Brotherhood of District 23 Complete Series

by Amy Briggs

  “I’m not opposed to being in the game. Sheesh. When someone interesting and worthwhile crosses my path, we’ll see. In the meantime, let’s just celebrate you.” As my thoughts turned back to Seth, I wondered what he was doing. He seemed a little too charming to be spending much time alone, that’s for sure. I knew I needed to shake off that encounter and maybe start thinking about dating again, and moving on with my life or at least getting more of a social life of some kind.

  “Seth, let’s talk about your personal life today.” Dr. Rosen started right out of the gate with the big dog, clicking his pen and leaning forward to gauge my reaction.

  “What would you like to know, Doc?” I smirked, looking directly into his steely eyes.

  “Well, Seth, I’d like to talk about your romantic life. I think it’s important that we spend some time talking about your relationship with women, and where you’re taking your life as you move forward. ” Leaning back and crossing a leg over, Dr. Rosen patiently waited for me to speak. As I examined the lines that had formed around his eyes over time, I wondered what he wanted to hear me say. I didn’t do relationships, so I wasn’t really sure how to even address his question.

  “Doc, I’m not sure I know what you mean. Are you asking me if I’m dating anyone? Because if that’s your question, the answer is no. I don’t date, really. Why does that matter anyway?” I could feel my heart rate pick up and shifted in my chair; something about this line of questioning was making me uncomfortable.

  “Ok, I’ll just cut to the chase then. Our goals here, in talking with one another over time, are to help you establish a degree of normalcy in your life where you are comfortable moving forward. And what normalcy means is doing average, normal things, like dating.” As I scowled at him, his head tilted slightly, watching my reaction. “Yes, Seth. I’m suggesting that you date.”

  “I get plenty of action with the ladies.” I grinned, trying to turn the subject.

  “You’re avoiding the topic, and now I’d like to know why. What about dating scares you, Seth? We have already talked about the relationship you have with your mother, and you seem to have a very healthy relationship outside of the geographic distance, and your parents have a loving relationship from what you’ve said. So, tell me what you’re scared of.” The doctor’s tone turned sterner, which it only did when he knew I was avoiding his line of questioning.

  “I’m not afraid to date necessarily, but I don’t know if I’m…” I hesitated. “I don’t know if I could…” I trailed off, not wanting to say the rest out loud.

  “You’re not sure if you’re good enough? Is that what you’re trying to say, Seth? Say what’s on your mind. That’s what you’re here for.” I sucked in air, knowing he would make me admit it. I didn’t believe I had anything to offer a woman outside of a short-term good time. “Seth, I want you to talk to me now.”

  Hanging my head, I rubbed my hands through my hair. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Fine. I can’t exactly imagine a normal life for myself, not in the way you’re describing. I don’t even know what normal is. But I can tell you this, Doc; I know that if I can’t shake the darkness, how on earth could I be with a woman for more than one night or for anything other than a good time? How would that be fair? No one deserves to deal with that baggage. No one. I am a lot of things, Doc, but I’m not a shitty guy, and the women I’m with now, they don’t expect anything from me. I’m honest with them. They get what they see, which is a good time, and that’s it. I couldn’t put anything more on anyone; they don’t deserve it. I just can’t bring that darkness into someone else’s life.” I felt like a deflated balloon, letting all of that out into the room. The reality of what I admitted floated around, sinking in, even to me.

  Dr. Rosen leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees and taking in a deep sigh. “Normal is relative. What I’m saying is that I think it’s time for you to start branching out and not being so closed off. Particularly in your romantic relationships. I think that you’ll see in time that there is much to be gained from romantic love. Seth, the darkness you think you have inside you is temporary. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but taking steps toward a normal life, with your career, your friendships, your love life, all makes a difference. Bringing you closer to peace; real peace and real joy. You deserve to feel joy, Seth, and once you realize that, it’s going to alleviate the anxiety you’re feeling.”

  As the words he spoke sunk in, I shifted in my chair again. I have always avoided commitment and real dating. I think the last real date I went on was to the prom, and I wasn’t even sure that even counted since it was a group thing and we all went together.

  “What are you thinking, Seth. You look thoughtful right now,” Dr. Rosen interrupted my thoughts. I debated what to tell him.

  “Doc, I’m not opposed to giving it a try, but I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never dated, really. I kind of just… well I kind of just bring girls home and then don’t usually call them back.” I hung my head. Admitting that out loud made me feel like a douchebag, and I honestly didn’t want to be that guy. Saying it out loud made it pretty real.

  “Look, I get it. You’re a playboy. But, I would bet you that one of these girls is probably a nice girl whom you’d enjoy getting to know if you gave getting to know her some effort.” He smiled at me, giving me a reassuring look.

  “Ok, so let’s say there was a girl. What would I do?” I felt like a teenager again, having no clue what I was doing.

  “You talk, Seth. You get to know each other. You spend time doing things not work related. You go to dinner or something, whatever seems natural,” He paused. “Let’s make a deal, though, to keep you on track.”

  “What kind of a deal?” Apprehension set in, and from the look on the doc’s face, he thought it was funny.

