He sucked on her breasts hungrily for a few more moments; driving her close to release and then he flipped her over and brought her to her knees. He brought his mouth to nip her bottom and then spread her cheeks as he sent his tongue down into the divide. He stiffened his tongue to put pressure on her starred peach opening.
Her anguished cries were more intense as he continued down to traverse her lower lips. Finding her knob of nerves, he taunted her a moment longer as Katie began to bounce her bottom and wiggle in her loss of control.
"Hold still, sweetheart, I will bring you home in just a minute." Then he put on his covering, making sure that there was enough rattle to let her know he was using a condom. When she would protest his entrance, he swatted her several times, gently, with just enough bite to give excitement. He leaned down and rearranged her legs as he massaged her backside and kissed her backdoor again, running his tongue down until it met with her wet entrance then stood and slid deep inside her needy entrance before she could tense again.
With consistent and even movements, he drove into her sheath, coming out only to drive back in. He knew what she liked and he intended to give it to his woman. When the buildup of passion and physical release was at its height, he reached down to pay attention to her swollen little nub just enough to bring her over, and then with several quick thrusts, he fell over that cliff right behind her. Sweat was dripping off Ciarán's skin onto Katie's skin covered with its own thin sheen of perspiration.
"That's it, baby, give in and let it go." He reached down to milk the final energy of her orgasm before he slowed down and brought her down to the bed to cuddle with him before round two.
She was silent for a few moments gathering her breathing to a manageable level. "That was incredible. I loved it when you took control, but it was so hard for me."
"I know, baby, but it was important for you to let me drive the boat this time."
After snuggling and talking for a little while, Katie reached over and began to kiss Ciarán starting the second round of the evening. This time he allowed her to take control in the beginning. She wanted just to pleasure him and for a while, he let her warm wet mouth cover his grateful penis until the pressure began to build to a primal peak he could not ignore. Knowing that Katie was trying to bring him to completion without intercourse, he did not allow it and flipped her over, covering her with his needy lips and hands.
She resisted at first, but he would not allow her to resist, relentlessly teasing, demanding, and taking what he wanted from her. He controlled her movements as he invaded her mouth, moving down to tease her nipples and caressing her soft tummy he continued his downward descent. He again found her slit, teasing her clit while pinching and taunting her nipples gently then roughly.
He trailed his wet finger from her hot and moist slit to her brown, tightly puckered entrance, and heard her stiffen, trying to stop him, but he teased her unmercifully, entering slightly and then coming out, teasing her clit as he did. Katie inhaled deeply and then released indicating she was ready. Making sure she was ready for him and without slowing down, he quickly covered his member and entered her before she knew he was going in.
Ciarán heard her protests rising and he covered her mouth with his lips, invading roughly with his tongue, all the while pounding into Katie with ordered and careful precision. Her beginning protests were ignored and soon were replaced with her own desperate need for completion and without fanfare, he brought them home. Exhausted, they fell into a satiated and relaxed slumber. Ciarán feeling as though he had his wife back. Only time would tell, but he was prepared to control every night if it paved the way for her to come back to him and trust his ability to keep her safe and to rely on his watchful care and love for her.
The next morning, Katie found herself in bed alone and she felt a moment of panic before she was able to wake up enough and her logical brain to catch up and know that her husband was just up at his usual time, not often lingering in bed unless he had the expectation of some morning delight. Katie stretched and lounged a bit longer before she got up to pad around the bedroom gathering her clothes for the day and then walked into the shower to complete her waking up.
Last night, she remembered her fear rising up like bile in her throat. Ciarán would not allow her to divert his lovemaking and the first session was all about allowing Ciarán to take control. He demanded she allow him to command the lovemaking from beginning to end. He directed her interactions. He directed the activities, the amount of time spent in prep and the time expended in the ultimate act. She was not allowed to have any control over the events, not the how's, what's, or when's of the love making and she needed to follow his lead without question. It was his declaring ownership and the need for total control that would ultimately take away her fear. He did not allow her to act upon the fear she conjured up.
The second session was all about Ciarán. It was about meeting his primal need of being a man with his wife and the ultimate completion of each other. This one was full of lust and sexual tension. After making love the first time, Katie was not so sure they should make love again and began to initiate her own brand of satisfaction to divert Ciarán off a repeat of the sexual completion that he wanted. She would bring him to an end without intercourse. Ciarán allowed her to work her magic for a while but then flipped the tables on her. She began to protest, and Ciarán ignored her as he took her like a man who is dying of hunger. He devoured her and licked the plate. Katie felt utterly exhausted in that melding.
Katie thought of the last time they made love in the wee hours this morning. It had been sweet, gentle, and kind. It was protective and guarding her heart, it was the final trust walk for her. She could hear his softly spoken words of love, and he was so tender with her body; almost worshipful in nature. Afterward, sore and tender from such a long night of lovemaking, she floated off to sleep again only not out of exhaustion but from a relaxed, mellow place of total satisfaction, complete possession, and full protection as only a totally loved woman can feel.
