Unexpectedly Expecting!

by Susan Mallery

  “Not for one second.”

  He stroked her long hair. “So why are you resisting putting an offer on a house? Is it because moving out of this place signals starting a new life and you’re not comfortable with that?”

  She sighed. “I’m not really thrilled about you being insightful, either.”

  He chuckled. “Okay. I’ll try to avoid that in the future.” He kissed her temple. “We can wait on the house until you’re comfortable with the idea.”

  He inhaled the sweet scent of her body and knew that he wanted her again. However, with her emotions so close to the surface, he wasn’t sure how she would respond to his suggestion that they make love.

  She sniffed and he realized she was crying again. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “Nothing.” She raised her head and looked at him. Tears glistened in her eyes. “You’re just being really nice. I hate that. I like the house with the master suite downstairs. But I’ll want the baby to be in the sitting area for the first few weeks.”

  “That’s fine.”

  “No, it’s not. I hate crying. I hate getting weepy looking at a catalog. I hate that you’ve figured out that leaving here is going to be hard for me.”

  “At least you don’t hate me.”

  She glared again. “Don’t push me on that.”

  He couldn’t help laughing. “Like I said, Nora. You’ll never be boring. The hormones will settle down and you’ll be less emotional. Don’t sweat it.”

  She pushed away from him. “Easy for you to say and sit in judgment. It’s not your body, is it? And aren’t the rules interesting. Emotions are allowed as long as they’re the result of the baby.”

  He sensed more danger and told himself to step very carefully. The problem was he couldn’t see the pit and might not until he was already falling into it.

  “What are you talking about?” he asked, keeping his voice as calm and reasonable as possible.

  She sprang to her feet and planted her hands on her hips. “Don’t worry. I’m not about to fall in love with you. I may not be a doctor like Courtney, but I’m not stupid.”

  He felt as if she’d slapped him. Until that moment he hadn’t thought about either of them being in love with the other. But as soon as Nora said the words, he knew that was what he wanted. He desperately needed her to love him. Nora would give her heart the way she lived—unselfishly and with her whole being. She would be sweet and tender and as protective as a mother tiger.

  “Is that what you think I want?” he said, standing. “A marriage without love?”

  “You’ve made your opinion very clear from the beginning.”

  She crossed to the far side of the room, stood behind a chair and faced him. The physical barrier in front of her told him of her need to feel safe and protected. He ached to go to her.

  “Love is complicated,” he admitted.

  “Because of your late wife.”

  He nodded. “I have some unresolved issues about Courtney. I loved her and she died.”

  Her gaze focused on his face. “So what does that mean? You’re not allowed to love anyone else?”

  “Something like that.” He thought about telling her about what had happened when Courtney died, but he suspected she wouldn’t understand. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t care about each other.”

  “Oh, caring. Wow. I feel very special.”

  He was making matters worse but didn’t know how to fix things. “What do you want me to say?”

  “You don’t have to say anything. Just tell me the truth. Which is what you’re doing. I really appreciate that. I’m so excited to be married to a man who doesn’t expect me to love him.”

  “You can if you want to,” he told her, then felt awkward. “You don’t have the same restrictions.”

  Her eyes widened. She slapped her hands on the back of the chair and glared at him. “Let me see if I get this straight. You’re not going to love me because of your late wife, but golly, wouldn’t it be grand if I fell in love with you? Of course. How incredibly perfect and just like a slimy, toad-sucking excuse for a man. How dare you?”

  He took a step toward her. “Nora, that isn’t what I meant.”

  “Yes, it is. And I can’t really blame you. After all, who doesn’t want to be loved by the multitudes. It’s not enough that your patients adore you. No, now you want me to hand over my heart. Not that you’re going to give me a piece of yourself in return. After all, you have to save yourself for the ever-wonderful Courtney. I’m just some woman you married who is having your baby. Not anyone special at all.”

  He’d hurt her. He saw the pain in her eyes and heard it behind the anger in her voice. “I’m sorry,” he said, not sure exactly what had caused the pain. He didn’t have a choice in loving Courtney. Couldn’t Nora see that?

  “Sorry? That hardly helps. You expect me to spend the rest of my life being second best. Well, you can forget that. I’m not interested in never measuring up. I’m not going to sit around here and wait for you to realize that I’m a hell of a woman and you’re damn lucky to have me in your life.”

  “You’re not second best. Why would you think that?”

  She stared at him. “Because you’ve said it every time you’ve explained that you’re not interested in loving me back.”

  She turned and headed for the bedroom, then paused at the entrance to the hallway. “Don’t follow me, don’t try to talk to me. My emotionally unstable hormones and I don’t want to have anything to do with you right now.”

  “But we have to talk.”

  “Actually, we don’t.”

  And then she slammed the bedroom door shut, leaving him standing in the living room, confused and alone.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I f there had been a way for Nora to turn back time the next morning, she would have sold her soul to do it. She still wasn’t sure what had happened the previous night. One minute she’d been a normal, articulate person, the next she’d been fighting irrational tears and confronting Stephen about his relationship with his late wife.

