Love Always, Mia

by Cecily Wolfe

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next morning, I take Eli’s hand before he can reach for mine, and as if he can tell I have no words to share, he doesn’t speak.

  Instead, we slosh through melting snow and puddles of thinning ice, facing each other once we reach school property.

  “Lunch time. Meet me in the back hallway, where the shop and metals classrooms are.”

  He squeezes my hand tightly, and I hold onto it for a moment when he starts to back away.

  “Mia?”

  I want to pull him back to me, but I make myself smile, knowing he’ll be able to tell it’s a lie.

  How much fun would Kayla and her friends have been on a cruise? No matter what, they would have included me.

  They always did.

  “Sorry, Eli. I’ll see you then.”

  His frown is quick and sharp, but he nods and drops my hand, and I notice the stares we’ve garnered from other students who are making their way inside the building.

  “Wow. Not a good trade, Mia.”

  “You should stay away from Eli. You’re too good for him.”

  Kids I’ve never spoken to before decide they should offer me advice as they pass by, shaking their heads and speaking up loudly enough for everyone else to hear.

  They mean well, I suppose, but why should they care?

  Whatever they think they’ve seen, it’s only interesting to them as something to gossip about.

  I stare at my boots as I make my way to my locker, where I find Josh and Alex smiling at a small gathering of Josh’s admirers.

  How long will it be before he lets me go?

  “Hey, Mia. You look tired. Is there anything I can do to help?”

  His tone is syrupy sweet, nauseating my already churning stomach.

  Yes, I want to say.

  Leave me alone.

  I’ve misread him from the beginning, but I wonder how long I’ll have to pay the price for that mistake.

  “I’m fine, thanks. Can I get to my locker, please?”

  He and Alex back away, and I change into my tennis shoes and gather the books and notebooks I’ll need for my morning classes.

  “Hey,” Josh repeats himself, resting his elbow on the locker beside mine as he leans in closer. “As you can see, I don’t have to wait for you to apologize. I can have any girl I want.”

  No one else can hear him now, not with his soft tone and gentle smile that must look, to anyone else, like sweet conversation between a happy couple.

  But we aren’t a couple anymore.

  I keep my gaze on my locker as I close it, locking it as I speak.

  “Leave me alone, Josh.”

  I feel him tense beside me, and then he backs off so I can get away, ignoring everyone who has huddled around us as I push through the crowd.

  Krystal and Bethany chatter as usual when I see them in class, only briefly mentioning I'm distracted.

  I reassure them with a smile, doing my best to appear interested in Krystal’s tirade against the algebra teacher and Bethany’s complaints about her mother, who won’t let her get a push-up bra.

  But watching Mr. Carl strut around the front of the classroom, waving a piece of chalk in his hand while Krystal stares openly, reminds me I need to focus on more than my personal misery.

  My limited notes and single experience gathering evidence isn’t much to go on, but I realize I really need this right now, to keep me from feeling sorry for myself over the cruise situation.

  It’s not like I want to go, or at least not with my parents.

  If my mother was different, if she treated me like she wanted me around, I’d be happy to go, wouldn’t I?

  “Oh, I have something to do during lunch, so I’ll see you later.”

  Krystal frowns at me, her glossy pink lips, freshly painted for Mr. Carl’s benefit, pouting a little.

  “What kind of something, Mia?”

  I wonder if Eli is already waiting for me, and the idea makes me leave Krystal behind without an answer as I hear her call my name over the multitude of voices in the hall outside the cafeteria as lunch period begins.

  He’s standing at a window beside the wood shop room, the palms of his hands open over the radiator underneath it.

  A chill seeps in front the window’s edges, but I walk up close to him anyway, ignoring the cold.

  “Where are we going?”

  He tilts his head to the side and turns away, so I follow.

  “It’s not the cleanest room in the school, but it’s probably the most remote. I think I’m the only one who has been there in years.”

  I hope it doesn’t have a leaky window, because I’ve grown colder, although we aren’t close to a window anymore.

  As if Eli can read my mind, he slides out of his jacket and holds it out to me.

  I slip my arms into it and feel immediately overwhelmed by the warmth inside, not just from the material itself but more from Eli’s own body heat.

  Huddling within it, I hold Eli’s gaze and he pulls me close, wrapping his arms around me.

  “We don’t have far to go. I don’t want to keep you from your next class and get you in trouble, so we won’t stay long.”

  I honestly don’t care if I’m late or get in trouble, but I like knowing he does.

  His words are like an added layer of comfort within the cocoon of his jacket.

  “May I present . . .”

  Eli turns the knob of a room at the end of the hall, at the bottom of three stairs in a wing no one uses anymore.

  In fact, it’s often blocked by a gate, as if there’s something hidden away back here we aren’t supposed to see.

  Dust motes spin in the air in front of my eyes, and the dark, cut by a murky patch of sunlight that oozes in from a glass block window, immediately makes me sleepy.

  It’s a good place for a nap.

  “Didn’t I tell you there was some classy furnishings here?”

  He points to a stack of blue mats, taped up with frayed silver strips, and I laugh as we head over to them and sit down.

