by Etta Foster
“I think that Gavin is more forgiving than that, especially when it comes to you. I'm sure that if you tell him and show him that you are genuinely sorry, he'll accept your apology. Besides, he isn't faultless in this situation either. Lies were made on both sides, but that is why the truth is the best medicine. Otherwise, your lie would just gnaw at you until it devoured you from the inside,” Viola whispered, giving Coralee's hand a gentle squeeze.
“I don't know, Viola. I just don't know if after all the lies he would be able to trust me. If I can't have his trust, then I really would just spend the rest of my life here as a placeholder so he can have his part of the ranch. I can put up with many things but feeling like I've been used is not one of them,” Coralee replied, shaking her head slowly. “I feel like I've made too many mistakes to be able to salvage everything now.”
“I think the most important thing for both of you is to not make decisions in haste. You’re hurting right now, and we tend to make poor decisions when we are hurting. You are loved and wanted here, despite what Jude said. I know Gavin might have kept the reason for your marriage a secret, but I'm sure he has his reasons for it,” Viola said, giving Coralee's hand another squeeze. “You've brought so much joy back into our household, Jessica. I hope you can see that.”
“I thought I was getting along well with everyone, but I guess Jude is another story,” she said, looking at Viola. “Is that just because he and Gavin are on bad terms?”
“I would assume so. Those boys have had a rivalry of sorts going on as far back as I can remember. I don't think Jude dislikes you deep down; he probably just comes across that way because he and Gavin are at odds right now. If they could ever reconcile their differences, I'm sure Jude's attitude toward you would change,” Viola reassured her, though Coralee doubted her words somewhat.
“I won't make any rash decisions. That talk between Gavin and I is long overdue; this just gives me the chance to do it. I'll talk to him soon,” she promised half-heartedly, her hands playing nervously with her hair. “I'm feeling tired now, so I think I'll go to bed, if that’s alright.”
“Of course. Feel free to take as much time as you need to decide your next move. We aren't in any hurry to be rid of you and would love nothing more than for you to stay,” Viola said, her insistence making Coralee suspect that she knew what the younger woman was thinking.
Viola smiled, though the worry in her eyes betrayed her real emotions. “Thank you. I'll leave you to rest. Sleep well, Jessica,” she said softly, closing the door gently behind her.
It wasn't until Coralee heard Viola's footsteps creaking further down the hall that she allowed herself to fall back onto her bed. She glanced wearily up at the ceiling, her chest rising and falling slowly as she rested the back of her hand against her forehead. The lantern flame beside her bed flickered and danced merrily, casting a long shadow on the far wall. It seemed to loom over her, a perfect representation of how she felt about her lie and current life situation.
Her decision wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't already kissed. If she hadn't seen the love that glimmered in his eyes as he held her close or felt the way that his heart had beat rapidly in his chest, she could have left without a second thought. But she had, and deep in her heart she already knew that she didn't want to leave. She liked it here, and she liked the people who were around her.
Coralee thought back on Viola's words, wishing they had made her feel better. For some reason, they had only added to her guilt. If she was the one thing that he'd been able to rely on, how would he feel when he discovered her secret? Surely that would break him, and she didn't want to be the cause of that.
There was nothing else she could do. She would have to try and talk to Gavin in a secluded place. No matter how much it worried her, she would have to confess her secret to him. She would steel her nerves and accept the outcome, whatever that may be. And if he got angry and told her to leave, then at least she knew she had the means to do so. Having reached a reluctant and admittedly shaky resolution within herself, Coralee endeavored to fall asleep.
Her mind was racing with the what-ifs again, but she'd grown used to that. Her dreams were always a whirlwind of emotions, and this night was no different. She just kept seeing the moment at dinner repeating in her mind and hearing the words that stung just as badly now as the first time. In fact, it felt even worse.
Chapter 32
He awoke to the sound of birds chirping in the tree growing on the side of the stables, sunlight streaming down on his face through the large window that sat perched at the far end of the loft. He hadn't intended to fall asleep out here, but his exhaustion had ended up getting the better of him. It seemed that he wasn't fully recovered from his fall.
Or could it be something else that was causing it?
He yawned and stretched his arms above his head, grunting when he felt his back pop gently. He felt itchy from the straw that he'd used to cushion himself throughout the night. He ran a hand through his hair and tousled it gently, knocking any stray strands of hay free.
Glancing down at where the horses had slowly started to wake, he saw Walter and it reminded him of the day he had taken Jessica out riding. It had been a good day, and one he'd thought would serve to finally help alleviate the doubts that had clouded his mind. And for a while, it had.
