I climbed into my car, unable to delay leaving any longer. My brother and Jess would have to wait. Dr. Chalmers and the étude were up next. I tried to relax as I drove across town, but it was pointless. I was strung tighter than a harp, and if I wasn’t careful, one of my strings would break.
“Colbie, stop.” Dr. Chalmers ran his hands through his silvery hair and closed his eyes. His nostrils flared as he took a deep breath, yet when he looked at me again, there was nothing but calm staring back. “Slow the tempo of the entire piece until you master the notes. You’re racing the runs.”
My right hand needed to move as effortlessly as the wind while my left struck like thunder. It was an intricate balance, and the more frustrated I became, the choppier my wind blew and more brazen my thunder became. My hands weren’t working in harmony. It was a mess. Instead of getting better, something as simple as a scale within a handful of measures was throwing me completely off balance. I should be able to run the keys blindfolded at breakneck speed, but today, nothing worked.
I tried again, and again. And after two hours, my fists hit the ivory keys. Dr. Chalmers called it a day.
“Colbie.” He sat on the bench next to me and encouraged me to face him. “You’ve been off all week. I don’t know what’s going on, but if you want to talk about it…”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about it. I refused to admit how ugly I’d been to Jess and how selfish I was not wanting to give up my little brother.
“All right, then. If you want to master this piece before the recital, you need to take a couple of days and get your head in the game.” He took a deep breath, and I knew whatever came next would be his version of fatherly advice. “You’ve been on edge all week. You have dark circles and bags under your eyes, both of which tell me you’re not sleeping. Your mind can’t be sharp without proper rest. Plain and simple. So you either get it together, or we pull the piece. I’d start with some sleep.” He patted my leg and stood.
Dr. Chalmers gathered his things, turned off the metronome, and offered me a weak smile just before he walked through the door. Even if he hadn’t said anything, his thoughts were written all over his face. He wanted me to succeed as badly as I needed it, but he wouldn’t stand by while I withered away doing it. I knew him well enough to know, he would shut me down completely, recital and all…if he had to.
That I couldn’t let happen. I shuffled the pages of my music together into an unorganized stack and stuffed them into my notebook. I didn’t bother putting them in properly. Dr. Chalmers was right, I needed a reset. And that would have to start with Jess. My week had spiraled out of control since she’d hung up on me. The two of us had always been like peanut butter and jelly. I refused to let a little bread come between us.
I rehearsed what I’d say in the car on my way home, thinking I’d call her after dinner. But as luck would have it, at least the way my luck ran these days, I wouldn’t have to call her. She sat at the dining room table with Caden and Mama when I walked in.
“Hey, Cole.” My brother’s voice wavered when he greeted me. “I invited Jess for dinner.” His expression was a plea for acceptance and understanding.
I glanced to Jess whose brow was furrowed and then my mother who clapped and held her hands together.
My mother spoke before I could. “I’m making chicken and rice.”
And in that moment, I conceded the best I could. My lips rose in a smile no one would realize was forced. “That’s great. I’m glad you’re here, Jess. I wanted to talk to you.”
She shifted nervously in her seat. Caden glanced at her and then back to me. I couldn’t tell if he was aware of our phone call last week or if he was confused by my lack of extra enthusiasm.
“Cole?”
My heart melted at the sound of my little brother’s nickname for me, and a piece of my resistance softened. “Let me go put my stuff in my room. I’ll be right back.”
Relief shown in his eyes and Jess’s. My mother still didn’t have a clue anything was unusual about my brother inviting my best friend to dinner on a Friday night. Bless her heart. She probably still thought Carson and Casey were virgins. Her naivete was endearing.
The footsteps I heard behind me didn’t belong to my heavy-footed brother, nor did they click like the heels of my mother, which meant Jess had followed me. I set my backpack on my desk and began to dig through my drawers for a tank top and a pair of running shorts. After I apologized, I would need a few miles of concrete to clear my mind and accept whatever lay in my future.
