Nearly Departed

by Max Patrick Schlienger

  The front door opened as Dennis and Bobo approached the house, and Elspeth greeted the pair with an an amused smile and a twinkle in her eyes.

  “My, don’t you boys look dapper,” she said approvingly. She somehow managed to juggle a lit cigarette and a steaming cup between her hands and her lips.

  Bobo nodded politely and smiled as he stepped inside. “Thank you, ma’am. Do you think Evy will be suitably impressed?”

  “Here’s hoping,” Dennis quietly interjected. He glanced over his shoulder at where they had left the car. The drive over had been miraculously free of blue sedans, but Dennis was feeling more paranoid than ever about the prospect of being followed.

  “I’ve moved her chair out of the bedroom,” Elspeth said, leading the way towards the spacious living room. “I daresay the furnishings in here are more in keeping with a fancy dinner date.”

  The undigested remnants of Dennis’ breakfast tightened in his stomach. “I hope you didn’t spend too much time getting things ready,” he said. As palatable as Elspeth’s cooking had been the day before, he wasn’t sure that he could handle a four-course meal just yet.

  “Oh, it’s just a few place settings and the like,” replied Elspeth, giving no mention to food. The group stopped in front of a well-decorated table, complete with an embroidered tablecloth and silver candle holders. Evy’s chair was set at one side, and Dennis’ concerns were immediately addressed by the sight of two empty plates, each stained with what looked like the remnants of a decadent meal.

  “I was wondering about that,” said Bobo, gesturing to the dishes. “I mean, how is she supposed to eat?” He smiled at some internal image and pantomimed a mouthful of food falling to the floor.

  “Quite,” Elspeth replied. “Although, if you boys are hungry, I could see to making something.”

  Dennis’ stomach clenched again, and he was relieved to hear Bobo politely decline the offer for more food. “I think that we can just get started,” he said. Dennis nodded in agreement, and Elspeth emulated them both with a sharp nod of her own.

  “Right, then,” she said. She took a long drag on her cigarette. “I’ll be in the den if you need me.” She walked away, leaving a trail of steam and smoke in her wake. Bobo turned to Dennis with an expectant smile and rubbed his hands together.

  “All set, Romeo?”

  “I think so,” Dennis replied. “Any advice?”

  “Well, it’s been my experience that girls like it when you ask them questions about themselves, so it looks like you’ve got that covered.”

  “I meant... Oh, nevermind.”

  Bobo flashed another of his grins. “Oh, one thing, though,” he said, holding out a hand. “Give me your phone.”

  “What?” Dennis gawked. “Why?”

  “Never bring a phone on a date, September, it’s common manners.”

  Dennis dug into his pocket. “I’ll set it to be silent,” he said, pressing a button.

  “Not good enough. Give it here. I’ll put it in the other room, and you can have it back when you’re done.”

  With a glare and a muttered insult, Dennis dropped his phone into Bobo’s waiting palm, and then turned to face the table. With as little ceremony as he could manage, he slid into the chair across from Evy’s and waited. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, but it hardly surprised him when the worn armchair remained conspicuously empty.

  Dennis sighed inwardly. He felt ridiculous, as though he were about to play a game of make-believe with an eager child. Perhaps Evy felt the same way, since she was remaining tactfully absent. Finally, Bobo stepped forward with a serious expression, and made a show of glancing from Dennis to the vacant chair.

  “May I interest either of you in a selection from our dessert menu?” he asked.

  “Uh, maybe in a few minutes,” Dennis replied. He looked across at the empty space where the ghost’s head might have been. “Unless you want anything, Evy?”

  “None for me, thank you,” a feminine voice replied, and the girl faded into view. She was clad as she always had been, and the only change in her appearance was in the straightness of her posture. “Though if you could see to clearing our plates, that would be excellent.”

  For a moment, Dennis pondered what life – or, at least, Evy’s approximation of it – might be like from the perspective of a ghost. Evy in particular didn’t seem to retain any memory from one appearance to the next, and Dennis could only speculate at how disorienting it would be to suddenly find oneself in the midst of an upscale dinner date.

  “Of course, ma’am,” said Bobo with a quiet bow. He kicked Dennis’ leg, and Dennis snapped back to reality. “Some more wine, then?” He gestured to a pair of empty crystal goblets, both of which had a thin red residue at the bottom.

  “That would be lovely,” said Evy. She turned to Dennis as Bobo gathered the plates, and flashed a coy smile as the bigger man left the room. “Although, I think I may have had too much already. Why, I can hardly remember your name.”

  “It’s Dar... It’s Dennis.” Still feeling a bit silly, he plucked his napkin from the table and made a show of dabbing his lips. “How was your meal? The steak here is supposed to be excellent.”

