Cruise Chaos: A Humorous Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery (Cruise Ship Cozy Mysteries Book 3)

by A. R. Winters

  Walking through the hallways, I got back into the mindset of Lady Adrienne James of Harkness. With shoulders back and my chin held at a snootily elevated position, I almost felt like I was a rich heiress.

  I exited the interior of the ship onto the wraparound deck that would eventually lead to the pool deck. No one was around, so I practiced my Lady Adrienne gait, walking as if I owned the ship myself and everyone else were either my crew or servants. Nose in the air, I walked with a swagger.

  It was a pretty good feeling.

  Right up until I realized someone was watching me.

  As I strode, I saw a pair of eyes peering out at me from behind a planter filled with ornamental pink flowering bushes. At first, I thought it was my imagination. No one would actually be hiding behind a giant flower pot. But as I kept looking, the eyes realized I’d seen them, and I saw the shape of a head duck down.

  A chill crept down my back. I remembered the phone call. The threat. And now someone was spying on me. Was the bookie’s reach so far, and so fast, that he had someone after me already?

  Logically, I should have known that was impossible. But when you’re scared, logic flies out the window. Wild thoughts become near certainties, and impossible events become the most likely thing to happen.

  “Hey! Who’s there?”

  I looked over my shoulder and no one else was around. I hoped my bravado wouldn’t get me in trouble.

  There was a shuffling sound behind the planter, but nothing more. I began to feel less afraid. Whoever was hiding didn’t want to be seen. I don’t know if it was logical or not, but it made me less fearful of them. Like I had the upper hand.

  “Come out from there! I know you’re behind the bushes!”

  There was a moaning sound. The moan of someone who knows they’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t have.

  Slowly, a blond mop of hair peeked up from behind the planter, quickly followed by the rest of Shaun Anderson, the pool boy.

  I stared at him. He stared down at the bushes.

  “Shaun? What’s going on?”

  Sheepishly, he slowly raised his eyes and then immediately dropped them when he saw how sternly I was looking at him.

  “I wasn’t spying on you! A kid lost his ball and it rolled down here, and I was looking for it. Then I saw you coming, and I thought it might look like I was spying on you, so I hid.”

  I tapped my foot on the deck while I thought about what he’d said. It was ridiculous.

  “Where’s the ball?”

  He looked to the left, and then to the right, as if the ball might suddenly appear out of thin air. It didn’t.

  “I can’t seem to find it. Dunno where it got to.” He looked out to sea, as if perhaps it had gone overboard. That was unlikely if it had been rolling. There was no room between the railings for a ball to slip through, unless it was very small.

  “Perhaps a gust of wind took it,” I suggested.

  His face veritably lit up.

  “Yeah, maybe you’re right!”

  I was uncomfortable about the whole situation. I knew—or at least I thought I knew—that he had a crush on Sam. Did he have one on me too? Or had I gotten the wrong idea earlier? Or maybe he was telling me the honest truth right now and it just looked bad. Not knowing what to do, I decided to ignore it for now. But I’d keep thinking about it.

  “Are you coming to the pool deck?”

  He nodded, and then climbed out from behind the planter to join me on the walking path.

  It was only a few more yards before we rounded the corner to the pool deck. His story may actually have been true. I looked around, scanning the area. Could be true—apart from the absence of any children.

  “I guess the little boy left already?”

  He looked confused for a minute, and then as if he suddenly remembered the story he’d told me, he nodded in agreement. “Yeah, must have!”

  I found Cece at the pool deck was very pleased with how she looked. She’d put on Harley’s black dress, and over the front she’d tied a white apron. On top of her head sat the little hat that had come with the scandalous costume, and she’d found herself some semi-sensible black shoes to go with the whole ensemble.

  “Hey! You look great!”

  Cece smiled back at me. “Yeah, it’s not bad. I mean, I looked a lot hotter in the other outfit.” She looked around the pool deck as if inspecting the people there. “Though with this crowd, I guess I don’t actually want to look too hot.”

  We both laughed. That was true.

