Beyond the Shadow of War

by Diane Moody

  Otherwise, we’ve fallen into a routine around here. I’m helping at the theater when I can, plus I’ve applied for some jobs on campus. It’s so different from the Evanston campus where I used to go, but I’m getting used to it.

  You wouldn’t believe how much little Jimmy has grown. I had no idea babies develop so fast. Joey is determined to make me change one of Jimmy’s dirty diapers, but Mom always comes to my rescue. She says I’ll have plenty of opportunity to learn when you and I have our own kids. Have to say I’m already looking forward to that. Especially if we have a little girl as pretty as you.

  Let me know if you’ve heard anything or if they’ve given you a departure date. I know the waiting must be so hard, but I’m glad to hear Sybil is there with you through the process. Who would have imagined on the day we ran into them in London that you and she would become good friends?

  Everyone here sends their love. Tell Sophie, Charlie, and Patrick hello for me. I sure miss all of them, but nowhere near as much as I miss YOU. The nights are the hardest. “Sophie-the-dog”is doing much better, though she still requires lots of help. She keeps me company at night, but she’s no substitute for my beautiful wife. In case you wondered.

  With all my love,

  Danny

  Danny filed out of his European Civilization class with the other students and headed across campus. He had an hour break before his last class of the day at 11:00, and usually camped out in one of the study nooks at Schaffner Library. But with the weather so nice, he opted to stay outdoors. He found a bench near the pond not far from his classroom and dug an apple out of his satchel.

  It still felt odd, being back in school. Almost like he didn’t belong. Last year at this time, he hadn’t yet made the trip across the Atlantic to his base in Framlingham; hadn’t yet flown a mission, and didn’t have a clue that one day he would parachute out of a B-17 into Occupied Holland. It all seemed so distant now, more like a dream than reality.

  Yet here he was, back in school on a busy college campus with no visible evidence of the war they’d just fought and won. He wondered how many guys on campus here were like him‌—‌veterans getting their education thanks to the GI Bill. He’d surely passed them in the halls, fairly confident he could tell which of them had seen action overseas. Something in their eyes. Loss of innocence, perhaps? Memories from the battlefield still fresh in their minds? Prolonged grief for lost friends? Didn’t matter. They all shared a distinct maturity beyond their years.

  He took another bite of his apple and opened his textbook as a stiff breeze whipped his bookmark and sent it sailing.

  “I’ve got it,” a voice behind him called.

  As he stood and turned around, he locked eyes with her.

  “Danny?” she gasped.

  “Beverly?”

  She’d changed her hair, wore it shorter now. But otherwise, his college sweetheart looked the same. He swallowed hard. “What are you doing here?”

  “I can’t believe it’s you! I, well, I work here on campus.” She blushed as she handed him the renegade bookmark. “I never expected … I mean, after all these years? What are you doing here?”

  “I’m back in school. Finishing my degree, thanks to Uncle Sam.”

  “The GI Bill?”

  “Yes.”

  “I knew you were in the Army Air Force. Co-pilot, was it?”

  “Yes, but how did you know?”

  “Friends. Friends of friends. That sort of thing.”

  He felt his face warm. “Well, yes, I flew B-17s. Co-pilot. Stationed in England.” He cleared his throat, hating the nervous quiver in his voice. “You?”

  “Me?” She smiled. “No, I didn’t fly B-17s. Or any other plane, for that matter.”

  “No, I meant Ron. Wait, was it Ron or Ronnie? I can’t remember.”

  She looked away with a shift in her countenance. “Ronnie was in the navy. He was a fighter pilot on the USS Princeton.” She looked back in his direction, her eyes moist. “Last October, the Princeton was part of a task force trying to take back the Philippines. Ronnie’s ship was destroyed by a single Japanese bomb dropped on the flight deck. He’d just returned for refueling.”