  “Oh, yes, quite so.”

  Silence hung in the air as Dennis thought about what to say next, and Evy used the time to make nearly-revealing adjustments to her neckline. “So,” said Dennis hastily, “you were telling me about your family. You said you have a younger sister, right?”

  “Oh, yes!” Evy laughed. “Yes, Ellie is absolutely adorable. You should hear the way she carries on about things.” She leaned forward conspiratorially, and although the motion afforded Dennis an easy view down the ghost’s dress, he kept his eyes firmly fixed on hers. “Just the other day, I found her hiding in my closet. She gave me quite a shock, but I could hardly be angry with her.”

  “Well, maybe you can introduce me to her someday soon,” Dennis said. “After all, I think it’s about time that I met them all, don’t you?”

  “Oh, that’s hardly necessary.” Evy waved her hand dismissively. “They’d just get in the way. Father, for one, is far too protective.”

  Dennis fought the urge to pounce on the comment, remembering how it had effectively annihilated his attempts at conversation during their last meeting. Instead, he turned to look over his shoulder, and then looked back at Evy.

  “That waiter is certainly taking his time, isn’t he?”

  Evy snorted and shook her head. “Honestly, I’ll be surprised if he remembers us at all. The last time I dealt with him, he completely forgot to bring me my tea.”

  “Shameful, isn’t it?” Dennis remarked. It was another second or two before Evy’s words registered. “Wait... When was that, exactly?”

  “Oh, I can hardly be bothered to mention it, really,” Evy said.

  “Well, I’m interested,” pressed Dennis. “What happened?”

  “It was nothing, dear, really. I simply asked him for some tea, and he never did see fit to bring it.”

  With either excellent or atrocious timing, Bobo chose that moment to reappear, carrying a half-empty bottle of red wine with him. Dennis arched an eyebrow and was given a shrug as Bobo moved to refill both of the goblets.

  “Have we decided on a dessert?” he asked.

  “Not just yet,” Dennis replied. The sight of the crimson fluid was already enough to turn his stomach, and he was beginning to suspect that Elspeth had a dessert course waiting in the kitchen, should it prove necessary. Bobo finished his task without further comment, twisting the bottle in midair with an expert motion of the wrist, and leaving the nearly-empty container on the table.

  “Take your time,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes to check on you.” Dennis gave him a polite nod, finally getting into the right character, and turned his attention back to Evy.

  “Well, he seems responsible enough now.”

  “I suppose,” the ghost murmured. “Quite a change from before.”

 
“He’s really stuck in your mind, isn’t he?” Dennis asked cautiously. If his words had any adverse affect, it wasn’t apparent.

  “He reminds me of someone I knew back in England,” said Evy with just a hint of sadness. “A boy named Dante. Of course, I could never tell anyone about him. He was a servant boy, and I....” she trailed off, a nostalgic look in her eyes. “Well, it would hardly have been proper.”

  The conversation had gone off-track. As interested as Dennis was in the fact that Evy might have actually recognized Bobo, it was hardly the reason for this so-called date. He took a feigned sip of his wine. “Well, I for one think that it’s a shame that your father is so overprotective. You’re a very capable young woman, and he really should recognize that.”

  “He does, though,” said Evy. “It’s what makes it all so frustrating. If he trusts me with everything else, he should trust me with men like you.” She winked and giggled, biting her lower lip seductively.

  “Well, it would certainly make things easier,” Dennis replied, not entirely certain what he was agreeing with. Another few seconds of silence passed, with Evy acting coquettish and Dennis trying to determine what his next move would be. Other than learning that her father didn’t approve of her dating techniques – which was hardly surprising – Dennis hadn’t found anything that would begin to help with Evy’s exorcism.

  “Do you see a lot of men?” he asked, grasping at straws. Evy giggled again and wiggled her nose playfully.

  “Oh, Dennis, dear... Are you jealous?” She laughed out loud, throwing her head back in delight. “Well, I suppose it’s fair to say that I have seen a fair number of men, but they all seem to blend together. None of them were nearly as interesting as you are.”

  “Thank you.” Something was amiss, and for once, Dennis had a fair idea about what it was: At the time of her death, Evy had been seventeen years old, and under the care of what she had described as an overprotective father. Maybe it was completely off-base, but he suspected that the men Evy was referencing might actually have been the host of paranormal investigators and psychics that had met with her over the past eight years. “What makes me stand out, if it’s not too weird of me to ask?”

  “I’d say it’s your choice in conversation.” Evy smiled seductively and twirled a wisp of spectral hair. “I can scarcely remember what any of them had to say.”

  “They were probably too eager to talk about themselves,” suggested Dennis. “Instead of asking about you.”