I heard her come in and close the door. I knew without looking that she’d taken a seat on my bed and put a pillow in her lap the way she always did. So after I changed and found her exactly where I expected to, I wasn’t surprised, even though she hadn’t said a word.
I climbed onto my bed with socks in one hand and my tennis shoes in the other. I needed something to fiddle with while I talked to keep my hands and arms from speaking for me.
“I’m sorry, Jess. I should have been supportive.” I intended to say more. I’d rehearsed more. But nothing came. That was the sum total of what I had to offer. It was sincere. And it was honest. It just wasn’t much of an apology.
She twisted a lock of her hair between her fingers, and her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I should have been more sensitive to your feelings about it. I kind of sprung it on you without any preparation.”
“So what do we do from here? Are you dating my brother?” I kept my tone soft and unassuming. I couldn’t live without Jess or Caden, and if they’d already decided to date, then I didn’t have a choice but to go along with it or lose them.
Jess didn’t answer right away, which told me more than I wanted to know. “He kissed me, Colbie.” Her entire face erupted in unbridled happiness. It was an expression I’d never seen on her before, and while I wanted to cringe and tell her to shut up, I had to listen. “I felt it in my toes.” Her eyes had gone to a far-off place where unicorns crapped glitter and rainbows colored the world. “Caden was my first kiss, but I can’t imagine anything ever comparing.” She leaned back and sighed.
“I’m happy for you, Jess. I really am. I can’t say that it won’t take some getting used to, but I promise to try to be a better friend about it.”
She sat back up and threw her arms around me. “Thank you, Colbie.” She squeezed me like she needed the air in my lungs to breathe.
“Just promise me that we’ll make time for us…without Caden. Please.”
Jess nodded vigorously when she pulled away. “Of course. Of course. Nothing between us changes.”
But everything had changed. She just didn’t realize it. I, however, did. I’d prepared myself for changes after high school. I hadn’t thought it would happen before.
With nothing left to say, and a hole the size of Georgia in my heart, I finished tying my shoes and then stood. “I’ll be back.”
“You’re going running before dinner?” Her look of giddy glee melted into confused sadness. “You only run at night when you’re upset.” We’d been friends for far too long, clearly.
“I had a really rough piano lesson. Dr. Chalmers wants me to get my crap together or he’s going to pull the étude.” I shrugged, but Jess knew what that meant in my world. Devastation.
She hopped off the bed and raced around the edge. For the second time in less than five minutes, she threw her arms around my neck and clung to me like a sloth to a tree. “Oh, Colbie. I’m sorry.” She stepped back but kept her hands on my biceps. “Go. Run your little heart out. Then we’ll eat, and maybe the three of us can hang out and watch a movie. Get your mind off it. I bet by Monday, you’ll be good as new. You’ve never pulled a piece, and this won’t be the first one.”
The words were right. Everything she said was what I needed to hear. Unfortunately, none of them fixed anything. She and Caden were going to do whatever it was they were doing. And the étude still taunted me like a bully in the schoolyard. I didn’t even want to think about the mounds of
homework I had waiting for me.
So I didn’t.
I put in my headphones, turned on my favorite running playlist—which happened to include “Winterwind”—and then I stepped out onto the sidewalk. Twenty minutes and two miles later, my afternoon went from dismal to unfortunate. Without crossing the street, which would be an obvious avoidance, I couldn’t keep from running into Dr. Paxton. Even from a block away, when he turned the corner toward me, I could see every vivid detail.
Sweat glistened on his bare chest, which was even more sculpted than I’d imagined. His hair was damp from exercise, and holy hell, the man had the sexiest legs I’d ever seen. Just the right smattering of hair trailed from his navel to beneath his shorts, and he’d obviously caught me ogling him. When my eyes met his, there was a roguishly delicious smirk tilting one side of perfectly pouty lips. I didn’t know if men were supposed to have full lips, but Eli Paxton did, and I’d never wanted to suck on one as bad as I did in that moment.
