Broken Things (Faded Photograph Series)

by Andrea Boeshaar

  Jack’s heart busted when he saw tears pooling in Logan’s eyes. “I’m sorry to hear it, son.” He set his arm around him.

  Logan swallowed. “I’ve got to be strong, Dad. I’ve got to be strong for Marilee. She’s got a long road to recovery ahead of her. The surgeon talked about extensive physical therapy…”

  Jack dropped his gaze to the polished tile floor. He knew that “road to recovery” only too well. He had spent months in physical therapy after the gunshot wound to his thigh.

  “Where’s Allie?”

  “She, um, couldn’t make it.”

  “I thought you two were having dinner tonight.”

  “That had been the plan.” At Logan’s troubled stare, Jack added, “Listen, don’t worry about your old man’s love life. You’ve got bigger issues looming on the horizon and I promise I’m going to be around to do whatever I can, okay?”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

  “How did the accident happen?”

  “Marilee got rear-ended while she was stopped in rush hour traffic on I-90. The pick-up that hit her pushed her car into the median and the sheriff said that to see the wreckage you’d never guess she made it out alive. God really had His hand on her.”

  Jack grimaced. He’d arrived on similar scenes.

  The elevator’s chrome doors opened and they stepped inside.

  “The main thing, Logan, is she’s alive.”

  “Yeah…” He slowed his pace. “Mrs. Domotor is really upset. When she heard Marilee’s prognosis, she actually became hysterical. Mr. Domotor had to take her home.”

  “Well, Marilee’s her baby…her little girl.”

  “I suppose. I just hope Marilee won’t react like her mom. Nothing like hysterics to make a guy feel really helpless.”

  “Yeah, no kidding.”

  The elevator’s doors opened and he and Logan stepped out of the car and walked in the direction Marilee’s hospital room.

  “Let’s pray, Dad.”

  “I don’t know…” Jack fought a wave of unworthiness. Were he and God even on speaking terms anymore? Seemed the tenuous thread of communication between them had snapped.

  “Where two or more are gathered in His name…”

  Jack conceded. When Logan bowed his head, he did the same and prayed as though his very existence depended on it.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Allie awoke on Saturday morning, stiff and sore. She realized just how out of shape she’d become. Jogging that short way through two parking lots had strained the muscles in the backs of her legs and she could barely walk to the bathroom of her extended stay hotel suite. But as she stood under a hot, steamy shower, she promised herself she’d start exercising more often.

  After ten minutes, she shut off the water and dragged herself into the main bathroom where she spritzed on her favorite fragrance, slipped into her fuzzy pink bathrobe, and dried her hair. Watching herself in the mirror, she began to plan her day. When flashes of last night’s argument with Jack crept into her thoughts, Allie felt ashamed for what she now deemed in the light of day as over-reacting. Jack’s faith was fragile and she chastened herself for preaching at him. She should have kept her mouth shut, but she wasn’t very good at harboring her feelings.

  Lord, forgive me…

  With a deep breath, she let go any remaining regret and focused on today’s schedule. Grocery store, pharmacy, dry cleaners, order flowers for Marilee, finish up some work at Arbor Springs, visit Cynthia…

  The phone rang. Setting her hairbrush down on the built-in vanity, she walked into the bedroom area of her suite and lifted the receiver.

  “Good morning,” Jack said cordially. “I wanted to let you know that Marilee’s going to be okay.”

  Relief filled her. “That’s good news. I’m glad to hear it.”

  “Yeah, me too. The bad news is there are going to be some residual effects, but she and Logan are just going to have to take things one step at a time.”

  “What sort of ‘residual effects’?”

  Jack paused. “Marilee had to have an emergency hysterectomy.”

  “Oh, no…how heartbreaking! She’s so young and now…” Allie lowered herself onto the bed. “…now she can’t bear children.”

  “Yeah, it’s a crying shame, all right.”

  How was Jack handling things? She couldn’t tell from the tone of his voice. Did he blame God? She dared not ask―not after last night.

