by Etta Foster
Coralee felt like the world had frozen for an instant, and she took in a deep breath. Realization struck her all at once, and suddenly everything made sense. She finally understood what Gavin had meant by calling their relationship a marriage of convenience. She was only there so that he could get his inheritance. She'd suspected it from the beginning, but she had told herself that she was just being dramatic. She'd thought Gavin wanted companionship, but he just needed a placeholder. She covered her mouth with her hand, pushing away from the table.
“Jessica, wait,” Gavin began to say, reaching out a hand toward her. “It isn't like that.”
She pushed his hand away and shook her head, gazing up at him with tears already beginning to fall down her cheeks. She didn't want to hear any more. Without another word, Coralee ran from the room, already sobbing.
Chapter 30
Gavin knew the instant Jude said those words that Coralee was going to be shattered. There hadn't been a moment since she had arrived that he hadn't worried someone would say those words to her. He knew in his heart that he couldn't just march into her room and tell her that it wasn't true, and that hurt the most.
Jude and Claudia had retreated from the house to their cabin, leaving behind the wreckage Jude had created. Viola had run after Jessica when she'd left the table, their plates now sitting half-eaten and abandoned. His own appetite was completely gone, and his guilt settled firmly in his throat. He cleared his throat, reaching for a glass of water.
What if she decides she wants to leave? This might be the last straw for her, and who could blame her if it was? After the treatment that she’s endured from me, what reason would she have to stay? I have kept her around and treated her just like Jude had said. She was simply a possession I'd needed to guarantee my inheritance. I was content for her to sit at home and busy herself with chores, and that wasn't fair to her.
Harland's words from the other day echoed through his mind once more. Is that truly what happened? Had he been so jaded by what had happened with Claudia that he'd resigned himself to keeping his feelings sealed away forever? Even he knew that in the first few months following Claudia and Jude's departure he had grown cold and distant.
He'd stopped making jokes with his ranch hands like he used to, and for the most part he had disconnected from the world. He devoted himself to repressing his emotions, preferring to spend the days distracted by his work. He'd stopped humming his morning tune like when he and Claudia had first been together, and the fleeting moments of joy he'd experienced had all managed to feel hollow.
Then Jessica had responded to his ad, and he'd known she was something special. He'd latched onto the similarities of their personalities, feeling through her letters a kindred spirit that he could grow close to. Now that kindred spirit was sitting in her bedroom, most likely feeling the same sense of despair that he'd once felt.
He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to march right into her room and tell her that Jude was an idiot who didn't know what he was talking about. But when he placed his ear to the wall that separated his room from Jessica, all he could hear was the sound of her sobs. All he could do was sit against the wall with his back pressed against it, staring up at his ceiling with a distant expression.
Why does Jude insist on ruining everything? Each time happiness is within reach, he comes to smash everything to pieces, and acting like his betrayal is something that should just be shrugged off and forgotten for his convenience.
In Jude's defense, though, he hadn't been around when Virgil had been pulling his dirty tricks. And after five years of constant failure and struggle, it wouldn't be surprising that he would jump on an opportunity for easy money. If Gavin were in his shoes, it would seem a logical choice to make.
But he couldn't quell the rage inside of him toward his brother. The revelation that he was in league with Virgil just stung. It was tantamount to his brother basically not caring about the hard work that Gavin had put in. All he cared about was himself and lining his own pockets and having to give any land to a man that felt that way felt like the cruelest punishment he could have been subjected to.
He finally mustered up the courage to step out of his bedroom, finding that his mother was standing in the hallway. She was tapping gently on Jessica's door, speaking quietly through the door. He couldn't make out the words that she was speaking, but he could tell that she was doing her best to coax Jessica into letting her come in to talk. It was something she had done many times when he'd angrily stormed off to his room when he was younger.
His mind briefly flashed back to when he had been in an argument with Jude when he was ten years old. Their grandfather had given Gavin his favorite pocket watch, telling him that it was something he knew Gavin would treasure. Jude had always been trying to make quick money ever since he was a young boy. He'd even made an agreement one time with one of their neighbors that he would catch gophers that were eating their vegetable gardens. He would place all manner of traps for them, then traded in each of the dead carcasses to the neighbor for a dollar.
“Oh, Gavin, this is a terrible problem. I've done my best to get her to come out, but she won’t talk to me. I think that what your brother said really hurt her, and I can't help but think that you know why,” his mother said, turning her gaze on him.
“I do know why, Mama, but it isn't something that I think I can deal with. I genuinely feel something for Jessica, and I want things to work out between us. At the same time, part of me feels like I just can't get close to her. I am so suspicious of everything that I've got it stuck in my mind that she's hiding something from me. I want to trust her, but I need her to come clean with me,” Gavin said, sighing gently.
