Wicked Business

by Janet Evanovich

  “More or less.”

  “That’s impressive.”

  After dinner, I changed into my best jeans and a black V-necked sweater. I put on some slut makeup, slipped my feet into high-heeled ankle boots, and hung big hoop earrings from my ears.

  “The stone is going to be overkill for you tonight,” Diesel said. “You’re not going to have any trouble finding true love in those jeans and that sweater. In fact, you might find it if you stayed home.”

  A horn beeped outside.

  “That’s Clara,” I said. “She’s picking me up. She’s the designated driver.”

  Diesel went to the door with me. “Be good.”

  I grabbed my jacket and my shoulder bag and ran to the car.

  “Do you have it?” Glo asked when I got in.

  “It’s in my purse.”

  “Can I see it?”

  I hauled the stone out.

  “It’s sort of ugly,” Glo said. “It’s just a plain old rock. Are you sure it’s special?”

  “Yes. And we have to guard it with our lives. And we can’t tell anyone we have it.”

  Clara drove out of Marblehead and took Derby Street to Bum’s Sports Bar. There were lots of televisions playing various sporting events that no one was watching. High-top tables and stools. And a long bar that was packed with zombies and werewolves. We elbowed our way into the bar, and Glo and I got a beer, and Clara got a Coke.

  “Okay, so here’s the deal,” I said. “I’m not sure what the stone is supposed to do, so I guess we stand here and see if it radiates anything from inside my purse.”

  “I think I’m feeling something,” Glo said. “I might be in love with the werewolf next to me.”

  Clara and I looked over at him.

  “He seems like your average werewolf,” Clara said.

  The werewolf picked up on our attention and turned to us. “Arwoooh,” he said. “Are you looking for someone?”

  “Sort of,” Glo said.

  “Well, how do you feel about dogs? I can go from furry to naked in 1.3 seconds.”

  “Now I remember why I never do this,” Clara said.

  “How about you?” Glo asked, turning from the werewolf to me. “You’re the one carrying the stone. Do you have romantic feelings for any of these zombies?”

  “Not yet.”

  I didn’t have feelings for the zombies, but I was feeling cuddly for someone I couldn’t completely identify. Diesel, maybe. Or possibly Brad Pitt.

  We stuck it out for another twenty minutes. There was a lot of hooking up going on, but not for us.

  “I think the stone is a dud,” Glo said. “I have better luck on my own.”

  “Maybe it’s that the stone finds true love, and our true love isn’t here,” I said. “If it was still the Luxuria Stone inspiring lust, we’d be in the right spot.”

  “This is sort of embarrassing, but I had some lust for Wulf today,” Glo said.

  “I had lust for Andy Sklar,” Clara said.

  Glo chugged her second beer. “Isn’t he the guy who comes in every day and gets a banana muffin?”

  “Yeah,” Clara said. “I think he’s cute.”

  They looked at me.

  “Diesel,” I said. “I have a lot of lust for Diesel.”

  They both knew I couldn’t do the deed with Diesel.

  “Forbidden fruit,” Clara said.

  We left the bar and stepped outside, where the Halloween crazies were parading up and down the sidewalk.

  “There are more trolls than usual this year,” Clara said.

  I was relatively new to Salem, and I had a hard time telling trolls from ghouls. For that matter, I had a hard time with the whole Halloween obsession. I mean, I like Halloween, but this was Halloween gone gonzo.

  “The Exotica Shoppe is open late tonight,” Glo said. “It’s only a block away. Could we check on my frickberry?”

  We walked the block to the Exotica Shoppe, and I held tight to my handbag the whole way. I was feeling the responsibility of the stone, thinking I’d done a dumb thing. What if I was attacked by a purse snatcher? What if Anarchy somehow discovered the crystal wasn’t the SALIGIA Stone, and she was out looking for me? What if my absorption of the stone’s power hits critical mass and I find my true love? And now for the really scary part—what if it’s Wulf?

  We entered the store and found Nina asleep with her head on the counter next to the register.

  “Hello,” Glo said. “Anybody home?”