  He changed the subject. “I thought as long as I had you on the line, I’d give you Blythe’s address and phone number.”

  Allie set down the phone and scurried around to find a pen. Locating one in her attaché case on kitchenette’s counter, she returned to the nightstand and lifted the receiver. “I’m back.” She wrote the information as Jack gave it.

  “Thanks. I’ll try to give her a call soon,” she said.

  Another awkward lull in the conversation.

  “About last night…”

  “Jack, I’m sorry. I over-reacted,” Allie blurted. “I was tired and after my run-in with Brenda, I just couldn’t handle any more. But I take total responsibility for my…stupidity.”

  “Well, that’s good…I guess.”

  Allie raised her brows. “You guess?”

  “What else?”

  Allie frowned. “I don’t know what you mean? What else?”

  “Yeah, isn’t now the part where you tell me what a jerk I was last night and that you never want to see me again?”

  She couldn’t help a little smile. “I’ll go along with the jerk part, but…”

  “But what?”

  Letting her smile slip away, Allie realized his faith wasn’t the only thing that was fragile. “I’m not about to say I never want to see you again, if that’s what you’re getting at. But, I’ll admit, we’ve got a ways to go and some issues to work out before we can think along the lines of a serious relationship.”

  She heard him exhale at the other end of the line. It didn’t sound like a sigh of relief, per se, but one of weariness.

  “What were you thinking?”

  “I guess I thought you’d want nothing more to do with me.”

  “Is that what you want?” She sensed he didn’t, but she had to ask anyway.

  “No!”

  Allie grinned at his vehemence.

  “Except how much better am I than your former husband? I could hardly sleep thinking about what I said. I knew I hurt your feelings and I can’t blame you for ditching me. I don’t know, Allie…maybe I’m just not a nice guy.”

  “You’re the only one who can change that.” Allie sat back down on the edge of the bed. Momentarily pensive, she nibbled her lower lip. “Jack, may I suggest something?”

  “Yeah, go ahead.”

  “Why don’t you and I visit a Christian bookstore and purchase a couple copies of a book that we can read together? Something that will help us delve into God’s word and something that will aid us in developing a healthy relationship.”

  Silence met her at the other end, but then Jack replied, “I guess we can do that.”

  Allie hesitated when the next suggestion entered her mind. But a moment later, she figured that as long as she was being candid, she might as well go all the way. “Getting biblical counseling is another option.”

  “I’m one up on you there. I plan to call Jim on Monday morning.”

  “Jim?” Allie brought her chin back, surprised on both accounts.

  “Jim Dabner. The guy I told you about yesterday. The one whose Bible study I attended.”

  “Oh…” Did Mr. Dabner have proper training?

  “Jim mentioned he’s done a lot of counseling, particularly in the area of drug addiction. I know that’s not my problem, but I’ve been through enough seminars as a cop to know that certain behavior patterns cross over into other areas of life. As for experience in ‘healthy relationships,’ as you put it, Jim’s been married twenty-seven years. That’s says a lot for him…and it says even more for his wife.
”

  Allie smiled and heard him take a sip of something. She imagined Jack drinking his morning coffee as they conversed.

  “Soul-searching isn’t really something I want to do,” he stated honestly. “Logan is famous for analyzing and internalizing situations. Drives me crazy. But I don’t want to lose you, Allie. I really thought I had after last night.”

  “Lucky for you I don’t scare that easily,” she murmured.

  “Thank God!” A moment passed before Jack spoke again. “Allie, I’m tired of being angry because I’m lonely. I’ve got no one to share my life with, and it hurts to even admit it. I’ve taken out my frustrations on everyone else. But I’ve finally concluded that it’s time I stopped hurting the people I love.”

  His admission brought tears to her eyes and she loved him all the more for it. Recognizing the problem was three quarters of the solution.

