by Holly Jacobs
She stopped a moment, staring at him, some emotion on her face that he couldn’t quite identify.
“But she never did,” he finished.
Finally she said, “What do you want me to do? Just introduce you to him, and say, ‘Aaron, by the way, this is your father and he wants to spend time with you, so you’ll be bouncing from the only home you’ve ever known over to his place and then back again.”’
“I don’t want to upset him, I want what’s best for him, and I think I’m best. I am going to be part of his life. I spent the night thinking of options. I’m suggesting something better than joint custody.”
“Such as?” she asked.
“Marry me.”
Marry me.
When Louisa had discovered she was pregnant she’d dreamed he would say those words.
Marry me.
It’s what they’d always talked about. She’d always dreamed that she would one day marry Joe Delacamp, no matter that she was just a Clancy. Just the dirt-poor, town drunk’s daughter.
Then he’d gotten engaged to Meghan Whitford. A girl from his social circle. A girl he’d always claimed was just a friend.
He’d said his parents had set it up.
She’d told him to just break it off, but he’d claimed he couldn’t. There was a business deal in the works and publicly breaking off with Meghan could ruin the deal.
Louisa didn’t understand people who would use something as sacred as marriage—or even just an engagement—to forge a business merger.
Joe had asked her to give him time.
Time was something Louisa hadn’t had. She’d been two months pregnant with a child—the child of a man who’d always claimed he’d never be a father.
Still, despite his pseudo-engagement, she’d planned to tell him. To let him decide what he wanted to do.
And then his mother had come to her, and that one visit had changed everything….
Louisa pulled herself back from the past.
It was history.
Ancient history.
She couldn’t alter what she’d done. At the time she’d thought she’d done what was best for everyone.
Now?
Listening to him talk about the son he’d never known, she wasn’t sure.
“Marry me,” he repeated.
“Marry you?” She laughed then, shocked at the bitterness she heard in her own voice. “You’ve got to be insane to think I’d marry you.”
“You’ve got to be even more insane if you think I’m sharing custody of Aaron. I want it all. Every day. I want to be there when he gets home from school, when he goes to bed, when he gets up the next morning and has breakfast. I want to be there when he brings home his report cards. I want to hear how school went. I want to see him play—does he play sports?”
“Soccer and football,” she answered.
There was a yearning in his expression. “Then I want to go to every game. I missed seven years and I don’t want to miss another moment. The way I see it I have two options. I could sue for sole custody, or I can become a part of your family. Taking Aaron away from the only home and parent he’s ever known is cruel. That leaves becoming part of your family. I don’t think us living together—even if we’re not together in a physical sense—sets a good example. That leaves marriage.”
“And what if I have a significant other?” she asked.
“You’d have to break it off, of course.” He paused and asked, “Do you?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“No, I guess it’s not.” Abruptly he asked, “How could you just leave me like that?”
His voice was barely more than a whisper. “I explained about the engagement. I thought you understood. And then you were just gone. I decided you were too young. After all, I was three years older than you. I figured you’d had second thoughts and were just too young, too confused to tell me, so you’d just left. But that’s not why. You left to have my son in secret. Why? Did you think I’d be like my parents, trying to control him and squeeze the life out of him, inch by inch?”
“You said you never wanted children.”
“Did you think I’d abandon you and our baby?”
She could tell him about his mother’s visit. She could tell him that it had been easier to just leave than risk having him agree with his parents, having him think she’d tried to trap him.
Of all the things his mother could have said, that was the one that cut to the quick.
Louisa had believed what the town said, that she was just “that Clancy girl,” a girl from the wrong side of the tracks.
She’d believed that people would agree with Joe’s mother, that she’d tried to trap him.
She’d believed that his parents would cut him off without a dime, force him to quit school to support her and the baby, and steal his dream of being a doctor.
Maybe they could have found another way…could have dealt with all that. What others thought of her had long ago ceased to matter. But a part of her had felt that eventually Joe would believe all that as well. That he’d think she’d trapped him and stolen his dreams.
That, she couldn’t live with.
What had she done?
She’d been so hurt, felt so betrayed, been so afraid that she’d simply left. In her heart she’d never understood how Joe could love her.
How could she have doubted him?
Looking at the pain in his face right now, she knew that he’d never have abandoned their son.
“Louisa?” Joe said. “You look like you’re going to faint. Sit down before you fall down.”
He led her to a chair behind the counter and helped lower her into it.
His voice was gentle, a whisper of the Joe she used to know. “Here, tuck your head between your knees and breathe deep.”
She’d let her own fears and doubts rob the man she loved of knowing his son.
Slowly she sat up and fought back the tears that threatened to fall.
She should tell him. Should tell him everything that happened.
She wanted to.
She’d believed his mother and doubted Joe. She’d taken the check his mother had offered to secure her son’s future and left, thinking that breaking her own heart was easier than waiting for Joe to break it for her.
