Beyond the Shadow of War

by Diane Moody

She gave her head a toss as though trying to shake it off. “Danny, I’m sorry. I’m such a mess, and I know I shouldn’t bother you, but‌—‌”

  “No, it’s okay.”

  She pulled off her gloves and wiped beneath her eyes. “I just can’t seem to pull myself together, and then I saw you, and I know I shouldn’t bother you, but I felt like if I didn’t, I’d just …” She stopped blubbering and shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself as she shivered.

  “Look, it’s freezing out here. How about we go get some coffee at the diner?”

  What? Did I just say that out loud? All he wanted to do was go home. He prayed she’d take a pass.

  “No, I don’t think I should.”

  Whew. “That’s okay.” He looked at his wristwatch. “It’s pretty late. Maybe you should just go home and get some rest. Whatever’s upset you will probably be okay by tomorrow.”

  “No, I just meant I shouldn’t go anywhere looking like this.”

  “Oh … okay.”

  She sighed. “Just let me take you home, Danny, and we can talk on the way. You need a ride home, and I need someone to talk to.” She turned halfway, her eyes pleading.

  He swallowed hard. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust himself with her. He didn’t know if he could trust her. He saw her often on campus and usually just waved and kept walking. A few times they’d actually talked; all superficial, though she always asked about Anya and if she’d come yet.

  He looked at her, his mind still in debate. Even with bloodshot eyes and a flushed face, she was still beautiful. He wasn’t blind, but neither was he attracted to her anymore. At all. With that settled in his mind, he agreed. He followed her to her Packard, the motor still running.

  He opened the driver’s door for her, then made his way to the passenger side and climbed in. She pulled a handkerchief from her purse and dabbed at her eyes, turning the rearview mirror toward her. “You must think I’m such a wreck. I’m dreadfully sorry, Danny. I just can’t stop crying.”

  A trace of alcohol wafted between them. He’d never known Beverly to drink, but wasn’t entirely surprised either. It also dawned on him it was long after her office closed. Had she waited and come looking for him?

  This was a mistake.

  “Danny?”

  He startled. “No, it’s okay. I’m just sorry you’re upset.”

  She turned toward him, leaning her back against the car door.

  He looked around then back at her. “I thought you were going to drive me home.” He wondered if she should be driving. How much had she had to drink?

  “I will, I just need a moment.” She touched the edge of both eyes with her handkerchief then folded it on her lap. When she finally looked up at him, she apologized again. “Really, Danny, I’m sorry about this.”

  “Why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Do you remember that time we talked after we first ran into each other on campus here? When we met for coffee?”

  “Sure. That’s when you told me Ronnie had been killed in action.”

  “Yes, and do you remember what else I told you? About the girl who came to see me and said she was pregnant with Ronnie’s baby?”

  “Uh, yes, now that you mention it.”

  “Her name is Margaret, and I ran into her at the grocery store this afternoon. And there in her arms was a little boy who looked so much like Ronnie … and I couldn’t talk or do anything … I couldn’t even breathe. I just kept staring into his face and seeing Ronnie‌ …‌”

  She broke down, sobbing so hard and trying to talk that he couldn’t understand half of what she said. She trembled and looked back up at him, her face flushed, her eyes wild and searching. Then suddenly, she slid across the seat and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her head against his shoulder and clinging as hard as she could.

  “Oh Danny, just hold me. Please just hold me.”

  He freed his arm and put it around her shoulders, understanding her grief but wishing again that he’d never climbed in her car, never responded when she’d called his name.

  “That should have been my son. I should have had Ronnie’s baby, not her.”

  “I know,” he said. “I know.”

  “I wanted a baby so badly. I begged Ronnie before he left. Why wouldn’t he want me to have his child? Why?”

  “Shhh. I don’t know. Don’t think about that right now.”

  She sat up and looked at him with such pain in her eyes, it actually alarmed him. “No, I’m asking. I need to know! Why didn’t he want me? Why wouldn’t he let me have his baby? Why did she get to have the child who should have been mine?”

