Under Ground

by Alice Rachel

  I follow Chi to our place after picking up some food. We sit on the dusty armchairs facing the fireplace. I open a can of fruit.

  “So, what’s Taylor’s story? Why did he join the Underground?” I had meant to ask for a while, but everything happened so fast that I didn't get a chance to do so.

  "Have you ever heard of Karen Jones?" Chi asks.

  "Isn't she the one who helped pass the Deviance Act?" I always found it strange that a woman was involved in politics at all. Such a thing is unheard of.

  "No, Thia. Karen died before the law was put in place. She was one of the scapegoats. She was Taylor's sister. He became part of the Underground because of her death," Chi replies.

  My eyes widen and Chi continues, "Back then, Taylor's sister was promised to some guy, but she met someone else—another girl. One day, her fiancé caught them together and had her arrested. The authorities didn’t even put her on trial. They just shot her. That's when they decided to create a law giving them the right to execute all gay people on sight.”

  I look at him, stunned. “What happened to the guy?”

  “Taylor never told me, and I never asked. Some things are best left in the dark.”

  “How did he get his job at the news station? How come the authorities trust him?”

  “He had to suck up to them and prove his loyalty. The authorities used his sister's image for their propaganda. After she died, Taylor had to condemn her actions and help support the Deviance Act. It’s still eating him up today, you know—all the horrible things he was forced to say about her. But what Taylor did was the only way to keep his job as a journalist while becoming part of the Underground. After a while, he proved to be such a big asset to the Underground that he was put in charge of the rebels in this area. He had to do terrible things to keep his position in the media too, but he never talks about that. Kayla told me never to raise the topic with him."

  “What’s his main goal? If his sister isn’t in a camp, why does he want to go there?” I ask.

  “Taylor hates the system and what it represents. His main goal is to expose what’s going on. Then he hopes to dismantle our society and change it completely.”

  "How old is he?" I ask.

  "Twenty-six," Chi replies.

  "And Kayla?"

  "Kayla's twenty-two and Chase twenty-five."

  I nod and eat the rest of my lunch in silence. When I'm done, I ask something that has been bothering me for quite some time. "What about the Wilcoxes? Do you think they're okay?"

  Chi sends me one quick glance before answering, "They joined another group. They knew what I was about to do when I came for you, so they were long gone by the time the officers broke down their door."

  "But didn't they mind? I mean, their whole life has changed forever."

  "They haven't had a life since Jordan died, Thia. They only cared about taking care of me while I needed it. Now they've found a new purpose—helping the Underground fulltime."

  We keep on talking, and when Chi is done eating, we go back upstairs for more training. We arrive five minutes early because I've taken Taylor’s warning seriously. Everyone arrives on time. Maybe this was a small test of faith on Taylor’s part, to see who truly wanted to come along to rescue the prisoners.

  Practice goes on for two more hours. By the end of it, I can finally shoot close to the middle. However, Chi warns me that a target in motion is harder to hit than a still one and I’ll have to take that into consideration. I’m not sure it truly matters because I'm not comfortable with guns anyway. I’ve already made up my mind that I won’t use this weapon if I can help it.

  ***

  The next day, we learn about self-defense. I’m facing Chase. I’m at a disadvantage since he's a lot taller and stronger than I am. He has trained for years; I don’t stand a chance. But Taylor thinks it’s essential to face bigger opponents and be ready for any alternative.

  The first couple of hours exhaust me, and I hit the floor face-first so often that I’m starting to give up. But Chase tells me to avoid him as much as possible instead of trying to fight him. After that, I try to dodge him, but he’s too fast. He knocks me down over and over again. I get better, but I'm still dissatisfied with my performance.

  Chi sends me an encouraging smile. "I can't beat Chase either, Thia. You're doing great, I swear."

  The rest of the week includes more training, strength-building, general fitness, and running. I get so worn out that my body hurts all over, but the practice did help. Chi now looks a lot better, too. Though he’s still bruised, he can finally walk normally and his face is no longer swollen.

  Chapter 31

  At the end of the week, I ask Chi if we can have dinner together at our place. It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with the others; I just want to spend as much time with him alone as possible. He understands perfectly and seems to feel the same way.