  Nina picked her head up and blinked at us. “I must have dozed off. It’s been slow tonight. Lots of people outside, but no one coming in.”

  “Well, we’re here,” Glo said. “Did the frickberry come in?”

  “Yes. I have it here with your name on it.” Nina reached under the counter and pulled out a small bag. “Remember not to overdo this. A pinch is all you need.”

  “Do you have any arcane cookbooks?” Clara asked.

  Nina adjusted her bejeweled princess crown. “I have a couple in the book section in the far corner, behind the Harry Potter wand and feather boa display.”

  We all migrated to the book section.

  “I could spend the whole night here looking through books,” Glo said. “The Little Book of Pleasant Potions, An Anthology of Sixteenth-Century Witches, How to Brew Your Own Beer, 101 Ways to Use Batwing.”

  Clara was paging through a small leather-bound book. “This is a replica of a book printed in 1534. It’s an entire book of marzipans and sweets.”

  It was difficult to see the front of the store from where we were standing, too many free-standing shelves in the way. I heard the front door open and close and the tap of high-heels on Nina’s wood floor. Curiosity got the better of me, and I peeked around a shelf to see the vampire, zombie, witch, or whatever who had just entered.

  It was Anarchy. She was still dressed in the black leather body suit. Her makeup was still fright-night. From where I was standing, I could see that Nina’s back had gone rigid. Obviously, she recognized Anarchy from the last time she was in.

  “I need something to enhance power,” Anarchy said to Nina. “I recently acquired some new skills, but they seem to be leaking away.”

  “Were these skills the result of a spell or potion?” Nina asked.

  “No. They were the result of physical contact. Does it matter?”

  “It might.” Nina pulled a small bottle off the rack behind her. “This is a performance enhancer. Very effective, I’m told. It contains a small amount of steroid.” She selected a second bottle. “This is organic powdered hoof of unicorn, and it’s frequently used to enhance abilities. It can also be used to make aspic.”

  “There’s no such thing as a unicorn.”

  “That’s what it says on the label.” Nina showed her the bottle. “It’s a very reliable company.”

  “Fine. Wrap them up,” Anarchy said. “I’ll figure it out later.” She looked around. “I’m planning on world domination and mass chaos. I might need large quantities of hallucinogenic substances. Can that sort of thing be ordered by bulk?”

  “Of course,” Nina said. “We special-order all the time.” Nina looked in my direction and did a whirly index finger next to her head.

  Anarchy examined the jar of unicorn hoof. “How long does it take this to work?”

  “It works pretty fast,” Nina said. “Mix it with a little orange juice. And you might want to add frickberry to prolong the effect.”

  “Great. Give me some frickberry.”

  Glo and Clara were spying on Anarchy, too, at this point.

  “It’s a shame I didn’t have frickberry when I froze her,” Glo whispered.

  Anarchy unscrewed the jar of unicorn hoof. She stuck her finger in and tasted some of the powder. “If this doesn’t work, I’m going to come back and burn your store down,” she told Nina. “I’m actually on my way to burn someone’s house down now.”

  “Anyone I know?” Nina asked.

  “Some insignificant cupcake baker who lied
to me. Thought I could be tricked into believing I was getting something when I was getting nothing.”

  “How do you know you got nothing?” Nina asked.

  “I’ve had no reaction to this fraudulent object.”

  “Isn’t burning someone’s house down extreme?”

  “It’s only the beginning. When I find her, I’m going to extract her liver and feed it to feral cats.”

  I pulled Glo and Clara back behind the shelf. “Sneak out and get help. And call Diesel. I’m not getting any bars on my cell phone in here. Go to the street and call him, and tell him to come to the Exotica Shoppe to collect Anarchy. I don’t care if he’s authorized or not. I’ll stay here and keep my eye on her.”

  “I don’t want to leave you here,” Clara said. “She wants to feed your liver to feral cats.”

  “I’ll be okay. I’ll stay hidden. Go!”

  “Will there be anything else?” Nina asked Anarchy.

  “I hear whispering,” Anarchy said, looking around. “Who else is here?”