  She pressed her knuckle to the corner of one eye then the other. “I keep thinking I’m done with these pesky tears, and then here they come again‌—‌”

  Without so much as a thought, he dropped his apple and moved to her side. She stiffened, hesitating at first, then relaxed her head against his shoulder. It felt so familiar, and yet‌—‌different. He startled, realizing what he’d done and took an awkward step back.

  “I’m, uh … sorry.” He dug out his handkerchief and offered it to her.

  She looked at him, her brows pinched together as she took it. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have‌—‌”

  “No, I’m the one who’s‌—‌”

  She gulped a chuckle then let it go, dabbing at her eyes. “Look at us. A regular couple of clowns, aren’t we?”

  He scratched his eyebrow. “Yeah, sorry about that. I think it was just seeing you again so suddenly, then hearing about Ronnie … look, why don’t we sit down. Do you have time?”

  “Yes, I’m on my break.” She took a seat as he sat a safe distance from her.

  “What do you do here?”

  “I’m the assistant director of public relations for the university. We do marketing, publicity, recruitment. That sort of thing.”

  He nodded, looking out across the pond. “Sounds like the perfect job for you.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Mostly it just pays the rent these days.”

  He looked over at her again. “Listen, Beverly, I’m really sorry about Ronnie. I lost friends too, but I can’t imagine losing someone you love.”

  She took a deep breath then slowly let it out. “It’s been hard. Really hard. One minute, I was saying goodbye to my handsome husband, all decked out in his dress whites. The next thing I know, a car pulls up to my house and two very somber naval officers knock on my door. No one ever prepares you for that.”

  She wiped at her eyes again, then folded the handkerchief and handed it back to him.

  “No, you keep it. I’ve got plenty of others.”

  Beverly nodded then turned to face him. “Thank you. But I’m glad to know you made it through the war and came home. I’m sure your family was relieved and happy when you returned. What about your brother Joey? Has he recovered from his injuries?”

  “Joey’s doing fine. Married to a great girl and they just had a baby a couple of months ago.”

  “That’s nice. Good for them. And what about you? Is there a Mrs. Danny McClain?”

  “Yes there is. Her name is Anya. In fact, I think I once told you about her. Remember the pen pal in Holland I had in high school? His name was Hans and he died‌—‌”

  “‌—‌while trying to save a young girl who was drowning. Of course I remember. It was such a tragic story.”

  “Yes, it was. Anya is his sister who wrote to tell me what happened. Then she and I started writing and became friends.”

  “Okay, I remember her too, but I’m confused. As I recall, you never heard from her again after the Germans invaded Holland, right? How in the world did you meet her?”

  “You wouldn’t believe it.”

  For the next few minutes, Danny explained the complicated story; told her about their wedding in England, and how anxious he was for her to sail to America. He even pulled out his wallet and showed her the picture from their wedding.

  “She’s lovely, Danny. Such a beautiful love story. I’m truly happy for you.”

  “Thanks, Beverly. I appreciate that.”

  They sat in silence for a couple of minutes until Danny remembered the time and checked his watch. “I’ve got class starting in ten minutes, so I need to go.” He stood and gathered his books.

  “It’s good to see you again,” she said, standing.

  “Yes, for me, too. Quite a shock after all these years, but nice.”

  A
s he turned to go, she caught his arm. “Danny?”

  “Yes?”

  “I probably shouldn’t ask, but … would you meet for coffee sometime?”

  He felt his eyebrows arch and tried to work them back down. “Uh, well, I guess‌—‌”

  She looked away. “It’s just that I’d like to … well, there are things I need to say. If you would allow me?”

  He glanced at his watch, stalling. “Uh, well, I guess that would be okay. I’m only on campus on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so‌—‌”

  “Then how about Friday? Day after tomorrow?”

  “Okay. My break starts at 10:00.”

  “Good. Then I’ll meet you at the campus coffee shop.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay. Friday at ten. I’ll see you then.”

  She turned to go the other way as Danny made his way to the sidewalk. His heart stuttered as he wondered what in the world he was thinking to agree to a coffee date with his college sweetheart.

