Oden

by Jessica Frances

  I look down at my bare feet, unable to meet his gaze. No doubt it’s full of hatred for me.

  “Just a bit of luck really. I managed to get under the spaceship, the same place where we jumped out of. The hatch was open when we hit the water. I got out before it sunk too low and just swam.” I shrug. “Next thing I know, I’m waking up and a soldier has found me. He took me to get medical help, and I didn’t leave there until they stuck me on a spaceship to come back to Earth.”

  “You never bothered to let anyone know you were alive? Were you trying to hurt me by pretending you were dead?” His accusation shocks me, managing to stroke the fires of my own anger.

  “I was dead. I died the moment Riley was taken away from me!” I snap at him.

  “So you decided to deal with it on your own and leave me?”

  “Leave you? Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “I’d never kid about this because you matter to me. I would never have hurt you or lied to you like this.”

  “You think this is about you? It was never about you!” I snap, shoving his chest and forcing him to take a step back to right himself. “I needed time to think, time to mourn!”

  “And you couldn’t have done that with me? You had to be selfish and do it all on your own?” After he charges at me and I retreat, my back hitting the wall behind me, he stands directly in front of me, almost touching me.

  “I’m selfish? I didn’t ask for any of this to happen! There wasn’t exactly a manual I could read where it told me how to act and what to do!”

  “I wouldn’t have thought you would need a manual to know to tell me you are alive,” he snaps.

  “Is this why you’re here? To yell at me?” I cry, shoving him again, but instead of moving back, he moves forward, his arms boxing me in further while I look up into his fiery, green eyes.

  “I mourned you for the past year. I searched that water for your remains for weeks because I hated knowing you were down there with those Claws. I barely slept or ate while every day I was in that water searching the wreckage for you. It killed me to know I couldn’t take you home.”

  Tears spill down my cheeks, and my breath hitches when one hand reaches out and wipes them away. His touch causes my heart rate to spike, and I find his warmth soothing. I take a deep breath, surrounded by him and his scent. Instinctively, I lick my lips, wanting to lean forward and taste him, but I shake away those thoughts and where they might lead.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was alive. I promise I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was just so lost. I thought you blamed me for what happened to Riley.” I look away from his gaze as I say our baby’s name. It still hurts to say it out loud. “When Ival was the one to contact me on the spaceship with Jeprow, I thought you hated me and didn’t care whether I lived or died. I thought that it was over.”

  “Mattie…” he whispers my name, his breath brushing my neck as he leans in even closer. His arms wrap around me, urging me forward into them, and I let him bundle me up against his body. It feels so good to be in his arms again.

  I tuck my towel back into the side and then move my arms around him, loving the feel of his warmth and muscles underneath his t-shirt at his back as they shudder under my touch.

  Breathing in his familiar scent brings back so many memories. Ones of us running for our lives, times he shielded my body with his own, and nights we were naked and wrapped tightly around each other. His scent reminds me of warmth, pleasure, and safety.

  “I never hated you, and I definitely never blamed you. I just wish I knew a year ago that you were alive. I never would have let you go.”

  “I couldn’t live on Oden.” I shake my head, feeling sick at the thought.

  “You wouldn’t have had to,” he assures me. “I never would have made you stay there.”

  “You would have come back to Earth with me?”

  “I’d have gone anywhere with you.” His words choke me.

  I lean my cheek back over his chest, feeling the quick beat of his heart under my ear. He’s not wearing his vest, and in this moment, I’m grateful he’s not. I need his warmth soaking into my numb body. His strength and heat is thawing me. However, I fear the moment when I have to pull away, when Marduke leaves me and I am alone again.

  “Do you have to go back to Oden soon?”

  “I’m not going back, not now.” His arms tighten around me.

  “Won’t that cause problems? Won’t Ival come looking for you?” I hate to admit it, but I’m terrified of this happening again. What if Ival comes to Earth and he brings his fleet of machines again?