She hadn’t trusted him enough…or trusted in their love.
No other explanation was needed.
She’d trust him now.
It was too late for their love, but not too late for him to know his son.
Not that she could marry him.
He said he wanted his son—he wanted Aaron—not Louisa.
She’d thrown away their future when she left, but she would find a way to give Aaron a future with his father.
She’d make it work.
“The past is ancient history. Right now it’s the present we have to worry about. I have an idea,” she said. “I have to do some checking. Meet me after work tonight and we’ll talk.”
“I mean it, Louisa, I want every minute of his life.”
“I understand. And I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, but I’ll do whatever I can to see to it you and Aaron build a good relationship. We’ll talk. After work.”
Chapter Three
As new man on the job, Joe worked third shift. Ten-thirty at night until six-thirty in the morning.
He should have spent the day sleeping, but instead he spent it tossing and turning.
By five-thirty, as he waited outside Louisa’s store, he was a wreck.
So many questions he wanted to ask. So many details he wanted filled in.
She opened the door and looked surprised to see him there. “Joe, I thought you weren’t coming.”
“I said I’d be here.”
“Yes, yes you did.” She was quiet a minute, studying him. “Let’s go over to the diner. I’ll buy you a coffee.”
“Is that a polite way of saying I look like I need one?”
“It’s a polite way of say
ing you look like hell.” The comment was softened with a weak smile.
“You always were direct.”
“I still am.”
They walked across the square to The Five and Dine.
“Cute,” he said as he looked around.
It was decorated like something out of Happy Days, right down to a vintage jukebox.
“I like it,” she said as she led him to a small booth in the back.
A waitress followed right on their heels. “Hey, Louisa.”
“Hi, Missy. Could I have a coffee?”
“Sure. And you?” the girl asked Joe.
“Same.” As soon as she was out of earshot, he asked, “You said something about an idea.”
He needed this settled. He didn’t want to waste another minute waiting to be with his son.
Louisa nodded. “I had to ask first, but…” She sighed. “There’s so much we have to talk about.”
“Yeah, like why you left. Why you kept my son from me. None of your explanations have answered all the questions. As a matter of fact, they just raise more. Why—”
“Joe, it was so long ago, and I’ve changed so much since then, but I still remember what it was like.”
“What what was like?” he asked.
“Growing up as Clancy’s kid. I remember feeling as if I’d never be more than that and wondering what you saw in me. Whatever it was you saw, I didn’t see it in myself. When I found out I was pregnant, I’d never been so afraid. It wasn’t that I was afraid of the baby, or even what people would say—they’d been talking all my life. I was afraid of losing you.”
“Why? How could you think I wouldn’t stand by you?”
The waitress brought their coffee and said, “Holler if you need something else.”
“Joe,” Louisa said, as soon as the woman was out of earshot, “when we talked about the future, you said repeatedly how much you didn’t want kids.”
“I was young and I was afraid I’d be like my parents. I thought I couldn’t take the chance. But I’d never have abandoned you.”
How could she have said she loved him and not known even that much about him?
“But at the time, all I knew was that I didn’t measure up to you or your family and I was pregnant and you didn’t want kids. I was so scared. But I planned to tell you. It took me a couple weeks to work up to it, but I’d planned it all out. We were supposed to go out that night and I even memorized what I was going to say. But then I saw the paper.”
“The engagement announcement?”
So it came back to that damned announcement?
He’d read about his engagement in the paper, as well.
His parents truly didn’t see what the problem was when he’d complained vehemently about being used as a business prop. It had all fallen on deaf ears.
His parents had never seen a problem putting business before the family or, for that matter, putting appearances before feelings.
Louisa nodded. “So I didn’t say anything. Even though you explained. Don’t you see, it was easier for me to believe we wouldn’t make it?”
“No. I don’t understand.”
She shook her head. “Looking back, I don’t either. But at the time I was young, I was afraid and I had the self-esteem of a gnat. Now? I’ve grown and I’ve learned to believe in myself. I’m stronger than you can imagine. So now I’d like to think I’d stay and fight. Then I just couldn’t. It was easier to walk away than to have you say you didn’t want the baby, that you didn’t want me. Easier than to face the pain of having you think I’d trapped you.”
“I’d never have said that.”
“But maybe, just maybe, you’d have thought it.” She paused and said, “Joe, I can’t undo the past. But I meant what I said, I will try to help now.”
“So you’ll marry me?”
He was surprised at the sense of relief he felt.
Of course, it had to do with his son, with knowing he’d be part of Aaron’s day-to-day life. That’s all it was. Whatever he’d once felt for Louisa was long since dead.
“No,” she said, with flat finality.
“Then you’re going to give me full custody of Aaron?”
“No. I said I have a third option. Move in with us.”
“I won’t live with you unless we’re married. I might not have had much experience at this parenting stuff, but I’m sure that us living together isn’t the kind of example we should set for Aaron.”