  “It’s this old building,” Nina said. “It whispers.”

  There was the sound of the front door opening and closing, and I knew it was Clara and Glo leaving the shop.

  “And the wind rattles the door sometimes, too,” Nina said.

  Even from this distance, I could see the insanity sweep over Anarchy.

  “Liar,” she said, her voice cold, her eyes crazy. “There’s someone else here.” She pulled her torch out of her Gucci hobo bag and waved it at Nina. “Tell me, and I might not set you on fire. Although, it would be fun to see that Glinda the Good Witch gown go up in flames.”

  “I don’t know,” Nina said. “I fell asleep. Someone might have come in.”

  Anarchy shot out ten inches of blue flame, and the puffy net veil attached to Nina’s princess crown caught fire. Nina pulled the crown off and stomped on it.

  “Help!” Nina yelled.

  “Shut up,” Anarchy said. “No one’s going to help you in time.”

  Nina reached her hand into a jar on the counter and threw some gray powder at Anarchy. “Go away. Go away.”

  “What the heck?” Anarchy said.

  “It’s deathweed,” Nina said. “It’ll make you shrivel up and blow away.”

  Anarchy looked down at herself. She wasn’t shriveling.

  “Maybe I grabbed the wrong jar,” Nina said. “Was it gray powder or red powder?”

  “Gray powder,” Anarchy said.

  “Oops, my bad. That was powdered dragon horn. It’s a diuretic.”

  Anarchy moved through the shop with her torch in her hand. “I know someone’s here. I can hear breathing. I can feel a heartbeat.”

  I was crouched down behind the bookcase, trying to control my breathing. The heartbeat I couldn’t do much about. My heart was pounding in my chest. I heard her turn in my direction, heard the heels coming closer, and then there she was, looking down at me.

  “You!” she said. “How convenient.”

  She waved the torch at me, and I jumped away.

  “You need to calm yourself,” I said. “You should have Nina mix you a potion. Something to take the edge off. Maybe a milk shake. I’m always in a better mood after I’ve had a milk shake.”

  “You tricked me with that worthless piece of glass.”

  “It was a crystal.”

  “It wasn’t the stone!” she shrieked. “I want the stone.”

  As if I wasn’t panicked enough, I had the stone in my handbag. Stupid, stupid, stupid Lizzy.

  “Diesel has the stone,” I said.

  “I don’t believe you. I think you’re keeping it for yourself. You want the power of the stone.”

  “Honestly,” I said. “The stone isn’t all that powerful.”

  Nina crept up behind Anarchy and threw more powder at her. “Go away. Go away!”

  Anarchy turned and glared at Nina. “You will die.” And she set Nina’s gown on fire.

  Nina shrieked and ripped the gown off and ran out of the store. A piece of the gown set the feather boa display on fire, and in a flash, the entire front of the Exotica Shoppe was in flames.

  “We need to get out of here,” I said to Anarchy.

  “There’s no way out for you,” she said. “You’re going to die here. You’re going to be consumed by the flames. And when you’re dead, I’ll find the stone.”

  “Look around you,” I said. “You’re going to die alongside me.”

  She smiled at me. “I can’t die. I have the power.”

  She aimed the torch at me, and I batted it out of her hand. I shoved her out of my way, turned to run for the door, and Anarchy knocked me to my knees with a blow to the back of my head. I was trying to clear my head and shake it off, and the big free-standing set of shelves crashed down on me. There was instant pain in my leg and a wave of nausea. I tried to move, but I was pinned under the shelf.

  I was surrounded by flames and choking on smoke. Anarchy had disappeared. I could hear the fire crackling and hissing around me. I yelled for help, but I doubted anyone could hear me. And I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to get through the flames to rescue me.

  I had my arm across my face, trying to filter out the smoke as much as possible, and I felt the shelf lift off. It was Wulf. He tossed the shelf out of the way and knelt beside me.

  “We’re even after this,” he said. “So stay alert. The next time we meet, I might not be this nice. Hatchet was able to remember most of the writing on the tablet . . . enough to make me believe I know where to find the next stone. I won’t be happy if you try to prevent me from acquiring it.”