  “Ival knew one day I’d leave Oden and never come back. He might have even known it when I left this time. He won’t come looking for me, not now.”

  I’m speechless. Could this really work? Could we be safe together here? And has this conversation shifted to talking about moving in together? Is that the right thing to do? I’m a mess, and I’m not the same person Marduke knew during the invasion. I’m warped and dark and sad now. I lost part of myself on Oden. What if, deep down, he does blame me? Moreover, what if I begin to change him for the worse, too? What if I drag him into my deep mourning and any chance of happiness he might find is lost?

  I open my mouth, searching for the right words to say, but instead, I notice something dark over his neck. I let the distraction take hold, dreading the time that will come when I have to tell him goodbye.

  “What is this?” I stand on my tiptoes to see black etchings over the side of his neck. I touch my fingers to them, tracing them as his skin heats under my touch.

  “It’s a tattoo, an addition to our family history. I got it done just before Hannah called.”

  “What does it say?” I wonder if this is about Earth.

  “It’s just some nonsense about the war. Basically, that we are better than everyone, and this war we faced and won is proof of that.” He shrugs at me, sounding unenthusiastic.

  “Is that the only one you got?” I wonder why he got it on his neck and not over his chest.

  “No, there is one for Earth on here, too. Want to see?”

  “Yes.” I nod.

  As he steps back, I realise too late that my towel has untucked itself. It falls between us too quickly for me to catch. I freeze, leaning against him, not sure what to do.

  “Are you completely naked right now?” His voice is a little shrill and sounds as though it comes from the back of his throat.

  “Maybe…” I murmur. I stay leaning against his body and shiver when his hands move back around me, sliding over my bare back and ass.

  “Marduke, not like this,” I beg, feeling too emotionally all over the place right now.

  His hands move to my hips, and I know exactly when he feels my scar. His entire body tenses. I swear he just changed from hot blooded to frozen.

  I feel chilled against him as I watch him step back, his hands stay on my hips to keep me in place, and even though I’m completely exposed to him right now, his eyes are glued to the scar where Riley was taken away from me.

  As his hands brush over it again, I watch the devastation come over his expression, stray tears falling down his face, and it tears my heart seeing him break apart like this.

  “I am so sorry, Mattie. I broke my promise to you, to him as well. I failed you both,” he says, his body trembling before he falls to his knees, a sob racking his body as he collapses farther until he’s sitting shell-shocked on the ground.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” I state honestly, getting down with him and sitting on his lap, my legs straddling him as I hug him tightly.

  “I should have protected you both better. I should have known those tunnels wouldn’t be safe forever. You never should have even left Earth,” he snarls, anger radiating from his tone, words directed at himself and not me.

  I understand now that, apart from each other, we’ve both blamed ourselves for what happened. Without me there to assure Marduke differently, he’s continued to hate himself while I’ve done the same
.

  “You did everything you could have, given our situation. Without you, I would never have survived Roth, let alone making it to Oden. Please don’t blame yourself,” I cry, holding his head in my hands and bringing my lips to his.

  This isn’t about passion, but love and comfort.

  I kiss him slowly, feeling the tension slowly leaving his body, and then his hands move around me, holding me in place.

  I break our kiss, my eyes searching his.

  “I always thought you blamed me,” I admit. “We had that stupid fight, and then I refused to wear the vest. I shouldn’t have been so stubborn. I should have let you put it back on me. I put Riley at risk. I—”

  “You never asked for any of this, Mattie. You didn’t ask for your home to be invaded, and you specifically told me you didn’t want to leave Earth. I didn’t listen. I sent you to Roth, and everything you faced there was my fault. I put you on Jeprow’s radar, and it is my fault he was aware of Riley. You two could have been hidden and safe on Earth. Instead, you had to face vile creatures and a madman. You were abused and had our baby forcibly taken away from you. None of this is your fault, it is my fault.”

