“Son, I know how much teachers make. Even those with doctorates. I also know what kind of legal bills you might rack up if anyone finds out that you’ve taken a special interest in a student. Keep your money. Tell Colbie I’ll be waiting for her at four o’clock just like I always am.”
My heart hammered in my chest. I wouldn’t have to worry about Colbie stroking out if I had a heart attack first. “Sir, I uh—” Stammering only made me appear guilty. “I—it’s not… Colbie is just—”
The good-natured chuckle on the other end of the phone stifled my attempt at an explanation. “Life doesn’t necessarily present opportunity at the times it’s easiest to seize them. They come when they’re needed, regardless of the price. Just be careful.”
Thank you seemed inappropriate, not that any other words were more acceptable. Stunned, all I could do was agree to his terms. “I will.”
He disconnected the call, and I stood next to my desk wondering what the hell had just happened and whether or not I could trust a man I’d only met once. Dr. Chalmers loved Colbie, and that was what I had to keep reminding myself. Sometimes we do things for people we love, even if the world says we shouldn’t. Jesus, I hoped to God I never had a daughter. I’d likely have to add murder and body disposal to my list of felonies.
I still had a few minutes before the bell. I had no idea where to begin looking for Colbie if she couldn’t be in the practice rooms. The lunch room was empty except for a handful of kids I didn’t know. Then by chance, on my way back to my room, I passed her with Jess. Either she read my mind or saw something in my eyes.
“Dr. Paxton, wait.”
I turned to see her talking to Jess, who glanced at me and then back to Colbie. Jess waved, and Colbie came in my direction and made sure to announce why she’d stopped me.
“Hey, if I give you my outline, can you give me your feedback before I start the project?” There was no outline nor project, but the teachers in the hall heard her request which was nothing unusual for the star student.
I jerked my head toward my class. “Sure. I’ve got a few minutes before next period.”
We stepped out of the hall and into what would be a cocoon for roughly ninety more seconds.
“What’s wrong?” Her panic-stricken eyes darted back and forth between the door and me. She’d conjured up a lie to tell her friend to make sure I was all right.
“Nothing. I tried all morning to find a used piano that I could put at my house.”
“Aww. That was sweet, but they’re really expensive, even used.”
That I already knew. “You aren’t kidding. Anyway, I wanted to tell you before school let out. Dr. Chalmers will be waiting for you at four.”
“Why? My parents said they were going to call him to cancel. My dad was supposed to do that this morning.”
I nodded. “He did. And I undid it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Dr. Chalmers gave me his card at the recital and said if you ever needed anything that I should call him.”
She gasped. “Please tell me you did not call my piano teacher!” If she weren’t careful, her shock would ring out into the hall for other people to hear.
“Okay, I didn’t call him. But he’s still expecting you this afternoon. So don’t miss it.” I winked, and as much as she wanted to be upset, her eyes twinkled, and she might have danced on her tiptoes in a circle.
The bell rang, and Colbie stopped her pirouette. “You can tell me the details later.” She leaned around me to see if anyone could hear her. “And I’ll find a million ways to thank you.” Colbie waggled her brows in a less than seductive fashion that made me laugh, and then she raced off to her next class.
I’d do anything to see her smile.
14
Colbie
“Something’s different about you.” Jess eyed me up and down, standing next to my locker.
I closed the metal door and spun the lock. “Nope. Same old same old.”
She leaned her shoulder against the wall, adjusting the strap of her backpack. “Don’t lie to me, Colbie. I know you better than anyone. What is it?”
I kept my face free of emotion and stared at her blankly. There was too much water under the bridge to divulge this secret. I loved her. I hoped we could get back to the place we’d been last year. But I didn’t trust her. She’d lied to me for months—not just avoided the truth, flat out lied. There was too much at stake.
Jess gasped and pushed off the wall. “Oh my God, it’s not what, it’s who!” She smacked my arm and practically knocked me over with the force behind it. “Sorry, that was a bit much. You have to tell me.”
