Miss Fortune

by A. J. Stern

  Grosset & Dunlap

  An Imprint of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  For Frances Eder, who kept me on task until the very last word was written. It was my great fortune to have had her by my side—AJS

  Thanks as always to everyone at Penguin: Francesco Sedita, Bonnie Bader, Scottie Bowditch, and my editor, Jordan Hamessley, and also, of course, to Doreen Mulryan Marts, who draws Frannie just like I’d pictured her.

  Your support and enthusiasm is unparalleled! To Julie Barer, who negotiates like nobody’s business and to my family and friends for support. Special thanks go to Esther and Richard Eder in whose house I wrote this and to Frances Eder whose daily word count check-ins became my favorite time of day. Thanks to Luke Eder for introducing me to the island of Vinalhaven, where I wrote this book. And of course to my nieces and nephews: Maisie, Mia, Lili, Adam, and Nathan, without whom I’d have lost touch long ago with the bane and beauty of kid linguistics. —AJS

  GROSSET & DUNLAP

  Published by the Penguin Group

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  Text copyright © 2012 by AJ Stern. Illustrations copyright © 2012 by Penguin Group (USA) Inc. All rights reserved. Published by Grosset & Dunlap, a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 345 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014. GROSSET & DUNLAP is a trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Printed in the U.S.A.

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2011031481

  ISBN 978-1-101-56053-2 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  ALWAYS LEARNING

  PEARSON

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  My mom was throwing a surprise party for my father’s fortieth birthday. I was not allowed to tell one person in the entire world about it, and I did not. I only told my best friend, Elliott. And Millicent. And Elizabeth, but only just a smidge. I didn’t even tell her the entire secret. Just the part about the surprise. And the party.

  When you have a surprise to keep secret, you need to have very good control over your mouth. A for instance of what I mean is that your mouth wants to yell, “WE’RE HAVING A SURPRISE PARTY FOR YOU, BUT I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL!!!” at your father when he walks in the door from work. But you can’t, so instead you say, “Guess what, Dad?”

  And he says, “What, Birdy?” (It’s a scientific fact that my dad calls me Birdy because that is my middle name, but please don’t tell anyone about that fact.)

  And your mom gives you a “Don’t you dare spoil the surprise” stare from across the room.

  And you say, “Elliott was born on Swiss Cheese Day!”

  This day is January 2, and you can even look it up if you don’t believe this scientific fact. My teacher, Mrs. Pellington, had been teaching us about commemorative holidays. Those are special holidays where you celebrate things that aren’t Christmas.

  And he grabs and squeezes you and kisses you on the top of your head and says, “Is that a fact?”

  You do this because if you don’t fill your mouth up with holiday facts you might slip and say something at dinner like, “Who do you think will be at the party?” Or, “What kind of cake will we have?” Or even, “Will there be live music?”

  You have to try your very hardest to pretend that nothing exciting and new is going to happen in your life. That nothing is dancing and tickling the inside of your brain. You have to be a very talented actress and act like there is NOTHING inside your skull that wants to explode into words outside of your mouth that say: “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A SURPRISE PARTY FOR YOU, DADDY!!!”

  The best part about the party was that my mom was going to have a fortune-teller. I was so excitified by this news, my ears almost fell off when she told me.

  If you don’t already know this about fortune-tellers, they tell you about yourself later in life.

  A for instance of what I mean is that one might look at me right now and say, “Frances B. Miller, when I look into your future, I see a gigantorous office with the hugest desk right in the center. A very professional-looking assistant works for you. You have an office supply closet with fresh-smelling legal pads and boxes of binder clips and folders with many pockets.”

  This would be a fortune about my future that I would really prefer. This is because I am very interested in jobs and offices, and I really need an assistant. I asked my parents for one. They’re thinking about it.

  One thing I wasn’t sure I would like about being a fortune-teller was that they didn’t have offices. That’s why I decided I was going to be an office fortune-teller. This means that I would go to people’s offices to tell their fortunes.

  I would certainly and however need an assistant for this. I would have my assistant carry and open up all the fortune cookies that we had to read to our customers.

  I did not know where I was going to get all those fortune cookies, though. When I asked my mom about this, she said that’s not how fortune-tellers work, apparently and nevertheless. Then I saw her face get an idea. “But,” she said, “fortune cookies might be a really fun thing to order for the party!”

  What fortune-tellers do, actually, is tell your fortune using things that are not fortune cookies. The fortune-teller my mom hired looks at cards to read your future.

