Silent Treatment

by Jackie Williams

“What do you mean dad? You have invited him tonight haven’t you?”

  Jim opened the boot of the car and put the case inside.

  “Your mother did last week, but there was a last minute change of plans. He left for America with that other huge chum of his last night, so he’s not going to be here to bother you anymore anyway. He came round to tell us as they were leaving just so your mother didn’t prepare any food especially. Pretty decent of him really, considering how much he can eat. I think your mum halved the quantity of what she was cooking. No, we’re going to have everything back to normal from now on.” Jim smiled widely and opened the car door for her.

  Carrie’s feet were rooted to the spot.

  “What do you mean, left last night? He’s supposed to be seeing me today.” Her chest felt as though a thick band of elastic was being wrapped around it, constricting her breathing to the point at which she thought she was going to pass out.

  Her father was still smiling stupidly.

  “No, he definitely went yesterday. I know because he came to say goodbye. He and that other huge bloke had all their bags in the car. Apparently they had managed to get an earlier flight out of Birmingham that cost less than half of flying from Heathrow. Daniel seemed to think what they saved would cover the cost of their first month’s rent on campus. They had to check in at Birmingham at about two in the morning. Your mum offered to pack them a load of the food she had been preparing but they said they were going to have dinner in some hotel up there before they went on the airport. That other bloke said his Dad was flying back from some business trip in Spain and would pick up the car. Saved them massive taxi fares too, so they were happy all round.”

  Carrie felt herself begin to shake, trying to think what time Daniel had put her in bed.

  He couldn’t have gone! Her dad had to be mistaken. Cold fear swept over her as she realized that he hadn’t even said goodbye to her. Tears welled into her eyes and she stopped breathing entirely as her lungs felt as though they had collapsed under the constriction of the tightening rubber band.

  And then all she could feel was pain inside her chest, all she could hear was a roaring of blood in her ears. There was sudden shouting and then she felt hands on her body, lifting her, moving her, the familiar smell of the leather in her father’s car, before darkness swept in and overtook her, leaving nothing but the sound of her own heart beating inside her, letting her know that she was still painfully alive.

  Voices collided above her head. She tried to block them out, but they kept intruding and eventually she had to listen.

  “It’s not normal Helen. Either she’s so exhausted from that damn tour or she’s had some kind of breakdown. I swear it’s that great oaf of a gorilla’s fault. She was absolutely fine until I told her about him leaving yesterday. Good riddance to him if you ask me.” Jim was sounding very satisfied, though still worried.

  Her mother’s voice was slightly manic.

  “Shh! You idiot. She can probably still hear you. The doctor said she’s just in some kind of self-induced faint. And I don’t know how you can be so horrible about Daniel. I thought he was a very nice young man. He was always polite to me. I’m going to miss him, and I think that you should realize that Carrie is going to miss him too.”

  Jim made a strange grumbling noise in his throat and then choked out.

  “Miss him! You must be joking. I didn’t like him coming round here Helen. God! He practically lived round here that week she was sick. Carrie’s far too young to be influenced so much by someone like him. She’s got her whole life in front of her and, what with the way he looked at her, I’m certainly not going to pretend to be sorry that he’s on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. I’d prefer it if he were on the other side of the Pacific, just to make sure there were a few more miles between them.”

  Carrie felt a cool cloth on her forehead and then her mother spoke gently again.

  “I’m not disagreeing with you on the fact that she’s young, and I want her to do just as well at college as you do but I think we have to realize that Daniel meant a lot more to Carrie than we thought. I just didn’t understand that she felt so strongly about him. We should have seen this coming. I think she’s heartbroken.”

  Jim huffed impatiently.

  “Heartbroken? Well, if it’s only her heart that’s she’s had broken by him, then she’s damn lucky. I still think she should have a pregnancy test just to make sure. I know he went along to a couple of those concerts during the summer. If he has gone and got her up the duff, at least we can do something about it before it’s too late.”

