Do Re Mi

by A. D. Herrick

  Daddy’s never going away again. I silently promised, hoping and praying it was the truth. Terrified it would be a lie.

  “I be right back.” She proclaimed and with more energy than any three year old should have late into the evening.

  Avery bound off to brush her teeth. Her bright white toothy grin tugged my heart pulling a smile from my lips. She may have had my hair and eyes but that smile was all her mothers and it pulled at my heart.

  “Len, what are you doing here? What happened?” Makayla began to recover. Slow steps brought her closer to me, her eyes searching me for signs, of what I wasn’t sure. The remnants of her trip to the local grocer scattered at the doorway forgotten.

  I knew it was girl’s night. Every Thursday night was girl’s night. When I showed up I had planned to surprise her.

  I spent a few hours catching up with Makayla’s mom, Stephanie, and spending time with Avery before reassuring Stephanie that I would stay with Avery until Makayla made it home.

  It crushed me seeing the doubt in Stephanie’s eyes. The fear that I would disappear. I put that fear there. My action over the past four years had shaken the trust of my family. I knew they understood the why behind my actions, but it didn’t change the way they felt. Doubt still lingered.

  I couldn’t blame them. I had a lot of work ahead of me to change their opinion of me. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I would prove to them that they could trust me again- believe in me.

  Cautiously I stepped toward Makayla, afraid of her reaction to me being home. It had been so long.

  “The contract- it’s canceled. I’m free.” My voice broke as I spoke, my resolve slowly breaking.

  Every emotion I had ever bottled up threatened to spill over. The pain in my chest threatened to bring me down to my knees. White hot tears stung at my eyes blurring my vision.

  Makayla’s eyes widened, her hand slowly rising to cover her mouth as tears welled up in her eyes.

  “Free?” It was a whisper of a word, but I heard it.

  I felt her emotions clear across the room, shock, disbelief, confusion, fear, all of them warring on her face.

  Slowly, the space between us began to close. I could feel the heat of her body as we got closer, warming me like the rays of the sun. My heart ached with joy. I had missed her, more than I could ever imagine expressing. There were no words to describe the way the woman in front of me made me feel. I would know. I tried.

  Nodding my head, I replied. “What you read, it isn’t true. It was Angela’s farewell gift to me. The final nail in the coffin.” My eyes begged for her to believe me.

  My heart yearned for her to forgive me, to give me the benefit of the doubt. Deep down, she knew the truth. I just needed her to realize it.

  I saw the tabloids. I read the death hoax and saw all of the ‘Close personal source’ reports. I knew the compelling story that was weaved against me. I knew the damage that it could cause. I would do it again, a million times over, so long as it led me here. In this town, this house, with this woman. Consequences be damned.

  “My label dropped me, and then the reports flew out at lightning speed. It was Angela’s way of saving face and ensuring that I was never picked up by another recording label again.” The words poured out of me, like toxic waste, it felt cathartic to release them. Relief filled me, like a balm to the invisible wounds caused by the past week’s events.

  “Are you okay?” Makayla’s eyes clouded with worry, her lower lip trembled.

  This woman. My heart ached for her. I told her my career was finished and all she worried about was how I felt.

  “Fuck them.” I meant it too.

  I didn’t care about the label, the rumors, or my career. It was a small price to pay to come home to my family. To hold my baby girl. To hold Makayla. Every moment of it worth it.

  Makayla’s legs began to quiver. In a rush I ran to her, scooping her into my arms before she had the chance to hit the floor.

  I would always be there to catch her before she fell.

  Always.

  I held her in my arms as she fell apart. Tears of relief drenched my shirt, pelting my chest as she sagged in my arms.

  Sinking to the floor, I held her close, our tears blending together as we wept.

  She fit against me perfectly. She was the missing piece of my soul. I wasn’t whole without her.

  We had fought so hard for so long. The relief of the ending nightmare was insurmountable.

  We could finally be together.