  I have a lot of cards, too: Uno, Go Fish, Old Maid, and regular playing cards. If I had known you could see people’s futures in the cards, I would have looked much more carefully.

  My mom told me that the fortune-teller could also stare at your palm and tell your fortune by looking at all the lines. I’ve looked at all the lines on my palm before, and I can tell you for a scientific fact that I’ve never seen my future there.

  Fortune-telling was a career I was very interested in having, but because I could not see my future in cards or palms, I was worried I was not going to be a natural at this job. I like to be a natural at things. Maybe the fortune-teller would give me special tips.

  The party was not for another two entire days, which meant
I had to wait, which is a for instance of something I do not like to do.

  I tried doing distractifying things like hula-hooping. I jumped around on one foot. I made more business cards in case I needed to hand them out at the party and also worked on my résumé (which is a list of all the places you’ve worked).

  Then I called Elliott, but he couldn’t talk because he was practicing for the big music recital on Tuesday night. He plays the clarinet, and he is very good. That is why I told him he didn’t need to practice and could talk to me on the phone. He disagreed and said he’d call me later.

  This is not a sentence I prefer. It is a scientific fact that while time does pass, it does not pass faster when you are waiting for it to pass faster. The only way that the party would get here was to wait. That’s what my mom said. So that is what I did. I waited.

  Because the party was at our house, my mom had to figure out a way to set up without my dad around.

  My mom is very geniusal because she came up with the best plan my ear sockets had ever heard. My dad’s college roommate, Simon, was flying in from Chicago to be at the party. He was staying at a nearby hotel with his wife. My mom arranged for Simon to call my dad a week in advance to say that he was passing through Chester on business. Did we all want to get together on Saturday and maybe go into New York City?

  My mom pretended she didn’t know anything about this plan and acted very excitified when my dad told her.

  It was decided that on Saturday me, my mom, my dad, Simon, and his wife would go to New York City to do some sightseeing.

  That is when things got geniusal. Because I am a really good actress, my mom gave me a very big part in the surprise party planning play. On Saturday morning, I was going to wake up and pretend I was sick (I am really good at this and that’s not an opinion). Then my mom was going to say she had to stay home with me and my dad should just go with Simon.

  After my dad asked my mom eleventeen times whether it was really okay if he went without us, he finally decided that my mom meant it when she said, “Yes, Dan. It’s REALLY okay. I want you to go and have fun.”

  And that is what happened. When my dad drove off, I jumped out of bed and my mom hired me for a lot of jobs. She didn’t even have to look at my résumé or my business cards. She knows I’m a very serious worker.

  My first job was to wipe down all the tables so that they shined. My second job was to put mixed nuts in little bowls and put them out in different places. My third job was to answer the phone and tell the person my mom would call them back. My fourth job was to show the person with the big bag of fortune cookies where to go. And my fifth job was to go to my room and finish my dad’s present.

  My present was homemade business cards, which I was making the same way I made mine: out of a Kleenex box. I was almost done but had a few more to go. His said:

  Before long, my mom yelled up that it was time to get dressed. I pulled out my party dress that my mom said I had to wear, even though I am not really a dress type of person. I got dressed and brushed my hair, and as I raced downstairs, the bell rang. The first party guest!

  “Frannie, will you get that, please?” my mom yelled.

  I ran to the door and opened it. There was a woman with very long, brown hair wearing jeans, a sweatshirt, and sneakers.

  You will never in seventy hundred years guess who it was. The fortune-teller. She did not look at all how a fortune-teller was supposed to look.

  All my sadness slipped down myself and splashed into a big disappointment puddle on the floor. In one hand she was holding a small suitcase.

  “You must be Frannie,” she said. I could not even believe what an amazing fortune-teller she was! She didn’t even have to ask me my name. She just knew it off the top of her brain. I guess you didn’t have to LOOK like a fortune-teller to be a really amazing one.

  “I’m Star,” she said.

  Star.

  Wow.

  That was the most fortune-tellerish name I’d ever heard. I wanted a fortune-teller name, too.

  “I’m going to need a lot of help. You seem like the type of person who loves jobs. Is that true?”

  I couldn’t even talk I was so impresstified. I nodded and hoped that my mouth wouldn’t fall off my face.

  “Excellent, because I need an assistant. Are you available to work for me?”

  “Yes,” I said, very seriousal.

  “Great. You’re hired!” Star told me.

  Those were the most beautiful words my ears had ever heard.

