His Alone

by Alexa Riley

  “God, I love you,” he says, taking my lips in a tender, sweet kiss that is the complete opposite of what we just did.

  I love that we can have both. The tender, sweet lovemaking where I’m on the verge of tears, and the hard, fast fucking where we are desperate for one another.

  Once he’s kissed me so thoroughly that I want him again, he holds my waist and helps me back to my desk. He sits me down in my chair and pushes it in, then walks over to his desk and sits down. He acts like nothing happened in the bathroom, despite the fact that he had to carry me out here like I’d lost the ability to use my legs.

  I look over at him and see he’s got his elbows on his desk and he’s looking at me with hooded eyes. It’s then I realize he’s got two fingers held up to his nose and he’s smelling me. Without thinking, I lean back in my chair and pull out a lollipop. I’ve always liked a challenge.

  *

  “I WANT TO plan this out,” I say, taking a bite of my sesame chicken and pointing a fork at Captain.

  “What is there to plan? I told you I’d take care of it.”

  He rubs my feet, and I want to moan with how good it feels, but I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. We’ve been going back and forth about this since we got home, and neither of us is giving up much ground. We’ve skated around the subject of my dad for long enough. He knows that I want him to pay for what he did, and I want to be as much a part of that as possible. Captain thinks that I shouldn’t be involved.

  “I’ve got information about where he is. I found everything you need the night you caught me in the office. I’ve waited long enough, and I don’t want to wait anymore.” I point to the laptop on the table beside me, as if he can’t see it’s right there.

  He looks at me intensely, but understanding passes through his beautiful green eyes. “I will do this for you, because I don’t want any of his darkness to touch you. If you step down this path, there’s no going back, Paige. I’m going to protect you from what this will do to you. When it happens, you won’t know about it. And I’m not going to sit here and plan out every detail of something that could take away the light in your eyes.”

  He leans forward and puts his hands on my knees, getting so close that he’s almost in my lap. I want to hold him to me and tell him that he’s right, but a part of me wants to fight for what I think I should be doing.

  “You remember every detail of everything that’s ever happened to you, kitten. Don’t let this be something else that you won’t forget. I will give you the revenge you want and the closure you need, but I refuse to let you get your hands dirty. I love you too much to let you do that to yourself.”

  He sits up and kisses me on my forehead, then takes our empty plates to the kitchen. I sit there, listening to the water running as he washes dishes and cleans up. I think about what he said and how I know he’s right. But I also think that if I don’t do this, then it will feel like I’m standing idly by all over again. If I don’t make some kind of effort to plan this out, then what have I truly done to avenge my mother besides find a man to do it for me? Does that mean I’m like her?

  Captain’s phone rings. “Justice,” he says, and I hear him rumble a few words before ending the call. He walks out to where I’m sitting and slips on his shoes. “I’ve got to run upstairs for a second. Miles wants me to look at the baby monitor. He said he’s having problems getting it hooked up. I swear that man is crazy. He wants his baby’s crib camera circuited to the building’s security feed.”

  I smile at him as he leans down and gives me a quick kiss before he goes. I see the laptop beside me and decide that if I give him the information, then I’m doing some kind of good. This way he won’t have to take time digging on his own. I reach over and pull up the encrypted files. There could be a few things that Miles already dug up when he was closing his business deal, so it could save me some time starting here. No sense in looking up information Miles already found.

  It takes me a few minutes to decode some of the folders, and after a few failed attempts I finally find one that’s marked AO. I take a guess that the initials stand for Alexander Owens and click on it. When it opens, I have to run another encryption. This must have something I need, otherwise why would it be so difficult to get to?

  Once it’s unlocked, I see pages of documents on Alexander, and a lot of it is business related. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because it could narrow down where he’s working and possibly staying. I make my way through a few of them, and then see that Miles has pages of notes to go with each document. Miles has always been thorough. I read through a few and then organize them by date. I search through everything until I find a phone number.