  * * *

  Marilee blinked as she awakened in the strange room. She heard someone snoring and turned her head to see who it was. Logan slept soundly, sprawled out in a chair next to her bed. She became aware that he held her hand through the guardrail. She smiled. It felt so nice to hold his hand…

  Stark reality finally hit. Guardrails on the bed. This room…

  In a flash, it all came back to her. The car accident. The deep, grinding pain. The ride in the ambulance to the hospital. The emergency room and the doctors hovering over her, asking a million questions. More pain. Needles poking, hands and fingers prodding. Her leg! Her hip! The pain grew in intensity. X-rays as she lay on the gurney. Talk of surgery and the jolt of fear that coursed through her upon hearing those words. Then a black mask covered her nose before she could ask questions, before she could pray.

  Now she had awakened in this room.

  Marilee tried to assess the damage to her body. She wiggled her toes and white lightning-hot torment shot up her left leg. She bit back a cry and tried to take deep breaths. When the agony subsided, she realized her leg was encased in some sort of bandage or cast. Her hip and back…

  She couldn’t suppress the moan of anguish that rose up from the core of her being. Logan awakened. Sitting forward, he squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. Just be still.”

  She closed her eyes and let out an anguished sigh. “I’m sorry I missed the bonfire.”

  “Me, too, but that’s the least of my concerns.”

  She looked at him, feeling weak and afraid. “Am I going to die?”

  Logan grinned. “Eventually. But I’ve been told you’re going to live through this trial, although, it might not feel like it at the moment.”

  He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. She smiled, but noticed Logan’s strained expression.

  “I’ve worried you, haven’t I? I’m sorry.”

  “Stop apologizing,” he said, although Marilee saw the tenderness in his brown eyes.

  “Where are Mom and Dad?”

  “They went home to get some sleep. They’ll be back.”

  “What time is it?”

  Logan glanced at his wristwatch. “Almost nine A.M.”

  “Are my parents okay?”

  “They’re upset…your mom is really upset.”

  Marilee worked her lower lip between her teeth.

  “Do you remember anything before you went into surgery?”

  “Not much.”

  “Do you remember why you had surgery?”

  “For my leg and my hip?”

  “Your hip?”Logan shook his head. “Your hip is okay as far as I know, but you broke your leg and pelvis. Could be that’s why your hip hurts.”

  “Believe me, it does.” Marilee suddenly became aware of the deep soreness inside her abdomen. With her left hand, she touched the top of her stomach and felt the bandages.

  “There were some internal injuries, but the doctors are certain they patched them up.”

  She studied his face, sensing there was more. “But..?”

  He forced a smile. “You’re going to be fine.”

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  Pursing his lips, he brought Marilee’s hand up and rested it against his unshaven cheek.

  “What is it, Logan?”

  He took several moments to weigh his words and Marilee felt slightly panicked.

  “Honey, you’re going to be fine,” he said as if sensing her growing fear. “It’s just that your uterine artery ruptured in the accident so doctors had to…um…well, they had do an emergency hysterectomy.”

  “No!” More than horrified, it took a second for Marilee to even realize the shriek that had just filled the room came from her mouth. “No,” she said more quietly but just as intense. Her ears tickled and she realized that tears were slipping down her cheeks.

  Logan had tears in his eyes too. “Shh, it’s okay…”

  “No, it’s not okay.” She tried to pull her hand free. “I wanted to have children.”

  “God can still give us children.” Logan held onto her with his one hand and wiped away her tears with the other.

  “I wanted a baby…our baby!”

  “I know, but there are a million babies in this world who need parents. We’ll adopt one of them. Maybe two or three of them. They’ll become ours.”

  “Oh, Logan, you don’t know what you’re saying!”

  He fell silent for several long moments, holding her hand, helping to wipe away her tears.

  “There are no words that’ll console you right now, Marilee.” His voice was a whisper near her ear. “I’m just sorry I had to be the one to tell you this news.”

  Choking on a sob, she tried to absorb the information. “I can’t give you children, Logan.” Each word threatened to strangle her. “A son or daughter is the most precious gift a woman can give her husband.”