Katie was eating a breakfast of cereal and coffee still floating in the morning glow that Ciarán had left her with when he came back in looking to refill his cup and to check on his wife. He leaned down to kiss the top of her head and settled on her lips as she turned her face up to him. Then he reached for the coffee pot to refill his insulated travel mug, never far from his side in the morning.
"Sleep well?"
"Mmm. Better than I have in ages."
"Did you check the garbage can?"
"Mmm, no, why should I?"
"To check and see if I used three condoms last night?"
"Ciarán, you promised, I trusted you." Her sentence ended in a higher tone with a bit of panic rushing in.
"And if you trust me, and I promised, what are you getting so upset about? I didn't say that I did not use them. I wondered if you could have resisted counting them."
"Oh, I never thought of it until now. You did, didn't you? Ciarán, this isn't something to play around with."
He leaned down and kissed her again. "Trust me?" He waited for an answer.
"Yes, but…"
"Great. Got to go finish prepping for the next ride. You need to trust me. And if you think you can go check the garbage, you can't because I disposed of them in the burn pile." Without another glance as though it was not important, Ciarán left out the door.
He is testing me and testing my ability to trust him. I can trust him. Oh, why did he do that; bring it to my mind so I have to shove the worry purposely away? Katie pushed on to cleaning house and working on her kitchen garden which took her mind off the trust test her husband had put in her mental pathway.
Jocelyn walked over with little Paddy in a front pack and Bailey who stopped to pick flowers every other step. She was going to check on what the plans were for the fourth of July and found Katie staring off in the direction of the stables.
"Hi, have you been over to look at the new puppies that they have brought in today? There are a coupl
e of dogs in heat, two parental sets, plus none of the pups is from the same stock and they were each picked to mate with a particular puppy of the same breed. They are so cute and Paddy loved them, but Liam says we can't make them all our personal pets." She looked at her four-month-old as though he could fix that issue."Too bad, because they are adorable. I bet papa will let us have one from the first litter huh, my Paddy man."
Bailey looked over at Jocelyn with a chastising expression and said, "Papa said no, mama." The women laughed.
Jocelyn played with her little one, bouncing him to get a big giggle out of him and laughed at Bailey before returning to the conversation with Katie.
"There are only a few variety of breeds, but the pedigree lines had to be addressed, the suitability for the type of person who would be looking for them, what people were looking for, and so on. And the investment is outrageous," Jocelyn informed Katie as they sat on the grass.
"I know. I thought they would be cheaper because they are little, you know, but they aren't. The guys really had to look at the numbers to decide if there was enough startup capital. I guess they talked with Cheyenne a while ago and it seems that we will be doing well if we keep on track." Katie added.
"And while Liam is great with his part of things, I am amazed at the natural ability of Ciarán to work with the horses and teaching the riding classes besides keeping up with the rest of the kennels and stables. I'll bet he will be amazing with the puppies as well, training them. He was saying he thought they would look at things next year and see if a dog and owner training school would be a sound investment similar to the horse and rider training." Jocelyn quit talking to take a breath and noticed that Katie seemed to be elsewhere.
"Katie, are you okay?" Now that she had noticed, Jocelyn held her concerned eyes on her friend and sister.
"I'm all right. I just got Ciarán angry last night and he was trying to push my limits. I am so worried that without birth control and being on these blasted antidepressants, I will get pregnant. I don't care about being pregnant, although we want to wait a bit. I don't want to be pregnant while I am on the medication, though. Ciarán says I am irrational, I do not have enough trust in him, and that it is hurtful, disrespectful, and not allowed. Unfortunately, he is right. I should trust him to make sure we are protected. It is disrespecting him, I am irrational, and I do want to relax about it, but somehow, I just can't. So I did not let him make love to me; you know, all the way."
She looked over at Jocelyn to make sure she was still listening and to see what her reaction was. If she was looking for one, she was disappointed. Her sister was too good of a therapist for that to happen. She held her hand out to grab the flowers Bailey was giving her and waited until the little girl had returned to her field before continuing.
"So last night, he was furious and said he was going to push the limits with me, and he did—a lot of them. Now, he put doubt in my mind because I don't remember if he used a condom every time and it didn't bother me until he brought it up. He did it to push another limit and make me trust him. He drives me crazy and I don't know what to do."
Jocelyn put on her therapist hat and said, "Come on, I need to put my little guy here down to sleep and while I settle him you get us some tea. We can work this out."
Rising to follow her direction, Katie opened the door to let them inside the cooler interior of the house. Once Padraig was in the house, well fed and sleeping soundly in a spare room off the front room, Jocelyn took her cup of tea and sat across from Katie, watching Bailey in the back meadow through the window.
"Now, tell me why you are so afraid."
"I don't know, really. I know that it has not been proven that the medicine I am on will hurt a fetus, but I have this gut wrenching fear that if I get pregnant, I can't control everything to keep the baby safe."
"Why do you think you can control everything anyway?"
"Well, you know the type of food that I eat, enough rest, the right amount of exercise, that kind of thing."
"And if you do all of that, you are sure that you will be able to control the perfect baby?"