  Carrie felt her mother get up off the bed. She could feel the air being sucked out of the room as Helen took a long audible breath.

  “You can be a miserable bastard when you want to be Jim. It’s not anything like that at all. Daniel just wouldn’t, I know it…Paul with that Lisa, well that’s a different kettle of fish. He seems wilder somehow, still nice but just more of a player. Lisa is several years older than our Carrie and should know what she is doing. Daniel’s not like Paul. He wouldn’t take advantage of Carrie, I’m sure. He’s old fashioned, somehow more respectful. He hasn’t touched her Jim, I know it.” She spoke with finality.

  But Jim wouldn’t leave it.

  “Well then, that just goes to prove that he’s gay then doesn’t it. I mean just look at her. I know she’s my daughter but she’s absolutely gorgeous, any normal bloke would be all over her. He’s definitely queer if he hasn’t tried it on with her. I always suspected it.”

  Helen walked across the room and opened the door for her husband. She stood back and glared at him.

  “Get out Jim. You’re being utterly ridiculous. Even if Daniel is gay that doesn’t make him a bad person, and offering backhanded compliments about your daughter doesn’t make you right either. If you can’t say anything nice about the young man, then don’t say anything at all. After all, he’s not going to be back for at least three years. If he comes home then and they still want to see each other at least by then she’ll be over eighteen and there won’t be a thing you can do about it.”

  Carrie heard her father muttering as he walked out of the bedroom. She heard the click as the door closed quietly and a few seconds later she felt her mattress dip as her mother sat on the side of her bed again.

  “Carrie love. Can you hear me?” Gentle, loving fingers ran down the side of Carrie’s face.

  Carrie couldn’t deceive her mother twice in one summer and gave a tiny, miserable nod. She opened her swollen eyes to look at her.

  “I’m sorry mum.” Her voice was just a hoarse whisper. “I didn’t mean to spoil everything you’d done for tonight.”

  Helen leaned over and kissed her daughter’s forehead.

  “Don’t be silly, Carrie. I should have realized you’d be far too tired to party all night. The food has all gone in the freezer anyway so don’t worry about it. And don’t take any notice of your father either. He’d say those sorts of things about any young man who was interested in you. He’s just being over protective. He doesn’t mean all that stuff about Daniel. ”

  Carrie’s heart contracted at the sound of his name and she gave a great gasp of pain. A tear leaked out of one corner of her eye and she sobbed almost uncontrollably. Her mother just waited it out and listened when she could speak again.

  “I wasn’t going to try and stop him going or anything. I just wanted to say goodbye properly. I love him mum, but I didn’t get to tell him. I didn’t tell him how I feel at all and it’s going to be three years until I can! It’s so long. What if he meets someone while he’s over there? There’s bound to be hundreds of fabulously fit women out there to tempt him. We haven’t spent any time together over the summer and I’m going to miss him so much. It won’t be the same without him around.”

  Her mother laughed quietly as she pulled Carrie’s hair away from her face.

  “No, it won’t. It’ll feel much more roomy for a start.”

  Carrie gave a hint of a sm
ile through her tears.

  “You should have been around when the whole team got together, then you’d know what crowded really felt like. They’re all massive.”

  Helen smiled in relief.

  “Well, I’m glad you can joke about it. But on a more serious note, if you really do love him then you should wait for him. These three years are going to fly by. You’re going to be so busy with your ‘A’ levels and then maybe university that you wouldn’t have much chance to see each other anyway. It’s probably best he’s thousands of miles away, rather than just a few hundred. At least you know you can’t see him.”

  Carrie sniffed loudly and her mother passed her a tissue.

  “I know, I ought to feel happy that he has this fabulous placement with his best friend, and that this move may make his fortune, but I just don’t. Do you know that Paul has asked Lisa to go out there with him? He’s only known her a few weeks but he can’t bear to be apart from her. As soon as he can afford to rent a place for them both she’s going. I’ve known Daniel for years but he didn’t ask me to go. He didn’t even ask me to wait for him.” She sulked miserably before she added. “Maybe I won’t have to worry about other women after all. Maybe he really is gay and I should be worrying about all those super fit guys out there.” More tears suddenly leaked out.