  I make sure to press up against Eli, both because it’s cold and because I want to be near him.

  When I rest my head on his shoulder, I feel the movement as he sighs, whispering my name as he exhales.

  “You need to eat. It’s lunch time, right?”

  There’s a crinkle of plastic as he slides his fingers beneath the mats and pulls out a package of cheese crackers.

  “I have no idea if you like these, but you seem to have good taste in general so I’m guessing yes. These are my favorites.”

  He tears them open and pulls out a tiny sandwich of cheese crackers with fake cheese spread between them, and I shake my head.

  Not because I don’t like them, but because there’s no way I can eat them.

  So many carbs.

  Kayla would be horrified.

  “What was the last thing you ate, Mia?”

  I can smell the artificial flavoring now, and part of me wishes I could just, for this once, forget I need to watch what I eat and take a tiny bite, one little crunch . . .

  Eli continues, answering his own question as I catch myself growing idiotically fascinated with this ordinary cheese cracker.

  “My mom made me eat a Mickey Mouse frozen waffle. I mean, she put it in the toaster first, but seriously, Mickey Mouse? That was at seven this morning, so these aren’t going to cut it for the rest of the day.”

  His reference to Mickey Mouse brings back a memory from when I was little, when my parents promised to take Kayla and me to Disney World once I was older and would, as they explained, remember the trip better.

  As if it wouldn’t be worth it to them if I enjoyed it while we were there, and that was the extent of what their money had purchased.

  I shake my head against the memory and think hard to answer Eli’s question.

  “Not sure.”

  It’s true, and while I don’t think it’s a big deal, Eli shoves the package of crackers, now reduced by one, at m
e.

  I push it away.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  My stomach betrays me with a growl, but I don’t feel like eating. The sound seems remote, and while I feel the twisty movement, it doesn’t seem like it belongs to me.

  None of my thoughts make any sense, and fortunately, Eli doesn’t push me further.

  He puts the crackers on the mat beside him and points to a square window near the corner. It’s wide and low, and seems out of place.

  “That leads out to the roof over the service entrance at the back of the school, and there’s a ladder built up against the outside wall that goes to the roof right above us.”

  I wonder how he knows this, but instead of asking, I wait, because I get the feeling he’s going to tell me.

  “When it isn’t the dead of winter, so pretty much two months out of the school year, I like to go up and look around. It’s mostly flat, and from there I can see most of the town. I know there’s not much of it, but it’s kind of cool.”

  I’m smiling at the idea, but not sure why. There’s nothing in particular I’d want to see, but the idea of getting outside and away from everything here, where no one could see me or tell me what to do, is incredibly appealing.

  “Are you afraid of heights?”

  I shake my head.

  “I don’t think so.”

  We stare at each other for a moment as his lips curl into a smile, and I’m overcome with the urge to stay inside this forgotten old room with him forever.

  “Okay. I dare you to go up there. I’ll go, too, of course. Hey, wait!”

  I scramble to my feet and push myself off the mats, nearly stomping over to the window.

  “I don’t mean right now. The ladder is probably covered with ice.”

  He calls after me like Krystal did only a little while ago, but I don’t stop.

  It’s warmer today than it has been, so maybe it isn’t icy, and besides, he said the roof itself was mostly flat, which seems safe.

  When I push the window open, the air is still and cold, and I close my eyes, smiling involuntarily as I suddenly feel refreshed and awake.

  I lean out and look from side to side, finding the metal ladder, which looks clean and free of ice.

  “It’s fine, Eli,” I say, looking back into the room after climbing out and finding him right behind me, his eyes wide.

  “Seriously, I didn’t mean right now. I didn’t think . . .”

  I shake my head and pull his jacket closer around me.

  At least it isn’t windy, which always brings the temperature down a few degrees.

  The sides of the ladder are bitingly cold under my fingers, so I hurry to climb as I make sure my feet are secure on each rung.

  Eli follows me, his movements a flicker in the space beneath me as I try not to look down and fail.

  And then I’m on the roof, the dark surface smooth and inviting, and I take careful steps until I reach a chimney, the bricks broken and scattered around it.

  Without waiting for Eli to catch up, I run past the mess, but as I reach the far side of the roof and look out into town, the church tower and grocery store signs sticking up from wooded areas and rows of houses, my feet begin to lose traction and the roof dips lower, surprising me as I fall and slip dangerously close to the edge.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Mia!”

  Eli’s voice sounds far away as I scramble to catch myself on something, anything, and finally grab onto a chunk of metal sticking up near the gutter.

  One of my legs is dangling over the side of the roof, and I fight the temptation to look over and see how far up I truly am.

  Three floors, I know, but what does that look like from here, especially with a concrete parking lot below?

  “Look at me, Mia. Just look at me.”

  Eli’s voice is dangerously calm, and I grip the metal tube hard as I turn my gaze to his.

  “There’s some icy patches around you, so don’t let go until I can get hold of your arm, okay?”

  My pulse thuds so loudly in my ears I can barely hear his words, his voice, the soothing tone he’s using as if any move I make in a panic might mean I’ll get a lot closer to the ground within moments.

