Cop a Feel (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters)

by Robyn Peterman

  I sat still and held Bella firmly on my lap. She leaned in and laid her curly little head on my chest. She didn’t seem too fond of her mother either. Devon tentatively crossed to his mother and stood unhappily beside her. She patted him on the head like a dog. I felt sick.

  “A wonderful opportunity has just come up for me.” She smiled and flicked invisible lint off her designer skirt. “I’m going on a two-week religious retreat to spread the word. You’ll be taking the children, since you do so little in the first place, and I’ll pick them up when I return.”

  “That’s fine with me,” Steve said tightly.

  She was a piece of work. She didn’t used to be like this when she and Steve were married. I’d never adored her, but I’d always liked her. Not anymore.

  “Have you put any thought into our last conversation?” she cooed looking him up and down suggestively.

  “No, I haven’t and I won’t.”

  “Suit yourself,” she snapped. “Just remember I gave you the chance.” She turned to leave, then as an afterthought, turned back to her kids. “Devon, what do you say?”

  Devon looked lost; he had no clue what she wanted. “That, um . . . Daddy is going to burn in hell?” he whispered.

  Helen laughed shrilly and hugged him tight. “That’s right, baby. Mommy loves you.” She left without a word to her daughter.

  “Daddy?” Devon’s lower lip trembled and he stared at the floor. “Are you really going to burn in hell?”

  Steve got down on his knees in front of his son. “No, Devon, I’m not. My God is a loving God and since I’m a good person who lives a good life, I will go to God. Do you believe me?” he asked softly.

  “I want to,” Devon whispered. “Do you promise?”

  “I promise.” Steve took his son in his arms and rocked him while I held his daughter and rocked her.

  “I think Mommy will burn in hell with the red devil,” Bella announced. I silently agreed with her, but not being a parent, I wasn’t quite sure if it was okay to voice my opinion.

  “I think we shouldn’t worry about any of that,” Steve said. “We just need to make sure that we’re good and kind and love each other, and God will take care of everything else. Okay?”

  A relieved Devon relaxed in his father’s arms. “Okay.” He smiled. “I like that.”

  “Me too,” Bella yelled. “Where is Hildy?”

  “I’m right here, you rugrats!” Hildy grunted with delight from the doorway. Hildy was seventy if she was a day and had more energy than a twenty-year-old. She was short and round and had eyes that lit up with excitement at the smallest of things. She’d been Steve’s secretary for as long as I could remember and everyone adored her. Her shock of gray hair stood straight up on her head no matter what she did to it and she wore sweat suits. Only sweats. Ever.

  Bella shrieked and hurled herself at Hildy. Devon was only seconds behind.

  “Hildy, I . . .” Steve began.

  “I’m on it.” She grinned. “Called my sister, Irma. She’ll cover for me here at work for the next two weeks while I get to play grandma to my favorite little pooper scoopers.”

  “Hildy, I love you,” Steve said gratefully as she gathered up the kids, promising a trip to the zoo and ice cream.

  “I love you too,” she said. “Just remember, Irma likes her rap music, so you gotta let her play her music or she’ll get real crabby and pout.”

  “Got it.” Steve laughed and kissed his kids good-bye.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes.

  “What? You’re not going to fill up the quiet?” he asked me.

  “No, I was waiting for you. That was intense.”

  “I’m going to try to get full custody. Devon’s therapist has been worried for a while.”

  “Will the therapist testify?”

  “Yes, I’m just worried about the kids losing their mother. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”

  “After the daddy burning in hell thing, I think you are.” I wanted to hug him, but could tell he was about to blow. “I can come back in a little while if you want to call Kevin or just be alone.” I stood up and moved to the door.

  Steve looked at his watch and sighed. “I’d love to be alone for a few, but there’s no time. Come sit back down. There’s been a change of plans.”

  Seated again, I waited while Steve took a moment and texted Kevin. I really hoped he got custody of those kids. Helen was fucked up.

