Glitch (Glitch - Trilogy)

by Heather Anastasiu

  Maximin leaned in close and I could smell the musky scent of his soap. It made me feel strange inside and I pulled back. It wasn’t just the normal strange feeling of being close to someone. There was something else I couldn’t quite define—something that made me uneasy. We were a wrong fit, like unmatching puzzle pieces.

  After about half an hour, Maximin announced his stop was next. He lived farther from the school than I did, but the tunnel from the subway platform to his housing grid looked exactly the same as mine. Same low-ceilinged space, same gray concrete dirtying around the edges, leading to the same bay of elevators that led up and down to units in the eight-level housing blocks. Monotony was the rule, even in city design.

  I glanced over at Maximin and was surprised by his steady gaze. I almost frowned at how long he’d kept his eyes on me before he looked away.

  “Here we are.” He touched a finger to a small panel beside one of the middle elevators and we waited in silence. I looked around at the others waiting—they were mostly adolescents, our age or younger, returning from the Academy.

  The elevator pinged at Maximin’s floor and we stepped off. I followed him down the hallway to his apartment and watched him wave his wrist in front of the sensor beside the door, and I realized that Maximin and I would be alone in his home. Adults usually worked eleven or twelve hours a day, especially when they were still young enough to be productive and not tire easily.

  In less than a year, I would be just like them. After finishing at the Academy, I’d get my final V-chip and begin working at one of the bioengineering firms, slowly progressing through the ranks as my knowledge base and ability were tested each year. That is, if I didn’t get deactivated first. And what if I never got caught, and I became another adult drone, incapable of ever feeling again? I’d be safe, but was that even worth it anymore? Whittling away my life every day, completely empty inside as I worked until I was exhausted, slept, and then woke up the next morning just to do it all over again? And then one day I would be genetically paired with another person, someone who felt nothing, thought nothing, had never known beauty or fear or joy.

  That future stretched out before me, a lightless road that was my only reward if I managed to keep my anomalies undetected.

  An angry heat rushed to my face. No. I couldn’t do it. That wouldn’t be my life.

  Escape. The word whispered with a red thrumming energy through my mind.

  My glitches were more unpredictable than ever. The sensations during glitches were overwhelmingly strong and I couldn’t always mask them. At the same time, there were more eyes scrutinizing me than ever before. All this added up to an invisible noose around my neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. It would cinch closed eventually.

  I had to stay completely off the radar for as long as it took until I was no longer under constant observation from the Chancellor, the Monitor boy with his aquamarine eyes, and the patrolling Regulators. Then I would need to find somewhere to hide, to disappear, to glitch freely and live undetected for as long as possible until my inevitable capture and deactivation. I wasn’t sure any of this was possible, but I suddenly knew I had to try.

  I was so wrapped up in my distressing thoughts that I was completely unprepared when Maximin closed the apartment door behind us and spun around quickly to face me. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest.

  “Zoel, I was so worried when you disappeared,” he whispered fiercely. “I’m so happy you’re back.”

  He put his lips to my ear and his lips fluttered down my jawline. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to do this.”

  He dropped his lips to my mouth.

  Chapter 11

  “MAXIMIN!” I PUSHED BACK in surprise before his lips could touch mine. My mind immediately hummed with fear and confusion. “What are you doing?”

  He smiled, dimples I never knew he had appearing on both cheeks. My mouth dropped open slightly. “Zoel, I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, ever since I noticed you’d started glitching too.”

  My chest cinched up in fear, my mind racing through every possibility. Was this a test? Was I being watched right now? I looked down the narrow walls of his entryway before looking back warily at him. My eye paused on a black circle installed on the hallway ceiling.

  The look on Maximin’s face made me soften. This was Maximin, not some spying Monitor.

  Still, I held my features in a calm, blank expression, willfully quieting the energy racing up and down my arms as I gestured robotically to the hall.

  “Let’s go to your personal quarters,” I said.

  He nodded and grabbed my hand to pull me down a short hallway. His house was set up like mine, only in reverse—the tiny entryway led to narrow hallways with four small off-shooting rooms to the left instead of the right and a bathroom at the end. We turned in to the second sleeping compartment.

  He slid the door closed behind him, still smiling. His gray shirt looked out of place next to his flushed cheeks and bright brown eyes. He looked so animated and alive, I barely recognized him.

  “And it’s Max, not Maximin,” he said, still not letting my hand go.

  I felt excitement rise up inside even though I knew I ought to be cautious. But it only made sense—there was no other explanation for the expression on his face. It was impossible, too incredible to be true, but at the same time I wanted to believe him more than anything.

  “When did you start glitching?” I asked, still torn between caution and hope.

  “Three months ago.” He sat on the edge of the desk that was underneath his loft bed. He gestured for me to take the chair. I looked around—his room looked exactly like mine, down to the same shade of gray painted on the wall.

  “About a month before you did,” he said. “I was so scared at first but then when I saw you get this alert look on your face at school sometimes, I knew I wasn’t alone. That’s why I asked you to tutor me in the first place, so I could be close to someone else who was glitching.”