  We bring our meal along with us and say goodnight to the others. Dinner is quiet, pleasant, and peaceful. I observe Chi as he eats, and when he catches me looking, he winks at me. I feel safe here with him, and I wish it could be like this forever. I wish our parents were safe. I wish things were easy and that we didn’t have to face so much trouble.

  When we’re done with dinner, I put the dishes in the sink, squeeze some soap out of the bottle, and use a sponge to clean them off. Chi joins me, pressing his chest against my back.

  "Let me help you," he whispers as his hands join mine.

  His fingers rub against my skin as he reaches for a plate, and I inhale sharply. His arms are around me, locking me against him, and my heart quickens. His face nestles against my neck as his lips find the spot that always sends shivers throughout my body. He kisses me while his hands focus on the task in the sink. The mood suddenly changes from a simple domestic chore to something else entirely. I freeze and try to control myself when his tongue strokes the area right behind my earlobe. A desperate whimper escapes my throat, and I can feel his self-satisfied smile spread against my skin.

  "Thia." My name comes out like a groan rising from his chest. I lean into him, but he returns his attention to the dishes. My heart deflates in disappointment as he withdraws from me.

  He rinses the dishes and we dry our hands, but not before he splashes me playfully and I giggle. I find my way under his right arm and attempt to escape, but he grabs my wrist. He shakes his head at me, draws me to him, and kisses me. He backs me against the fridge, his lips never leaving mine. When he pulls back, his eyes travel my body as he props his hands on both sides of my head.

  "You're so beautiful!" His fingers brush a strand of my hair away from my neck, and when he buries himself under my curls, his lips meet my throat and my knees buckle from underneath me.

  "Your hair is always so wild; it drives me crazy."

  My entire body sizzles when he says it. I'd give everything I have to seize this moment and remain like this forever, everything around us superfluous. He pulls away and stares at me so I can't avoid the devouring hunger in his eyes. His irises have turned amber, shining with a vibrant color I've never seen before.

  He takes a step back, grabs my hand, and leads me to the couch, our dishes forgotten on the counter. He sits down and pulls me to his chest. We snuggle and Chi traces the line of my jaw with his lips, his touch shooting shivers through my body. His mouth finds my skin over and over again, and it takes all I have not to let myself be submerged by him. Chi cups my face with his hands, pulls my forehead to his lips, and kisses the skin between my eyes. His mouth is soft and moist, leaving a wet spot where he touched me. I inhale his scent, familiar and reassuring.

  “I love you,” he whispers.

  No one has ever said those words to me in such a pure, unconditional way. His love inflates my heart as joy bubbles inside my chest. But the years I’ve spent longing for my parents' attention have left a scar. I’m scared of any potential rejection. I fear that revealing my feelings for him will leave me vulnerable, always worried that my love might one d
ay no longer be returned.

  I look at Chi. His eyes are inquisitive. I kiss him on the lips, softly at first. He pulls me closer, with his arms locked around me like steel, and our kiss deepens. His mouth tastes like spearmint, making my head spin.

  Chi takes me in his arms, scoops me up, and carries me to the bedroom. There, he lays me down on the bed gently. He’s on top of me in seconds, pulling me to him as I wrap my legs around his lower back. He's urgent and I give in instantly. A surge of love emerges from within as I catch his eyes. The feeling crushes my chest, leaving me breathless. He looks up and down my body and sends me a sultry glance filled with heat that scorches every spot his gaze touches. Deep longing overtakes me. I’m burning hot, scorched by him, my heart hammering, my breath short. I want him so much that my chest heaves under the growing need.

  Chi pushes my hair back with his long fingers as he cradles my neck and works his way from my throat up to my ear. Chills of pleasure run up and down my spine when he breathes against me. I can’t stop the sighs escaping my mouth as his lips find my earlobe, his teeth teasing exquisitely. I feel safe and warm. The world no longer exists. It’s all about him. It has always been all about him.