  I do the search like Jordan showed me, locating his phone, then hacking into it. I start with his text messages. I stop cold when I see Ryan’s name. I start to read them.

  My heartbeat quickens and my palms sweat. What the fuck am I reading? There’s another entry a few days later.

  Ryan reporting in on what’s happening at Osborne Corp. Months and months of texts that stopped a little over a month ago when Captain stopped responding to my father.

  “Hey, kitten. You miss me?” My whole world drops out from under me as he walks in and smiles. He sees the look on my face, and he knows something’s not right. “What’s wrong, Paige? You okay? Your face has gone solid white.”

  I push my computer to the floor and run to the bathroom. I don’t make it to the toilet before I start throwing up. I hear him somewhere behind me, but the sounds of my retching are ringing in my ears. I’m sick. I’m physically ill from his betrayal.

  He knew. He knew who I was before Miles did. He fucking worked for my father. The man I want dead. He betrayed me like no one ever has, and I loved him. I loved him.

  I reach inside the cabinet by the toilet and slip my hand around the cool metal. I twist my body and put my back against the wall, aiming my gun straight at his heart.

  He puts his hands up and takes a step back from me. “Paige, what the fuck?” The shock on his face would be comical if I wasn’t shattering into a million pieces.

  “Get out of my house, you lying bastard. You knew who he was. You even did what he said.”

  Understanding dawns on him, and he takes a step toward me. “Paige, it’s not—”

  I point the gun at the wall and fire off a round. The noise silences him, and he takes a step back. I point the gun at his heart, wanting it to break like mine is breaking.

  “Get. Out,” I grit through clenched teeth, and he nods.

  “We are going to talk about this,” he says, slowly stepping out of the bathroom.

  “There is no we. Not ever again.”

  I keep the gun trained on him as I see hurt slice across his face. Good. He deserves this and so much more. He steps around the corner, his fists clenched at his sides, and I hear him walk through the living room, shutting the front door quietly behind him.

  I stay on the floor of the bathroom. I don’t know how long I sit there, but every limb in my body falls asleep and my body goes numb. I want to keep throwing up, but there’s nothing left. I should probably get in the shower, but I’m starting to shake, and I can’t move.

  Time passes, and my mind spaces out, like it’s unable to wrap around what’s happened, so it goes blank. I start to laugh, because this can’t be real. I fell in love with the devil. That’s when my hysterical laughter turns into sobs. I’m broken like my mother.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Ryan

  * * *

  I STARE AT the closed door, my heart pounding out of my chest. My world just crumbled in front of me.

  “Fuck.”

  I punch the wall. My fist easily goes through the sheetrock. It’s no match for my anger. I debate going back inside. It takes everything I have to keep myself in place as an inner battle rages inside me. I want to go back in and make Paige see reason, even if it means facing down a gun. I wouldn’t care if she shot me, as long as she heard me out. Right now all
she’s seeing is betrayal and maybe that’s what I’ve done. I did betray her on some level, but I never meant to hurt her. She laid herself bare to me and told me all her secrets. Yet I still kept mine hidden, because I was afraid of what she’d think when she found out.

  I worked for her father’s organization for years, and I’ve been in contact with him over the past five. I fed him bullshit intel so that I could keep tabs on him. I’ve been trying to get information on him for my handler. I’ve been undercover digging up dirt on Alexander Owens. To bring him down, as well as his operation.

  He’s running drugs and weapons in the underbelly of New York, using his companies as fronts. I’d long ago had enough information to take him down, but it wasn’t just about him; it was about something bigger. But then Paige walked into my life. She sent everything into a tailspin, and I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been pulled in so many directions over the years. It’s a balancing act that I haven’t mastered.

  It became clear as I stared down the barrel of a gun, with the woman I love most in the world on the other side of it. I know exactly what I need to do. So much pain was on her face. She thought another man in her life failed her, and I never wanted that for her. I will do anything to take that look off her face.