  She hated what she’d said to him because of what it revealed about herself. She’d never meant to tell him that she didn’t want to be second best to Courtney and she certainly hadn’t planned to share that she wanted him to love her.

  If only the catalog hadn’t made her cry. Or if only he hadn’t figured out that she was ambivalent about leaving her small house and getting a larger one with him. Or if only he hadn’t been so nice about that—getting angry instead of saying she should take as much time as she needed.

  She walked into the kitchen and turned on the light. It was early, barely past six, and Stephen was still asleep in their bed. She’d escaped to the bedroom after their argument. He hadn’t joined her until well after midnight. She’d pretended to be asleep and he’d let her. They’d turned away from each other, trying to ignore the fact that there was little more than a foot or two of mattress between them.

  Now she flipped on the coffeemaker for him and started water for her herbal tea. Her life had gotten very confusing. She wanted to blame everything on her wayward hormones, but she knew it was more than that. She had married a man she loved, knowing that he didn’t love her back. She’d even told herself she understood that he might never love her back. She’d thought she was okay with that fact. But now she wasn’t so sure. The thought of spending the rest of her life loving him while he loved Courtney made her sad. It also made her think the marriage had been a mistake.

  This was her first marriage—the culmination of her girlhood dreams. But it wasn’t like that for him. His reality was Courtney. What did that leave her?

  “Good morning.”

  She turned and saw Stephen standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He’d just woken up and his hair was still mussed. He’d pulled on a navy terry-cloth robe, but his feet were bare.

  “Hi,” she said quietly, then nodded to the coffeemaker. “That should be ready in about two minutes.”

  “Good. I d
idn’t get a lot of sleep last night and I’m going to need the caffeine to get my brain working.”

  He walked over to lean against the counter. She told herself that she had to learn to harden her heart against this man, but she couldn’t summon the strength. He looked sexy first thing in the morning. The stubble on his jaw seemed to blur his features a little and his gaze wasn’t quite so sharp.

  She’d already showered and dressed. She shoved her hands into her jeans pockets and wished her water would boil so that she would have something to do. Unfortunately the kettle remained silent.

  She glanced at the tie on his robe, then at the floor, which could use a good scrubbing.

  “Nora, I’m sorry about last night.”

  So he was going to talk about it. She’d wondered if he would. Some men didn’t like to talk about problems, instead ignoring them in the hopes that they went away. Just her luck that Stephen was one of the other kind.

  “You have nothing to apologize for,” she said, meeting his gaze. “You told me what you thought. That’s not a punishable offense.”

  “But I hurt you and I was an insensitive jerk.”

  “You clarified the rules. I wouldn’t want any less.”

  The fact that she hated those rules was her problem, not his. If only she didn’t love him, things would be easier. They could have the relationship he’d suggested—warm, caring friends who were parents and lovers. But having fallen in love with him, she didn’t think there was a way to un-love him.

  He took a step toward her. “What aren’t you telling me? I keep getting this sense of having a different script than you. As if we’re not talking about the same thing.”

  “I have no idea what you mean.”

  It was a flat-out lie, which made her uncomfortable, but she wasn’t ready to push back on the issue, nor was she going to confess her feelings. Stephen already had too much power in their relationship.

  The kettle began to whistle, giving her a good excuse to turn away. While she busied herself with pouring water and dunking the tea bag, he grabbed a mug and served himself a cup of coffee. When they were both finished, she reluctantly returned her attention to him.

  “If we don’t talk, we’re doomed,” he said. “I learned that from my first marriage.”

  His reference to Courtney made her skin crawl. “Because Miss Perfect did everything right?”

  The comment was bitchy and made her feel small. She pressed her lips together. “Sorry, Stephen. That just slipped out. I’m not trying to be rude.”

  He shrugged off her apology. “I know this is complicated for both of us. We’re fighting with my past. But to address your comment, neither Courtney nor I was very good at communicating when there was a problem. Our work schedules allowed us to hide behind long hours. I don’t want you and me to do the same. If we don’t talk, our marriage isn’t going to work.”

  Nora had her doubts about it working, regardless, but she didn’t say that.

  He crossed the kitchen and put his hands on her shoulders. “I care about you, Nora. Is that going to be enough?”

  She looked into his hazel eyes. Before meeting Stephen she’d always thought that David Fitzgerald marrying someone else had been the low point of her life. Now she wasn’t so sure.

  “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I’ll have to get back to you on that one.”

  Stephen glanced at his schedule for the day and saw that he was finished with appointments until after lunch. He sorted through the pile of mail on his desk, then glanced toward the window. Although he didn’t look out over the street, he always thought he might catch a glimpse of Nora as she left her shop to run an errand. He never did.

  Tossing the unopened envelopes onto the desk, he sank back into his leather chair and closed his eyes. What was he going to do with his wife? It had been a week since they’d had the huge fight about his statement that it was okay for her to love him, without him feeling that he had to love her back. On the stupid scale of one to ten, that was a definite eleven. Maybe even a twelve. He’d sounded pompous, stuck-up and incredibly insensitive. He hadn’t meant to be any of those, but his intentions wouldn’t necessarily matter to Nora. She was more concerned with actions.