He shouldn't allow Jude to get away with what he'd said. He needed to have a serious conversation with his brother soon, and he knew it likely wouldn't end without the two coming to blows. He thought that he'd been quite clear in his letters to Jessica about the nature of their marriage, so he was confused as to why she had seemed so surprised about it. Especially when her last letter had said that she understood his request and she had her own reasons for wanting to marry him.
The revelation that his inheritance was the reason he had sought to get married might have been a surprise, but it shouldn't have been an outright betrayal. The look in her eyes had been exactly that, like he had betrayed her beyond words.
Like she hadn't known that was the reason why.
He made his way back to the house, a man on a mission as he practically flew up the stairs. He went through all of his dresser drawers, pulling out each letter as he found them and sat them on top of the dresser. He recalled four letters and quickly reread each one of them.
Their discussion of horseback riding and dancing was all there, and Jessica had even bragged about how good a dancer she was. Gavin's forehead was beaded with sweat as he sat each letter aside, the contradictions beginning to pile up.
While reaching down into his bottom drawer to get out a new pair of pants, he felt his finger brush against something rough. Fishing around for a bit, he was surprised to find himself holding another letter. Jessica's name was written prominently on the top left corner, but the back of the envelope was still sealed.
How had he managed to miss a letter? Had it been mixed up in his laundry?
Settling down on the bed, he ripped open the envelope and pulled out the letter. It contained three pages, as all of Jessica’s letters had. The neat, curvy handwriting matched from all the previous letters, and the envelope itself carried the faint scent of perfume. Gavin's jaw set as he read, his forehead wrinkling as he tried to come to terms with it all.
It was the last line of the letter that he kept rereading, comprehension dawning on him like the early morning sun.
When you see me get off the train, you'll recognize me instantly. I have blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair.
That didn't match the description of the woman who was here. Blue eyes, yes, but not the hair. And unless she had changed her hair color somehow before she'd arrived, that meant the woman whom he'd spent the last month or so with was not Jessica.
He rose from his seat, his hand clenching into a fist so tight that it turned his knuckles white.
She's been lying to me the whole time? She had the gall to stand before me time and time again and make me look like a fool. How will I ever live this down? How will
I break the news to my parents that they have been sheltering an imposter?
He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He didn't want to cause a scene, particularly with Jude skulking around the place. If word of this got out to him, Gavin would never hear the end of it.
No, he would have to deal with this matter quietly and delicately. It would be tough to explain to his parents about the whole fiasco later, but he hoped they could at least end things with grace.
He felt like he was on a dead man's march as he slowly made his way to the vegetable garden, figuring that was as good a place as any to begin his search for Jessica.
The woman who claims to be Jessica... I've figured out by now that she's not who she said she was.
Standing a few feet away from her, Gavin couldn't help the sadness that flowed through his body. She was humming a song gently, idly tugging the few weeds from the dirt and tossing them away. She'd turned the vegetable garden into a real thing of wonder, outright doubling the amount of land it had previously taken up.
He felt like a man who was being forced to put down his faithful dog companion. Was this the kind of pain and loss they felt? Had they all felt the same sinking feeling in their chest as he did while staring down at the woman he had begun to fall in love with? The woman who had lied to him about everything. The woman who had managed to worm her way into his heart and who now broke it, just as easily as all the others had.
Only this time, it hurt a lot more.
* * *
She saw a shadow fall across her right side before she heard him clear his throat gently behind her. She didn't even need to turn her head to know that it was Gavin. She felt the wind turn cold, a breeze that hadn't been there before suddenly whipping up strong enough that it tugged at her dress.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?” he asked, the forced calm in his voice scaring her more than if he had just yelled at her.
“Of course,” she replied, turning around to face him and immediately seeing the myriad emotions that his face conveyed. She saw a sweltering rage that was chastened by bitter disappointment and a look of immeasurable sadness. She thought she would drown in it if she stared into his eyes much longer, swallowing with a suddenly dry throat.
It had finally happened. He had probably figured out her secret before she had the chance to tell him.
“I found another one of Jessica's letters,” he began softly, holding up the envelope that was held tightly in his hand. “It mentioned something that I found rather peculiar.”
“And what might that be?” she asked kindly, a forced smile on her lips even as she felt her heart sink into her stomach.
“I remember you said that you loved dancing, yet you were uncertain of yourself when we went out for our night on the town. You also said you loved horseback riding, and yet you acted like a complete amateur. Now, normally that would have been more than enough to rouse my suspicions, but I told myself that I was just being paranoid.”
Coralee remained silent as he continued. “I told myself that there was no way you would do anything so underhanded as lying to me about the real reason you were here,” he said softly, holding out the letter to her. “Would you care to explain this letter, then?”