  He tried to untangle himself from her. “Beverly, look. I’m really sorry. I know it must have been awful to see her kid, but‌—‌”

  She kissed him. Without warning, she kissed him hard as she wept, her hands locking around the back of his head. She groaned with such hunger, it made him dizzy. The wine on her lips tasted sweet, the warmth of her breath sending uninvited shivers down his spine‌—‌

  “NO!” He pushed her away. “Stop. Just stop.”

  “No, Danny, please. I need‌—‌”

  He pushed the door handle and propelled himself out of the car, grabbing his satchel from the floorboard on the way out.

  She lunged for him, still clinging to his arm. “Danny, PLEASE. Don’t leave me! I’m afraid! I’m so afraid I might do something desperate. You can’t leave me like this!”

  He stood straight and shook off a quaking shiver.

  “Go HOME, Beverly.”

  He slammed the door and never looked back.

  35

  By the time Danny got home that night, it was almost ten. He tried to calm his nerves while on the train, but the thought that kept hammering at his heart, the image he kept seeing in his mind, was that of Anya’s face if she’d happened upon the Packard with the windows steamed and Beverly in his arms.

  No, it would never happen, of course. Anya was still in England, thousands of miles away.

  No. She’s right here in my heart.

  He refused to feel guilty for Beverly’s behavior, but was furious with himself for getting into her car in the first place. He knew better. He may have felt sorry for her, but he was the last person to console her.

  He would tell Anya. Not now, and certainly not the moment she stepped off the ship. But he would tell her. They would have no secrets. They wouldn’t play the games other couples played. They would always be transparent with each other. He was sick and tired of unfaithful spouses and all the heartache and destruction‌—‌and illegitimate babies‌—‌left in their wake. He wanted nothing more to do with anyone else, only the wife he loved.

  He wanted Anya home. Now.

  He uttered a muffled growl to shake it off as he hurried up the porch steps of his home. He wouldn’t talk about it, not even with Joey. All he wanted to do was grab something to eat then go to bed. Just as he reached for the doorknob, the door opened. Joey stood there with an awkward smile on his face.

  “It’s about time you got home,” he said, the smile still plastered on his face. “Someone’s here to see you.”

  “Yeah? Who?” Danny stepped inside and closed the door, pulling off his coat and scarf. Sophie danced at his feet, waiting for her nightly greeting. He rubbed behind her ears sending her tail in a blur of wags.

  “A friend of yours from England.” Joey’s smile didn’t change, he just blinked a couple of times.

  “Anya?” Danny’s heart soared as he rounded the corner into the living room. “Is it A‌—‌”

  “My friend! My friend!”

  His heart dropped like a cinder block. “Cosmos?”

  He threw a salute. “Sergeant Cosmos Benedetto, reporting for duty, SIR!”

  Danny stared at the goofy kid. Why on earth was he here in their living room? Two separate universes collided, leaving him utterly baffled. He returned a less passionate salute just before the Italian gave him a hearty bear hug.
/>   “Lieutenant, I’m so thrilled to see you again!”

  Danny looked over at his family who offered an odd assortment of reactions. Joey was still fighting the urge to laugh. Millie pressed her lips together as she rocked little Jimmy. His mother leaned her head to one side with her isn’t-that-sweet smile. His father rolled his eyes and shook his head as he got up from his chair.

  Even Sophie got in on the act, her tail wagging as she wandered around their feet.

  “At ease, there, Sergeant,” Danny said, pulling out of Cosmos’s embrace. “What in the world are you doing here?”

  “I’m out of here,” Dad groaned. “It’s long past my bedtime.”

  “Mr. McClain, wait!” Cosmos reached for a camera. “If I might, before you bid us goodnight, could I have one quick picture with you and Lieutenant McClain?”

  Frank turned around and started to say something when Betty caught his arm. “I think that’s a lovely idea, Frank. Come along. It will only take a moment.”

  “Betty, I want‌—‌”

  “‌—‌to smile big for the camera, don’t you, dear?”

  Joey patted his father on the back. “Come on, Dad. One quick mug shot for the funny papers, and Cosmos will let you call it a night. Isn’t that right, Cosmos?”

  “Yes, yes, of course! Now, look at the camera, and I’ll count to three. One, two, three!”

  “Dad, you weren’t smiling,” Joey teased. “Be a good boy and smile for the camera this time.”