  “Are you all set for your scene?”

  She nodded at me and waved a little envelope full of the clues she was supposed to use during this section.

  “Okay, I guess it’s nearly time to begin.”

  I got everyone’s attention and climbed up on one of the sun loungers to speak to the audience again.

  “Lady Adrienne James of Harkness would have your attention!”

  Obligingly, they all turned to look at me, curious and pleased expressions on their faces.

  “We will shortly begin the next scene. In this one, I recommend you pay careful attention to the housekeeper.” I pointed over at Cece, who gave a smart curtsy. “She will also be distributing clue cards to you. If you have any questions, try and figure out the answers yourselves, after all, you’re all detectives here!”

  There was a happy murmur from the crowd and a few of them clapped, though it didn’t progress into a full-on round of applause and the early-clappers quickly stopped. That was okay. I didn’t need applause; I just needed the event to go smoothly without any disasters. Or deaths. Or deathly disasters.

  While the scene progressed, I mingled with the guests, though all the time I was following a winding path from my position to where I could see Harley Dane. I wanted to see what else I could learn about her marriage.

  When I reached her, she was having a conversation with the aspiring writer, Mary Mead. While Edward clearly had little time for her, Harley seemed to be getting on quite well with the young woman.

  “Good afternoon, ladies,” I said with a welcoming smile. As my character was the hostess in our murder mystery, I always had to appear to be as welcoming as possible.

  “Hello there, Lady Adrienne,” they said with little grins. Everyone seemed to enjoy playing their parts.

  “It’s a lovely afternoon, isn’t it?” I had deliberately dropped the word lovely in there, trying to push the conversation toward love, romance, marriage, and just what was the real truth between Edward and Harley’s courtship and coupling.

  “A perfect temperature,” said Mary, looking up at the blue sky overhead. It was nearly perfectly clear, but sprinkled across were a few tiny, fluffy white clouds far, far above us.

  “The heat reminds me of Las Vegas,” I said as casually as I could.

  Harley wrinkled her nose. “Really? I find Vegas to be much drier, but much hotter than this. It’s far more pleasant here.”

  “Oh, I must have been there at a funny time,” I said, hoping that I hadn’t completely given away the fact I’ve never been to Vegas. “Speaking of Las Vegas, didn’t you say that that’s where you and Edward met?”

  Harley nodded happily back at me. Mary looked on, intrigued. It didn’t seem like she’d heard their love story.

  “Oh yes, and we were married there too. Just six days ago!” She started to look down at her watch.

  “It’s amazing, isn’t it?” I said to Mary.

  Harley gave up looking at her watch with a shrug. She’d given up on calculating precisely when it was she’d been married. Five days, I thought to myself. That’s how long the magic lasts.

  “Edward is so focused though,” said Harley with an almost disbelieving tone in her voice—for our benefit, not hers. “You’ll never believe this, but he finished a new book just this morning. Even though we’re on our honeymoon! Isn’t that something?”

  “That’s amazing!” said Mary Mead. I bobbed my head along with her. It genuinely was impressi
ve.

  “Of course,” continued Harley, “it’ll need extensive edits. Edward’s such a perfectionist. Every single word is a gem. That’s what he tells me, and I believe it!”

  “He’s one of the best,” said Mary, a hint of envy in her voice.

  “One of?” said Harley, followed by a burst of laughter. As if we all knew that he wasn’t one of the best, he was the best. I nodded along politely.

  “What’s his new book about? Can you tell us?”

  Harley looked around furtively, to make sure no literary spies were listening, and then she leaned in toward us, hunching over slightly. We did the same, forming a tight little huddle.

  “Well, it’s about this police detective, who isn’t actually a detective. She’s an ancient goddess come back to Earth. It’s got magic, it’s got mystery, it’s got murder, and it’s got tons of feminine appeal. They say that’s what you need these days for a really big hit, feminine appeal. Men don’t read anymore.”

  “Is that so?” I asked politely. I didn’t exactly follow the ins and outs of the book trade.

