The Impossible Vastness of Us

by Samantha Young

  And just like that, life slowed down again, and I decided to enjoy the feeling while it lasted.

  * * *

  Has there ever been a moment in your life where you thought, Wow, that would have looked cool in a movie?

  Me, neither.

  Until that morning.

  Like every other day before it, Gil took Elle and me to school (I had my Jaguar but no parking permit for school) and we made our way to my locker before heading to hers. We stood beside it until Bryce and Charlotte showed and then the bell rang and we headed to our classes.

  First period went like it always went—slowly.

  During second period a freshman delivered a note to the teacher. Apparently they wanted to talk to me in the admin office. Confused, I’d gathered my stuff and left class. I’d been heading toward the admin office when someone grabbed my wrist and I was hauled to the left.

  A door slammed and I blinked, disoriented.

  Finn stood inches from me. We were in an empty chemistry lab.

  “Finn—”

  My words were cut off by his mouth. On mine.

  Just like that I forgot all the reasons why his lips shouldn’t be touching my lips.

  I kissed him back because it felt right, and when I did he crushed me closer and kissed me deeper.

  When we came up for air, reality came with it. “No.” I pushed away from him. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m not hiding anymore,” he said, looking determined. “Not from Elle or our friends. Not from my father. I’m done pretending you don’t matter to me. You matter, India.”

  For a moment I wanted to kiss him again, relief flooding me. But that moment only lasted a second or two before the thought of Eloise drowned the relief with concern. “We can’t. We can’t do that to Elle. It would hurt her.”

  “But we’re hurting, and I know Elle. If we could just talk to her, make her see sense, we can all get what we want. I’m talking to her tonight. I just couldn’t let another day of school pass without you knowing that I’m ending the fake relationship.”

  “People will talk,” I said, feeling uneasy just thinking about it. “They’ll think the worst. Elle shouldn’t have to go through that.”

  Finn strode over to me, his eyes pleading. “Talk to Elle with me. Let us all work something out. Please.”

  I nodded reluctantly because I wanted that. I wanted it to work out for all of us.

  * * *

  “I don’t understand,” Elle said.

  Finn and I stood in Eloise’s bedroom. She was sitting at her desk looking up at us as if we’d just crushed her whole world.

  Guilt immediately made me want to take back our words.

  “Please try and see this our way.” Finn lowered himself down beside her, his hand on her knee. “No one is trying to hurt you, Elle. I know you’re scared about people finding out, but I wouldn’t do this if I thought they would. As far as everyone else is concerned we’re just an ordinary high school couple who decided to break up.”

  “But if you start dating India right away everyone will think it’s weird if I’m okay with it,” Elle protested.

  “What if we didn’t start dating right away,” I said, and then hurried on at Finn’s horrified expression. “I mean, in public. We’ll keep dating in secret for a few months until enough time has passed for it to seem okay.”

  “It’ll never seem okay that my stepsister is dating my ex-boyfriend.”

  “I agree, it’ll definitely give the gossips something to talk about, but we’re all friends. After three months everyone will see that you’re over Finn, and then you can tell Bryce and everyone else that Finn and I want to go on a date and you don’t see a problem with that. We’ll just play the relationship out slow. We won’t act like we’ve been dating for months. And you could even go out on a date with a guy before Finn and I go public so it looks like you’re moving on first.”

  Elle considered this. “I could do that,” she said carefully, “but I thought the whole point of this was that you didn’t want to date Finn in secret?”

  “I don’t. But three months isn’t two years. I can handle three months.” It wouldn’t feel great, but I could handle it better if he and Elle weren’t pretending to be a couple.

  “Please, Elle,” Finn said.

  Her gaze moved from him to me and back to him again. She looked worried. “I’m still scared.”

  “No one will ever know your secret,” he reiterated. “Not unless you want them to.”

  Elle heaved a shaky sigh. “All right. If you guys are sure this will work.”

  “We’re sure.” Finn grinned with relief.

  I could barely contain my own relief. I’d been miserable for the past few weeks. I was kind of done with that.

  * * *

  His lips trailed down my neck and tingles shot through my body.

  I gasped lightly at the touch of his fingertips trailing the curve of my breasts through my shirt.

  He pulled back and stared into my face as I sat straddling him in the driver’s seat of his Aston Martin. The look in his eyes brought tears to mine and I cupped his face, bringing my lips to his.

  “Thank you,” I whispered against them. “For choosing me.”

  CHAPTER 22

  I STUCK TO Elle’s side like glue the next afternoon as we walked toward the cafeteria. Everyone was looking at her and whispering. Already rumors were flying.

  Once Elle had decided to go along with breaking the ruse between her and Finn, she wanted it done right away. She’d called Bryce and told her that they’d broken up because they were too young to be getting so serious, knowing Bryce would spread the news faster than anyone. The story was that the decision had been mutual.

  However, Bryce kept wanting to force sympathy on Elle like she was the wounded party and it was catching. Everyone was treating Elle like a victim, and Elle was pissed and upset.

  I felt guilty as hell.