  Letting out a slight laugh, he said, “No sex.”

  “What?” My mouth dropped open.

  “No sex. Not right away. The purpose of this exercise is for you to eventually find a special woman, but right now, it’s about opening yourself up to the possibility. Sex clouds judgment, and I’d like you to spend some time emotionally invested.”

  “For how long?” I knew I sounded a bit like a dick, but no sex? That sounded virtually impossible.

  “Until it means something.” Seeing my shock hadn’t dissipated, he continued, “I’m not a gambling man, but if I were, I’d bet this won’t be as hard as you think it will be once you get used to the idea that a real connection is possible and you find a woman worthwhile of the exercise. A connection besides the one you have with your Marine buddies and your colleagues at the fire department.”

  “Well, I’ll have to take your word for it for now, Doc,” was all I said.

  “Our time is up, Seth. Let’s talk again next week.”

  I stood up to leave when the doc stopped me. “Seth, trust me.”

  “I do. I promise I’ll do what you say. I’m not sure how.” I let out a sigh and then chuckled. “But I will.”

  “Atta boy. See you next week.” He patted me on the shoulder on my way out.

  When I got to my truck and stuck the key in the ignition, I racked my brain about whom I could really see myself going on a real date with, the way that Dr. Rosen described. The women I typically found myself with intimately involved weren’t exactly great conversationalists. Or maybe they were; I truly had no idea, but I didn’t want to go backwards. It needed to be someone new; a fresh start. As I was driving home, it came to me. Vivian. Vivian Deveraux, the stunning little conservative real estate agent. She was the girl I’d date.

  Chapter 8

  Almost every morning I went for a run, I felt like it cleared my head and gave me quiet to think at the same time. On my runs I’d think about Michael a lot. We had been quite close, or so I had thought. The way he died burned inside me, making me question almost every conversation we’d ever had; and it made me question relationships in
general. If I had thought we were so close, when he didn’t think he could come to me for help, had we really been that close? I questioned how close we were if I wasn’t able to see what was going on with him. I didn’t know what to think about it anymore.

  I was starting to miss my parents more, though, and I made a mental note to call my mom and to look at some flights up to NJ. I wanted to visit before it got too cold up there and I’d be miserable the entire time. Once you’ve spent some serious time in the south, going north, particularly when it’s fall or winter, the cold can be unbearable for some people. I was definitely one of those people. I hated being cold more than anything.

  I started to head back to my house when the burn in my legs began to slow my pace. I was completely soaked in sweat, even though it was still very early in the morning, it was already warm, and I’d had a hard run. I typically did about five or so miles on these runs. I wasn’t a fitness nut by any stretch; in fact, I was already salivating at the thought of the glazed donut I was going to eat for breakfast. I had a serious sugar addiction and not a care in the world about it. It was worth every mile to eat that sugar.

  After taking a shower and picking out another conventional suit from my extensive collection, I grabbed my things and headed to check out some new properties that had come on the market. I had a growing list of clients, and the market was picking up. There were lots of homes for all types of people popping up in town, and it was an exciting adventure for me both financially and personally.

  At the time, I was looking for a starter home for a young couple that didn’t want to live in an apartment or condo anymore. They wanted a house with a yard, but their budget was small, so I was on the hunt for them. I drove around and checked on a few of the properties I saw in my database, then headed back to my home office to email them some times that we could go look. I did a bit of other work, and checked my messages.

  When I looked at my email, one caught my eye, and jaw dropped. The subject line “Looking for Some Real Estate Help & Dinner” initially caught my attention, but what floored me was who it was from. Seth Jackson, the tall drink of water from the other day. I stared at the email for way longer than necessary before I opened it, and I couldn’t help but feel a little flushed and excited.

  I clicked on it and read,

  Dear Miss Deveraux,

  It was a pleasure to meet you the other day when you helped my friends begin the process of purchasing their new gym. I got your contact information from a passing bus yesterday; I see your face daily, it seems… I am currently considering relocating and potentially selling my house, and wondered if you would be inclined to have dinner with me and discuss the process and what my options might be.

  Sincerely,

  Seth Jackson (Jax)

  I probably read that email ten times before calling Jess immediately after I believed it was real.

  “Uh, have you called him yet? Because this is exactly what we were discussing!” she exclaimed.

  “No! I called you, Jess. This isn’t an invitation to date. This is an invitation to a business dinner. Right? I mean, come on.” I couldn’t decide which it was, but I was excited to see him either way, and I hadn’t even responded yet.

  “Viv, this is totally a ploy to get you out. One hundred percent. That guy digs you, and this was his way of reaching out to see you again. Oooooh, I’m so excited! Email him back with your phone number and make some damn plans and let me know. I have to get back to work, but text me immediately when you hear from him.” She paused for a moment while I was still silent. “Viv, this is awesome. It’s time to enjoy yourself a little. See if he wants to sell his house or whatever, but have yourself some fun. You deserve it.”

  “Thanks, Jess. I’ll text you later.” I hung up the phone and put my face in my hand. I was giggling out loud by myself. I was excited to talk to him; he was so intriguing when we met, and I was so nervous that I had butterflies.