  “Oh, yes,” said Harley like she was an expert. “And not only do women read more, they talk about the books they read too. Word of mouth is very important for making a book a big success.”

  Mary and I nodded along to Harley’s wisdom. She’d gone off topic from my perspective and I wasn’t interested in what she was talking about anymore, but I had to play along. That’s what a good hostess does. Mary also seemed less interested in this; she’d been much more attentive when Harley had been talking about the writing and the plot.

  “ARRRGH!” came a scream.

  I was ready for it this time, but Mary and Harley looked suitably surprised and turned their heads to stare in Cece’s direction. I was impressed with the volume she could produce from her lungs. Her shriek was almost painful, even all the way over where we were. I felt sorry for the guests who’d been closer to her.

  While we watched, the feather duster that Cece had been holding flew into the air as she feigned complete shock. Then she was bending over to look at something. When she did, I was incredibly relieved that we’d managed to find her an alternative costume. If she’d been wearing the hot French maid costume.... well, that wasn’t something I wanted to imagine.

  “Oh! It’s my turn,” said Harley, peering down at her clue and instruction card. All the guests had at least one line they got to read out during the progress of the mystery before the big reveal. And this moment was Harley’s. She quickly hurried away to deliver her lines next to the shocked maid.

  “It’s very romantic, isn’t it?” said Mary with a nod of her head toward the departed writer’s wife.

  “Marriage in Vegas? Oh, super romantic,” I agreed out of politeness.

  “It’s kind of ironic though, don’t you think, that they’re here on a cruise for their honeymoon. I mean, of all the places...”

  I tilted my head at her. This was intriguing.

  “Why do you say that? Cruises are a popular choice for honeymoons, aren’t they? I mean, a working honeymoon’s pretty odd, I suppose.”

  Mary shook her head.

  “I guess you’re not as big of a fan of Edward Dane as I am. I’ve read all his books. You know, his first book breakout hit was called Cruise Overboard.”

  I felt like a cat when it pricks up its ears upon hearing something interesting.

  “Oh? What’s it about?”

  Mary couldn’t stop herself laughing before she continued.

  “You’ll never believe it.”

  “Try me anyway,” I said as lightheartedly as I could manage. For the first time in my life, I had a sudden desperate urge to know the plot of a gory mystery book published three decades earlier.

  “It’s about an older writer, who marries a much younger woman—”

  “In Vegas?”

  She shook her head.

  “I don’t remember where. Maybe Vegas. But they get married, and they go on a cruise for their honeymoon, and, well, I don’t want to spoil it.”

  SPOIL IT! I wanted to scream.

  “I’m sure I won’t read it. His books aren’t my favorite style. Go on, tell me what happened.”

  Mary bit her lip and then leaned in close. “In the book, he’s taken out a life insurance policy on his new wife. And then, on their honeymoon, he tosses her overboard and tries to claim the insurance money!”

  “Oh, wow. Did he get away with it?”

  Mary gave me a funny look. “Of course not. In detective stories, the criminal always gets caught.”

  “Right. Yes. Of course, I forgot we were talking about a book for a moment!”

  We both laughed at that.

  “That is very interesting though, Mary. I must get on—the other guests will be jealous!”

  “Right. Everyone wants to spend some time with Lady Adrienne. Especially that pool boy, by the looks of it.” She gave me a wink.

  I peered over my shoulder and saw Shaun Anderson turn his head so fast I was surprised it didn’t fly off.

  “I’m sure he was just looking around for someone. See you later!”

  After slipping away from Mary, I continued to make my way through the happy crowd of amateur sleuths. What Mary had told me was very interesting indeed.

  There had been a story in the news not so long ago about a detective writer who’d written books about his own crimes. They’d been sold as fiction, but after investigation, it turned out that they were actually retellings of the author’s own crimes.

  Was Edward planning the same thing? It looked like he had at least fourteen thousand dollars in gambling debts. Maybe that was just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe that was just an installment he had to make toward a mountain of debt.

  Though Harley hadn’t been my favorite person when I’d first met her, she’d grown on me.