  “That’s right, Mr. McClain. I’ve got plenty of film so‌—‌”

  “Yeah, yeah, just take the picture already.”

  “One, two, three!”

  Joey sighed. “Well, not your best smile, but I guess it will do.”

  Frank turned his back and headed for the stairs. “Keep it quiet down here.”

  Millie stood, lifting her sleepy son to her shoulder. “That’s it for us as well. It was so nice to meet you, Cosmos.”

  He tiptoed to her side and patted Jimmy’s back ever so softly. “Good night, Mrs. Millie. Good night, little Jimmy.”

  Millie tossed Danny a wink and tiptoed up the stairs.

  “Danny, I saved you a plate from supper,” his mother said. “Have a seat in the dining room, and I’ll bring it to you.”

  Cosmos patted his stomach. “Your mother is a fabulous cook, Lieutenant. I was delighted to be included as a guest with your family for the evening repast.”

  Danny took his usual seat at the table. “Yes, she’s a good cook. But do you mind if I ask you what you’re doing here?”

  “Don’t be rude, Danny.” His mother set a glass of tea and a plate of food in front of him. “Cosmos, how about another piece of pecan pie?”

  “That would be delightful, Mrs. McClain.”

  “I’ll have one too, Mom.” Joey took a seat across from his brother. Cosmos sat on the end between them.

  Cosmos clasped his hands together. “To answer your question, Lieutenant‌—‌”

  “We’re civilians now. Just call me Danny.”

  Cosmos leaned back, beaming. “Oh, I was hoping you’d say that. I didn’t want to presume, of course, since you outrank me, but I had so hoped we might be friends. Just a couple of chaps getting along, as our English friends back in Framlingham used to say.”

  Danny ate a bite of meatloaf and stared at him.

  “Cosmos, tell Danny how you knew where to find us.” To Danny, “You’re gonna love this.”

  “I bet.”

  “Oh, Lieu‌—‌I mean, Mr. Danny,” Cosmos began, his face aglow. “Your brother Joey is right. I guarantee this will touch your heart. It all goes back to the day you left the 390th to fly home. On that very day, I took it upon myself to personally see to the welfare of the lovely Mrs. Lieutenant‌—‌or Anya, as your family reminded me. In respect, I shall call her Mrs. Anya.”

  Danny took a sip of tea. “Yes, go on.”

  “Each evening, after completion of my work on base, I ventured over to Quincy’s Pub to check in on Mrs. Anya. Over the course of several months, it was my immense pleasure to become friends with her.”

  “Yes, she wrote me that you often visited the pub.”

  “She did?” His eyes brightened. “To think that I was mentioned in her letters to you … it almost takes my breath away.” He paused abruptly, raising a palm. “But lest you worry, you have my word. We were just friends. Nothing sordid or inappropriate, I assure you.”

  Joey clapped him on the back. “There, now. See, Danny? Nothing to worry about. Cosmos here was just keeping Anya safe for you. All on the up and up, right, Cosmos?”

  “Oh yes, all on the up and up. You have my word.”

  Danny ignored his brother’s sarcasm, focusing instead on his next bite.

  “I would always inquire as to how she was doing; ask if she’d heard from you, if she’d heard from the American Embassy in regard to her passage here to these United States. She is such a delight, your wife. Always kind and friendly.”

  “Yes, that’s our Anya,” Joey added. “Always kind and friendly.”

  “Go on, Cosmos.”

  “Yes, well, this is the good part. On my last night there in England, my friends and I gathered one final time at the pub. As you might not know, I play a mean fiddle. Unusual, you might say, since I hail from New Jersey, but nonetheless an instrument I have loved playing since I was a little boy. My mother tried to interest me in the accordion, but the fiddle was my true passion. And your Mrs. Anya always loved to hear me play. So on that last night, in her honor, I rendered an exceptionally poignant version of the beloved Irish song, “Danny Boy.” He paused, pressing his fist against his mouth. “Dare I say, not a dry eye in the house, as it happened …”

  He dug a wrinkled handkerchief from his pocket and blew a loud honk. Below the table, Sophie barked.