  I didn’t want to seem too eager, but if it was truly business, I didn’t want him to wait, either, so I replied.

  Dear Mr. Jackson,

  Thank you so much for getting in touch. I’d absolutely love to sit and chat about the market and your plans for your home.

  If you’d like to discuss over dinner, that would also be lovely. I am free tomorrow evening if that works for you, just let me know. You can also contact me on my cell at 407-555-5555.

  I look forward to hearing from you.

  Best,

  Vivian

  It took me a solid twenty minutes to hit send. I figured giving him my phone number that wasn’t on my ads would be nice, so he wouldn’t get routed to my answering service if I was busy. I also wanted to be able to hear back from him myself. I was suddenly feeling like a high school girl, smitten or something, and it wasn’t anything—yet. I mean, anything is possible, but if he was looking at relocating and selling his house, that certainly didn’t make him anything except a good time.

  Maybe just a good time was what the doctor ordered. It had been a long time since I’d had any real pleasure, and that man was walking hotness. As the warmth of arousal began to stir, I thought about what it might be like pressed up against him. Falling backwards into him was amazing, I could only imagine falling forward into him, I giggled to myself again. Interrupting my sensual thoughts of him, my phone dinged with an email.

  It was him, already!

  Vivian,

  I’d love to take you to dinner tomorrow night. I’ll pick you up at 7:00.

  I’ll text you.

  Looking forward to it,

  Jax

  I pulled out my phone and texted Jess, letting her know that we had a date. Well, it was kind of a date. It wasn’t really a date. Jess said it was definitely a date and she wanted to come over and go through my closet tonight to make sure I wasn’t going to pick out something terrible to wear. He’d already met me before, so I didn’t really see what the point of that was, but another side of me was extremely nervous about it too.

  I went about the rest of my day, trying to get work done, setting up appointments with potential clients, and filing a variety of paperwork that came with working in realty. I’d be lying if I said that I was completely focused, because frankly, that man was on my mind. I hadn’t been touched in so long that it was practically all I could think about. I knew that I shouldn’t get my hopes up and that it was probably a legitimate business meeting, but something told me that it might not be, and that was the part I was holding on to.

  After I finally finished working, I texted Jess that I was all done and headed downtown to run a few errands before she came over. I needed to pick up some food. My fridge was totally empty and I was low on wine, which was never a good thing, especially with Jess coming over.

  I absolutely loathed grocery shopping, and I hated cooking even more, but I was frugal and refused to eat out or order delivery more than once a week unless it was business related, because it was such a waste of money. So, begrudgingly, I got myself to the grocery store and pulled out my list of things I didn’t want to cook and was only half sure I wanted to eat. When I pulled into the grocery store parking lot, it was a madhouse. I guess I wasn’t the only one who needed food, right at dinnertime.

  I meandered around the grocery store in my own little world, being petulant with myself about being there at all. Being an adult was awesome, but there sure were some things I missed about my parents being here, like my mom feeding me. Before I realized how little attention I had been paying as I was shoving my cart along, it stopped abruptly, taking me off-guard wondering what I ran into. As I looked up to apologize to whomever the unsuspecting citizen was, hazel eyes locked with mine and I was searching for words.

  “Oh my God, I’m…so…uh, sorry. Oh God.” I felt my face get red hot with embarrassment as I looked up at Seth, and then over at Matt. As I looked at them standing there in their uniforms, looking like honest to God heroes, I wanted to wither and die. I had just crashed my cart right into Seth. Dear God, ple
ase just strike me dead, this is so embarrassing.

  “Well, darlin’, couldn’t wait to run me down? We haven’t even gone out yet,” he joked.

  “No!” I squealed. Oh my God, what is wrong with me? I smacked my face with my hand. “I am so sorry, Seth…uh…”

  “It’s fine, darlin’. Where you off to in such a rush? You hungry? Should I be feeding you today and not tomorrow?” He leaned over my cart and winked at me.

  That made me laugh, and I peeked at him through my hand and grinned. “I am so clumsy, Seth, I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?” I felt like the world’s biggest dumbass.

  “I’m fine, darlin’. Is this your grocery store?” he asked me. It was one of the smaller of the chains in the area, and I liked it because it was so small and generally easy to get in and out—unless you went at prime time like me, of course.

  “Oh yeah, it is. I live a few blocks away. What are you all doing here?” I waved my hand in the direction of the other handsome guys he was with, all in uniform, standing at the deli counter.

  “Our station is the one up the road. We come here for dinner sometimes. I’m on duty until tomorrow morning.” He looked over at Matt, who motioned they were heading out.

  “Looks like you gotta go?” I asked. I was talking like a five-year-old with nothing intelligible to say. I needed to work on that before dinner the next day, that’s for sure.

  “Uh, yeah. But I’ll text you later, alright? We good for tomorrow?” he asked me.

  “Yes, and I promise I won’t run you down tomorrow.” I smiled shyly.

  “Ok, awesome, I’m gonna hold you to that.” He started to back away. “I’ll text you in a little bit after we take care of some things at the station.” He gave me a little wave and another wink. Seriously, I usually think winking is so stupid, but he was so hot, it was adorable.