  Helen was silent for a few seconds. Then she shook her head firmly.

  “I don’t think he’s like that Carrie. I didn’t get that sort of feeling about him at all. Not that my opinion means much but I think it’s just that you’re so much younger than Lisa. You know how he feels about having a good education. He probably thought, quite rightly, that you should still be at school. I could see the way he looked at you. It was more than just friends Carrie, and whatever your father thinks or says, I’m sure he’s not gay.”

  Carried gave frustrated sigh as she scrunched the tissue to her eyes again.

  “Then why didn’t he say anything to me then. I’ve been putting it out for months. We’ve held hands and he has even kissed me on my cheek. He had his hands all over my shoulders and neck when he came here after that injury but he never said a thing about wanting me or loving me or even anything about having a quick fumble. The closest he came to saying anything remotely serious was telling me that he was going to miss me.” She struggled to sit up.

  Helen frowned sharply.

  “What injury?” She hadn’t listened past those words.

  Carrie gulped as she realized she had given herself away, and then she sighed in resignation and decided to come clean.

  “I pretended I was sick back in June. That cow Jennifer Crane and her mates ganged up on me and dislocated my shoulder on the last day of the exams. They shut me in the fire doors as I came out of the hall and my shoulder popped out of its socket. I made Daniel push it back in place.” She rushed on at her mother’s horrified expression. “He’d taken a physiotherapy course already and done it before on Paul last year when he was injured during a game, but even though he was really gentle, it was horribly painful. I came over all faint and then he was worried that I wouldn’t be fit enough for the dance tour. That’s why he was here when I said I was sick. He was doing his special physiotherapy on me.”

  Helen pulled in a sharp breath.

  “Carrie! Why on earth didn’t you go to hospital? You shouldn’t have let him experiment on you. He’s not qualified. What if he’d made it worse?”

  Carrie shrugged.

  “Mum, don’t be silly. Daniel wouldn’t have touched me if he didn’t know how. He’s done a first aid course and a sports injury therapy course too. He’d been doing a first year course in physiotherapy at night school too so he can do his thesis in Atlanta. He barely touched me at all anyway. He just rolled my joint back into place and gave me instructions on how to keep it flexible, but it doesn’t matter now anyway. It’s completely healed so he must have done a good job. You would have stopped me going on the tour if we hadn’t kept it a secret, which is exactly what Jennifer wanted. It was all those special exercises of Daniel’s that made it right in time.”

  Helen looked at her daughter’s shoulder critically and then shook her head in disbelief.

  “I might have known you were up to something. You’re never ill. I can’t believe I didn’t see it. Jim suspected all the time that there was something else going on, but he just jumped to the wrong conclusion and thought that Daniel was trying to get you into bed. I don’t think I’m going to tell him he was even half right. He’ll be so bloody superior, and I can’t believe that Jennifer! What a thing to do! She should be locked up. I hope you reported her to the teachers. She should have been suspended.”

  Carrie shrugged again.

  “It was the last day of school, mum. There wasn’t much I could do. She’s not going to be at college this year. Apparently she’s given up dancing altogether and is doing something with the local paper. Lisa’s mum cut out a small article she’d done about us dancing on the tour and sent it for us to look at. I don’t know why she bothered. Jen had the cheek to say that we were “Stiff and un co-ordinated.” Load of rubbish of course, but she’s still blinded by her jealousy. Do you know she was doing all sorts of stupid stuff after I won the place to back the band. She put jam doughnuts in my shoes, threw chewing gum in my hair and even managed to steal my locker key and fill the thing with foam. I had a detention for that, though Dan did manage to make the caretaker see reason in the end. Half my books were ruined.”

  Helen’s frown deepened.

  “Why the little moo! If I ever see her again…”

  Carrie shook her head.