  “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” I sat down in the chair, overwhelmed by the implications of what he’d just said. Not alone. Wasn’t that what I’d been wishing for?

  I studied Max’s face again, unsure whether I could truly trust what I saw. He had a sharp, aware look on his face—the same expression I’d always hoped to see in my brother.

  I squeezed his hand.

  “I was going to tell you but I could never find the right moment. And then when you disappeared…” He shook his head. “Zoel, you don’t know—”

  “Zoe,” I interrupted. “I want to be called Zoe.”

  “Zoe. I like it.” Max smiled briefly. “Anyway, I was so terrified to lose you when you disappeared. I kept thinking, maybe if I’d told you sooner, maybe it would have made a difference.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t remember anything about what happened to me—where I went, or who I was with—I have no idea.”

  “And they didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary when you came back? When they ran the diagnostics?” He watched my face carefully.

  I shook my head. “No. Nothing. When I got back, I wasn’t glitching anymore, at least not for a few weeks. So whenever they’d run the tests, everything looked fine. But…” I swallowed hard, afraid to voice the fear I’d been working so hard to bury. I cleared my throat. “Now that I am glitching again, next time I have a diagnostic, I’ll test anomalously.”

  “I’ll help you.” Max’s narrow lips tightened, making his face look suddenly intense. His hand gripped mine harder. “I won’t let them do anything to you.”

  I smiled sadly. It felt nice to have someone want to protect me, even though I knew it wouldn’t do any good.

  “Max, if I get caught, there’s nothing you can do.”

  He smiled sideways at me and leaned in close. “Not necessarily.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Zoe, don’t you see?” He laughed; then his eyebrows lowered. When I didn’t respond, he looke
d unsure.

  “I thought if you were glitching like me, that meant we had other things in common as well.” He paused, swallowing. “The … powers?”

  “Wait,” I said slowly. “Are you saying you can move things with your mind?”

  “What?” He seemed confused.

  I kept my mouth tightly closed, suddenly afraid I had betrayed too much, too soon. Moments later, a look of amazement crossed Max’s face.

  “Whoa!” His eyebrows shot up high. “That’s not what I meant. Well, I guess it makes sense that we might change in different ways. I have another power.”

  “What is it?” I was full of relief, and both thrilled and scared to know the answer. Talking about any of this felt dangerous. I wondered if it was foolish that, after being so cautious, I’d suddenly opened up to Max without any hesitation.

  “Okay, don’t be alarmed. I’m going to show you what I can do.” He closed his eyes and sat perfectly still for a moment. Then the air around him seemed to shimmer, reflecting the light.

  In the time it took me to blink, Max was gone and the Chancellor was sitting in his place.

  I fell backward off the chair, my breath coming out in a strangled gasp. It had been a trick. The Chancellor must have had a subprogram installed at my last diagnostic to trick me into talking to Max, revealing my secrets.

  I scrambled back against the wall in my panic. If I could just get past her, then I might be able to get out the door and—

  I looked back up at the person leaning on the table. Suddenly it was Max again, and he was laughing.

  “Stop it—” I said, my voice hysterical. How was she doing this to me? I grabbed the back of my neck to see if there was anything in my port. “Get out of my head!”

  “Zoe.” The person who looked like Max seemed alarmed. “It’s just me, it’s just me, okay?” He leaned closer and I flinched, my heart monitor beeping.

  “Zoe it’s me, it’s Max,” he said again, his face concerned. He reached out to put a hand on my arm, then thought better of it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. The Chancellor wasn’t actually here. I just took her shape. Zoe, it’s still me.”

  I was huddled on the ground with my hands up, but something in the tone of his voice made me stop and look at him. “But—” I searched his face. It looked like him, so real, but I didn’t know what to trust anymore. Water streamed down my cheeks.

  “Oh no, Zoe,” Max said, his eyebrows bunched up high. “I didn’t think it would scare you. I didn’t think about it. You’re safe. I promise.”

  I got back to my feet and edged closer to Max, still cautious. I kept one eye on the door, ready to dart past him and escape. It did look like him, but still, what he was suggesting …

  “This is—”

  “Impossible?” he said, smiling now, his face relaxing. “I know. But it’s true.”

  I sat down on the chair by Max and reached up tentatively to touch his face, still half afraid. “Do it again,” I said, my voice shaky. “But not the Chancellor this time.”

  He grinned, and a second later a girl was sitting in front of me with pale skin and dark curly hair pulled up into a hair clip. It took me a second for recognition to register.

  “It’s me!” I finally exclaimed. I watched my face break into a smile. I leaned forward in curiosity. We had little use for mirrors in the Community. My lips were fuller than I’d imagined and my cheeks were rounded. But my nose was bigger too. I frowned, leaning in to examine myself more closely. Max changed back to himself, grinning widely.

  I lifted a hand to my cheek and nose without thinking, still lost for a second in the memory of my face. Then I realized the ramifications of what Max said he could do and looked up at him sharply.