  “Your first job is to introduce me to your mom so I know where to start setting up.”

  “Okay,” I said, finding my voice. “I know where she is, actually. Follow me,” I told Star, leading her into the kitchen.

  My mom was a really good baker, and she was making my dad the best cake in the entire worldwide world. It was chocolate with two very thin homemade strawberry jam layers inside. This was her specialty and my dad’s favorite.

  “Mom, this is Star,” I told her. “She’s the fortune-teller, and I’m her assistant!”

  My mom smiled at Star.

  “I am so pleased to meet you,” my mom said, shaking her hand. “I’ve heard wonderful things about you.” My mom always said the most rightful things to people.

  “Where shall Frannie and I set up?” Star asked.

  That’s when I looked at Star with my most seriousal face. I didn’t know if I should use my English accent or not. That’s what I use when I’m being very seriousal.

  “You can call me Frankly,” I said in my regular voice. “That is my professional name.”

  “Very well, Frankly. Let’s follow your mother and set up our office, shall we?”

  That is when my head almost fell off my body. How did Star know simply every single thing about me that I loved? And also, an office? We were going to set up an office?

  This was going to be the best surprise party I’d ever been to, even if it was the only one I’d ever been to.

  Star’s office was a folding table and two folding chairs. She put the chairs on either side of the table so they were facing each other.

  I made a brain note to get a folding table and two folding chairs.

  When she laid a very bright, twirly-colored tablecloth on top of it, I made a brain note to get a very fortune-telling type of tablecloth.

  She then pulled out a box of cards and set them off to the side. Those were the cards my mom told me about. Next she took out a writing pad and a pencil and set it across from her. When she was finished, she asked if I would show her to the bathroom.

  While I waited for her to come out of the bathroom, I studied her office. I was very curious about her deck of cards because they did not look like the ones I had. A for instance of what I mean is that on the box there was an illustration of a king on his throne holding more than one sword. I did not realize that people held more than one sword at a time.

  When Star came out of the bathroom I hardly even recognized her. She was wearing a red, shiny dress with a scarf wrapped around her waist. Her hair was pulled back into a lowish sort of bun, and she was wearing a beautiful, shiny scarf like a headband. She had lots and lots of necklaces. Too many to count. And a lot of bracelets, too. She was wearing bright-red lipstick and her cheeks were pink and her eyes had a lot of black around them. She looked very spooky and very fortune-tellerish. That is when I told Star I’d be right back and ran to my mom.

  “Can I put on a red dress?” I asked her.

  “I don’t think you have a red dress, Frannie,” she said.

  “Frankly,” I corrected her.

  “Sorry, Frankly.”

  “Can I get a red dress?” I asked.

  “Yes, but not today, love.”

  “Okay,” I said and ran back to Star who told me to sit across from her and she would show me the cards.

  “These cards are very special,” she explained to me. “They’re called tarot cards, and each one tells a different story. When someone picks their cards, t
hey have picked their story.”

  I wasn’t sure I understood completely, but I nodded, anyway.

  “This is the ten of cups. Do you see that there is a very loving family pictured?” She held up the card, and it was actually very true, so I nodded. “This means the person who picks this has a good family life. If they don’t have a good family life right now, they will. They just need to be patient.”

  This was the most interesting job I’d ever had in my entire life.

  “What does this one mean?” I asked, pointing to one that looked a little bit scary. Two people were walking with their heads down in the snow, and they did not look very happy about that fact.

  “That is the five of pentacles. It means that a person might have some failures and losses. It indicates an obstacle.”

  Then Star told me what my exact job would be. My job was to bring people over, one by one. The people had to look like they needed their fortunes read.

  “How will I know who needs one?”

  “Well, that’s up to you. You’ll have to rely on your instincts,” Star told me.

  “What are those?”

  “The feelings you get in your gut that tell you when something is right.”

  I smiled at her really big because I knew exactly what she was talking about. Sometimes when it was time to pick out a book during reading hour at school, I knew exactly which book I wanted to read.

  I jumped up when the doorbell rang and ran to get it. Another of my jobs was letting people in, which is the exact thing I did. I could not wait until my dad got here and we got to all yell “surprise” at his face.

  Before I even knew it, the entire living room was all filled up and my mom came running in with an excited, red face and cried, “Simon just called. They’re coming!”

  I was so excited I started giggling and had to cover my mouth. My mom turned out all the lights in the living room and everyone was shushing one another, and then we heard the sound of a car coming down the driveway. When it stopped, the car doors opened and slammed.