  “The best thing to do is sit with Finn at the lunch table. Once they see you two are trying to be friends, they’ll get bored. Rumors don’t follow a friendly breakup. People want scandal.”

  “Right,” she said, but she didn’t sound like she was totally convinced.

  I was glad to see Finn sitting at the lunch table and proud of Elle when she walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, knowing everyone was watching her every move. “Are you okay?” she asked, her voice just loud enough to attract attention.

  Finn gave her a small smile. “I’m good, Elle. You?”

  “Yeah.” She smiled back and took the seat across from him.

  “You two are really okay?” Gabe asked, bemused.

  “Yes,” Finn said. “We both decided we’re better as friends.”

  “Just out of the blue?” Bryce looked suspicious.

  “No,” Elle corrected. “Not out of the blue. We’ve felt this way for a while, but were both just too afraid to bring it up to one another. We finally did and I think it’s safe to say we both feel better than we have in a really long time.”

  “But we don’t want any weirdness between any of us,” Finn added. “We’re really okay. Elle’s always been one of my best friends. Nothing will change that.”

  Joshua clamped a hand on Finn’s shoulder and grinned cheekily. “Well, I’m proud of you. It’s all very mature.”

  We laughed, easing some of the awkward tension at the table.

  “Seriously,” Charlotte said, “you two really do seem good. So I’m happy if you two are happy.”

  “Hey.” Gabe slid his arm around Charlotte’s shoulders and drew her against him. “Don’t go getting any ideas. We’re not breaking up. You’re stuck with me.”

  She giggled. “Oh, no. How horrible.” Her giggles were swallowed in his kiss.
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  Elle cleared her throat loudly and the couple broke apart. She smiled at Charlotte. “Thank you. We are happy.”

  Bryce almost looked disappointed there wasn’t going to be a scandal, after all.

  * * *

  It took two days for our friends to relax and realize that Finn and Elle were being honest when they promised there would be no awkwardness between them.

  It took the rest of our classmates another two days to come to that realization.

  Unfortunately (and it was unfortunately), I didn’t have to keep our secret for three months.

  “I love that it’s set in Boston,” Alana said at the Chronicle meeting a week later. She was holding the paperback of the latest bestseller I was reviewing for the paper. “Are you enjoying it?”

  “Yeah. It’s got plenty of suspense.”

  “You know what would be great?” She had that focused, intense look she got in her eyes any time an idea struck her. “If instead of a large picture of the cover we put a thumbnail. The larger area for an image could be an original photograph of somewhere iconic in Boston. Somewhere mentioned in the book. Finn could give it a daguerreotype finish so it’s moody and dark to fit the book.”

  “That’s a cool idea.”

  “Great. Is he here?”

  “I think he’s working in the darkroom.”

  “Okay, go tell him he has another assignment.” She handed the book back to me and turned to Honor. “Now please tell me you have a better idea for an article than plagiarizing the plot to a Kate Hudson movie?”

  I snorted and got out of there before I got dragged into the argument like I knew everyone else would.

  Excitement unfurled in my belly as I hurried down the hall toward Finn’s darkroom. We hadn’t actually had the chance to spend much time together alone because our friends had kind of closed ranks in an effort to protect Finn and Eloise from any more gossip. We spent most nights all hanging out together.

  I rushed into the art room and up to the darkroom door. Alone time with Finn.

  Yes, please!

  “Come in,” he called at my knock.

  I pushed inside, my belly doing that little flip thing at the sight of him hanging a photo up to develop. He grinned when he saw me. “Hey, you.”

  “Hey.” I grinned back. “I’m here to tell you that Alana would like a moody photo of somewhere in Boston to go along with my book review.”

  Finn turned his whole body to face me. “So you’re just here on official business?”

  I dropped my book bag. “Nope.”

  He met me halfway, cupping my face in his hands as we hurried for a kiss. It had felt like forever since our last kiss.

  Finn groaned against my mouth, and I found myself being lifted up onto a countertop. He pressed between my legs and my hands gripped his T-shirt as our make-out session went from hot to scorching in zero point five seconds.

  Longing and frustration fueled us as our hands roamed over each other. One of Finn’s hands slipped under my skirt as his lips trailed down my throat. I closed my eyes, soaking in the heat, the excitement, the rightness of being with him.

  “Well, well, well.”

  We froze at the familiar voice.

  I didn’t want to open my eyes. I was scared that voice was real.

  Finn pulled away from me and I had to open my eyes, catching a glimpse of Jasper in the doorway of the darkroom before Finn blocked me from his view.

  I peered over Finn’s shoulder.

  Jasper grinned at us. “So this is why you really broke up with Eloise.”

  “Get out,” Finn demanded, his whole body tensed for a fight.

  “Oh, I’m going. Alana just wanted me to tell you the Friday meeting is canceled because she has an appointment and she’s a control freak who can’t allow us to meet without her. I added that last bit.”

  “You told us. Now get out.”

  “Sure.” He grinned, wickedness in it. “I think I’ll go find Eloise.” He was gone before we could protest.