  The elevator sounds, and I turn to see Mallory getting off, her panic clear on her face. When she sees me, her expression turns to anger as she heads right toward me. When she lifts her fist to swing at me, I don’t bother trying to block it. I even let my head jerk with the punch, giving her the satisfaction she’s looking for. The punch hits part of my lip, and I taste blood.

  “Holy motherfucker!” she yells. Paige’s front door flies open. “Why the hell didn’t you ever tell me how much it hurts to punch someone?” Mallory is yelling, but my eyes are on Paige. She still has the gun in her hand, hanging down by her side, her face red and blotchy as tears coat her cheeks.

  I take a step toward her, but the look she gives me stops me dead. It’s not anger. It’s pain now. Deep, gut-wrenching pain that almost brings me to my knees. I put that there.

  “Move, asshole.” Mallory pushes me, and I step aside, letting her get to Paige. She engulfs her in a hug, and Paige’s eyes fall closed as she seeks her friend’s comfort. Not mine. I was the one who was supposed to comfort her. Not rip her apart.

  Mallory pulls away and pushes Paige back into her apartment. “Leave,” Mallory growls at me, before slamming the door, leaving me alone in the hallway all over again.

  This ends tonight. I take the stairs down to my apartment and go straight for my safe. After pulling out everything I need, I go over to my computer and reach out to another operative. One I know I can trust to never speak a word of what I’m about to do. He owes me from when I saved his sister and kept my mouth shut. I had him in my back pocket once the man who had hurt her suddenly went missing.

  I’m calling in my favor. Fuck everything else. Fuck the job. It stopped being about the job a long time ago. Everything I did always put Paige first, but maybe I should’ve taken out Alexander sooner. I wasn’t sure if that was what she really wanted until they came face-to-face weeks ago. The terror in her eyes was real. He was a monster that haunted her dreams, and only his death would bring peace.

  When I held her in my arms while she cried and told me what had happened to her mother, I realized what she truly wanted. I’m going to give it to her. I would have done it years ago if I had known, but I know now. I’ll show her that I’ll do anything for her. Even if she doesn’t want me after. Even if everything blows up in my face, she will have peace of mind.

  Strapping on my guns, I take out my cell phone and toss it on the bed, not wanting to be tracked.

  I glance around my bedroom, wondering what Paige would think if she saw it. My walls are lined with pictures of her. She coats every inch of space. It’s part of my dirty secret, my obsession with her. Hundreds of pictures that I’d collected over the years act as wallpaper.

  Maybe I should be embarrassed, but I’m not. Is it crazy? Yes. But it is what it is. She has fueled my life for the past five years. She’s been my everything, and I’m going to show her how much she means to me. I’ll prove to her that I’ll always do what needs to be done for her, and maybe in the end I can have her.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Paige

  * * *

  MALLORY WRAPS HER arms around me, holding me tightly as I cry on her shoulder. She lets me get it out until no more tears can break free. I want to pull her closer and push her away at the same time. I don’t want to be touched, but I feel like I’m falling apart. My world is slipping away from me.

  Maybe this is payback for what I’ve done. I forgot about my mother and tried to have something for myself. All of that has led to everything around me crumbling. Not all at once, but taking me piece by piece until there’s nothing left. It feels like there’s no life inside me, only emptiness. I’m left with an empty heart and hollowness in my chest.

  “What happened?” she asks, pulling back and looking at me. Her eyes go to the gun in my hand, and they widen before she can hide her reaction.

  “Captain.” I shake my head. “Ryan,” I correct, not wanting to use the silly name we’d given him. “He works for my father.” The last of my words are ripped from me. It’s like I can’t believe them. That they can’t be true.

  “No.” She shakes her head, as much in denial as I am.