  A raised eyebrow and slightly pursed lips gave Evy the appearance of a glamor model, and the hinted comment seemed to work. “Is there something you’d like to ask me, Dennis?”

  “Many things,” Dennis answered, completely honestly. “Some more appropriate than others.” He forced his face into a suggestive smile. “Why don’t you tell me a secret? The first thing that comes to your mind.”

  Evy tapped the tip of her nose with a finger. “Will you tell me one?”

  “After you do. I asked first.”

  “Oh, fine,” the ghost laughed. “It’s not really about me, though, and it’s hardly exciting.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that,” Dennis said, scooting forward on his chair.

  “Well,” Evy began, “refresh my memory. How much have I told you about my father?”

  “Only that he’s overprotective,” replied Dennis. He thought back to some of the details that Elspeth had mentioned. “Also, that he’s away from home a lot on commissions or something. He’s an artist.”

  “Yes, that is what he tells people,” Evy said. “It’s not strictly accurate, though.”

  Again, this might prove to be interesting, but Dennis didn’t see how it applied to Evy’s current situation. “What does he do, then?” he asked.

  “He calls it work.” Evy’s eyes grew wider, as though she was attempting to broadcast excitement into Dennis’ mind. “Really, though, he goes out and swindles rich people.”

  “What?” Dennis stammered, caught completely off-guard. “How?” His reaction brought a titter of satisfaction from Evy.

  “He and his partner set up these... schemes, they call them, where they get people to invest enormous sums of money in things. Then they claim that the venture has gone under, and they repay a bit to the investors.” Evy propped her head on one hand and gazed across at Dennis. “It sounds frightfully exciting, but really, it’s quite dull. Still, you musn’t tell mother about it.”

  “Wait, let me make sure I have this right,” Dennis said, doing his best to sound amused. “Your father... is a con artist?”

  “Terribly boorish, isn’t it?” said Evy with an affected yawn. “It only ever leads to arguing, after all.”

  Dennis was still reeling, but the comment reminded him of his last conversation with the ghost, just before Bobo’s failed attempt at turning her chair into a bonfire. “Arguing like they did ‘yesterday,’ you mean?”

  Evy frowned, but answered nonetheless. “Yes, that would be a prime example. I told you about that?”

  Dennis nodded with what he hoped was a casual attitude, which was not easy with the levels of confusion and excitement he was experiencing. “You said that people were arguing about something silly, and that it was related to your father’s work. Of course, that was before you told me what your father’s work was.”

  “It really was quite silly. I expect they’ll be in good sorts when they come back.” Evy stretched gracefully and pointed a slender finger over Dennis’ shoulder. “Don’t let me stop you if you’d like to order dessert this time, Dennis.” He turned and caught sight of Bobo striding back into the room.

  “Are you ready for –”

  “Dessert, yes,” Dennis interrupted. “I mean, no. No dessert. Not yet.” He glanced back at Evy. “Actually, could you show me the way to the restroom?”

  “Certainly, sir,” replied Bobo. “It’s just down the hall to your left.”

  “I’d really feel better if you showed me,” said Dennis, arching his eyebrows.

  “Really, sir, it’s... Oh, right,” Bobo said, understanding. “If you’ll just follow me, then.”

  “I’ll only be a minute, Evy.” Dennis stood and followed Bobo out of the room, resisting the urge to look back at the ghost. As soon as they were out of earshot, or at least what Dennis presumed to be so, he began speaking again in a low voice.

  “Bobo, listen,” whispered Dennis, grabbing the bigger man’s arm. “I don’t know how long we have before she starts forgetting me, so I don’t have time to explain this, but go and ask Elspeth if she knows anything about her father’s partner.”

  “What, daddy Palin was a poof?” Bobo asked incredulously.

  “His business partner,” Dennis hissed. “I think I’m onto something here, and if I can work out Evy’s involvement, I might be able to solve this thing.”

  “She’s haunting a chair because of some bloke her dad knew?”

  “I told you I don’t have time to explain!” Dennis snapped. “Just go and ask, will you?” Bobo held up his hands in mock surrender.

  “Right, anything you say, boss. I’ll just tell you when I bring in the check, shall I?”

  “Fine, sure, whatever.”

  Dennis hurried back to the table, and ground his teeth in irritation as he saw that Evy’s transparent form was no longer waiting for him. Perfect. He had been gone all of thirty seconds, if that, but it had apparently been enough time for Evy to lose interest. By now, he supposed, she would have completely forgotten about him, and their conversation as well. He could always run through it again, like a take from a film, but there was no guarantee that it would work a second time. Or that he could even remember everything that he had said. With a scowl and an irate sigh, Dennis trudged from the room.