  “Don’t even waste your time mum. It was all so pathetic, really childish. She can’t do anything to me now so I’m just going to forget about it. Do you mind if I don’t come down tonight, I can’t face dad if he’s going to be like the Spanish Inquisition. Apart from the Daniel thing, I really am shattered.”

  Helen stood up and walked towards the door.

  “No, that’s fine. Stay where you are, I’ll bring you up a cup of tea and some sandwiches in a while.” She hesitated for a moment and then turned back. “There’s always the phone and email you know. You can still keep in touch with Daniel.”

  Carrie looked hard at her mother.

  “He never said anything about that to me. I’ll let him be the first to call. If he wants to keep in touch, he knows where I am.”

  Chapter Seven

  Late November 2007

  Carrie watched suspiciously as Lisa walked off the dance floor. Her hands were on her hips and she was breathing heavily. She waved her hand in dismissive frustration at Antonio as he looked as if he were about to follow her. She hurried out of the door and Carrie saw her sit on the low wall outside the studio, her head in her hands.

  Antonio gave Lisa another hard stare and then turned to the other sweating dancers.

  “I don’t know what’s got into her. She’s lost all her stamina. Well, that’s not happening to you lot. We’re going to step up the training from next week. I’m fitting in an extra hour on Mondays and Fridays. I’m not having any of you lot slacking, we have a load of new routines to work on and I’m going to be doing a lot with your flexibility. We will not be “Stiff and un co-ordinated” ever again. Come on, through the set again!”

  There was a general groan from around the room.

  Carrie wandered over to the door and watched as Lisa bent over the wall and looked as though she were being sick.

  “I’m just going to check on Lisa. She looks as though she’s ill,” she yelled over the pounding music. She grabbed up her water from the floor, opened the door and was out of the studio door before Antonio could object.

  Carrie stood beside Lisa and put her arm round her shoulder. She didn’t look up but shivered in the cool air, retched again and then wiped the back of her hand over her mouth. Carrie handed her the bottle of water.

  “When are you going stop trying to cover this up?” She demanded as Lisa swilled water around her mouth and the
n spat it out in the grass at the other side of the wall.

  She looked up, slightly bleary eyed.

  “Cover up what exactly?” She dropped her eyes to the pavement as her cheeks suddenly flushed.

  Carrie sighed in exasperation.

  “For goodness sake Lisa! I may not have much personal experience but I did take sex education lessons and I’m certainly not stupid. You’re obviously pregnant. You shouldn’t be doing all this dancing! You’re either going to kill yourself or the baby or both. Either get rid of it or stop the dancing.” She sat on the wall beside her friend.

  Lisa’s lips trembled for a second. She took another sip of water and then looked at Carrie with tears in her eyes.

  “I couldn’t get rid of it. I love it already. That night in Birmingham was the best of my life. We just couldn’t help ourselves, it wasn’t planned so we didn’t use anything but I don’t regret a second of it. I wanted him so much and I thought he felt the same. I was hoping that he would have said more about me going over there by now. It’s been nearly three months and he’s only just found a part time job that fits in with the sports training. His trial with the Atlanta Raiders is early next week, so he’s hoping that if he is selected he can afford something more then.”

  Carrie nodded, wishing Lisa would say something about Daniel. She hadn’t had any news at all. No phone calls, no emails and no letters.

  She had given up waiting and, in desperation, had tried his mobile number on several occasions but it had gone straight to voice mail. It was only later that she remembered that he had left it behind in their rush to get to Birmingham. Now she rang it nearly every evening, just to hear his gorgeously deep voice saying.

  “Hi, this is Daniel. Leave your message after the tone and I’ll get back to you.”

  He never did get back to her.

  Mostly she just listened to him, but sometimes she whispered.

  “I miss you Dan.” One night she had even breathed, “I love you Daniel,” by mistake. At first she had been frantic with worry about it, but then, when she had calmed down, she realized that it didn’t matter. He wasn’t picking up anyway.