“Not live with me, exactly. We live in a flat. Aaron and I are upstairs, and Elmer lives downstairs. He’s got a second bedroom he says is yours for as long as you want it.”
“This isn’t a solution. At least not a long-term one. Unless you think I’m going to room with your friend for the next eleven years of Aaron’s life.” He lifted the cup as if he was going to take a drink, but it never made it to his lips. He set it back in the saucer with a clank.
“No, it doesn’t solve anything long-term. But I don’t have any better ideas. At least not yet,” she said. “This may not be ideal, but it is a way for you to be with Aaron every day.”
It wasn’t what he wanted.
Not that he wanted to sue for sole custody, either.
No, what he wanted was to marry Louisa. Not in a white-picket-fence, minivan, buy-a-dog-and-be-a-family, happily-ever-after sort of way. He didn’t have those types of feelings toward her anymore.
Okay, maybe he did feel something when he looked at her, but it was only as much as any man would feel for a gorgeous woman.
But she was right. This was a solution, at least for now.
“When?”
“When what?” she asked, eyeing him warily.
“When would I move in?”
“This weekend. Elmer and Aaron are going fishing. I thought we could get you settled and then break the news to him together when they get back.”
Break the news.
He didn’t like her way of phrasing it. He hoped Aaron would be happier to have him be a part of their lives than Louisa was.
He made the decision without realizing he had. “Fine. I’ll need an address.”
She rattled it off as he rose.
She said, “This will work for now. I do realize we have to come up with something else. Like I said, I promise to do what I can.”
He didn’t respond, other than to offer her a curt nod. He didn’t just want to be Aaron’s downstairs neighbor. He wanted to be a part of his family. That meant marrying Louisa.
This need to marry her was because of his son, he assured himself. Unfortunately the assurance rang a little less than truthful. But it was the only reason he was going to allow.
He looked at her and for a moment, like a ghost of the past, he could almost see her smiling at him, he could almost hear the way she used to laugh. But it was an illusion. She wasn’t smiling or laughing now. She was waiting for him to say something.
“We’re going to need to find a permanent solution soon because nothing on heaven or earth will tear me away from my son again.”
She nodded, her face drawn and serious—and for a moment he caught a glimpse of her thoughts, her confusion and pain that echoed his own.
He didn’t want to see anything else, didn’t want any more reminders of the past. So before he could see any more he turned and walked out.
He was going to concentrate on his son.
Aaron.
He had a son, and right now that was all that mattered.
Louisa glanced nervously at the man standing next to her Sunday evening.
What was going through Joe’s mind? Was he nervous? Excited?
His expression gave nothing away until the door opened and there were footsteps on the stairs.
Aaron was home, and suddenly she could see a rush of emotion play across Joe’s face. Hope, anticipation…and love.
Joe loved this son he didn’t know.
She felt another stab of guilt but pushed it away. The past was over and done with.
She regrette
d decisions she’d made, but at the time she’d done what she thought was best for everyone. All that was left to do now was deal with the present.
She had to introduce her son to his father.
Aaron rushed inside. Elmer followed at a slower pace.
“Hey, Mom, I caught ten fish. Me and Elmer—”
Aaron skidded to a halt and eyed the man standing next to her. “Hey, I know you. You were in the store the other day.”
Lou hadn’t introduced Elmer to Joe yet, but she saw the flash of recognition on the older man’s face. Aaron had so much of his father in him that anyone would know they were father and son.
She looked at the two of them and said, “Aaron, I have something to tell you. Something wonderful.”
“Yeah?” He glanced at Joe, suspicion in his eyes.
“This is an old friend of mine, from when I lived in Georgia. His name is Joe.”
“Like my middle name?”
“Yes.”
“Is he my fa—” Aaron let the sentence hang, as if he was afraid to say the word.
Lou wasn’t sure if he was afraid Joe was his father, or if he was afraid Joe wasn’t, but she smiled and nodded.
“Aaron,” Joe said. “I’m so sorry that I missed so many years. Your mom and I, we were young. And we had a misunderstanding. That’s not an excuse, I know, but it’s all I have to offer. But I’m here now. I’m going to be staying with Elmer so that you and I will have a chance to get to know each other.”
Louisa saw the confusion in Aaron’s eyes. She sank down on her knees and said, “Your father is going to live here, with Elmer. He’s going to be here every day.”
Joe sank down next to her in front of Aaron.
His hand moved forward slightly, as if he wanted to touch the boy, but he didn’t.
His hand settled back on his knee and he said, “I know you don’t know me and that I have a lot to make up for. I don’t expect you to believe anything I say. All I’m asking for is a chance, Aaron. A chance to be here for you. To do all the things a father should do for his son—things you’ve never had.”
Aaron shook his head. “Elmer’s always taken care of me and mom. We don’t need you.”
“I know. But maybe I need you.”
“Honey,” Lou said.