I turned toward English, dreading walking into his class. Not because I didn’t want to see him, but because I didn’t want her to see us. Jess had already told me once that she noticed the way he looked at me. Now she noticed something in me. If she connected the dots that could be disastrous. “There’s nothing to tell, Jess.”
She grabbed my bicep. “Cut the crap, Colbie. Caden told me about your parents. You should be huddled in a corner rocking back and forth, not glowing like you had the best orgas—”
I clamped my hand tightly over her mouth. “What is wrong with you?” I searched for eavesdroppers and thankfully found none. And when I didn’t think she’d holler again, I grabbed her wrist and forced her to move. The faster I got into class, the fewer questions or accusations I’d have to face.
Jess dug in her heels just outside of English and crossed her arms. “I’m not moving from this spot until you tell me what’s going on. You’ve practically been a ghost the last few weeks, your parents annihilated you, and instead of sulking, you’re shining. Spill it.”
I had to give her something, and I didn’t want it to be a lie. It also couldn’t be the truth. It was a precarious position I found myself in, and the irony wasn’t lost on me. The difference between what Jess and Caden had done and what I was about to do was the detail. “If I tell you, you can’t tell Caden.”
Jess crossed her heart and salivated for what she thought would be a salacious secret. And in a way, it was, just not the way she expected. “Scouts honor.”
I rolled my eyes at her ridiculous pledge—she’d never been a scout—and lowered my voice to keep from being overheard. There were eyes and ears all over this school, and anything could get back to Caleb and, therefore, my parents. “I’m still seeing Dr. Chalmers every day after school.”
Her jaw dropped as did her arms. “You’re kidding me, right?”
I shook my head with a smile.
“That is your big secret? You have clandestine meetings with your hundred-year-old piano teacher?” She cocked her head to the side, bored by my life. “You really need to get out more, Colbie. That’s just pitiful. And totally not worth getting in trouble over if your parents find out.”
The indifference in my shrug must have been convincing because she started toward the door.
As we walked in together, she kept talking. “I don’t even want to know how that happened. The less information I have the better.”
Eli glanced at me with worry lining his brow. With an almost imperceptible shake of my head, I reassured him it wasn’t what it sounded like without saying a word. The bell rang.
“Ladies, gossip after class. The next fifty-one minutes belong to me.” Eli held his hand out to show me which seat I belonged in.
It was the first time things had felt normal in months. Jess acted like my best friend instead of my brother’s girlfriend. Eli had showed me just how much he loved me after our three-mile run this morning. And while I hadn’t exposed all of my demons, I felt like I was doing better keeping them at bay. My parents had never asked what I did in the afternoons after they cancelled my piano lessons, so I hadn’t been forced to make anything up there, either.
My stress level was manageable, even with midterms fast approaching and Christmas on the horizon. I’d made it three days without sticking my fingers down my throat or eating my emotions. A
nd while that might not have seemed like much to anyone other than me, it was a hard battle fought. One I promised myself I’d keep fighting. It didn’t matter that I only fought it to keep from admitting it to Eli. The end result was the same. I cringed each time I stepped on the scale, and I diverted my eyes from the mirror when I got out of the shower. I hadn’t gained any weight, but I hadn’t lost any more. Nevertheless, I had to have one day before I could manage one year.
“Ms. Chapman?” Eli stared at me, expecting a response to a question I clearly hadn’t heard.
I stared at him, willing him to repeat what he’d said…or for anyone to blurt out the answer and save me. No one did. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear the question.”
He pointed toward the chalkboard while staring me down. “Have you heard any of the discussion?”
I sucked on my teeth and wished he’d call on someone else. Thankfully, Jess and Joey came to my rescue. I didn’t have a clue what they were talking about, but it distracted Eli enough to let me off the hook. I’d hear about my lack of focus later, but I’d be able to show him just how well I could focus outside of his classroom.