He came to a stop in front of me and leaned over with his hands on his knees. I’d venture to guess he’d been pushing himself harder than I had. I needed monotony; he apparently needed a workout. When he stood, he pulled the buds from his ears, and I mirrored him, assuming it would be rude to sidestep his glorious body to keep jogging.
Dr. Paxton had a difficult time speaking through his ragged breathing, which just made him more appealing. “You run, too? I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Nerds can’t run?” Unlikely what he meant, but I wasn’t in a great mood.
He cocked his head to the side. “Not at all what I said. It makes sense. You’re tall and lean.” His gaze grazed me from shoulder to toe and back up, and I’d hasten to say, it wasn’t in an appraisal a teacher should make of his student.
“I don’t think running has anything to do with my height, Dr. Paxton.”
“You know what I mean.” Now he was flustered and winded. “And call me Eli. Please.”
I propped my hands on my hips, trying to conceal just how awkward all of this felt. “Okay, Eli.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat when he swallowed. He wasn’t trying to be seductive, but damn, every move he made sparked a synapse in my brain that hadn’t fired before. If this was what Jess felt like around Caden, it was no wonder she hadn’t been able to stop herself. Too bad Eli was off limits.
“Do you run every night?” Dr. Paxton now refused to look me in the eye, or maybe he was keeping watch for witnesses to our interaction.
I should be more concerned, but if word got out, it could easily be explained by his friendship and ties to Caleb and my family, or the simple fact that I ran into my teacher. Walking off would be rude. “No. I run every morning. I only run at night when I’ve got things on my mind.” I’d shared far more information than I should with a man I barely knew. “Sorry, TMI.” I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. By continuing to speak, I only made things worse.
“So you run every day, you take piano lessons every day, and you maintain the highest GPA of any student in the school?” He’d been taking notes. “When do you do anything fun?” He chuckled, but I didn’t find any humor in his question.
I’d listened to those kinds of “jokes” for years, and I didn’t find them any funnier then than I did now. “Being driven is its own reward.”
“Is everything you do a job?” He’d sobered, and the conversation had changed tones quickly.
I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I didn’t. I pulled my ponytail tighter, grabbed my earbuds, and got ready to put them in. I donned the same smile my mother was famous for. “It was nice to see you, Dr. Paxton. I really should be going.”
The music drowned out whatever he said after. I just waved.
6
Eli
I convinced myself I hadn’t gotten up early on a Saturday to try to catch Colbie on her morning run. I didn’t know her route, nor what time she would be out on a weekend, so it was easy to lie to my guilty conscience about my motivation for setting an alarm and walking out my door at seven. It did occur to me to wear a shirt this go around, though. As much as I loved witnessing Colbie go weak in the knees, it was a dangerous thing to let myself dwell in, much less encourage.
I knew better than to pursue her, yet for whatever reason, my mind wouldn’t let her go. I wanted to blame the connection via Caleb, but that didn’t exist—there was no connection other than they shared a last name. They certainly weren’t close. I hadn’t been privy to personal information about her from my best friend over the years. It was her snark, her wit, her intelligence. She was a model student by any standards, and as a teacher, those things appealed to me. What shouldn’t cross my mind were her long legs or her dark hair, and I definitely shouldn’t have the color of her eyes memorized. But I did.
The school year lasted roughly nine months. We were a couple weeks into it. After that, my interaction with her wouldn’t matter, but then, she would move to Tennessee. The only future I might have with Colbie Chapman was in the principal’s office as he handed me my pink slip, or worse, in a courtroom where I stood trial. Nevertheless, I jogged down the sidewalks of Brogdon, Georgia, attempting to appear normal while scoping every cross street and intersection for any sign of Colbie.