  “Okay, the tone of this has changed. I considered keeping Shoshanna in town, but I think having her away from her home is a good idea at this point. This person knows where she lives and is probably aware of her regular schedule.” I nodded in agreement. “The convention isn’t all that well publicized,” Steve continued, “and there’s been no mention of her writing erotica in any of the notes. I think she’ll be safer with some of us on her in Wisconsin than she would be here.”

  “Some of us?”

  “Yep,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “I’m giving you a partner. It’s smart and safe. I want a male. You can be with her in the ladies room, but I want someone who can troll the men’s rooms and other places that would be unusual for a woman to be.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “I’ll keep forensics on everything here. We’ve set up surveillance at her home and at the university. Her land line and her cell have been tapped and we’ve put cameras at as many of the mail drop boxes as we could manage around Saint Paul.”

  “What the hell is going on?”

  “No fucking clue,” Steve replied, tense with frustration. “It just makes no sense, which is why it bothers me so much.”

  “Have you briefed Shoshanna?” Was she going to take this seriously? Somehow I doubted it.

  “I have and she laughed.” Steve exhaled a loud sigh and shook his head. “She thinks it’s exciting.”

  I grinned and dropped my head to my hands. This was going to be a hell of a week. “Are you sending Don?”

  “No, Don’s on a stakeout. I have someone more qualified. Actually he’s overqualified.”

  “Who in the hell would that be?” I asked, running through the roster of male agents in my brain. Overqualified?

  “That would be me,” came a very familiar voice from behind me.

  Fuck.

  I sat frozen and refused to turn around. If I pretended not to know him, would he go with that? Wait. Steve knew I knew him. What else did Steve know?

  “This won’t work,” I said tersely, staring straight at Steve.

  “Why not?” they asked in unison.

  “Because,” I ground out between clenched teeth.

  “That’s an extremely vague reason,” Luke said, walking into my sight line and then taking a seat right next to me. His leg touched mine, and a snap of electricity shot through me. I moved my leg and kept my eyes trained on Steve—whom I wanted to kill.

  “Candy, explain yourself,” Steve said impatiently. “I have no time for petty bullshit. I need my best on this because I have no fucking clue what’s going on here. State your issue.”

  “He doesn’t work for you anymore. He got out.”

  “He decided he didn’t want to retire after all,” Luke informed me even though I refused to acknowledge him. “He thought it would be fun to work with a girl.”

  “Do you hear him?” I snapped to Steve. “He’s an egotistical sexist asshole.”

  “Yes, he is.” Steve gave Luke an admonishing glare. “But he knows what he’s doing and I’d feel more confident about Shoshanna’s safety if you two were working together. Is that going to be a problem?”

  I stared down at my fidgety hands, tried to block out Luke’s clean sexy scent, and considered what Steve had said. My feelings were not the priority here. They actually counted for nothing. Shoshanna’s safety and well-being were the only objective. Period. Luke was good. I was sure of it. He was deep cover for God’s sake. He didn’t exist. He’d done things I probably couldn’t even imagine. I snuck a glance at him
and he was watching me intently with those green eyes, but I couldn’t read him. I was unsure whether he was angry or amused. It didn’t matter. As long as he did his job and I did mine, what I felt was secondary. Meaningless. I wasn’t human and he didn’t even exist.

  “No problem,” I muttered.

  “No problem here either,” Luke added. “When do we leave?”

  “Saturday.” Steve was all business now and pleased that he had gotten his way. “Luke’s been briefed; he needs to be outfitted and to meet Shoshanna.”

  I gave Luke an evil grin at the realization that he was going to have to wear leather chaps and chains—then I blanched. I was going to be wearing leather and corsets and fuck-me boots.

  “What do you mean outfitted?” Luke asked suspiciously.

  “We’re going as Shoshanna’s assistants. The day and evening wear is specific,” I innocently informed him.

  “Will you be taking me shopping?” he queried, giving me a look that made my insides wiggle.

  “Nope.” I grinned evilly. “I’ll be sending you with some experts.”

  “Really,” he drawled, narrowing his eyes.