When the bell rang and he dismissed us, I darted out the door with Jess on my heels. She caught up with me not far down the hall. It was about the same time my phone chirped with a text message.
Not thinking, I pulled my phone from my pocket right as she sidled up next to me.
Eli: What the hell was that, Cole?
“Cole?” The sassy smirk and raised brows said everything she hadn’t.
I slid my phone back into my pocket and ignored Eli. “Jess, please.” For once, just once, I hoped she respected my privacy. After the stunt at dinner about the track team, I couldn’t chance her slipping anything to Caden or in front of my parents.
She relented, threw her arm around my shoulder, and turned us both down the hall. “At least I can take satisfaction knowing I was right. Is he everything we thought he’d be?”
“Jessica McLean, you’re gross. I am not doing this.”
“You know you want to compare notes. And you’re dying to tell someone what you’ve been up to. That someone should definitely be me.”
Even the noise of a couple hundred kids padding down the corridor didn’t drown out her plea for information. I reached up and pulled my hair into a messy ponytail, anything to distract myself and her.
“Not here.” If I got her to concede to another time, I might get lucky and she’d forget, or at the very least, it bought me time to determine what I would willingly share.
She spun in a circle. “My house after piano then. My parents have a charity benefit. Actually, I think your parents are going, too. I’ll order pizza, and we can kick back while you dish out the goods.”
Jess skipped into her next class. And I stood there watching her go, unsure of what I’d just agreed to.
“Colbie?” Mrs. Cross held her door open. “Care to join us?”
I just wanted the day to end. That wasn’t true. I needed school to end and whatever time I had to spend with Jess to pass quickly, so I could get to the part of my night that I enjoyed. Eli.
* * *
The anxiety had built all day, and while I’d managed to avoid eating lunch, my willpower waned when I reached Jess’s. She’d ordered from our favorite pizza place. I smelled it the moment I walked into her house. The hollow feeling created by nerves turned into hunger. I kept thinking the apprehension would cease once I got there and we started talking. It did not.
“Are you ever going to admit it?” Pizza dangled from her fingers, and the cheese threatened to slide off if she didn’t take a bite.
I picked at mine, trying not to overindulge. One piece wouldn’t hurt, and I wouldn’t have to run it off. Although, obsessing about that didn’t help. “Admit what?” I pulled a piece of pepperoni from the top and tilted my head back to drop it in my mouth. I counted the number of times I chewed to make sure I got the full flavor. And if this turned into more than I wanted it to, having chewed well would make the ending much less painful.
“Don’t play dumb. You’re sleeping with Dr. Paxton.”
This was unfamiliar territory for me. And Jess for that matter. The two of us had never gossiped about boys or dating or sex. “Can you keep your voice down?” I searched the house, swiveling the bar stool I sat on.
“There’s no one here, Colbie. I’m not going to tell anyone.”
I huffed and grinned.
She pulled her foot onto the seat where she sat. Her thin leg looked like the stem of a flower, and her jeans fit her perfectly. “Hey! That’s not fair. I’ve never spilled any of your secrets to anyone.”
My pizza hit the paper plate with a splat. “You tried to.” And I wiped my fingers on a paper towel.
“When?” Jess was on the verge of laughing at my accusation.
“Dinner with my parents. Track. Cross Country. Ring a bell?”
She smirked and took a bite of her pizza. When she began to speak with a mouth full of food, I would have given her anything she wanted to get her to stop. “Are you still talking about that? That was ages ago. Admit it.” Her leg fell to the side, creating a triangle. Jess’s stomach was flat and her breasts perfect for her size. It was hard not to envy her. She was as close to a walking goddess as I’d ever seen.
“It was like a month ago!”
“You’re stalling.”
“You’re prying.”