  He kisses the curve of my neck before pulling the side of my shirt down my shoulder, exposing my skin as his lips reach my collarbone. He marks his way down gradually, his mouth now kissing me over my clothes while his hands find their way underneath. His fingertips graze the skin under my shirt, branding me with his touch. He pulls my shirt higher up, revealing my stomach, and he runs his tongue along my hipbones, setting the entire area on fire, right there above the rim of my pants. His eyes catch mine as he does it too, daring me to stop him, his desire flaming right through the amber of his irises on fire as he pulls my shirt over my head. He takes his time to admire the view, too. One second, two, three. I wrap my arms over my chest to hide as much of my bra as possible, and his eyes shine mischievously as he grins and lowers himself down to trail a path over my stomach, his mouth stopping short of my belly button. Chills tingle up and down my spine, and a moan escapes my mouth before I can suppress it.

  My body is longing, but my mind is wild with fear. Suddenly, my heart races, my nerves give in, and panic takes over. I want to push him back. I need him off of me, now. I squirm underneath Chi, my legs kicking in spite of me. I’m stricken with fear as thoughts of William flood my mind: William pushing me on the bed in a brutish way; William tearing my dress off with no respect; William forcing me down, intrusive and harsh.

  Chi pauses, breathing heavily against my navel. He lifts himself up with both his arms tense around me. When his face reaches my level, his eyes search for mine. He’s seeking a way inside my mind. I turn my face away, but he pulls on my chin with his index finger. I can feel his eyes on me, demanding visual contact.

  When my gaze finally meets Chi's, I know a part of me broke in that hotel room William took me to. I thought I had forgotten. I thought Chi had mended the pieces. But the cracks are still there, and I’m breaking apart at the worst moment possible.

  Bile rises to my mouth. I swallow it down and stifle a sob. I don’t want Chi to see my tears. These traitors are betraying my every feeling. They are an embarrassment. A frown appears as his brow furrows. He pulls my forehead to his lips and kisses it, remaining like that for a few seconds, with his mouth against my skin. The tears fall down my cheeks and another sob escapes my mouth, louder this time.

  “I can’t,” I say, my voice shaking.

  “I know. You don’t need to explain.”

  He sits next to me, with his back against the headboard, and he pulls me to him with concern. He presses my head against his chest as he caresses my hair, softly. I sigh in relief. I’m not sure I could have taken the blame if he hadn't understood.

  I’m tired of William hurting us over and over again. I’m so mad at him that my heart aches. But I’m even more upset with myself. Why do I let him hurt me so? Even when he’s not here. I want to forget, to let it go, but the constant rage inside me just won’t let me. All the things I wanted to tell him, to yell at him—that I never was his property, that I never gave him permission to touch me, that he had no right to force himself on me—all the words died on my lips before I could shout them in William's face, and now they are coming back to haunt me.

  My repressed emotions drive a deep wail from my throat. I lift my face to the ceiling and let a guttural sound escape my mouth, more animalistic than human. I grab my face with my hands and let the tears come out hard, pouring and melting like lava down my cheeks, turning my hopes to ashes. I’m never going to feel better. I’m never going to be okay.

  “Shhh.” Chi rocks me in his arms. “Thia, we’re okay. As long as we are together, we’ll be fine.” But Chi has repeated this so many times before that I’m starting to doubt it.

  “I’m sorry. I am so sorry!” I feel so hopeless. Desolation crushes me like an anchor.

  Chi is clearly worried, but different emotions are flickering through his eyes now. I identify them almost instantly: resentment and anger. Chi is furious, and William is the object of that wrath. The line of Chi's jaw is tightly set, his lips pursed with rage. He's shaking his head, his face clouded with dark feelings.

  He leans over the edge of the bed to grab my shirt. He asks me to lift my arms so he can help me put it on. When I'm dressed, he kisses the crown of my head and lies down on the bed again, pulling me to him. He looks up straight at the ceiling and doesn’t say anything. I snuggle against him. I can’t stop weeping. He caresses my hair as I cry myself to sleep.

  Somewhere in my slumber, I hear a light murmur in my ear. “I love you so much, Thia. William will never hurt you again! I will kill him myself if he ever tries to touch you again!”