"Well, of course, not perfect, but healthy."
"So that will ensure a healthy baby. But moms who do all of that still don't always have a healthy baby. Just the same as following all the traffic laws will ensure safety, or going to the doctor for regular checkups will stop you from dying young from a disease."
"I know that, but, if I am really careful, I won't be like my mom."
"How, 'like your mom'?"
Katie shuddered and then pushed up off the sofa to pace the living room.
Jocelyn watched her for a moment and then gently pushed. "Katie, how like your mom?"
She rushed her words and spat out, "She lost every baby except me. She lost all of them. I could lose all of mine. I have to be very, very careful." Then she burst into tears.
Jocelyn held her for a little while, feeling the deep level of pain and fear that Katie was feeling. When she felt she had allowed enough time for the torrent of emotion to be felt and was subsiding, she began to address the fear.
"Katie, do you know why your mom lost all of her babies?"
"No. That is one of the reasons that I became a nurse so that I would know as much as I could. You know; so it wouldn't happen to me. And Ciarán said it was up to me when we had a baby, so I hoped I could make everything perfect, and then I wouldn't lose my baby."
"What does your dad say?"
"My dad doesn't know I know. Well, at least I don't think he does. My mom told me about a year before she died. She wanted me to know and she said she simply had the babies too early."
"Do you remember what she said, exactly?"
"She said they were perfectly healthy, they thought, and then she would miscarry. One carried to term and even past term. She was so excited and then the baby was stillborn. Perfect, but not born alive."
"Did your mom have diabetes, preeclampsia, or something that we know now causes this?"
"Nope and she said after I was born, she never got pregnant again because she was so thankful for me, she never wanted to risk not being around to raise me. I was enough for her." Then turning to Jocelyn, she said, "There must have been something wrong that caused her to lose her babies. Something that was wrong which they just never discovered. She was always careful, she told me, after losing the first baby, because she did not want it to happen again. But it always did."
"Not always evidently because here you sit. But, you aren't your mother, and you know you do not have anything that would cause you any difficulties and if you lose a baby, it won't be because of your acts. Does Ciarán know all of this?"
When Katie shook her head, Jocelyn continued. "Then you had better tell him tonight. It will fix your problem with him and it will give you the support you need. I am giving you that assignment. Lord, woman, don't you know you can't keep these types of things from your husband? Speaking of which, I had better go to make lunch for mine, because Mrs. O'Malley is visiting her sister this week and the food is on me. I wish Quinn and Cheyenne hadn't left this morning. I sure could have used Quinn's culinary talent. But I am sure Cheyenne would burn water if not watched well enough." Both women laughed as they hugged. Katie agreed to tell her husband her fears and why, before they closed their eyes tonight.
Katie whipped up some soup and sandwiches for Ciarán, grabbing cookies that she had baked earlier in the week and she placed them just outside of his reach, teasing him with the look but don't touch message.
"You seem in a better mood, mo chroí. Tell me what you have been up to?"
Katie smiled and gave him the rundown of her morning activities and then she sobered. "Jocelyn came over just a bit ago, and we talked. She says I need to tell you something and I think she is right. I am just not sure how to say it so I am just going to throw it out there. I have been so upset about getting pregnant while I am on this medicine because my mom lost all her babies, except for me and I don't want to lose any of my babies."
<
br /> The issue, thrown out on the floor in a big blob, made Ciarán sit and stare at Katie as though she had not put in enough words to complete the thought. When he decided that she was done, and she sat looking at her hands, his heart went out to his sweet wife.
"Come here, lómhara. So what you are telling me is that you are afraid that you need to do everything just right or you will lose any baby you carry? Do you think that was because your mom lost all but you and she was on medication?"
At first, Katie stared at her husband as though he was obtuse. Then she took a deep breath and said, "No. I mean that she lost all of her babies, but me, and we don't know why. I don't want to do anything that might hurt a baby just in case I lose my baby and I would wonder forever if it was the medicine I was on that could have caused it."
Quiet for a moment again, Ciarán trapped Katie's chin and had her look at him. "I see. I still am not sure that you have given me the whole story. It seems like there are some holes but let's assume you have, when were you going to tell me this?"
"By the time we went to bed tonight."
"What if you had not spoken to Jos and the threat that she would have outed you if you had not told me wasn't there, when would you have told me?"
Katie hesitated for a moment and Ciarán said, "Eyes on me, lómhara. Answer my question."
"I didn't even really tell myself before today. But I knew it had something to do with my fear of my mom's losses. Jocelyn just helped me put it together and get it out." She changed her direction and said, "She is excellent, you know?"
"So is another O'Connor wife at changing the subject," growled Ciarán, which immediately brought Katie's eyes down to her hands.
"No, look at me. Now, is this all you are going to say to me on this? Why did you not tell me it was a worry of yours, in as much as you knew? And be honest, because right now, I am so close to blistering your cute little butt for keeping this from me and putting me through hell, the wrong answer will ensure the fire is lit."
Rancher's Creed (Ciaran O'Connor Book 2) Page 11