  I turn from her, gripping the gun tighter. I’m not sure if I can use the thing. I’d shocked myself when I shot the wall. That I actually pulled the trigger. Why does this hurt worse than losing my mother? Because I’m selfish. That’s all I’ve been these past few weeks.

  “I saw it. All the emails.”

  I’d read only a few of them before I pushed the laptop away from me. I didn’t want to look at it anymore. I didn’t want to believe it. I’m not going to be a fool any longer. I put the gun down and pick up the laptop. Then I start typing away.

  “What are you doing? Maybe we should call Miles. Or fuck, I don’t know. Paige, tell me what to do. You’re scaring me.”

  I ignore her rapid firing of questions and keep typing until I find him. “Got you,” I whisper to myself, picking up the gun and heading to my bedroom. I pull off my clothes and change into black running pants, a sports bra and black hoodie, then I pull my hair into a ponytail.

  “You’re doing it, aren’t you?” I look over at Mal standing in the doorway of my bedroom, tears sliding down her cheek. “I know I―I s-said…” She stumbles over her words. “I know I said I wouldn’t stand in your way, but...” Her hands go to her mouth like she’s trying to calm herself so she can get the words out. “You’re my family, and I can’t lose you. I know that’s selfish, but please just, just...” She repeats the word over and over, like she can’t form a sentence or think of how to end it.

  I walk over to her and she drops her head, our foreheads coming together. We stand there until she finally looks at me.

  “Okay. I know. I know,” she finally says, getting herself together. It helps calm me calm, too, knowing I can’t walk out of here with her freaking out. For so long it’s been her and me.

  “I wish I could come with you.”

  I shake my head at her words.

  “Promise you’ll come back. Promise me.”

  “I’ll always be with you, Mal. You’re the only person who’s never used me. All you cared about was being my friend, and you’ll never know what that means to me. The only person who really loved me.” Tears stream down her face. “How could I not love you?” I say, grabbing her and hugging her tight, hoping this isn’t the last time I see her.

  “I know you don’t believe it, but you’re the strongest person I know, Paige”

  God, do I wish I could believe that. I feel like I could fall apart at any moment. I’m terrified at the thought of going through with this. Of holding a gun to my father and pulling the trigger. I don’t know if I have that in me, but I’m going to find out.

&
nbsp; “Go make him wish he never fucked with you,” Mal says, letting me go.

  I step back, going to my closet and pulling out my backpack. It’s the same one I had when I lived on the streets. This time it’s filled a little differently. I could disappear with this if I had to. Fade away. All I have to do is pull the trigger and go. I glance over at Mal, thinking how much it will hurt to never see her again. But how much more would it hurt to come back here? To remember Ryan.

  I head to the living room, grab the laptop and shove it into the bag. I look around my apartment, wondering if this is the last time I’ll see it.

  “You’re thinking about running after, aren’t you?” she asks.

  “You have Miles. You’ll be fine.” I don’t know if I’m reassuring her or myself.

  “I know I’ll be fine, Paige. That’s not that point. Can I live without you? Yes. But the point is, I don’t want to. We’re a family.”

  “My only family,” I tell her. “No matter what happens tonight, I have to go for a little while. I can’t come back here. It’s too much,” I explain. “It hurts. Everywhere I look, I see him.”

  “You do what you have to do. Don’t worry about me.” She walks over to stand in front of me. “You know where to find me. I’ll always be here, and I’ll always come if you call.”

  “I love you,” I say, feeling the tears rise again.

  “I love you, too.” She grabs me and pulls me into a hug. We hold tight before I finally let her go. Then I walk away from the only family I’ve ever known.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Ryan

  * * *

  “YOU’RE SURE HE’S in there?” I ask into my headset, staring at the vacant-looking warehouse that’s seen better days. Alexander is scurrying to clean up the mess Miles made of his life, and desperate men do desperate things. Like get sloppy. It doesn’t help when the people around you are only there for money, and with how unsteady things have been for him, I’m guessing his security isn’t as great as it once was. I’m counting on it.