  Chapter Five

  Makayla

  It was my greatest dream come true. Like a wish made with all your heart and once it comes true you don’t know what to do. Fear eats at your heart. You’re afraid to blink, afraid to breathe. Fear that if you do, you’ll wake up and realize it was exactly that, just a dream. A trick played by your mind to lull you into a sense of false security.

  That’s exactly how I felt waking up in Lenny’s arms, staring up at him while he slept.

  My fingers ached to trace along his toned inked skin, memorizing him as though for the first time. He looked so peaceful with his arm wrapped firmly around my waist, pinning me to his side. His face was slack of the hard lines that marred his face when awake. He looked so innocent, so carefree, lying there beside me.

  It was easy to remember how I once gave him my heart. It was easy to remember the carefree boy that lived at the end of the block. The boy I watched grow into a man.

  I couldn’t tell you the exact moment I fell in love with Lenny Demark. Our love was made up of a series of moments: Lenny walking me to and from school every day for twelve years, watching him practice the piano in the afternoons when my mom and dad had to work late. Summer camping trips, school dances, and Spring break trips to the lake all contributed to the all-encompassing love I felt for him. Every moment we spent together weaved tightly the story of my love for him.

  There was no doubt in my mind when he told me he wanted to be a singer that he would do something with his music. Lenny had always had talent, even when we were kids he was always making up silly songs and singing them to me. His voice was deep and melodic, reminding me of a chorus of angels. That’s why I had to let him go.

  It hurt when he left for LA. I had always imagined us going together, living our lives as one. I could get over the hurt, but what broke me were the circumstances. I would never keep him from his dreams, but it didn’t mean I would be happy about how it all happened.

  He had given me the choice. He left his dreams and his future in my hands. “I won’t go unless you tell me to.” Those were his words.

  I couldn’t take that from him. I couldn’t be the reason he lost his chance at a record deal. If I had it to do all over again, I would always pick his dreams above my wants.

  As much as it shattered my heart, I could not deny him his chance at happiness, his chance at success.

  I will never forget the day our whole lives changed. Lenny and I had made plans to meet up Friday evening after graduation. After celebrating with our families we planned to celebrate on our own, with the goal in mind to plan our future.

  We had been saving all summer to move to LA. Lenny was going to sing in one of the bars in hopes of making it big and I was going to trail along beside him, taking classes at a community college and working as a waitress to help support us.

  If only it had been that easy.

  Unbeknownst to either of us, a record producer had managed to get his hands on one of Lenny’s demos.

  In exchange for a five-year recording contract, Lenny had to agree to exclusively date the producer’s daughter, Angela.

  That same day I found out I was pregnant. Lenny was the only boy I had ever been with. There was no question that it was his.

  It was on that day the world quit spinning. Real life came crashing at our feet.

  When I told Lenny about the baby, we both agreed to keep it. To keep our Avery. It was the best decision we had ever made. With the pressure of a baby on the way and the deal
presented to Lenny, our world came to an end.

  Should he take the contract knowing it was only for five years or should he stay and help raise his daughter?

  His decision was clear. I saw it in his eyes. Even if we didn’t have a little girl on the way, I knew what his decision would have been. Lenny wasn’t leaving, not if he couldn’t have me.

  Through gut-wrenching sobs I begged him to take the deal, to follow his dreams. My heart was breaking as I plead with him.

  He fought me.

  He fought with everything in him.

  In the end, I won.

  He held me close, swearing his love, promising me he would return.

  I believed him.

  I prayed he was telling the truth. I hoped with every fiber in me that he would come back to me, to us. Deep down I was terrified that once he walked out the door I would never see him again.

  “Hey, Beautiful, why the sad face?” Lenny’s thumb gently wiped away an errant tear that escaped down my cheek. Blinking away unshed tears I gave him a watery smile.

  “You’re home,” I stated in disbelief. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around that fact that he was here, in our bed. Heat blazed in his eyes sending my heart into overdrive.