“Were you coming to try and talk to her through the door? I hope I raised you better than that,” his mother said, gently tapping his cheek with her open palm. “What Jessica is going to need right now is time to process everything. She is probably going through a wash of conflicting emotions, and I’m willing to bet she is feeling the same doubt and worry that you are.”
“Do you really think so?” Gavin asked, rubbing his arm lightly. “Did she say anything to you? Did she mention she was feeling lonely when I wasn't around?”
He could see the hesitation that crossed his mother's features for a moment, telling him all he needed to know before she'd even opened her mouth. “She did mention to me a couple of times that she felt kind of abandoned. I know that she isn't used to being the wife of a rancher, but even your father spent more time with me when we'd first married than you have with her. You brought her here and took her away from her old life, but you seem afraid to do anything that would help make her part of your life.”
“Did that really come across?” Gavin asked, looking at his mother bashfully. “Was it really that obvious?”
“That was why I was so relieved when you talked about going on a date,” his mother replied, sounding aghast. “It was the first time you showed interest in doing something with just the two of you. You were taking the time to get to know her and to spend time with her, which was all she wanted. Yet, after that night, you went right back to basically ignoring her. She isn't some doll that you can just put on a shelf when you don't want to play with her. She is a person with her own dreams and desires.”
“And I haven't been thinking about her desires at all,” Gavin said softly, slapping himself in the forehead with his palm. “I was so caught up with my own feelings that I never once paused to think about hers. I want to go in there and apologize,” he said, moving to step past his mother.
Her outstretched hand caught him off guard when he felt her palm press against his chest. He looked down at her questioningly, his heart sinking when he saw her shake her head. “I'm sorry to say, but you are probably the last person she wants to talk to. If you go and talk to her now, her overwhelming emotions are going to make her do or say something that she regrets. As painful as it might be, you will need to wait to make your amends with her.”
“What exactly
am I waiting for, Mama? When will be the right time for us to speak? The longer we don't talk, the longer this misunderstanding will eat away at us,” he protested, turning toward his father, whom he'd just heard step into the hallway. “Tell her, Pop. Tell her that I should talk to Jessica.”
“What would you say to her right now?” his father asked softly, the sadness in his tone making the rest of Gavin's protests die in his throat. “Would you be able to tell that poor young girl that you love her and genuinely want her to be here? Or would you be too stuck up in your own selfish pride to be able to admit your own feelings? Have you been shunning your emotions to spite me? Or were you treating my demand that you start your family as a punishment, the exact opposite of what I had hoped for you?”
“Why did my inheritance have to rely on it, though? Why couldn't you have just approached me and told me you wanted me to focus on a family? You have to admit that this is kind of your fault too, Pop,” Gavin said, his finger pointing toward his old man's chest.
“I wasn't the one who told you that you had to rush off and send for a woman immediately. I had figured that you would be sensible and start seeking a partner, but I hadn't expected that to be a quick errand. Instead, you called this girl here to become your wife so you could guarantee your inheritance. Is that the kind of man that I raised? A man who would put his own selfish interests before a woman he claimed he wished to marry?” Isaac shook his head sadly, causing Gavin to feel his heart sink gently in his chest.
“No, that wasn't what I wanted at all,” he said weakly. “I didn't want anyone to feel like they were being used.”
“That’s the problem with life when you act only for yourself. You don't take the time to think of how your actions affect other people, which leaves you to wonder why others look at you the way they do. Wondering why the people that you step on to get to the top turn on you when you get there. You can't betray someone's trust and expect to just win it back.” His father pointed toward Jessica’s bedroom, his expression stern.
“I know that girl in there might not be perfect, and she might even possess secrets that would hurt you should you ever learn them. But I bet she would prove to be one of the most loyal people you'd ever come across, and she would bend over backward to keep you happy.”
“How can you love someone while spending every moment doubting them?” Gavin asked, pausing as he realized that was the whole point his father was making. He scratched the back of his head and turned away from his parents, making his way toward the stairs. “Alright, Mother. I'll leave Jessica to you for now. You are probably the only one she would agree to see right now anyway.”
Gavin went to stand out on the verandah, hearing his father's cane tapping on the wood behind him a short time afterward. He felt his father's hand rest gently on his shoulder for a moment.
“Couples have arguments and misunderstandings all the time, son. However, you should never argue with your own heart about how you feel about your partner. That path only ends in heartbreak for both of you.”
“I'm going to go check on the horses,” Gavin said stiffly, stepping off the porch and walking away without looking back.