She leaned forward and put her forehead on mine, our noses almost touching. Jess hadn’t done that since we were little. I’d always hated how distorted she looked that close up, which was precisely why she did it now. To get me to give in.
“Fine. Yes. I’m sleeping with him.” Shit.
Jess sat back, stunned, and a bit of slimy crust fell from her mouth. “Seriously?” She tried to catch the food as it fell, but when she missed, I watched that crumb bounce off her leg.
I slapped my hands on my thighs. “You already knew. Why are you acting so shocked?”
She snorted. “I just thought you had a serious crush on your older brother’s best friend. I didn’t really think you’d had sex.”
This was why I didn’t do this type of thing. I sucked at it. “Well, now you know.” I snatched my slice off the plate and tore at it with my teeth. “I bet you’re super glad you asked.” It was difficult to understand as I talked around cheese and crust.
“What was it like?” She swallowed and then hit my knee. “Wait. You said sleeping, as in present tense, meaning more than once and still happening.” Her eyes grew and the whites outweighed the blue.
Jess wanted details, to compare notes. The problem was, I wasn’t interested in hearing about my little brother and them sneaking around, having sex in random places. And I didn’t want to tell anyone about Eli, not because I was ashamed, but because it was private. I couldn’t imagine he’d be thrilled to know Jess had asked about the size of his penis and what he looked like naked, much less the nuances of how he took my virginity and the first time he told me he loved me. Even though I knew those were things best friends shared, my tongue got thick and my mouth went dry. In order to keep from sharing more than I had to and listen more than I wanted to, I shoveled slice after slice of crusty goodness into my mouth. Each calorie laden slice went down with ease until I’d lost track of how many I’d consumed.
The weight in my stomach settled my nerves, and the peace in my head calmed the anxiety in my heart. Until the weight turned to lead and my thoughts raced. It had happened before I could stop it, and now, in order to relieve it, I had to find solace, control, and a bathroom.
“So you guys have sex like every day?” She kept talking, even though she wasn’t really getting answers. “I can’t imagine how hard it would be to pretend like he’s just your teacher every day.” Jess had no clue she rambled to herself. “Is it hard to watch other girls at school flirt with him?” She cocked her head. Apparently, she thought that question deserved a response.
I pushed my stomach wi
th the heel of my hand. “No. Is it hard to watch girls flirt with Caden? It’s no different.” The gurgling started, and I guzzled water. It didn’t matter how well I’d chewed, bread always came up in painful clumps. And by the time I’d started on piece number two, I’d stopped counting the number of times my teeth came together before I swallowed.
That wasn’t a thought she’d considered. “Who flirts with him?”
“Every underclassman he comes in contact with. Even a couple guys. Are you blind?”
“No more so than you are. What are you going to do after graduation? You’re still going to Tennessee, right?”
This was the problem with not dating throughout high school and waiting until our senior year. Questions other girls didn’t have ran rampant in our minds. “Of course I’m going to college. Are you planning to ditch Georgia Tech for Caden?”
She popped the top on a can of Diet Coke and sipped. “No, but it’s not that far away. He can come see me or I can come home every night if that’s what we want to do. That’s not the case with Nashville. Are you guys going to stay together?”
I didn’t know. We hadn’t talked about any of this. He’d indicated he wanted to, but we hadn’t had an actual discussion about the logistics or commitment that would follow when I left. “I don’t know, Jess. It’s still six months away. A lot can happen.”
“You better hope your parents don’t find out.” She set down her can to pick absentmindedly at her nails.
There had to have been a reason I came here other than to be tortured; however, I couldn’t think of it. “I need to use the bathroom.” Panic had risen in my chest. My train of thought only went one direction, and that track led to a commode.
I hopped up—as casually as possible—and went to the bathroom I’d always used at her house after meals. No one else ever used the guest bath, so they wouldn’t have to endure any lingering smell. She believed it, and I had kept using it until it was habit. And even though it had been a while, I followed the same routine.
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