  “But how?” I asked. “What I can do with my mind, it’s improbable, but it still feels like it’s within the realm of possibility, at least if you stretch certain theories on the transference of energy. But this.” I shook my head and traced the line of his blond eyebrow with my forefinger. “Your body actually changes shape? How is that possible? The amount of energy necessary for the cellular reproduction—”

  “I seem to project a mental field that affects anyone around me,” Max cut in.

  “But it looked exactly like her! How were you able to control such detail?”

  “I’m not projecting an image—I’m literally affecting what and who you see. I make it so that you expect to see the Chancellor and boom, that’s what you see. To myself in the mirror, I look the same. But to everyone else, even the mirror would reflect who I wanted them to see.”

  “Crackin’ hell,” I whispered in awe.

  “What?” Max asked.

  “Nothing.” I frowned, not knowing where the strange phrase had come from. I shook my head. There were bigger things to focus on here.

  “So,” I said slowly, trying to puzzle it out. “You, what, think of the person you want the people in your … your projected area to see? And then, it just happens? Do you feel anything?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I guess I kind of hear this high-pitched buzzing noise in my ears. And then I will it to happen and it just does. It wasn’t as easy at the beginning. I’ve been practicing.”

  “I can barely believe this,” I whispered, still in shock. “Do you have the dreams, too?”

  His eyes widened and he smiled. “Yeah, I do. I mean, at least that’s one good part of all this.”

  “Good part?” I asked, confused. “You think the dreams are good?”

  He looked uncertain. “Are we talking about two different things again?”

  “My dreams are terrifying. Aren’t yours?”

  He smiled, a slow grin that edged across his face. “I’ve had a couple of the bad dreams. But for the most part, it’s the other kind.”

  “Other kind?”

  “You know,” he said. “The good-feeling kind. Pleasurable.”

  Pleasurable. I’d only heard the word used to talk about the destruction of the world. “I’m not sure I know what you mean. Pleasure is wrong.”

  “No!” His eyes opened wide. “Pleasure is wonderful. Really. I’m surprised you haven’t found it out on your own. I thought for sure anyone glitching would discover it right away like I did. Can I look at your genitalia?”

  “What?” My voice hitched up an octave.

  “Aren’t you curious? I could try to show you what I mean.” He moved closer so that our legs were touching. He leaned down and put a hand on my knee. “I’ve thought about you for so long.”

  “You have?” I looked down at his hand on my knee in confusion.

  “Do you even know how beautiful you are?” he whispered. He moved his hand from my knee to my hair; pushing away a stray strand and then reaching back to undo the clip keeping the rest in place. My hair tumbled around my face and he leaned in and inhaled. His face was so close to mine, it made my breathing erratic.

  “Do you ever think about me?” He pulled me close and slid his hands down my back.

  I frowned. “Maybe.”

  I focused on the pressure of his hands. They moved farther down. It felt kind of nice. But it also felt weird. Then he squeezed and I jerked away quickly, scooting out of the chair and over to the wall.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “This is all new to me, and too fast. I don’t want to do any more of that right now.”

  “Oh.” He seemed surprised. He sat back.

  I was starting to get irritated. “You just told me that you glitch, too, and that you have all these powers. I want to talk about that.”

  “But don’t you want to know about the pleasure?”

  “Maybe later,” I said uncertainly.

  He nodded. “Later, then. I guess it can all be kind of confusing at first.”

  I nodded and let out a small laugh. It sounded strange in the tiny room and I put a hand to my mouth in fearful reflex. Max was grinning at me, though. He understood. I could laugh in front of him. I could finally share all the t
hings I’d been feeling. I grinned back, feeling warm inside.

  “So, show me what you can do,” he said.

  I blinked a few times and frowned. “It always just kind of happens,” I said after a moment. “I don’t know if I can make it happen.”

  He shrugged. “That’s odd. I’m able to control mine.”

  I frowned deeper. It was always something I’d been so afraid of happening. It was too dangerous, too conspicuous. I’d never thought about trying to do it on purpose.

  “Okay,” I said slowly. “I’ll try.”

  I looked at the pillow placed neatly at the top of his bunk. It was small and light. It should be easy. I stared at it, willing it to move.

  Nothing. Not even a twitch. I reached my arms out, trying to focus my thoughts and energy through the extension of my fingers. Max shifted awkwardly in his seat while I concentrated, gritting my teeth and staring at the pillow for another five minutes. I finally gave up, a sheen of sweat glistening on my brow.

  “I’ve been glitching longer than you,” Max said. “I’m sure it will get easier the longer you try.”

  “Maybe,” I said, still frowning at the pillow. I felt frustrated that it hadn’t worked. Max had seemed excited about his power, and I was disappointed I couldn’t show him mine.

  “So what about when you disappeared? What happened? Where’d you go?” He leaned back on the desk so his back was against the wall.

  I told him everything I remembered, and it was a relief to tell the story to someone other than the Chancellor.

  “Nothing feels different, but I know something must have happened to me, to my body. And why didn’t the diagnostics pick up anything anomalous when I returned?”

  “I snuck a peek at some of your records after you returned and everything tested normal,” Max said. “I’ve seen other things though. They can do whatever they want and then lie about it.”

  “How do you know that?”