  His ex-college sweetheart.

  Now a widow.

  Never mind that I’m a married man.

  21

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  Danny felt the heat creeping up his neck as the porch swing moved slowly back and forth. “I know, I know. I’m an idiot. But I just couldn’t say no to her, Joey. She seemed so, I don’t know, needy? Or something. And she was never like that before. Never.”

  Joey’s rocker creaked with each movement as he chewed on a toothpick and studied his younger brother. The scrutiny caused Danny to look away, turning his gaze across the front lawn.

  “Back up. Tell me again why you agreed to meet Beverly for coffee.”

  “Look, it’s no big deal. Maybe I felt like I owed it to her since she lost her husband in the war. Or maybe I’m just curious what she needs to tell me. I don’t know. I just felt like I couldn’t say no.”

  “Wasn’t this the same girl who broke your heart a few years back?”

  “Of course it is. And if anyone has something that needs to be said, it ought to be me. I’m the one who got dumped.”

  Joey kept rocking, his eyes glued on Danny. “I guess it’s none of my business, but if you think you have to meet her, then make sure it’s the last time you meet her. Got it?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Meet who?” Millie asked, letting the screen door slap behind her. She handed Jimmy to his father whose face lit up when the little guy cooed a smile.

  “Did you miss your daddy, little man?” Joey tucked his son against his chest. “How about you and I have a nice little rock here on Grandma’s porch?”

  Millie took the other rocker. “Who’s this you’re meeting, Danny? Anyone I know?”

  “No, just an old friend from school.”

  “An old girlfriend from school,” Joey added.

  She stopped rocking. “What? You’re seeing an old girlfriend?”

  “It’s nothing. Really.”

  “Nothing, huh? Then you’ll be writing Anya to tell her, will you?”

  Danny swallowed over the baseball-size lump in his throat. He coughed as a wave of guilt swept through him, then faked another one. “Of course, I will. I hide nothing from my wife.”

  “Well then. Good for you.” Millie gave him a wink.

  “Good for you,” Joey echoed. “Hey, Cubs are playing the Phillies on Friday. Dad said he’d work the theater so you and I could go. Will that work for you?”

  “Sure! I’ll just meet you at Wrigley after my last class. I’m done at noon. Game starts at 1:30 so I should be there by 12:30. Just let me know where to meet you.”

  “Will do. This could be the year, brother.”

  “This is the year, brother!”

  14 September 1945

  Chicago, Illinois

  Danny awoke with a serious case of the jitters on Friday morning. He looked himself in the eye while shaving and asked for the umpteenth time why he’d agreed to meet Beverly for coffee. And, for the umpteenth time, he told himself he was overthinking the whole thing. He’d written Anya the night before, primarily to keep himself accountable and completely aboveboard. He felt sure she’d understand.

  Well, mostly sure.

  He wrote about everything else he could think of before adding a brief note about Beverly.

  You won’t believe who I ran into on campus. Remember Beverly, the girl at Northwestern who dumped me for a football player? I had no idea she was working at the downtown campus. Really weird seeing her again. I found out her husband was killed in action last fall when his aircraft carrier was bombed by the Japs. I told her all about you and showed her the picture from our wedding day. She seemed really happy for us.

  Anyway, we’re having coffee on Friday. She said there’s something she needs to tell me. Seeing her again only confirmed how lucky a guy I am to be married to you and how much I love you. I feel sorry for her losing her husband, but mostly I’m just glad she dumped me. Otherwise I might never have enlisted and crossed paths with you in Holland. In a strange way I guess I should thank her for that, huh?

  The problem was, no matter how legitimate it looked on paper, he couldn’t help wondering if it would upset Anya. On and on, the argument battled through his mind. By the time he got to his first class, he’d made up his mind to meet Beverly, then explain why he couldn’t stay.

  As he entered the student union coffee shop, she waved him over to a corner table.