  Marilee turned her face away and covered her mouth with her free hand. Another sob wracked her body, but the jerking movement brought more pain to her abdomen and leg. Oddly, the pain also brought back some semblance of reason. She willed herself to stop crying. Tears wouldn’t give her back that which she’d lost.

  Hearing Logan sniff, she returned her gaze to him and saw a tear trickle down his unshaven cheek. He wanted children too. But now she couldn’t give him any.

  “Do you still love me? Do you still want to marry me?”

  “Of course I do.” He looked sincere.

  “Maybe you should think it over.”

  “Maybe I don’t have to.”

  “But―”

  “Stop it, Marilee.” The warning glint in his eyes brought her up short. Logan had never spoken harshly to her before…ever! To hear it now disconcerted her, although given the subject matter it oddly reassured her, too.

  She watched through misty eyes as his features softened. “I prayed about asking you to marry me for months. If marrying you wasn’t the Lord’s will, I’m sure He would have shown me during that time. It’s not like I made a rash decision. In fact,” he added with a charming grin, “I was such a chicken I dragged my feet a little.”

  “A little?”

  “Okay, I dragged them a lot.”

  Marilee couldn’t help a tiny grin.

  “That’s better.” Logan smiled back at her. “God wants us to weather this storm together.” He peered down at her hand that he held through the metal guardrail, and entwined his fingers with hers. “And we will.” He looked back at her. “With His help, we will.”

  “Sure.” She stared at the stark ceiling as doubt swarmed inside her soul.

  * * *

  When Cynthia saw her angel enter the room, she felt a little less depressed, although still fuzzy-headed from the medication. But at least it took the edge off her pain. Breathing had become increasingly difficult and now a clear plastic oxygen mask covered her nose and mouth. The nurse who administered it said it was not a life-sustaining device, but promised that it would make Cynthia more comfortable―and it had.

  “How are you feeling this afternoon?” Angel wanted to know.

&n
bsp; She shrugged, trying to save her words for a more important reply.

  “I have some bad news.” Angel sat on the edge of the bed. “Logan’s fiancée was in an awful car accident last night. As a result of her injuries, she’s not going to be able to have children.”

  Cynthia tried to absorb the news into her hazy brain. No children?

  “I stopped by the hospital earlier, and, naturally, Marilee’s pretty upset. She’s in a lot of pain and poor Logan’s exhausted. He won’t leave her, even to get some rest. I don’t say all this to make you feel worse, Cynthia, but I wanted you to know why Logan hasn’t come to see you.”

  Reaching up with one feeble hand, she pulled the mask off her face. “Why?” she rasped.

  Her angel frowned. “Why, what?”

  “Why…does…he…come…here?”

  Angel replaced the mask. “I can’t answer for Logan, but I would guess his purpose is twofold. First, you’re his birth mother and he feels a sense of duty to visit you. He’s wondered about you for most of his life. Second, and probably most importantly, he wants to share his faith with you.”

  Yes, he’d shared his faith. He read to her from the Bible. He’d told her with tears rimming his brown eyes that he wanted to see her in heaven someday. But Cynthia knew she didn’t deserve heaven. Logan was proof of that―and he was only the tip of the iceberg. All the mistakes she’d made in her lifetime ran as deep as the Atlantic.

  She pulled the oxygen mask down around her chin. “Why…was…I…even…born?”

  Perched on the side of the bed and wearing a sweater as blue as her eyes, Angel gave a dismayed wag of her head. “What sort of a question is that?

  Once again she replaced the flow of oxygen and Cynthia took another raspy breath.

  “Funny, though, I know what you mean.” Compassion filled her eyes. “I was once at a point in my own life where I wondered why I was ever born. But at my lowest point, I turned to God and cried out for Him to help me. I knew I was a Christian, but I had pushed God away. I think He allowed me to do things my way just to let me find out what sort of mess I could make on my own. And it was a fine mess, believe me.”

  Cynthia would have laughed if she were able. Hard to imagine this woman at a low point in her life. Indeed, she’d have to take her angel’s word for it.