Fairy Tales

by Ганс Христиан Андерсен

  The councilman saw quite distinctly a clear light burning in front of him, and behind it was a large property. He recognized it and the property next to it. They were on East Street, such as we all know it. He headed for a gate, and next to it the watchman sat sleeping.

  “Good God! Have I been lying here on the street dreaming?” he asked. “Of course, this is East Street, with its blessed light and color. It’s simply dreadful how that glass of punch affected me!”

  Two minutes later he was sitting in a cab on his way to Christian’s Harbor. He thought about the fear and distress he had overcome and praised with all his heart the reality of our own time with all its defects, still so much better than where he had just been. And that was sensible of the councilman, of course.

  3. THE WATCHMAN’S ADVENTURE

  “Hm, there’s actually a pair of galoshes lying there!” said the watchman. “They must belong to the lieutenant who lives up above there. They’re lying right by the gate.”

  The honest fellow would have rung the bell right away and delivered them since the lights were still on, but since he didn’t want to waken the others in the house he didn’t do it.

  “It must be pretty comfortable to walk around with those things on,” he thought. “They are such soft leather.” They fit beautifully. “How strange the world is! The lieutenant could go to his warm bed, but he doesn’t do that; he’s pacing about. He’s a happy fellow, has neither a wife nor children, and goes to parties every night. I wish I were him, I’d be a happy man then!”

  As he said that, the galoshes worked their magic. The watchman passed into the lieutenant’s person and thoughts. There he stood, up in the lieutenant’s room, holding between his fingers a little pink piece of paper with a poem on it, written by the lieutenant himself, for who has not at one time or another been inspired to write poetry? And if you write down the thoughts, then the poem is there. On the paper was written:“I wish I were rich!”“I wish I were rich!” That was my song

  When I was barely a meter long.

  “I wish I were rich. ” I joined the army,

  Had a uniform, cap and saber on me.

  With time a lieutenant I came to be.

  But sorry to say nothing could I afford—

  Help me Lord!

  One eve as I sat young and gay,

  A young girl kissed my lips to repay.

  Rich in stories and tales I was willing,

  Although in money I hadn’t a shilling.

  But the child thought the stories were thrilling.

  Rich I was then, but not in gold’s hoard—

  Knows the Lord!

  “I wish I were rich, ” still to God I pray.

  That young girl is all grown up today.

  So lovely, so clever and so good,

  If she my heart’s story understood,

  If she to me now would be as good—

  Too poor to speak, silence I hoard—

  So wills the Lord! Oh were I rich in faith, my soul at rest,

  My sorrow wouldn’t herein be expressed.

  You whom I love, if me you understand,

  Read this as a missive from a youthful hand.

  It would be best you do not understand.

  For I am poor, my future dark, abhorred—

  But bless you will the Lord!

  Yes, you write these kinds of lines when you’re in love, but a sensible man wouldn’t have them printed. A lieutenant, love and poverty: that’s a triangle, or just as good, you can say it’s the broken half of the square of happiness. The lieutenant felt that way, and that’s why he leaned his head against the windowsill and sighed deeply:

  “That poor watchman out on the street is far happier than I am! He doesn’t want for anything. He has a home, a wife, and children, who cry with him in sorrow and are happy with his joys. If I were more fortunate than I am, I could trade places with him, because he is happier than I am.”

  At that moment the watchman became the watchman again since it was through the magic galoshes that he had become the lieutenant. As we have seen, he felt much less satisfied, and wanted to be what he really was. So the watchman was the watchman again.

  “That was a bad dream,” he said, “but diverting too. I thought I was the lieutenant up there, and it wasn’t fun at all. I missed my wife and the kids, who are always ready to smother me with kisses.”

  He sat down again and nodded off. The dream wasn’t completely out of his mind. He was still wearing the galoshes. A falling star flew across the sky.

  “There one fell!” he said, “but there are enough of them anyway. I would like to see those things closer up, especially the moon because then it wouldn’t disappear between two hands. The student that my wife washes for says that when we die, we fly from star to star. That’s a lie, but it would be rather fun anyway. I wish I could just make a little jump up there, and my body could just stay here on the steps.”

  Yes, you write these kinds of lines when you’re in love.

  You see, there are certain things in the world you have to be very careful in saying, but you should be even more careful when you are wearing the magic galoshes on your feet. Just listen to what happened to the watchman!

  So far as we people are concerned, almost all of us know the speed of steam travel. We’ve tried it either on the railroad, or on a ship at sea. But even this pace is like the creeping of the sloth or the march of the snail compared to the speed of light. It flies nineteen million times faster than the best racer, but electricity is even faster. Death is an electric shock to the heart, and our released souls fly to heaven on the wings of electricity. Sunlight takes eight minutes and some seconds to travel a distance of over ninety-three million miles. With the speed of electricity, the soul needs fewer minutes to cover the same distance. For the soul the distance between worlds is no more than that between our friends’ houses in the same town is for us, even if these are pretty close to each other. But this electric shock to the heart costs us our bodies, unless we are, like the watchman, wearing the magic galoshes.