  Joey sighed. “Ah, I would’ve paid a million bucks to hear that. Wouldn’t you, Danny?”

  Danny nodded appreciatively, still avoiding his brother’s eyes. “That’s nice, Cosmos. I’m sure that meant a lot to Anya.”

  “Oh, Mr. Danny, you have no idea. The hug she gave me, I shall remember to the day I die.”

  Joey couldn’t seem to help himself. “Isn’t that the sweetest thing you ever‌—‌”

  “I appreciate your regard for my wife, Cosmos. That was very kind of you.”

  Cosmos nodded, still wiping his eyes and nose. He cleared his throat and continued. “Then, on the day we left from Wickham Market Station, many of the locals came to see us off. Among them your lovely wife. That’s when I asked if she would be so kind as to give me your home address, rightly asserting my despair at the thought of never seeing the two of you again. Naturally, kind soul that she is, she jotted down your address for me.” He pulled a tattered index card from his shirt pocket and showed him. “There. You see?”

  “Yes, that’s her handwriting, all right.”

  Joey patted Cosmos on the back again. “What a gal, that Anya. Wasn’t that nice of her, Danny? Giving Cosmos our address?”

  He kept his eyes glued to the tea in his glass as he drank before answering. “Yes, it sure was.”

  “I shall never forget her kindness.” Cosmos honked in his handkerchief again. Sophie barked again.

  Betty rounded the table, picking up their empty dishes. “Cosmos, do you have a place to stay for the night? If not, you’d be welcome to sleep on our couch.”

  Danny pinned her with a glare.

  “How gracious of you to offer; however, I would never dream of imposing. When I arrived in Chicago this morning, I got a room at a nice motor lodge not far from here. But thank you for your exceptional hospitality, Mrs. McClain.”

  Danny stood. “Well, then. It’s been a long day, and I’m sure we’re all tired, so‌—‌”

  “Not me!” Joey sprang from his chair. “I could stay up all night. How about you, Cosmos? How about another rendition on your fiddle? I hate that Danny missed all the fun today. What do you say?”

 
Danny shot a stern glare at his brother.

  “I appreciate your request, Mr. Joey, but I shall be off. I’ve got a long walk ahead of me, so‌—‌“

  “Nonsense. Danny will give you a ride. Won’t you, Danny?”

  “Oh no, that isn’t necessary.” Cosmos made his way to the living room and snapped the locks on his fiddle case.

  “We won’t take no for an answer. Besides, it’s frosty out there. Probably twenty below.”

  Cosmos joined them in the front hallway where Joey helped him into his overcoat. “Oh, we survived much colder temperatures in England, didn’t we, Mr. Danny?”

  “Well, then. There you have it.” Joey dug in his pocket and produced his keys. “A drive will give the two of you a chance to reminisce. Put your coat back on, Danny. Like I said, it’s probably twenty below out there.”

  Danny narrowed his eyes at his brother and reached for his coat. “Don’t wait up.”

  “Oh, I won’t. I’ll be snug as a bug in a rug by the time you come home.” He stuck his hand out for a shake. “Cosmos, if you ever decide to come back and live in Chicago, you come see me at the theater. I’d be honored to have you work for me.”

  Cosmos’s eyes shone as he collected himself again. He hugged Joey, then grabbed both his hands for a final shake before turning to go.

  But by the time they’d climbed in Joey’s car, Cosmos found his voice again and didn’t stop talking until they parted at the motor lodge.

  The house was quiet when Danny got home. As he plodded up the stairs with Sophie at his heels, he chided himself for his attitude toward Cosmos. After all, he’d been kind enough to look in on Anya after Danny left. And he’d gone out of his way to come to Chicago for a visit, thanking him again and again for the ‘unforgettable journey” they’d shared on the Chowhound mission over Utrecht.

  Face it, Danny reasoned as he brushed his teeth, the guy’s a harmless teddy bear. It also occurred to him that in all likelihood, for guys like Cosmos, the war was much more than an obligation to serve his country; it might well be the high point of his entire life to come.

  He chuckled, remembering the Italian’s parting words.

  “I shall never forget your kindness, Mr. Danny, and that of your family who so warmly welcomed me into your home.”