  “I would have bought you a cup of coffee, but I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

  “That’s okay, because I’m afraid I can’t stay.”

  Her expression fell, and he felt like a jerk.

  “It’s just that, as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I know Anya would not be comfortable with me seeing you again. No matter how innocent. And I’d never do anything to hurt her. I hope you understand.”

  “Oh. Well, I …” She looked away but said nothing more.

  He pulled out a chair and sat down. “Beverly, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to give you the wrong impression or anything.”

  “No, I understand, Danny. Honest I do. But I’d never do anything to interfere with your relationship with your wife. I would hope you know that.”

  He held her eyes for a moment before she continued.

  “The thing is, I simply wanted to apologize for what happened between us, back before the war. I was young and stupid, if you must know, and I was a fool for hurting you the way I did.”

  “It’s okay. Besides, that was a lifetime ago, so‌—‌”

  “I know, but I made a vow to myself that if I ever had the opportunity, I would apologize to you. Because in choosing Ronnie, I made an enormous mistake. Not long after he shipped out to the Pacific, I found out he’d been seeing someone. I knew because she came to me about a month later and was quite pregnant. Apparently he’d been seeing her off and on for quite some time. I didn’t believe her at first, and certainly didn’t think the child was Ronnie’s, but she had pictures of the two of them together. She showed me a handful of letters addressed to her in his handwriting. I was so stunned, I quite literally couldn’t comprehend all of it.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I know you, Danny McClain, and I know you would never do such a thing. You’re a good and decent man. Which is why I’ve wanted to ask for your forgiveness. And the thing is, I’ve always known that I needed to say it more than you needed to hear it. Especially now, after saying you wouldn’t do anything that might hurt Anya’s feelings. Because I know that feeling all too well.” She pressed her lips into a trembling smile.

  Danny folded his hands together and studied them, his mind a jumble as he searched for the right words.

  “Beverly, um … well, thank you. But you don’t owe me an apology. Seriously, you don’t. We were both young and stupid back then. I think everyone is at that age. Yes, you broke my heart, but like most things that happen to us along the way, I learned from it. I never wished you
ill, or that Ronnie would hurt you like that.” He shook his head. “I guess I’ll never understand why people do the things they do. When I was overseas, guys were always getting those ‘Dear John’ letters everyone talked about. It’s hard enough waking up each morning wondering if today would be the day you die, but getting a letter like that? Brutal. And like it or not, it always affected the whole crew.

  “But at the same time, I saw plenty of guys cheating on their wives. With lots of beautiful English girls around, and all of them smitten with American flyboys‌—‌well, it just happens. But I just don’t get it. Never did, never will. Guess I’m just too old-fashioned.”

  “No, I think you were raised with a solid foundation of morals. I noticed that about you from the first time we met.”

  The mention of it flashed him back to the fall of 1941. He was working behind the counter of The Grill at Northwestern, a popular soda shop on the Evanston campus. “Hi there, Danny,” she’d said. She ordered a cup of coffee and a brownie, and he’d fallen for her head over heels.

  “Danny?”

  He blinked, dismissing the memory. “Oh, well, I should probably go.” He checked his watch then stood and grabbed his satchel. “Thanks for understanding, Beverly. I’m sure I’ll see you around campus, but‌—‌”

  “Not a problem, Danny.”

  He glanced at her once more, then made his way out the door and up the stairs to the campus post office where he mailed his letter to Anya.

  And prayed she’d understand.

  22

  Wrigley Field, Chicago, Illinois

  Danny spotted Joey waiting at the appointed gate when he arrived. He introduced him to his new friend, ticket-taker Marvin Clancy, who vigorously shook his hand and thanked him for his service during the war.

  Marvin slipped the tickets out of his shirt pocket. “Great seats, only five rows up behind the Cubs dugout,” he said with a broad smile. “And I’m sure you know we’re playing a doubleheader today since we got rained out yesterday. These seats are yours for both games.”