  “Yep, you’ll have a great time.” I gave him a thumbs-up and dialed the lesbians.

  “Luke,” Steve called out as we were leaving.

  “Yeah?”

  “What the hell happened to you? Where’s the brooding, angry, closed off fuck I’ve always known?”

  Luke paused and stared at me so hard I felt the heat crawl up my neck. He took a deep breath and grinned. “He’s finally found something that makes him happy.”

  Shit, shit, shit.

  Chapter 13

  It was Friday afternoon and I was already packed. It had taken two suitcases to fit all the rubber and leather in. I usually traveled with only an overnight bag—this was ridiculous. Rena had dropped off a kit of hooker makeup and listened to my dilemma about Luke.

  “Wait, back up. You slept with him?” she asked, digging through my fridge. “You have really good stuff in here,” she commented, pulling out the stash of chocolate I kept hidden in the back.

  “I did and then I told him to get lost.”

  “Because he wanted you to quit your job?”

  “Yeah.”

  “He’s a total fucktard.” She shook her head in disgust.

  “Can you believe he wanted me to give up everything?” Thank God someone could empathize.

  “He’s a Neanderthal,” she agreed. “I mean, your job is great. You kill people and you can have dinner with your job and then screw it. Your job occasionally stabs you in the stomach. It brings you joy and kinship and children. You can grow old with it as long as you don’t get offed by a member of the Mafia or something silly like that. You are so right. I can totally see why your job is better than him. He’s a douchehole.”

  “You’re a dick,” I snapped. “My job is all I have. It’s why I get up, why I can function.”

  “First of all, I can’t be a dick. I’m a girl, so bitch or vagina will suffice. Second of all, if you repeat the second half of your sentence three times really fast, you will realize that you’re in trouble. Simply functioning is not living. If I thought you were living at the same time you were doing your job . . . that would be one thing, but you’re not. Or am I missing something here?”

  Was everyone against me? Ever since I decided to have friends, my life started falling apart. Or had it been falling apart for a while and it took having friends to realize it?

  “Anyway,” I said, ignoring all of Rena’s profoundness, “even if I wanted to sleep with him anymore, I couldn’t. We’re on a job together. That’s bad form and could fuck up the job.”

  “Now that I actually understand,” she conceded. “But this shit is so far from over, and you know it.”

  Ignoring her point again, I changed the subject. “He had to buy sex clothes.”

  “Oh my God.” She laughed. “Did you go?”

  “Absolutely not. I set him up with some experts.” I bit down on my bottom lip so I wouldn’t laugh.

  “Experts?”

  “Yep. I sent Mrs. C and Edith.”

  Rena froze and her grin almost split her face in half. “Holy mother of God,” she gasped. “You are so worthy of my friendship. They will eat him alive.”

  “That was my plan.” I grinned back, totally delighted with myself.

  “You’re gonna pay for that, you know.”

  “No, I won’t,” I told her, my glee quickly fading. Was I? What would he do? What could he do? Shit.

  “Oh baby,” she cackled. “He is soooooo gonna make you pay.”

  After Rena left, I paced my house and tried to come up with all the ways Luke could get me back. Nothing concrete came to mind. Maybe he would think it was funny and enjoy his time with the insane sisters . . . Who was I kidding? He was going to hand me my ass.

  He wouldn’t do anything too awful. That wouldn’t be professional . . . like what I’d done was professional. Damn, damn, shit, damn. I was in for it. A light knock at my door was actually a relief. It meant I could focus on something else. I checked my watch. There were still two hours before I had to meet Luke at Shoshanna’s. I felt sure I’d be safe from revenge with Shoshanna around. Who was here? Had Rena left something?

  I opened the door and tried to slam it shut immediately, but the angry guy on the other side stuck his foot in, making it impossible.

  “Hi Candy,” Luke said in a voice dripping with sarcastic sweetness as he pushed his way inside. “I just spent the most amazing three hours with some really good friends of yours.”

  “Um, if I say I’m sorry right now, will you leave?”

  “Absolutely not, Mag,” he said with a grin, and made himself comfortable on my couch. Great, he’d been made aware of my reincarnation.