  “Finn—”

  “Shit.” Finn dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Two seconds later I listened, feeling shaky and sick with worry, as Finn told Eloise what had happened. He put his phone on speaker.

  “He won’t know that you already know about us,” he said. “What are you going to do?”

  “How could you two be so careless!” she snapped.

  “We’re sorry,” I said quietly. “But it’s done. What should we do?”

  She was silent awhile and finally she said, anger and disappointment dripping from her words, “I’ll deal with it.” She hung up.

  “I have a bad feeling about this.”

  Finn didn’t reassure me with words. I think he had a bad feeling, too. Instead he pulled me into his arms and hugged me.

  Until I got scared we’d get caught again and hauled my ass out of there.

  * * *

  The whispers and gossip followed me into class the next day, disrupting lessons and annoying the teachers as well as making me supremely uncomfortable.

  The night before I’d gotten home to find Elle shaken up.

  Jasper had called her. She’d pretended to be shocked by what he had to say because she didn’t know how else to react without causing suspicion.

  By morning everyone knew and Elle refused to talk to me the whole way to school after she’d gotten off the phone with an enraged Bryce.

  Our classmates sneered at me in accusation as I walked through the halls, but worse, they gave sympathetic looks to Elle, casting her in the role she’d feared—humiliated, dumped girlfriend and betrayed stepsister.

  “All because you two couldn’t keep your hands off each other at school,” was the last thing Eloise snapped at me before we left for school that morning. “And after all your promises that I could trust you.”

  Things only got worse that night when Finn dropped me off at the house just after dinnertime. I saw the suitcases in the hall and to my surprise found I was actually happy to see them there. That feeling didn’t last long.

  My footsteps a little quicker, I moved through the house, following the sound of voices. I found Theo and Hayley in the back sitting room sipping a glass of wine.

  I felt the strained atmosphere as soon as I walked into the room and if I hadn’t felt it I would have known something was up by the stony look Theo gave me.

  On faltered footsteps I drew only a little closer, coming to a complete halt when Hayley and Theo rose to their feet.

  Where Theo looked mad, Hayley looked confused.

  “What’s going on?” I said, even though I already knew.

  “Really?” Theo said. “You’re going to pretend innocence?”

  My stomach fluttered unpleasantly. “How did you find out?”

  “Well, I received a phone call from Bryce while we were at the airport today asking if I knew my daughter had been betrayed and humiliated by her boyfriend and new stepsister. Coming home to find my daughter crying into her pillow was confirmation.” Theo’s face got redder the more he said. “How could you?”

  I flinched at the pained reproach. “Theo, I—”

  “She befriended you!” he snapped. “She went out of her way to make you feel welcome and at home.”

  “Theo.” Hayley stepped toward him but he shrugged her off, refusing to tear his accusatory eyes from me.

  “I thought you were made of finer stuff than this,” he said, voice hoarse with disappointment. “I cannot believe I’ve returned from my honeymoon to this—to a brokenhearted daughter and a stepdaughter I can barely look at.”

  And on that cutting note, he strode out of the room.

  I felt a stinging in my chest. Funny, but until his disappointment in me, I hadn’t realized how much Theo’s opinio
n of me mattered.

  I was almost afraid to look at Hayley but somehow I forced myself to. “Do you hate me, too?”

  She took a step toward me, cocking her head in curiosity, which was a weird reaction. “He doesn’t hate you. He’s angry. And he’s wrong.”

  My head jerked back with surprise. “What?”

  “I know my kid.” Hayley gave me a wry smile. “I know you think I don’t, but I know you. You would never betray family because you know how that feels.”

  I could only guess I must have looked like a gaping fish right then.

  “You’re a good girl, India. The three of you are good kids. Something here is...off. The three of you are hiding something.” She brushed my hair behind my ear. “Tell me.”

  With the gentleness of her touch, gratitude, fierce and winding, barreled into me at her words. It took me a minute to swallow past the emotion. “It’s not my secret to tell,” I choked out.

  Hayley heaved a sigh. “Okay.” She drew herself up and threw back the last of her wine. “I better go see to Theo. I’ll talk to him.”

  I nodded and turned to watch her stride from the room. “Hayley,” I called just as she reached the doorway.

  She glanced back at me.

  I gave her a little smile. “Thanks... Mom.”

  Her whole face lit up. “Sweetie...”

  “Okay, enjoy the moment because it felt really weird, and I might never say it again.”

  Hayley burst out laughing, and she shook her head at me. “There is no one quite like you in the world, India Maxwell.”

  “Fairweather,” I corrected. “Once Theo stops hating me I think I’ll change my name to Fairweather.”

  She gestured to me with her empty wineglass. “Contrary to current evidence, this is a damn good day.”

  I laughed as she walked out of the room with a happy sway to her hips, but as her footsteps faded my smile did, too.

  Theo’s expression, his words, came back to wind me. It was only the beginning. The kids at school had been mostly too shocked to say anything mean but I knew by tomorrow it would have sunk in and things were going to turn bad for Finn and me.

  Patience was the key, because one day this would all blow over and I could just enjoy being Finn Rochester’s girlfriend.