opposite sides of the table, facing one another and not saying anything. His mum hadn’t pulled him in for a hug, there had been no tears or drama or apologies. Just two people sitting opposite each other like strangers. Although I’d moved to the next table to give them space, I began to feel increasingly uncomfortable and had to fight the urge to turn into Luna Bay’s version of Oprah. I couldn’t believe that, after so many years apart, they had nothing to say to each other.

  Noah broke the stalemate first. ‘So, where are you living now?’

  ‘Leeds,’ his mum replied. ‘I moved there about four years ago. Got a job working in an office that sells cleaning supplies.’

  He gave a slow nod, as though this was a game of chess and he needed time to work out his next move. ‘I see. I was living in Leeds myself until last year.’

  His gaze snapped upwards and he fixed her with a stare I didn’t like the look of. Why didn’t you try and find me hung in the air, unsaid.

  She blushed. ‘Oh, were you? I… I don’t remember ever bumping into you! Anyway, I… I suppose you’re wondering why I got in touch now.’

  The whole moment hung on a precarious knife-edge, hinging on Noah’s reaction. He looked like he was treading a fine line between blowing his top at her and keeping his cool.

  ‘Well, yeah. We haven’t seen each other for nearly ten years. I’m also wondering why you didn’t try and contact me when we lived in the same city.’

  His mum took a deep breath and pursed her lips. ‘I was a mess, Noah; you know I was. It took me far too long to get clean and sober and, until I did, I thought it was best to stay out of
your life. I’d have done the same even if we were living next door to each other. Besides, I had no idea you were in Leeds! You always were a bit of a free spirit, went wherever the wind took you. Surprised you settled here really; didn’t think it’d be your scene at all.’

  She took a glance round the breathtaking scenery of Luna Bay, a slight curl in her top lip.

  ‘Well, here I am. How’d you find me anyway?’ Noah’s tone was short and clipped.

  ‘I spoke to Rose,’ she replied. ‘Asked her if she knew where you were and, after a lot of persuading, she told me you’d moved to the village. Didn’t want me to contact you, but then she always was an old mother hen, wasn’t she?’

  Noah’s face darkened. ‘She’s been more of a mother to me than you ever were.’

  His mum rolled her eyes. ‘Look, I didn’t come here to fight, OK? I know you must be angry with me, but for God’s sake grow up! I came here to talk, to see if we could salvage any sort of bond, but if you’re going to act like a spoilt brat, I may as well leave.’

  She got up to leave, but he motioned to her to sit down. ‘OK then,’ he said, ‘let’s talk.’

  *

  The rest of the afternoon went a lot more smoothly.

  Of course, they both had grievances to air; Noah naturally had more than his mum did. There were a lot of apologies made and some tentative bridges were built. When they’d finished their heart-to-heart, Noah motioned to me to come over.

  ‘Emily, I’d like you to meet Susan, my mum. Mum, this is my… This is Emily.’

  We exchanged smiles and handshakes and variations on ‘nice to meet you’.

  ‘I’m going to go inside and get some more drinks,’ he said. ‘Emily, would you mind keeping an eye on Dixie for a few minutes?’