  His lips brush my temple in a delicate kiss, just as I whisper “I love you” and darkness takes over for the rest of the night.

  ***

  When I touch the pillow next to me the following day, Chi is no longer in bed. The sounds of running water coming from the bathroom tell me he hasn't gone far. Then footsteps hit the living room floor before he opens the door to our bedroom, wearing nothing but pants. He's put a new bandage on his arm and he's shaved. His chest is still bruised in some areas where he got kicked. His hair is wet, darker than usual, making him look so good that it hurts just to glance at him. His face splits into a grin of mischief and I know it’s directed at me. I’m not sure what I did that seems so amusing to him. Last night remains a blur. I had that dream where I told him I loved him.

  Chi looks like he has won the lottery. His eyes sparkle at me playfully, and his mouth spreads into a larger smile, beaming, but he doesn’t say anything. He runs his eyes all over me, devouring me whole with renewed force. He's reinvigorated, joyful. I bite on my index finger and smile back at him. A blush rises to my cheeks.

  He comes to the bed, bends over, and kisses me fully on the mouth. Then he pulls back and gives me another kiss, a soft one this time. He grabs a duffel bag and rummages through it to find a black tank top that he puts on. It’s slightly tight on him, but he manages to look gorgeous in it.

  I jump out of bed, grab some clothes, and head to the bathroom. I inspect myself in the mirror. I’ve lost weight. I look tired, but my face is glowing. I take my clothes off, step into the tub, turn on the water, and grab the showerhead to spray my face. The cold drops make my body tense up. It’s been hot in the building for days, so the coolness feels good against my skin. I clean myself and wash my hair.

  When I’m done, I get out of the tub, dry myself, and put on one of my school uniforms. When I exit the bathroom, Chi walks up to me. He takes my hand in his, and we head out of the apartment. We join the others in the dining room where we have breakfast every morning. We grab some cereal and some powdered milk—all brought here from Taylor's personal reserve—and sit at the table.

  Taylor and Kayla are standing to the side, caught in a heated conversation. They’re arguing through clenched teeth while trying to keep th
eir voices low. Apparently, Taylor doesn’t want Kayla to come to the camp with us, and she’s upset he’s being so macho about it.

  "I'm just concerned about you, babe. I can't do the job if I have to worry that you'll be in danger," he tells her.

  Kayla narrows her eyes at him. "I guess I'm not supposed to worry about you," she hisses, with her arms crossed over her chest. "Double standards much? Every time you leave to meet the other leaders, you're risking your life out there. But my feelings don't mean shit to you."

  Taylor frowns at that. "I don't have a choice, Kayla!"

  I cast Chi a quick glance. He’s eating and focusing on his cereal, pretending nothing's going on. After a few angry words, Kayla pushes Taylor away and storms out of the room. He just stands there, dumbfounded for a second, his arms dropping to the sides of his body. Then he shakes his head, rolls his eyes, and is quick to recover. He acts as if nothing has happened and joins us at the table.

  “I think everyone should rest this morning and resume practice in the afternoon," he says. "It's been an exhausting week and we need our strength if we want to make it to the camp.”

  Chi nods but doesn’t respond. After that, Taylor doesn’t try to engage in conversation again. When we’re done with breakfast, we stand up and head back to our apartment.

  “What are we going to do this morning?” I ask Chi as we step into our living room.

  “I’ve wanted to show you something,” he says, pulling me to the bay window. “Look, the river seems so peaceful. I like to look at it and relax.”

  I follow him. When I’m close enough, he wraps me in his arms as I stand in front of him. He rests his chin on my shoulder and kisses my neck. I look outside the window. The sight really is beautiful. The current flows around the building in an everlasting movement. We remain like this, with me warm and comfortable in his arms, and silence surrounds us.

  That’s how we see it—a motorboat making its way toward the building. Why would someone come here with such a loud, conspicuous boat? We watch as it approaches closer, and we wait until we know for sure that it's a civilian and not patrol officers. Then Chi takes my hand and leads me to the entrance of the apartment. But when we open the door, James is standing right there. His presence surprises me so much that I almost topple backward.