I’d traversed miles and every street in her neighborhood. There weren’t a lot of positives about small, country towns, but this was one. Neighborhoods blended with each other, and a brisk walk would take me from one city limit to the other. I peered down at the GPS on my watch and sighed. Five miles was far beyond my normal jog, and I was out of places to try. Either she wasn’t out, or I didn’t have a clue how to find her. I dipped past her house—on the opposite side of the street—and rounded the curve toward the park. Having given up, my pace slowed. My feet hit the pavement harder, jarring my knees, and my arms jerked at my sides. Exhausted was an understatement. Add disappointed and fruitless to the list of adjectives, and I was a veritable ball of sweat and anger.
Then, the clouds parted and the sun shined like a beacon on the inky-haired beauty dancing toward me. The light reflected off her silky hair creating a halo around her, but unlike Pamela Anderson, nothing bounced on Colbie. Every carefully sculpted muscle tensed with each stride, the definition like art. I stood in the middle of the sidewalk, unmoving as she approached. And even under her already crimson cheeks, I witnessed the blush that crossed her face when she recognized me. In a word, she was radiant. And when I allowed my eyes to drift, I realized she was wearing the tiniest running shorts coupled with a sports bra…and that was all that covered her, or rather, left her exposed.
Her skin was shiny with perspiration, and her ponytail swung behind her. I watched as her tiny fists pumped in front of her with each step she took. It wasn’t until she stopped, inches in front of me, that I realized I blocked her path.
She pulled down her earphones. “Hey.”
It wasn’t much of a greeting, but she had stopped instead of going around me, and she had spoken first. Jesus, it was like high school all over again. I didn’t miss analyzing every action a girl made to determine her interest. I already knew Colbie was interested. I also knew I couldn’t have her. This should have been cut and dry. Case closed.
“Hey!”
She giggled and reached out to remove the buds from my ears. “You don’t have to yell.”
I felt like a moron, but if my stupidity garnered that smile from those lips, I’d play the clown anytime I could. “Sorry.”
“What are you doing out here?” Her fingers touched her neck beneath her jaw. She had on a watch that tracked her pulse, so the gesture was odd. “I thought you jogged at night?”
This was brilliant. Not a terribly well-thought-out plan. “I have a thing tonight.” A thing. Not only did I not have plans, but that was as nondescript as one could get, and she clearly caught my lie.
“Oh yeah? Do you do a lot of those?” Humor danced in her blue eyes like glitter.
“Things?” I couldn’t stop the smirk that tu
gged on my lips when her brow lifted in question. “Yeah, pretty much. What about you?” This was worse than high school. I had game in high school. Now, I was a loser trying to pick up a girl who was so out of my league and shouldn’t be on my radar…and failing.
She shook her head. “Nah, I’m not big on things.”
“No plans with Jess?”
And just like that, her face crumpled, and the sparkle turned to murk. Without thought, my hand lifted her downturned chin. Electricity flew from her through me, and I snatched my hand away like I’d been burned. “Something happen?”
Her lips pursed, and then she chewed on the bottom one. “Not really.” Colbie’s shrug said differently.
I shouldn’t pry. And I damn sure shouldn’t take her hand. I did both. “So, the incident in my class on Monday isn’t related?”
The two had gone at each other. Colbie had managed to do a much better job of remaining calm than Jess had, but regardless, claws came out. Two bright young ladies attacking each other with metaphors and book references was a new one. I had picked up on it immediately. Oddly, most of the other students seemed to believe the two were just that passionate about Stephen King and the Romantic period.
Colbie fidgeted under my stare. From the moment I’d first laid eyes on her, she’d had brass balls and nerves of steel. There wasn’t a bit of uncertainty in her, yet insecurity and hesitation now held her expression captive.
I glanced around to find that we were alone in the park. There wasn’t a car or person in sight. I let out a sigh and pulled her toward the nearest bench. She didn’t hesitate to follow, although she still hadn’t spoken. The metal was cool on my leg when I turned to face her. We sat there in silence for a moment, her staring at my shoe and me staring at her. Her long lashes mesmerized me, and when she finally peered up through them, my heart nearly pounded out of my chest. The innocence stole my breath. Eighteen-year-old girls didn’t possess that these days.
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