  Within a few seconds, the watchman had traveled the nearly 240,000 miles to the moon, which is, as you know, made of a material much lighter than our soil and as soft as newly fallen snow. He found himself on one of the innumerable craters that we know from Dr. Madler’s big moon map.11 You’re familiar with that, of course? On the interior the crater sides went steeply down like a pot for a whole Danish mile, and down there on the bottom was a town that looked like an egg white in a glass of water—just as soft and with the same kind of towers, domes and sail-shaped balconies, transparent and swaying in the thin air. Our world was hovering like a big fire-red ball above his head.

  There were a lot of creatures, and all of them, I guess, what we would call human, but they looked a lot different than us. They also had a language, and no one could expect that the watchman’s soul could understand that, but nevertheless he could.

  The watchman’s soul understood the residents of the moon very well. They were arguing about our world and doubted that it was inhabited. The air would have to be too thick for any reasonable moonie to live in. They thought that only the moon had living creatures, and that the moon was the original world where life originated.

  But let’s go back down to East Street and see how the watchman’s body is getting along.

  It was sitting lifeless on the steps. The night stick had fallen out of its hand, and the eyes were looking up at the moon towards the soul that was wandering around up there.

  “What’s the time, watchman?” someone asked as he walked by. But the watchman didn’t answer. Then the man snapped his fingers slowly at the watchman’s nose, and the body lost its balance and lay there stretched out—the watchman was dead, after all. The fellow who had snapped his fingers was very upset, but the watchman was dead and stayed dead. The death was reported and discussed, and during the morning the body was carried to the hospital.

  Now it would have been a nice kettle of fish for the soul if it had
come back and most likely had looked for its body on East Street, but couldn’t find it. It would probably first run up to the police department, then to the Census Bureau so it could be looked for in lost-and-found, then finally to the hospital. But we can take comfort that the soul is most clever when it’s on its own. The body only dumbs it down.

  As mentioned, the watchman’s body came to the hospital where it was brought into the morgue. Of course, the first thing they did was take off the galoshes so then the soul had to get back right away. It made a beeline for the body, and suddenly the man was alive again. He insisted that it had been the worst night of his life. He wouldn’t experience such sensations again for neither love nor money, but now it was over.

  He was released the same day, but the galoshes remained at the hospital.

  4. A HEADY MOMENT. A RECITAL. A MOST UNUSUAL TRIP.

  Every resident of Copenhagen knows what the entrance to Frederiks Hospital in Copenhagen looks like, but since it’s likely that some non-residents also are reading this story, we must give a brief description.

  The hospital is separated from the street by quite a tall grate, but the thick iron bars are far enough apart so that it’s said that very thin interns were able to squeeze through and in that way make little excursions outside. The part of the body that was most difficult to press through was the head. Here, as often in the world, those with the smallest heads were often the most fortunate. That’s enough of an introduction.

  One of the young residents, who was pretty thick-headed in the purely physical sense, was on duty this particular evening. There was pouring rain, but despite these two obstacles, he had to get out for only fifteen minutes. He didn’t think it was anything worth mentioning to the gatekeeper since he could just squeeze through the bars. The galoshes that the watchman had forgotten were lying there, and it didn’t occur to him that they could be Good Fortune’s galoshes; he just thought they would be nice to have in this terrible weather. He put them on—now to see if he could squeeze himself through. He had never tried it before. He stood in front of the bars.

  “I wish to God I had my head through,” he said, and right away, although it was very big and thick, it slid through easily, thanks to the galoshes. The body had to follow, but there he stood.

  “Ugh, I’m too fat!” he said. “I would have thought my head would have been the hardest, but I can’t get through.”

  He quickly tried to pull his head back, but it wouldn’t go. He could only manage to move his neck, but that was all. First he got angry, and then his spirits sank to below zero. The magic galoshes had brought him to this most dreadful position, but unfortunately it didn’t occur to him to wish himself free. No, he struggled but couldn’t budge from the spot. The rain was pouring down, and there wasn’t a soul to be seen on the street. He couldn’t reach the bell so how was he going to get loose? He foresaw that he might have to stay there until morning, and then they would have to get a smithy to saw through the bars. That would take a while. All the boys from the elementary school across the street would come to watch, and all the residents of the neighborhood would see him standing there in pillory. There would be large crowds, more than saw the giant agave12 last year. “Oh, the blood is rushing to my head, I’m going crazy!—Yes, I’m going crazy! Oh, I wish I were free again, then it would be all right.”