  “Marduke,” I sigh, cupping his face with my hands and waiting until his bright green eyes focus on me. I can’t help losing myself in them for a few moments before I can continue. “You can’t take the blame for what Jeprow did to me and to your family. You never even knew about him until you first met him on Roth. How could you have known sending me there would mean we would lose Riley? Jeprow is the one who was crazy. He is the one who took Riley from us.”

  “If you’re saying it isn’t my fault, then you have to see that it isn’t your fault, either.”

  I open my mouth, ready to argue with him. I made so many mistakes since I found out about Riley. I put all of us in danger on Roth when I insisted on fighting the creatures in the forest. I put us in harm’s way when I put us in the company of Kane, and most of the decisions I made were selfish. I never put Riley first, always willing to risk my life and him for someone else, refusing to wear Marduke’s vest because I was angry and stupid.

  The vest might not have protected Riley from the poison I was forced to consume, but I could have fought back better without having to fear a direct hit to my stomach. I let myself be taken because I couldn’t fight back properly. I refused to see things from Marduke’s point of view, let Ival manipulate the conversation I heard, and then picked a fight over it.

  I didn’t let Marduke explain himself and then wallowed in self-pity as Jeprow infiltrated the tunnels. Maybe, if I hadn’t been so self-absorbed over what I’d heard, I might have thought about the fact that what Marduke was doing was dangerous. That there was a real chance the tunnels might be found out, and we could have implemented a plan to get away.

  I don’t voice any of this, though. Part of me knows I’m holding onto old excuses and self-hatred. However, knowing I might not deserve all the blame I’ve placed on myself for the past year doesn’t change the guilt I feel. I’m sure my words to him won’t change his feelings, either. At least, not right away.

  Maybe this is why Hannah decided to be a sneaky cow and contact Marduke. Maybe I have been stuck in my grieving process, stuck in a place I didn’t have to still be. I’m sure I’ll never stop feeling pain over losing Riley, but I didn’t have to feel the pain over losing Marduke when he was still alive. I didn’t have to feel this constant guilt the past year when, maybe if I had Marduke, we could have helped to heal each other.

  “I’m sorry,” I finally answer, looking into his eyes so he knows I’m being sincere.

  “You’re sorry for what?”

  “You’re right; I should have told you I was alive. When I woke up after the crash, I wasn’t whole. I was dead inside, and I didn’t think about anyone but myself. I could only see my own pain and suffering. That was… I was selfish. I’m sorry.”

  He leans his forehead against mine, his hands moving away from behind me to cup over my own that are still against his face. “I’ll work on forgiving you for that. Just don’t expect me to let you go anytime soon. I have a year to make up for.” He gives me a small smile, yet it’s enough for his dimples to emerge and my finger shifts over so I can trace one.

  My heart speeds up seeing the smile I used to love so much, the smile I still love.

  “I’m sorry too, Mattie. I’m sorry that I failed to protect you. I know my promises might not mean anything to you, not now I’ve let you down, but I will do everything in my power to protect you. I will spend every minute of every day making sure you are happy. I won’t ever stop loving you.” Tears fall with his words, his voice hitches, and I blink away my own tears.

  “How about I give you the next seventy years to prove it to me?” I suggest, my face breaking out into a smile, one that feels good to let out.

  “Only seventy?” He winks, smiling at me again, and my heart flutters from the sight.

  He leans forward and his arms wrap around me again, holding me against him. His lips then come down over me, and this time, it’s all about passion. My lips open to him immediately and I welcome his taste, his touch, and the familiar dance we have with each other.

  Under me, I feel his erection against me and one of his hands moves to my front, cupping my breast and bringing it stiff immediately. I’m suddenly very aware that I’m completely naked.

  When I groan into his mouth, distracted enough to let him take over the kiss, he dominates my mouth while his hand teases me. His other moves over my ass, squeezing the skin there and pulling me right over him so his erection, which is unfortunately still blocked by his clothes, rubs me in a delicious way.