  “I’m home, Baby.” His words were the sweetest promise I’d ever heard.

  Rolling me onto my back, Lenny’s body covered mine. His lips sank down against my own, kissing me with more passion than I ever thought imaginable.

  I caved into his smooth lips. My tongue sweeping out across the seam. Taking the lead He opened up to me. His lips parted. His tongue dove into my mouth, claiming me. Our kiss deepened.

  It had been over four years since I felt his lips on mine. Four years since I felt his body pressed against mine in such an intimate embrace. We moved together seamlessly. Our mouths in perfect rhythm.

  My nipples pebbled beneath the thin camisole I wore to bed. The once smooth thin cotton now felt like sandpaper against my sensitive buds.

  I moaned hungrily for more. My nails biting into the flesh of his back, dragging him into me. I couldn’t get close enough. My tongue fought for dominance. I explored his mouth as if for the first time.

  I needed more.

  It had been far too long since I felt the touch of another. It had been far too long since I felt his touch.

  The only touch I had ever known.

  The only touch I had ever craved.

  Lenny’s rock hard length pressed against the juncture between my legs. White hot need consumed me, making me gasp. Taking advantage he deepened the kiss further, teeth clashing. His tongue sank between my lips, exploring the hidden recesses of my mouth. With expert skill, he left me a panting writhing mess, desperate for him.

  A growl rumbled deep within his chest as he kissed and nipped at my lips. He ate hungrily at my mouth like a half-starved man. Devouring me as though I were his last meal.

  I writhed beneath him, my hips thrusting forward, begging for more. My legs wrapped around his waist, heels digging into the back of his thighs. I rocked my hips against his with consumable need.

  “Mommy?” Avery’s sweet voice was like a bucket of ice water poured over the both of us. Lenny and I jerked apart as though electrocuted, both us gasping to catch our breath as we lay our backs dragging in ragged gulps of air.

  “Avery, Pumpkin.” Lenny recovered first. His deep voice called our daughter forward.

  “Daddy!” Avery’s excited squeal was like a balm to my wounded heart.

  The knob turned and the door burst open as our little girl bound into our room. Her tight curls twisted into a mangled mess on top of her head. With an exuberant squeal, she leaped onto the bed, burrowing her tiny body between us.

  “I miss you so much, Daddy.” Avery’s tiny voice squealed with exuberance.

  I felt the sting of tears at the corner of my eyes as I watched our sweet baby girl wrap her arms around her daddy’s neck, afraid of letting go, she clung to him with desperation.

  How I longed for this moment, to have my tiny family together. I had been so afraid I would never see the day that I had the loves of my life beside me. My tiny family finally together under one roof.

  I felt as though I could finally breathe freely for the first time in what felt like forever.

  My eyes met Lenny’s and I knew he was feeling it too. I knew how much it pained him to be away from his daughter. I knew the stolen moment he had taken to be in her life were never enough. She had been our little secret. A secret he couldn’t afford to get out.

  Had Angela or the record label found out about Avery, his contract would have been voided. Lenny’s sacrifice would have been for nothing.

  Chapter Six

  Lenny

  Today was undeniable the most amazing day of my life, next to the birth of my daughter. It was the first time in over four years that I was actually happy, truly able to breathe. Spending the morning in bed with Makayla and Avery was better than winning any of the music awards that crowded the walls of my apartment in LA. There was no high comparable to holding the two halves of your heart at the same time. To be able to reach out and touch the essence of my existence.

  Avery had been the light of my life since the day she was born, if not before. Every step I took, every record I recorded was for her. My life leading up to this moment had been stepping stones, bringing me to this one place in time, when my world finally felt right.

  The day I left Makayla, I left my heart. My everything. I never wanted to leave her. I couldn’t function without her. My world came to a screeching halt that day.