  “So you had fun?” I whispered, perched on a chair all the way across the room.

  “A blast. I’ve never been more thoroughly castrated in my life. My ass is sore from being slapped and I might have sprained my dick getting away from your buddies when they tried to measure it.”

  “But they’re gay,” I stammered, appalled that they’d mauled him.

  “Yes, they are. But when they correctly assumed that I was having sex with you, they felt it was their mission to make sure I measured up.”

  “And did you?” I giggled.

  “I’m happy you’re amused,” he snapped, and narrowed his gaze. “Because payback is a bitch. And to answer your question, yes. I measured up quite impressively.”

  I sat silently on my chair and debated how to get out of this.

  “There’s no way out, beautiful girl. You now owe me and I always collect.” He smiled menacingly. “Just so you know, I am the proud owner of some assless leather chaps and some leather pants that squeezed my nuts right back up into my body. There’s a lovely vest that goes with that little number. You’ll just love it. I have nipple clamps and chains and the girls insisted on a ball gag and a strap-on,” he huffed indignantly. “They called me a fuck toy and challenged me to a contest down at the shooting range.”

  “Wow.” I looked up at the ceiling and bit down on my lip so I wouldn’t laugh. “How’d that go?”

  “I kicked their Four-Tour-Vietnam-Special-Forces asses into the ground. By the end, they were on their knees begging my forgiveness and giving up every secret on you they had.”

  Shit.

  “So Mag the Hag, what should your punishment be?”

  “You could ground me or give me the silent treatment,” I offered lamely.

  “I was thinking more along the lines of a spanking.” He pulled his T-shirt over his head and leaned back on the couch.

  “I don’t think so. Wait. What are you doing?” I demanded, trying to keep my eyes on his face.

  “Getting comfortable.” He grinned and unbuttoned his jeans.

  God, from my vantage point it was clear he was going commando . . . help me, Jesus.

  “I’m not sleeping with you. We’re wor
king together now and that’s against regulation,” I informed him haughtily, even though I couldn’t rip my eyes from his crotch.

  “Work starts tomorrow. I’ve never followed rules in my life. And who says I want to sleep with you?” he shot back, removing his jeans.

  My tongue got stuck to the roof of my mouth, and no words would come. He was buck-ass naked on my couch, and it took everything I had not to fly across the room and jump him. My heart was beating so loud in my chest, I was sure he could hear it.

  “So, tell me a little about Shoshanna.”

  “Well, I . . . um, she is . . .” I croaked.

  “Cat got your tongue?” He smirked, got up off the couch, and moved toward me. “You don’t look very comfortable, Candy. Why don’t we remove that dress?”

  “I thought you didn’t want to sleep with me,” I squeaked, running around to the back of the chair I was perched on. I was so turned on, my panties were soaked. It was like he read my fantasy diary. Shit.

  “Sleep? No. Fuck? Yes.”

  “Is that my punishment?”

  “Would that suit you?” His eyes bored into mine and I felt faint. What in the hell was I supposed to do here? I wanted him so badly I was shaking. There was no denying that he wanted me as he stood there in all his glory with a raging erection. As far as punishments went . . . it was awesome.

  “I guess that would work,” I said to the floor.

  “You have to beg.”

  “I’m sorry, what?” My eyes shot to his and I realized he was deadly serious.

  “You heard me.” He grinned lazily, primed to chase me if I ran. God, he had my number. “Take off your clothes, pretty girl.”

  I did have a choice. I knew with every fiber of my being he would stop the game and leave if I asked him, but I was enjoying playing as much as he was . . . maybe more. And he knew it. Could I beg? If he came any closer to me, the answer was yes. I would get down on my knees and beg.

  “You have ten seconds to start removing your clothes or I will come around that chair and rip them off your body.”

  With trembling hands and a face flushed with desire, I pulled my dress over my head. A surge of heat rushed through me as the fabric brushed over my aching nipples. Unsure if my legs would hold me up, I leaned on the chair as I slid my panties down.