Chapter 31
She could almost hear the universe laughing in her face. It would have been funny were it not so tragic. She'd held her suspicions ever since she had first showed up here, but Jude's words only confirmed them. Gavin didn't love her, like he'd professed to. He just needed someone to marry so he could keep the ranch, and she was simply the one he ended up picking.
She had been sent here as a stand-in for Jessica, so she hadn’t really had the highest expectations. But the way Jessica had made it sound, this was a man she had genuinely thought would be a good match.
A good match for Jessica, not Coralee. Had she been so blinded by her desire to escape Lucas that she'd ignored all the warning signs?
Coralee sat on the bed that she'd grown to think of as her own, gazing at the envelope from Jessica that held her life savings. It was all the money Jessica had personally squirreled away over the years, and she'd told Coralee that she was to use it if she encountered any trouble during her journey to Colorado.
He can just find another wife. It's only been a few months, it’s not like he can't send for another bride.
The thought pained her, and her teeth dug into her bottom lip until she tasted blood. She'd already run away from her problems in Boston; did she really want to run away from here? Isaac and Viola had been so kind to her and genuinely seemed like they enjoyed having her around. The ranch had proved to be the kind of home that she wouldn't have minded settling down in. When she'd been under Lucas's boot, she had dreamed of having the chance to live this kind of life. She thought she could handle whatever came at her, but this was different.
When Lucas had belittled her, she had been so used to the treatment that she wouldn't even think of talking back to him. The nagging thought in the back of her mind that he wouldn't hesitate to force himself on her had kept her meek and submissive.
Nowadays, however, she had felt like she was finally starting to come into her own and let herself be heard.
She had been able to speak her mind without fear of rebuke, and more importantly, she had been allowed to be herself. She was permitted to do things that interested her rather than things she had been forced to do, and that had made her life bearable again. Plus, she had been gaining Gavin's affections.
Given a little more time, she had no doubt that they could overcome the obstacles that sat between them. Their relationship had been built on a lie from both sides, so was there really any reason to make a big deal out of it? Surely, he would be able to understand her reasons if she just came out and told him the truth.
There is no way it could possibly be that easy. He wouldn't just accept my lies and we'd move on to lead a happy life. This knowledge would constantly nag at him in the back of his mind.
She could already hear his questions. Why hadn't she told him the truth? How long had she planned on continuing to fool him? He would probably view this as a betrayal, and that would be the final straw that would ruin their chances of having a happy relationship. Even though he had lied about the circumstances of her coming here, her lie was bigger.
She wiped her cheeks with her sleeve aggressively, looking at herself in the small mirror that sat atop the nearby dresser. Her eyes were puffy once again from crying and her lip was swollen where she had bitten it.
She now had a decision to make. Did she try to stay and come clean with Gavin about her secret in the hopes that they would be able to make up, or did she take the money she had and leave Colorado? She could easily afford another train ticket to leave the ranch and Gavin. Then she could flee to another state and figure out some way to make a life for herself.
But would she be able to live with the guilt of breaking Gavin's heart and her own? Would she be able to spend the years remembering the tenderness that Gavin had shown when he'd looked into her eyes, remembering his lips on hers, and not break down and cry? Would she be any better than Claudia, who had won his love and trust, and then so cruelly shoved it back in his face?
She heard the faint sound of voices outside her door, speaking so softly that she couldn't hear what they were saying. She'd thought she heard someone gently knocking earlier, but the act of sobbing had preoccupied her and she hadn't answered. She heard another knock, slightly louder this time, followed by the sound of Viola's voice asking if she could come in.
Coralee hesitated for a moment, uncertain on whether she felt like talking to anyone just now. A part of her said that Viola had been nothing but kind to her, and the older woman would likely be coming to try and comfort her. Despite her turmoil of emotions, being comforted was something Coralee wasn't opposed to. “Sure, Viola. Come on in.”
The door slowly creaked open to reveal Viola, the older woman looking decidedly less cheerful than usual. She must have noticed Coralee's puffy eyes immediately, and the older woman tsk-ed softly as she moved to si
t down beside her. “I am so sorry for what Jude said to you at dinner tonight.”
Coralee didn't trust herself to speak so she simply nodded in reply. Viola took her hands gently and the older woman took a deep breath before continuing. “Remember when you told me that you had a secret that you wanted to talk to Gavin about? Well, as terrible as it may sound, now might be the best time for you to bring it up to him.”
“What do you mean?” Coralee asked, blinking in confusion. Had Viola been talking to Gavin in the hallway just now? Had he put her up to this? “After finding out something like that, I don't know if I'll be able to talk to him without it turning into an argument. And I know that if I tell him my secret now, it will destroy our relationship,” she added softly, gazing down into her lap as the tears began to flow.