  Was her life now in danger? And would it be up to me to save it?

  The warm afternoon suddenly felt a lot chillier.

  Chapter 19

  While the scene played out, I kept thinking about Edward and Harley. It all made sense now. The reason why he was so cool and withdrawn. The reason he didn’t seem to show his wife much affection. The reason he brought his new wife on a work trip for their honeymoon.

  I mean, do clues come any bigger than that? What kind of man would take his new wife to help him with work for a honeymoon? And he was supposed to be a rich and famous author. He should have flown her to the Bahamas on a private jet. Or taken her to Europe for a grand tour. Or hired a private yacht and… well, maybe not that one.

  By the time the scene had ended, I had convinced myself.

  Harley and Edward’s marriage was a sham, at least from Edward’s perspective. He’d brought her on board to kill her, claim the insurance money, and pay off his gambling debts.

  When I stood up from the sun lounger I’d been sitting on, the blood rushed to my head and I felt dizzy for a moment. The sun had just set and the pool deck was rapidly becoming darker and darker.

  As soon as the scene ended, the guests had begun filtering inside. We had a short break before the diner scene was to begin, but no one wanted to hang around a closed swimming pool in the dark so they were heading inside for their break.

  I should have hurried in ahead of them, to make sure the diner was going to be ready. There was only an hour and a half until the scene began. But I needed a moment to think.

  Had Felicity Bull confronted Edward? Had she accused him of plotting to kill his wife? Perhaps he laughed it off, but knew that he would never get away with it with her poking her nose in and decided to remove her.

  I told myself it was silly, that it was a waste of time to be thinking about. But I couldn’t think about anything else.

  Almost everyone had left, and the people who remained were just dim shadows, slowly disappearing inside or around the deck to one of the busier outside areas of the ship.

  “But I don’t want to. Let’s go inside,” said a female voice.

&n
bsp; My ears pricked and I quietly walked in the direction of the voice, making sure my heels didn’t come down too loudly on the deck.

  “Come on.” The final word was punctuated by a smart rap on the deck, as something was smacked down on it for emphasis. Something that sounded an awful lot like a cane, a brass-topped one if I wasn’t mistaken.

  “Let’s just go inside to the diner. We’ve only got half an hour.”

  “That’s plenty of time. Now come with me. I shan’t ask you again, you know.”

  It was definitely Edward and Harley Dane. I slowly walked around some more sun loungers until I spotted them in the dim, fading light. Harley was walking toward Edward, who was waiting for her. When she caught up with him, the two of them began to walk, side by side, down the wraparound deck that encircled the ship. This deck was much narrower than some of the others and wasn’t really designed for nighttime strolls. If you wanted to walk around the ship at night, the constitutional deck was a much better option; it had good lighting and a couple of nice cafés to stop at along the way.

  Following behind them, I heard mild complaints from Harley while Edward stonewalled her. Arm in arm, they walked. The way their arms were interlocked made me think of two people locked together, one forcing the other to follow rather than a romantic stroll.

  As quietly as possible, I followed them, stopping to hide behind stacks of sun loungers, planters, and doorway alcoves whenever I found myself getting too close. When we’d proceeded about fifty yards down the deck, I thought I heard something strange. Something like shuffling and tiptoeing footsteps.

  But it wasn’t coming from Harley and Edward.

  It was coming from behind me.

  When I got the next opportunity to hide, I crouched down and looked behind me. Someone was following me, and I needed to know who it was.

  Peering between branches of a flowering bush, I saw Shaun Anderson creeping along the deck where I had been.

  My heart dropped and I moaned softly to myself in fear. He was following me.

  Could a Las Vegas bookie reach that far?

  Sure. Why not? If he was ‘connected,’ how hard would it be to pay a young guy to work for you on a ship? Not hard at all. And who knew this Shaun Anderson’s history? For all I knew, he could be a hardened criminal just playing at being a dumb pool boy. Swan’s background checks weren’t exactly meticulous. They’d hired Sam, after all.