She took the letter questioningly and slid it from its envelope with shaking hands. Her eyes scanned across it slowly, taking a moment to digest what exactly she was reading. It seemed that she and Jessica had overlooked one very important fact when concocting their plan, and that was that their hair color didn't match. That was the final nail in her coffin now. “It's not what you think,” she began, but he raised a hand to cut her off.
“You didn't lie about who you were and spend the last two months here under false pretenses?” he asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “You didn't lie your way into my family with whatever intentions you had? Is that what you are going to try and say?”
“You don't understand! I wanted to tell you, and I was going to tell you,” she stammered, rising from her knees. “I just didn't know how to bring it up. You assumed I was Jessica when I got off the train, and I didn't have a chance to correct you when I needed to. Then it got to the point where it would have been awkward for me to reveal that I wasn't her.”
“That's your excuse?” Gavin said, his voice barely more than a whisper. She could hear the raw emotion in his voice as it threatened to break, the look on his face frightening her more than when he'd lost his temper at the table. “That's really how you’re going to try and spin this?”
“I'm not trying to spin this,” she shot back angrily. “If only you could understand what I'd been through, you wouldn't be so quick to judge me. You can't even imagine the life I was living up until now.”
“Then tell me the truth, for once. Who are you? And I want your real name this time,” he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
She took a deep breath, slowly exhaling. This was the exact opposite of what she had wanted. She cursed herself for not speaking with Gavin the night before, which would have prevented the confrontation they were currently in the middle of. “My name is Coralee Burket.”
“The maid that supposedly died? Then does that mean Jessica is…?” he left the rest unspoken, the rustling leaves of the nearby tree the only noise heard.
“She developed the flu that ravaged her body irreparably,” Coralee replied softly. “Jessica always had a weak constitution, and a disease like that was the straw that broke the camel's back.”
Gavin stood there looking stunned, like it was impossible for him to process. Coralee cleared her throat, tears slowly streaming down her cheeks. “She told me to come here in her place so that you wouldn't feel stood up. That we looked enough alike that you wouldn't notice the difference so long as I played the part well. She just wanted me to be happy, and she thought the best chance of that was for me to be with you.”
“I know it was stupid, and I never should have agreed to such a deception. But my fear of Lucas trying to violate me or kill me clouded my judgement. I was weak, I guess.” Coralee let out a deep shuddering breath and took a moment to recollect herself.
“But don't worry, I won't trouble you and your family much longer. I've decided that I'm going to leave. It will just be easier for you to find another woman that won't make you look the way you look right now,” Coralee said softly, wiping her tears away.
“Just like that?” He sounded confused to her, and somehow even more hurt than before. The silence stretched between them and his mouth opened but the words he seemed to want to say never moved past his lips.
It reminded her of the day that her mother had passed away, and how she had felt. That was why she understood when he simply turned his back and walked away, his look of betrayal etched forever in her mind.
Chapter 33
Jude’s mother caught him outside as he was coming in for breakfast, the most unhappy look he'd ever seen etched firmly on her features. He swallowed nervously as her gaze rounded on him and the way her lips moved into a straight line told him that she was quite cross with him. “Is there any particular reason why this rivalry with your brother makes you think you have to ruin not one, but two relationships for him?”
“Mother, I've never heard you speak to me in such a way before! And what are you going on about? I haven't ruined two relationships for him. Or did my running off with Claudia count as one?” Jude quipped, leaning against the nearby tree.
“The way you ran your mouth at dinner last night has completely shattered Jessica. She’s already talking about leaving, even though I told her not to make any decisions in haste. I just saw them talking over by the vegetable garden, and from the looks on their faces, things are really bad,” Viola whispered angrily.
“You may have ruined everything for your brother, and you don't even seem to care! How did I raise such a selfish man?” His mother's words caused him to wince.
“Come on now, Mother. I'm sure it wasn't just me saying a few hurtful words. There must be somethin
g else going on that we don't know about,” he said, noting that his mother's scornful expression never wavered. “Is it really that bad?”
His mother nodded, tapping her fingers on the nearby railing of the porch. “When I saw Jessica come in, she immediately headed to her bedroom. I heard the sound of her suitcase scraping across the floor shortly afterward, and I have no doubt that she's in the act of collecting up every one of her belongings in preparation to leave.”
Jude felt something cold on the back of his neck, his face twisting into a deep frown. This hadn't been his intention; how could he have known she'd take his comments so badly?
“Gavin had finally started to come out of the shell that you and Claudia forced him to retreat into, and now look. We’re going to go right back to those times when he never laughed or smiled. Is that really what you want for him?” His mother was shaking now, her anger coming off in waves that he could practically feel.