  Now that I’m free and I have her back in my life, I vowed I would never let her go. The world could crumble around us and I wouldn’t care so long as I had my girls in my arms. That’s all that mattered to me. I would be there for them until my last breath.

  Last night Makayla and I lay in bed talking. It reminded me of old times, simpler times, and a time in which nothing else in the world mattered.

  I knew Makayla was right when she begged me to go. “No regrets.” Is what she told me. It didn’t make leaving any easier. When I walked away, I left my heart behind. My world.

  I couldn’t tell her how I regretted leaving, she knew. We both did. But it would always hang over our heads, what could have been. All the ‘what if’s’.

  I took the deal Howard offered me. I agreed to date his daughter exclusively in exchange for a record deal. I agreed to his whole song and dance, sacrificing my morals, my soul, and my heart, to provide for the life growing in Makayla’s stomach.

  Never once did I touch Angela. I never laid an inappropriate finger on her. I never had the desire to touch her or any other woman, despite Angela’s unveiled attempts to seduce me.

  My heart and body had always belonged to Makayla, the first and only girl I had ever loved.

  To me Angela was a means to an end. The proverbial anchor holding me in place until I could be free. With Angela, there was an expiration date. A ticking clock, counting down the day until I was free.

  I knew the men she dragged through our bed were her desperate attempts to make me jealous. It never worked. How could I be jealous of a woman whose sole purpose in life was to make mine a living hell? How could I be jealous of a woman I felt nothing for? A woman who felt men could be bought and sold like a commodity? A fashion statement?

  It all started when Angela happened upon one of my shows, at a club, during my senior year of high school. After begging and pleading with her father he agreed to sign me to his label.

  Angela wanted a rapper on her arms. One that would cater to her every whim. A young fresh face on the scene. I learned very quickly that whatever Angela wanted, Angela got. I was no exception.

  And so I became known as Lenz. With a record label backing me, I created a name for name for myself as being a versatile artist that could not only sling lyrics at neck breaking speeds but harmonize and actually truly sing.

  My versatility landed me on albums with the music industry’s biggest
names, growing my brand. Within my first year on the scene, I was already a household name.

  Despite my instant rise to fame, the condition of the contract was clear. I would date Angela exclusively and keep my name clean.

  That meant no scandals, no affairs, nothing that would cause Howard’s precious princess any distress. It also meant Avery was to be kept a secret.

  The contract ensured that if broken, I would forfeit all earnings and be subject to a lawsuit large enough to bury me in court until I was old and gray.

  Was I grateful for the opportunity provided to me to have my music heard by millions? Yes. But at what cost?

  I nearly missed the birth of my daughter. Feigning illness I postponed my tour, rushing home to see my beautiful baby girl enter this world.

  My life up until this moment was running on fast forward. The record company kept me on the road which kept me out of Angela’s tight grasp, but barely. The tradeoff to forfeiting my life was in keeping my music on the air.

  I watched my daughter grow through stolen moments home. Moments that threatened to shatter my heart knowing there were just that, moments. Stolen hours in the middle of the night. Stolen kisses from my daughter while at daycare. Early morning, Birthday party, surprises that lit my little girl's eyes like rays of sunshine.

  The aftermath was never any less soul-crushing. The wicked tears that poured from my baby girls eyes when I told her I had to leave ate at my soul. Her whimpered pleas begging me to stay just a little while longer.

  Every time I said goodbye I left a piece of myself with her. There was nothing left of my heart because she and her mother owned it all.

  Makayla stood by me, like a rock. She held me steady. Never once did she make me feel guilty for my sacrifice.

  She never badgered me, questioned my intentions, or asked anything of me other than to be true to myself.

  To be true to our daughter.

  She selflessly gave, earning nothing in return.

  I poured every ounce of pent-up emotion into my music. Every soul-crushing sensation was bled into every record. My love for my family is what gave me a wall full of multi-platinum records. Makayla and our daughter were the foundation of my success. Their love created the very fibers of which I stood.