  She confused the hell out of him. He liked her. Hell, at times he adored her. She was everything he could want in a wife. Except she needed things from him he couldn’t provide.

  The logical side of his brain told him that her wanting him to do more than care made perfect sense. Most marriages were based on mutual love. It was an expectation of the institution. But he couldn’t do that. Love was not allowed. Maybe if Courtney hadn’t died, if their marriage had continued on its course, it would have eventually ended on its own and things could be different. Maybe if he’d been able to—

  His brain slammed to a halt as he replayed his last thought. The one that admitted that things hadn’t been perfect between him and Courtney. He opened his eyes and stared unseeingly around the room. If Courtney hadn’t died, would the two of them have divorced? Did he really think that?

  Images from the past flashed through his brain. He and Courtney had rarely fought because they didn’t spend very much time together. How could they when he was working impossible hours at the ER while she was focused on completing her residency and trying to land her fellowship? He remembered their celebration when she’d finally received notification that she’d been chosen. They’d had a wonderful dinner out, complete with champagne and toasts to the future. Three days later she’d learned that she was pregnant.

  Stephen didn’t want to remember that day, but he couldn’t push away the memories of her angry statements that she didn’t want to have the child. It wasn’t a good time—she wasn’t ready. He’d been horrified that she’d wanted to terminate her pregnancy because it wasn’t convenient. He hadn’t understood how she could walk away from a life they’d made together.

  He remembered looking at her and wondering if he’d ever known her. He’d told her that if she didn’t have the baby, he was leaving her.

  Stephen gripped the arms of his chair. It had taken a threat of divorce to force Courtney to agree to carry the baby to term. Looking back with the wisdom of hindsight, he wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t insisted. She would have gotten rid of the baby and he would have…

  He would have left her. He knew that he couldn’t have stayed with her under those circumstances. If she’d been young and unable to support herself or a child, if she’d been victimized or there had been a life-threatening condition, he would have understood her desires. But inconvenience was not an excuse. Not when they were both healthy, well-employed and more than capable of providing for an infant.

  All of which had nothing to do with Nora, he reminded himself. So why was he wasting time thinking about this?

  He shook off the memories and reached for his mail. As he flipped through the envelopes, he frowned when he saw one from his former boss back in Boston.

  He pulled out the two-page letter and scanned the contents. Neil Edwards had been made chief of staff and wanted to offer Stephen a job as head of his emergency room. The job came with a great salary, bonus plan and plenty of perks.

  You’ve got to be tired of living in the sticks, his friend wrote. Come back to the real world, where you belong.

  Move back to Boston? Neil had never understood his desire to be a small-town physician. Not many people had, including Courtney. She considered his brief attempt to specialize in family practice as his rebellious streak. Something he’d outgrown.

  Now, as he read the letter again, he knew he didn’t want to go back to Boston. Not now, not ever. His life was here, in Lone Star Canyon. He knew most of his patients by name. He had a practice that was eclectic and varied. There was a sense of community and he wanted to be a part of that. Plus, he had a wife who lived here and he figured it was unlikely she would be willing to relocate to the East Coast.

  He smiled as he imagined her reaction to the offer. She would be una
mused, to say the least, but she wouldn’t be quiet about it. She would probably tell him that she didn’t intend to have her child grow up in a place where people were packed together like sardines, and that if she’d wanted to waste her life in a big city, that’s what she would be doing. She didn’t need him or any man rearranging her world, thank you very much.

  He folded the letter and dropped it into his open briefcase. She was quite a woman. He hadn’t known her very long, but he couldn’t imagine living without her. He knew that he’d been an idiot to tell her that he wouldn’t mind if she fell in love with him. Talk about self-absorbed.

  Yet even as he knew it was wrong, a part of him wished that she would care about him that much. Nora in love would be irresistible. He was selfish enough to want to have some of her considerable attention focused on him. But that wasn’t likely to happen. Although they’d made peace in the past couple of days, they were living under truce conditions. The easy laughter and passion of the first few days of their marriage had yet to be restored.

  A knock on his office door caught his attention. He looked up and saw Myrna Nelson standing in the doorway. She wore a pink-and-white floral print dress and had on makeup and earrings. Her hair was freshly set. She patted her white curls and gave him a saucy smile.

  “I just wanted to let you know that I might be a little late for our appointment later this afternoon. I’m having lunch with a friend.”

  “I’m glad you’re getting out, Myrna. I like a woman who keeps her promises. But I thought you’d already had lunch with your lady friends.”

  Her expression turned coy. “I have. That was last week. Today I’m having lunch with a gentleman friend.” Her eyebrows rose slightly. “He’s buying.”

  “Impressive. Do you want to reschedule your appointment?”

  She chuckled. “No. It’s our first date. He won’t be seeing any action that fast.”

  Stephen grinned. “I’m sure he’ll be disappointed.”

  “I hope so.” She pulled on a pair of white gloves. “I just saw your pretty wife. She’s the one who did my hair. You’re a lucky man to have caught her.”