  He leans down over me, forcing me to lie on the ground as he moves fully over me, his lips trailing down my throat and making his way to what I hope will be my breast.

  “Marduke, please…” I beg, not certain what I’m begging for, but he unfortunately stops kissing me altogether. Devastatingly, he actually moves away from me.

  He gazes over me for a moment and then leans down and takes my hand, pulling me up to my feet. He kisses me again, walking me backwards into my room. This time, when he leans over me and pushes me down, I feel something soft under me—my bed.

  He turns the lamp on beside us and quickly takes his shirt off.

  While he’s staring clearly at my breasts, I find my eyes drawn to his new ink over his chest. Our planet is next to the claw he already had there and there are more scratches underneath.

  “What does this say?” I ask, wondering if this means that Ival wants to claim Earth still.

  “It means Earth is under our planet’s protection. It’s a warning to stay away, and a promise that we will defend you.”

  I gape at him, shocked that Ival would allow such a thing.

  “You got him to promise that?”

  “No, you saving our lives did that. You’re the reason so many of our people and your people are alive right now.”

  I squirm under his praise, not believing that to be true. I got very lucky. Jeprow was an idiot and too cocky for his own good to leave that large box out where I could see it.

  I finger over the image of our planet, liking seeing it on Marduke.

  He sits down on the bed and pushes back, grabbing hold of my hips and sitting me over him. I rest my legs on either side of him, hating that he still has his pants on.

  “What’s this?” He lifts my arm up and stares at the tattoo I got a couple of months ago.

  I got my parents’ names tattooed across my ribs as well as Riley’s and Marduke’s. I wanted a way to remember them and carry them with me. I bawled my eyes out the entire time, not even caring about the pain it caused. Hannah got our parents’ names, too, and Logan wanted to get a tiger over his face. The guy was actually really great and found some face paint so Logan could get his “tattoo” as well.

  “I wanted to have them with me,” I try to explain, my voice cracking.

  “I know what you mean,” he says, shifting hi
s arm across his chest so his shoulder is exposed to me.

  I gasp, seeing the picture of Riley there. The image is the same that was on the ultrasound I was able to do with the scanner tablet when I was with Hannah in the tunnels. Underneath is Riley’s name and below that is my name, both written in English.

  “What does this say?” I whisper, my voice hoarse from emotion as I trace the scratches under my name.

  “Mattie, my life mate, you have my heart now and always.”

  I break down after that. Everything feels like it is too much. Having Marduke here with me now, seeing the tattoo of Riley, and all the emotions it has brought up. I cry, cushioned in his arms while he tries to soothe me.

  Time completely gets away from me. At some point, I must black out because, when I come to again, I’m wrapped up in the arms of a now naked Marduke under the covers.

  He’s whispering how much he loves me, and that everything is going to be all right. He’s muttering as though he’s been repeating those same words for a long time.

  I bring my hands up to my face, wiping away my tears, feeling my face crack from the ones that have long ago dried.

  “Feeling better?” he asks, sitting up on his elbows to see me better. He hasn’t turned the lamp off, however from my window, I see the sky is already growing lighter.

  I nod yes, and I actually do feel a little better. It’s been a long time since I cried like that. Maybe holding it all in hasn’t been the smartest idea.

  “I’m sorry my tattoo upset you so much.”

  “No, it didn’t. Not really. Just seeing Riley… I haven’t seen that image since the tunnels,” I explain, clearing my sore throat. “Hang on.” I climb out of bed and walk away from him. It’s not until I open the fridge door and feel the chill hit me that I notice I’m naked still.

  Grabbing a bottle of water out, I head back to my room and drink over half of it then offer the rest to Marduke and he finishes it off. He doesn’t take his eyes off me as I get back into the bed, and his arms immediately wrap back around me once I’m settled.

  “I never dreamed I would be able to hold you like this again.” His hands move over me, teasing and tickling and leaving warmth growing inside of me once more.