  He pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close, and that was the last I remember.

  When I regained consciousness, I was on the ground across the street from the Exotica Shoppe. A paramedic was bending over me, offering oxygen. I sucked some in and sat up. Glo, Clara, and Nina were there. No Wulf.

  “Where’s Diesel?” I asked.

  “He got here seconds after Wulf carried you out of the building. He made sure you were all right, and then he and Wulf went to look for Anarchy.”

  Glo, Clara, and Nina were smudged with soot. It was on their clothes, their arms, and their faces. Clara’s hair had broken loose from its pins and was an electric mass of singed frizz. Nina was wrapped in a blanket, having left her gown inside the shop. They were all hovering over me, and I could see tear tracks streaking down their cheeks.

  “We were so worried,” Glo said, her voice breaking. “We tried to go back into the building to help you, but we couldn’t get past the fire. It raced through the front of the store. The police and fire trucks came almost immediately, but if it hadn’t been for Wulf . . .” She left off with a sob, brushed tears away, and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

  “We don’t even know how he got you out,” Clara said. “He just appeared from behind a fire truck with you in his arms. He carried you across the street, and we all ran over to you. You weren’t moving, and we were afraid . . .” Clara took a beat to get her composure. “Anyway, Wulf said you would be fine, and he didn’t leave until the paramedic got to you. Diesel was here by then, too, and Wulf told Diesel he’d been following Anarchy. I guess that’s how Wulf got to you so fast.”

  The paramedic tried to get me to my feet, but I had pain in my left leg, and I couldn’t put my weight on it. He cut my jeans away at the knee, and I could see the swelling and the bruise developing midway between my knee and my ankle.

  “Anarchy pushed one of the heavy display cases over and it fell on my leg,” I said. “That’s why I couldn’t get out. I was trapped under the case. Wulf moved it off me, and the last thing I remember, he was holding me close with his arms wrapped around me.”

  “You should have your leg checked out,” the paramedic said. “Let me stabilize it, and we’ll get you to the ER.”

  I was waiting for the paramedic to return when Diesel crossed the street to me. “How are you doing?” he asked.

  �
�I think my leg might be broken. They’re going to take me in for an X ray. Did you find Anarchy?”

  “Wulf and I tracked her down and trapped her in a blind alley. I was glad I had Wulf with me. It was like trying to capture a wild animal.”

  “What did you do with her?”

  “We turned her over to the police.”

  “Will they be able to hold her?”

  “Probably not. Apparently she’s been losing the power she stole from Wulf, but she has her own arsenal of creepy, special abilities. One of which is being able to burn a handprint into flesh. She killed Reedy and threw him out the window when she discovered Wulf already had the book of sonnets.”

  “She told you that?”

  “Yeah. She has a real anger management problem. She was ranting and babbling and foaming at the mouth while we were trying to capture her.”

  “Foaming at the mouth?”

  “I made that up. I don’t know why there was no record of her on file. I have a feeling she’s been around for a while as Anarchy. And I think she’s probably been looking for the stones at least as long as we have.”

  “And Wulf is regaining his power?”

  “I don’t know. Wulf and I don’t spend a lot of time chatting.”

  The EMT rolled a stretcher over to me, and Diesel loaded me onto it.

  “I haven’t got my purse,” I said to Diesel. “I don’t have any of my medical insurance information.”

  “Where’s your purse?”

  “It was left in the building.” I felt my heart stop for a beat. The SALIGIA Stone was in my purse.

  “Oh boy,” I said. “Bad news.”

  “Let me guess,” Diesel said. “The stone was in your purse.”

  We looked across the street at the Exotica Shoppe. Not a lot left. Blackened brick walls. Most of the fire was out. What was left was smoldering rubble.

  Three days later, Diesel helped me out of the car and handed me my crutches. I had a simple fracture. Surgery wasn’t needed, but I’d be hobbling around for a while. Glo, Clara, and Nina were already on the sidewalk in front of what was left of the Exotica Shoppe. The yellow crime scene tape had been taken down, and the fire marshal had declared the area safe.