  See, he should have said that a little sooner. As soon as he thought it, his head was free, and he rushed inside, very confused about the fright he had gotten from the magic galoshes.

  We mustn’t think that it’s all over. Oh no, it gets worse.

  The night passed, and also the following day, but no one called for the galoshes.

  There was going to be a performance at the little theater in Canon Street that evening. The place was packed, and between the recital numbers a new poem was recited. We should hear it. The title was:GRANDMA’S GLASSESMy Grandmother’s wisdom is popular lore,

  She’d be burned at the stake in times of yore.

  She knows all that occurs and even more,

  Can see future events, that is for sure.

  The following decades she can see

  But she wouldn’t reveal her secrets to me.

  What’ll happen next year? What wonders great?

  Yes, I would gladly see my own fate!

  My fate, the arts, the country and empire,

  But Grandmother wouldn’t let me inquire.

  I pestered then and it went very well,

  First silence, and then she gave me hell.

  Lectured me up and down, and yet

  There is no doubt that I am her pet!

  “For once, your wishes I’ll grant, ” she said

  And she gave me the glasses from her head.

  “Now hurry out and choose a place

  Where flocks of people sit or pace,

  Stand where you can see what passes

  And look at the masses through my glasses.

  Trust my word on this, you’ll at once be able

  To see the crowd like cards on a table.

  And from these cards you can foresee

  The future that is meant to be. ”

  “Thanks, ” I said and ran to see,

  But then, where would most people be?

  On Long Line? There one catches cold.

  On East Street ? Bah! Dirt, filth and mold!

  But in the theater? Ah, that’d be dandy,

  Tonight’s entertainment was so handy-

  Here I am, then! Myself I’ll introduce,

  Permit me Grandma’s glasses to produce,

  So I can see—No, don’t go away!

  To see, if a playing card display

  Truly can predict what Time will make.

  Your silence for a “Yes” I’ll take;

  For thanks, you’ll be confirmed into the group,

  All together here within the troupe.

  I’ll predict for you, for me, for country and more,

  And we’ll see what the cards can have in store.

  (And then he put the glasses on.)

  Yes, that’s right! Now I laugh! Hee hee,

  Oh, if you could just come up and see!

  Where here are many manly cards,

  And a whole row of Queens of Hearts.

  The black ones there—clubs, spades too,

  Now soon I’ll have a perfect view.

  The Queen of Spades with intense attack

  Has turned her thoughts to Diamond Jack.

  Oh yes, this view’s making me quite drunk

  There’s lots of money in here sunk,

  And strangers from afar return—

  But that’s not what we want to learn.

  Politicians? Let’s see! Yes, The Times!

  We’ll read it later, save our dimes. Slander now would harm the paper’s fate,

  Let’s not take the best bone from the plate.

  The theater then ? What news ? tone and taste?

  The good graces of the director I can’t waste.

  My own future? Yes, you know, one’s fate,

  Lays on our hearts a heavy weight.

  I see!—I cannot say just what I see,

  But you will hear it immediately.

  Who is the hap p iest in our sphere?

  The happiest ? Easily I’ll find him here.

  It is, of course,—No, that will disconcert,

  And many surely will be hurt!

  Who’ll live the longest? The lady there? That man?

  No, revealing that is a worser plan!

  About—? Yes, in the end, I myself don’t know; when,

  Being shy and so embarrassed, it’s easy to offend.

  Now I would know what you believe and think

  I should with seer’s power offer you to drink?

  You think? No, beg pardon, what?

  You think it will end up in naught?

  You surely know it’s merely ring-a-ding.

  I’ll not say more, dear honored gathering.

  And let
you have your own view of this thing.

  The poem was superbly delivered and was very well received. Among the audience was the intern from the hospital, who seemed to have forgotten his adventure of the night before. He was wearing the galoshes since no one had claimed them, and since the street was muddy, they were useful to him.

  He liked the poem.

  He was very taken with the notion and would really have liked to have such glasses. Maybe if they were used correctly, you could look right into people’s hearts. That was really more interesting, he thought, than to find out what would happen next year. After all, you’ll find that out, but never the other. “Imagine if one could look into the hearts of that row of ladies and gentlemen there in the first row. There would have to be some kind of opening, a kind of shop; how my eyes would go shopping then! In that lady over there I would most likely find a dress shop. At that one over there—the store is empty, but it needs to be cleaned out. But there are some well established shops too! Well, well,” he sighed. “I know one in which everything is of the best, but there is already a clerk there, and he is the only thing wrong with the whole store! Some of them would call out, ‘Please come in.’ Oh, I wish I could go in, like a lovely little thought right through their hearts.”