  Someone below me screams and I close my eyes, holding the metal lump as tightly as I can as my fingers grow numb from the cold infusing it.

  “Hey.”

  Eli sounds closer now, his voice now a necessary focus for me as I hear more noise from the ground.

  “Can you give me your other hand, and keep this one on the pipe?”

  I want to nod, I think, but I can’t move. My foot feels like it weighs more than the rest of my body combined, and it dangles over the edge above whoever is squealing and calling out now.

  My free hand is tucked underneath my chest, pressed against the rough roof, and to let it go means lifting my body up and giving away that traction to my traitorous foot.

  But I do, and in that instant, Eli grabs my hand before I completely stretch it out to him, and my body jerks between its own weight and the pull of his.

  “Stay down, okay?”

  We’re on our hands and knees now, the palms of mine gritty and scraped, too cold for me to feel any pain.

  Someone is calling my name from the ground, but Eli shakes his head slowly at me, his fingers brushing through my hair as if to soothe me.

  “I’m so sorry. This is my fault, and I’ll explain it to them.”

  I sit back on my heels, still shaking but now we’re away from the edge and on the flat surface again, slowly calming myself down, concentrating on taking deep breaths and watching Eli’s expressions shift.

  “It’s okay, it’s not like you made me come up here. I wanted to, and if I get in trouble for it, so what.”

  We have midterms next week, so if I get suspended . . .

  Honestly, at this moment, I don’t care.

  “Thank you.”

  The words come out as a whisper, and Eli stops staring at the edge of the roof, as if he can see the teachers calling out to us, to face me again.

  He shifts closer, his jeans scraping on the roof as he leans in and kisses the top of my head.

  “I thought you might be afraid of heights, and you wouldn’t want to come out on that little roof with me in the spring.”

  We smile at each other, me mostly because he’s thinking so far ahead, of the two of us doing crazy stuff together in the spring.

  “Mia Hunter! Come to the office right now!”

  As if I hadn’t just been hanging over the edge of the roof moments ago, Mr. Duncan yells, his tone both angry and a little nervous.

  I guess he figures if I found my way up here, I can get back down, because he isn’t offering any suggestions as to how I can do it safely.

  “I’ll come with you.”

  Eli takes my hand and we stand up, taking careful steps across the roof back to the ladder.

  “There’s no reason for you to get in trouble, especially since you have some history in that department.”

  We both know Mr. Duncan is bound to punish Eli twice as hard, if not more, than he will punish me, so I don’t understand why Eli would risk it.

  Or maybe I do.

  “If I hadn’t mentioned the ladder, you wouldn’t have come up here.”

  An icy chill swirls around us, and I rest my head against his chest, sighing as he curls his arm around me.

  If my mother had told me I could go on that cruise last night, this would have made her change her mind quickly.

  Fortunately, it isn’t an issue.

  Honestly, nothing is right now, I realize as we make our way back into the school and to the vice principal's office.

  “I’m shocked, Mia. You’re such a good student, model behavior. The sort of girl we all enjoy having in class.”

  Mr. Duncan taps his fingers on his cluttered desk, where picture frames battle with folders and loose papers over the wooden surface.

  He scratches at the back of his head, which is s
tarting to go bald, then stops himself, as if he realizes he’s only drawing attention to this by touching it.

  “The secretary has called your mother, who is on her way. I really don’t know how to handle this, though, Mia.”

  When he stands up and starts to walk around his desk, standing beside me as he sits against it, I lean back in my chair, wishing he wouldn’t come so close to me.

  “Some of your teachers have expressed concern about you, and I wonder if this infraction is really a cry for help.”

  Now he has my attention, because this is one of those phrases adults use to make excuses for being nosy.

  And making assumptions.

  As if any of them know me at all.

  He reaches out to touch a button on his desk, one I’m guessing is linked to the secretary right outside the door, someone knocks, and the school nurse peeks into the room.

  “I heard what happened, and wanted to see if you’re okay, Mia.”

  I look down at my hands and notice the knees of my jeans are ripped and there’s rust-colored streaks along the edges of the frayed fabric.

  My hands are dirty and swollen, the dried blood triggering something in me that makes me realize how much they sting.

  When I turn my attention back to the nurse, I see around her and find Eli sitting in one of the plastic chairs along the wall, leaning over his own knees, which don’t look any better than mine.

  Our gazes meet, and I offer him what I hope is an apologetic smile.

  He immediately sits up straight, his expression stony.

  Is he mad at me?

  “Eli’s hurt, too, and he kept me from falling. You should take care of him first.”

  The nurse looks back, frowning.

  “I will, honey, but you don’t look too good yourself. How could you have brought her in here without contacting me, Mr. Duncan?”

  Her glare makes me purse my lips hard to keep from smiling as the vice principal shifts a little, and he steps away from his desk, crossing his arms.

  “She seems fine, and I wanted to get to the bottom of this. No doubt this is all over social media already, and her mother is on her way to pick her up. I’m sure she can take her to a doctor to have her injuries examined.”

  The nurse’s scowl makes him look away from her, and she focuses on me once he’s seated again.